| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 8/25/2005 6:31:48 PM | | well either life is a cruel joke or very very ironic the reason i say this is because this guy emails me tells me that he's been looking for me about a huge sum of money that was left me i'm leery but so damned hopeful that it's real and not some really f.....d up joke becaus eit says god will not push one beyond there limits and this will prove my faith in god if it's real but if it's not real well folks all i can say it's been a pleasure getting to know some of you and i hope live is always bright and sunny | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 8/25/2005 6:37:20 PM | | well i reread my first entry on this forum and it reminded me even though i should never need be reminded of that fact and that is that i survived overwhelming odds and if i can do that i will always be able to do anything and i will do great things not because i'm all that great but even i could do stuff that means something so , i do believe that this is a good sign or the calm before the storm well either way this life has been and will continue to be a ride | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 8/26/2005 10:22:41 AM | Hiya Rusty,
It's mostly like a scam, be very careful and to not give out any personal info about yourself.
They use it to steal you identitiy, and ruin your credit. Call the BBB and have them check it out.
Almost any thing that is leagal, will come by way of the postal service, needing your signiture...
Remember nothing in life is free!!!!!
Sam | |
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Sentin
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Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 106 | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/21/2005 5:24:30 PM | | i really do hope you all are well and that you all get what you'r looking for in life , i myslf don't much care anymore about writing so this will be my last time on here as i've been told i lack a great deal in writing and i just don't care any more to be shot down so i'm going to be a bum who works where and when i can which for me isn't going to be very often as physical work drags me down really fast and i'm not trained in anything that would net me some good money and yes i do feel a bit sorry for myself and were it not for the fact i fear being dead i'd as soon just walk in front of a truck but alas i'm too scared to do that which is ironic because i really hate my life and am tired of living it well god wasted his efforts when he created this worthless piece of shit thanks for nothing god my family are all doing well enough not middle class but are doing ok myself i can't get over stupid stuff and now really could care less because i now know the harder i try the harder i get knocked on my ass well guess what folks i'm not getting back up i will try very hard to find some enjoyement out of life but it will be in the mountains some where i have nothing to offer any one nothing which makes me a nothing maybe some mircle will happen and i'll have something worth living for other than that i'll hate this continued excistince | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/22/2005 7:54:41 AM | | wow thats really bad news and i dont think you should give up like that but it is ur life and u can do with it what you will but i'd just like to say that you did help and to hear you give up after all you've over come is really disappointing | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/22/2005 10:49:56 AM | Hey Rusty - I hope you come back an visit once in a while. You have friends here, so don't let the jerks keep you down - as hard as that may be sometimes. You have plenty to offer.Don't think you are nothing just because you don't sugar-coat everything the way that the sheep of this world have been trained to expect everything for their delicate and primitive digestion. I haven't made many comments here, but I visit quite often to see what gems you have left or us. It's OK if you don't feel like writing much any more, but don't feel put down by people who can't do any better than criticize. In my experience, people often do that to make themselves feel or appear better than others rather than a true feeling that the person they criticize is a lesser person.
When I was a kid, I grew up in a 'rustic' part of England which was pretty much despised by people in the rest of the country. We had a 'wierd' way of talking and writing and when TV became popular they used to put subtitles when people from my part of the country were interviewed so the rest of the country could understand what we were saying. All of my buddies who moved away came back with their 'posh' accents and said it was the only way to get on, because they were looked down upon if they talked with their local accent. Maybe I was lucky that attitudes changed, or maybe I was one of those too bullheaded to change and insisted that people get used to the way I spoke and changed attitudes, but I ended up graduating from university with a doctorate, despite my 'speech impediment'. I didn't begin to look down on my hometown buddies and, to this day, still appreciate, respect and enjoy the brilliant genius practised almost daily by the folks I left at home, still talking and spelling 'funny', but managing to do as much as anyone else in the world. So now I've spent a lifetime doing scientific research around the world, taught generations of undergraduate and graduate students and published more than 50 scientific papers (always struggling with the grammar and spelling!). Many people would call that an 'exalted' position, but I see it as just another piece in the jigsaw of humanity. I tell you this, simply to assure you that people with a supposed 'education' and writing skills respect you and appreciate what you have to say. However you view it, Rusty, I can honestly say that the things you have written here speak of a remarkable person who has dared to take one of life's most difficult and arduous journeys - into their own souls - and not only make that journey, but learn a great deal from it. Enough for other people here to learn from it too. You words (however critical some may be of them) have helped people here - and they have told you so. IT ISN'T HOW YOU SAY IT, RUSTY, IT IS WHAT YOU SAY THAT MATTERS. Anyone who tells you otherwise just isn't smart enough to listen. You don't have to be angry at them, or look down on them. Perhaps just pity them a little and move on. They are missing out on an opportunity to better themselvelves with the wisdom that you have to offer.
