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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 2:42:12 PM | Piano4te, I think you may be missing the point of this thread.
People are usually so negative and bitter about past relationships. There is the tendency to bash former partners. In this thread, people are exploring the positive aspects of past relationships, rather than dwelling on the negative.
It isn't about new partners having to "measure up". It's about valuing the positives we derived from past partners, and recognizing that everyone in our past has played an important role.
At least, that's my take on it. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 2:56:01 PM | Piano4te
C’mon, are you saying you have never been in a relationship that had a lasting impression that was all Good, even though it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to? I think that if you can walk away even though you got hurt and still have loving memories instead of immature negative ones, it make you a better person and able to love even more when the right person does come along. I find that being positive makes me more intuitive in choosing the right one instead an endless cycle of many shallow relationships... if that makes any since. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:17:12 PM | I wish I could say that being positive about the men in my life has made me more intuitive, but sometimes it sure does not seem like it lol.
I already posted my opinion on here, but to further it up....I have two private "diary" type books. One is an actual diary where I put thoughts etc., the other is my "jot" book, where I write only positive things about my relationships and the men in my life. Each time I read it, I always smile. So yes, there have been times people have hurt me, that I have hurt others, but there was something good at the time and that just proves to me that essentially people are good and there was a reason I was with this person in the first place. I try not to say cruel things about these past relationships. While the effects of the relationship can leave scars, the "hate" (lack of a better word) for the person fades and it is much better to remember their positive traits and those of the relationship than the negative. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:29:18 PM | Seems the last three ladies are getting the exact meaning of this thread........BRAVO
When we walk away and only remember the negative then I believe we are truly being false with ourselves because hey we were "lovers" or in a relationship with these people, so I am thinking that there had to be some good, positive, things about them or why would we have been there.
I think that being able to have these positive memories is a sign of growth, maturity, and balance in our emotional and mental well being.
I am warmed by the open thoughts and feelings that all have expressed so far........... | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:36:56 PM | Each person I've been with actually stands out in one way or another. Learning experiences.
My first girlfriend, I look back and think if I had a job that gave me more time to spend with her, maybe we'd still be together, and I'm not setting here nightly looking at 100's of profiles, and sorting through the ones that leave you wondering, are they serious or are they not.
My 2nd girlfriend, I look back, and I enjoyed the time I shared with her and her 2 kids. I just wished she didn't leave that wall up that kept people that REALLY cared and wanted to show it, at a distance. The thing I learned from being with her, is there's women that go from man to man to man. They don't stop and think that what they are doing is wrong, and with her 2 kids, they are going to grow up thinking well mom is right, so it's gotta be right. When actually she's wrong and they will be learning wrong. I'm not saying I'm better than she is in any way. I actually tried to help her by talking with her many times after we broke up, in hopes that it would help her in the future.
My 3rd and last girlfriend I had, She wanted me to meet HER 100%, but she thought I was trying to "change" her by asking her to meet me half way. I had a fun time when we were together, but it didn't work out. She had me wondering if I was the only guy on the face of the planet that complained of TOO MUCH sex. She wanted it, whether you were in the mood or not. If you weren't, she'd try to make you feel guilty playing the you don't care for me any more card.
I don't hate any of the 3 that I did my best to make it work, but for whatever known reason, they didn't.
There's a song that reminds me of all 3 of them. It's by Little Texas.......What might have been. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:46:24 PM | yes....
he lives 5 hours away and trains racehorses. he literally grew up on the racetrack; his father was a jockey. he knew so little about women and didn't even know how to have any kind of hidden agenda.
we still speak regularly and i learn so much from him. he has an almost naive manner to him when it comes to anything off the track.
i want only the best for him. he's going through a rough patch. the track where he trains had an outbreak of equine herpes & is under quarantine. he spends more than he makes, with all the upkeep on his horses. i worry about him. he's such a good man and deserves the best in life. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:46:40 PM | Gardenhut....
I do understand. And I know that it's meant to be about 'endearment' to positive things, and taking the good. My mention of caution though is somewhat based on people's tendencies to over think things being as good as they 'seemed to be', when if they were as good as they were, there would be no break up.....I know life is life, and people have circumstances that prevent things from working out. But I've also seen the reverse where people hold something in almost a 'fantasy' state as to what they 'thought' the person or situation was. And to be honest....yes...I've had situations where the ones I got involved in WERE living in a ghost of the past......talk about hard......
Serendipity.......
I know what you're trying to ask. No...personally, I've had a total of four relationships in my life. And though there were 'moments' or 'eras' in them where they were 'all good', they were not 'ALL good' as a whole. If I were in a relationship that was 'all good' I sure wouldn't be here diciphering the meaning of 'all good'...I'd be LIVING the relationship right now....Because if something is 'all good', then I'm staying with it.... I took the good away from them....learned my lesson....forgave the bad....and then moved on. But they were in no way 'all good'.
My last relationship could be the best example of living in somebody else's ghost. I was with somebody who had been married for fourteen years to somebody. And after her divorce, she swore up and down that she would never give another man the same things she gave to her husband. She was already divorced when we met. The sad part was, I was the type man you COULD give those things to and be GRATEFUL about it. I tended to think that with just a little more love...a little more time....and a little more patience....somebody would come around.....they didn't....they meant what they said....There were 'GREAT' moments.....but somebody always held back....they were 'half in' most of the times....they couldn't 'surrender'....they CLAIMED to have wanted me.....we were together for six years.....and as long as I was willing to put up with it....they seemed to think it was 'ok' to just give me half a heart because of what they gave to somebody else, and it not working out the way they wanted........I learned the biggest lesson of my life in that one......If somebody reveals themself the first time....believe it
And, I can totally take my responsibility in thinking somebody WOULD come around. I loved her. But I had HEARD the words.....I just ignored them....that is my fault....I'm a 'hopeless romantic' enough guy to still cling to 'love can conquer all'......but it doesn't....you have to love the right one for you.....and you have to love somebody who will not compare you to somebody else....bad OR good. Live in the now