Life never seems fair, Rusty, but I truly believe that it never presents us with challenges greater than the ones that we can overcome. Hang in there, struggle through your challenges and look for all of the things you can hang onto and benefit from in the future. | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/26/2005 8:40:13 PM | | i feel like i'm being torn in two different directions at one time , i just had a very long tear jerking conversation with my grandma she reminded me of something that i'd done when i was 3 years old and she told me i'd better log on here and continue sharing myself with you (ok sounds bad but not sure in any other way to write that last part) well any way i was 3 and there was this apple no one could reach (people 8 and over) i really wanted that apple and i was bound and determined to have it well i start climbing that tree and out comes my dad saying to get outta that damn tree before i fell out and my grandma tells me to get that apple because she just knew there wasn't any force on earth that could stop me when my mind was set on something (they didn't just call me superman because he was my hero lol)and i climbed out and got that apple then proceed to fall right out of that tree so yeah both were right it was a fall of about 12 feet and i landed hard but hadn't noticed that i'd spraned my ankle becuase i was so thrilled that i'd done something no one else could that i ran around yelling my fool head off that i'd gotten the apple and i look back and smile because until very recent i've never given up on anything but there has to be a time and place for one to know his limits and i've reached my limits i'm glad i've helped people on here i really am and maybe i'll write this as a journal from here on in and of course if i remember something worth telling then i'll let you all have a laugh or cry depending on the story but i make no promises because i really feel dark inside and i hate my life i look back at it now and wonder why i have always been a fighter to end up like i am now the fight wasn't worth it in hind sight i'd rather have died at birth like i should have but the is a reason i'm here and part of it is to write but what ? i mean i'm not educated enough to be taken serieus i've always overshot my own self worth i've been reaching for the starts and should have just reached for the street lites and now i can't even reach those and soon i'll be sleeping under them yet again and that pisses me off because my mom has a house that i should at the very least be allowed to sleep in the basement but of course that is just one of a list of reasons i hate my life and why i feel like it's pointless to try to achieve what is way out of my reach ther is of course you the reader and the memory of my dad that gives me any hope at all but i'm going to keep my goals simple and hope that a job is in my near future though with my problems i'm limited to what i'll be able to do that in it's self is something that pisses me off so bad i love working and earning money and there are people out there who could care less about work but could do a job twice the speed in which it would take me to hell with doubt i will climb out and i will shout out about it but until that day comes i'll try my very best to climb this evr growing climb well good night folks i'm going to contaplate my role in this life i have | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/27/2005 12:43:17 PM | Rusty,
Glad to see you back!!!
Never stop picking those apples!!!!! Soon enough, You'll have a whole bushel full!!!
See, when you stop, you're only starving yourself!!!!
Take care, Hope to see you back even more!!!
P.S., That Grandmother of your's is pretty cool!!!!
Sam | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/28/2005 12:19:24 PM | | yeah she is but so are you , and those of you who care thanks i still aint gonna get up just to be knocked back down i'm passed that part of my life i am just going to play it by ear and try to find my nitch in life but i'm not going to open myself up for any more pain or failure which in fact will make me a bit callous but maybe my granddad was right ? hope not but if it works tehn i won't be plain old mister nice guy any more and be a little harder at least outwardly because it is far to true a lepoard can't change it's spots and i think i'm going to continue being a no body in a sea of people when i have to start sleeping on the streets next month i have looked and looked for work but to no avail and so history will now repeat it's self once again well i know this sounds bad but at this point the best i can hope for is to die in my sleep | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/29/2005 7:07:01 AM | Rusty,
Sounds to me like you're still giving up, I don't think were given more in life than we can handle. Try to look at the positive things and work off of those. There are many organizations out there that can help you through this.
Sometimes if life we forget to ask for help and try to do it all on our own.
Go to your county human resources and see if they can help with a job and a place to live. It's worth a shot anyway.
Just don't give up!!! If theres a will, Theres a way!!
Hang in there!!
Sam | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/30/2005 12:21:48 AM | Mike:
Email me if you prefer, but hang in there - and if you wish, let me know more so I can figure how to find some local help.
You may be able to find help by talking to someone at Lincoln County Human Services - 541-574-5960 (Possibly at 4909 S. Coast Hwy) for South Beach, or 541-994-1741 in Lincoln City (4466 NE Devils Lake Blvd)
Also, try:
http://www.progressive-options.org or call (541) 574-0384 after 9:30 (normally open until 3:30 but only until noon on Fridays)
http://www.shangrilacorp.org/ or at 4909 South Coast Hwy Suite 285, South Beach Phone: (541) 867-6883
Take care - and good luck.
John
Ladies, I think Rusty could use a hug! | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 9/30/2005 10:31:09 AM |
until very recent i've never given up on anything Listen to your granny, Mike!
she just knew there wasn't any force on earth that could stop me when my mind was set on something Listen to your granny. Even Superman gets in trouble with his arch-enemies sometimes - even the occasional whiff of kryptonite, but he eventually defeats it. And he doesn't work alone. So be patient and just do what you can for now. Things will improve with time. Its no defeat to get some help when you need it, so don't be hesitant to ask. Social Services should be able to find you something to keep you off the street, if not a job. Tribal elders? - or talk to any of us. You can email me a telephone number if you like.
i'm not educated enough to be taken serieus Oh, now don't get me going on that one. It's usually others putting down those they feel superior to. There's tons of brilliant people in all walks of life who rose above lack of education or poverty. Musicians, artists, scientist - writers too!
wonder why i have always been a fighter to end up like i am now the fight wasn't worth it I know how you feel. It's a tough thing to figure out, but remember, the fights most worth fighting are the ones you can win. Most of the others are a waste of time, so just pick the ones that you can win and will move you forward in the direction you want to go. And I'm also still learning that smiling at adversity (especially if it comes in the form of a person) can often get you further than a fight. Isn't it the Native Americans who point out that flexible grass bends in the storm and survives whereas the rigid tree breaks? | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:19:15 AM | | wow i'm really glad to see your back i missed being sble to reasd about your triumphs and how they help me think on the positive side of things dont give up and reach for what ever you want to reach for as long as you dont give up reaching for it | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 10/9/2005 7:06:30 PM | | my love of life is not love any more but at least it's not yet hate but i am deeply moved that people care about what i've said on here i just have tried so hard to get a job that i can do but with my physical problems i have had no response from my job apps i do like i was taught and bug people about the job but to no avail i am a leopard who wants to change into a non caring **stard but i cannot become something i'm not and that leaves me angry because i'm still helping my family in any way i am able just to be treated like shit evry fing time i turn around for instance my sister is a lazy slob and i've been cleaning her apartment so she can move to portland and i am trying very hard not to lose it but both my sisters are here and both are pushing me to my limits i swore to my dad i'd never ever hit my sisters but i so badly want to jsut beat them until there is no way they can talk down to me any more but i keep that in check because i will not break my last promise to my dad but omg do i ever want too oh what tangled webs we weave huh just plain foolish to stick around here to help her for what abuse it really comes down to my fear of being on the streets i'm scared and i hate fear i don't want to be a worthless bum but i think that is my lot in life i hate myself my life and my family and intertained postal thoughts but they will remain just that (thoughts) never to be action besides regardless of how i feel i still believe in the bible and i will not be judge , juror or killer i am so wound up right now i have no idea what to do i have never felt this low in my life and believe me i've been way low my freind tells me i should be an author he sits here and watches me type while waiting to use the computer i don't get it ? i have written talk shows and haven't heard a single word from them i guess my life isn't rating worthy thats sad considering they have shows like springer i have a story that i really believe needs told in a big way not that there aren't people who's life is far worse than mine of course but i've been told there are very few people who can match my pain who haven't lost it in some way and i have lost it i think because for the first time in my life i don't know what to do and don't want to do it any way i used to pride myself on my inner strentgh but now i cry when alone because i don't have the will power to put energy into a plan of action except for now i have only you who read this and i feel foolish afraid and uncertain but i keep typing about this and that i used to be really good at anaylizing what i write and i only see dispair in my words i know there is something major wrong with my thoughts but i can't seem to fix it nor do i want to any more ok thats a lie flat out if i didn't want to fix myself i wouldn't be back on here where i at least know there are people who have grown fond of me and most likely would call me friend when my sisters go back to portland i will be on my own even though my sister teleste owes me a good sum of money she has no intention of repaying me nor does my mom and she owes me enough money to pay for an apartment well for a month or two any way but she is to busy going on road trips and buying fancy computers and other nice stuff to worry about some one who was there for her when her husband died i hope my dad is watching over us becuase i know he'd have words with my so called family god help me you know i need it well i feel a little better and even though i want to stay awy from this i can't because like all people i need to know people care about me and on here that is true and i thank you who knows maybe some day i will be sitting in an interview talking about my book then again i could be found dead on the streets kinda hope not that wouldn't be the best end i'd much rather die an old fart sleepin in his bed god only knows where i'll be so i will pray like i've never prayed i need all the strenght i can muster well i've rambled on way longer than i ever have before and i will be back i won't say i won't because it would be a lie any way huh bye for now and i love you all for you'r thoughts and caring | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 10/9/2005 10:54:37 PM | Rusty:
My heart goes out to you in the hope of bringing you a little inner peace. You're not sh1t because someone treats you like it and words hurt most when you let them hurt. Try to stand back a little and watch the people who are hurting you. See why they are doing it, try to understand it and you may well see that you are not really the cause or the the target of the unhappiness that makes them hurt you. Then perhaps you won't be as hurt by it and not as angry. Your anger is just giving energy to the people you feel hurt by. Move onto other things if you can. Don't give the energy to help them keep hurting you. That is all you anger is doing - hurting you. I've always found it best never to expect anything from anyone - even those you help out with loans or spend time helping. Just look upon it as giving. It perhaps isn't a very American notion, but it's a human one. You've given to people here and perhaps received something in return - not because anyone felt you needed rewarding, but because all wanted to give.
Have you checked out the local Social Services? They may be able to help you. Don't be cautious or feel ashamed to ask. That is what they are there for. It isn't taking charity so much as asking for a leg up when you can't quite make it on your own. A little help for you now may find you a job you can do, provide you with enough money to pay rent to someone who wouldn't otherwise be getting it. Buy a little more food. Help other people out yourself - and help you stay off the streets where you may eventually need much more help than just the leg up you need now.
Good luck Rusty. | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:24:56 PM | Well said Quietjohn!!
Rusty,
We are here on your thread because we want to be. I think with all you've been through in life so far, you can make it through this too. Inside you have overcome much worse, use that to feed the strength you need right now. Your much stronger than you think.
Hang in there, we need you as much as you need us!!
Sam | |
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| this is me so please feel free to get to know me thru my story
Posted: 10/10/2005 3:23:46 PM | | i did something last night that most consider insane i sat and talked to myself for hours i didn't solve anything by doing so but i did come to the conclusion that the females in my family are messed up and i don't need them in my life nor do i want them in my life any longer except for my eldest sister who is always helping me when she is able but i use pride as a reason not to let her help me and will continue to do so , as for my mom and two younger sisters i've had all i'm going to take i'm sick of sticking myself in a situation where i help them and get crapped on in return i'm done and refuse to be there punching bag life will be what it is and i can't change what is to be but i sure can try right ? and that is what i am going to i'm going to try my hardest if i fail at least i tried to succeed so i will continue with my dark thoughts until they no longer play a part in my life may sound odd too you but i need to keep those thoughts fresh in my mind so i can use them to climb away from this dark life i have been dealt not sure if this makes any sense to you i do however hope you gleen something useful out of my ramblings as i know many of you read my forum becuase i have a story you can relate to in some way. there is one thing my mom did say to me that is all to true and that is i dance to the beat of a different drum and to be honest i'd change very little about that dance as you all know i can go on and on so i'm going to leave it right here | |
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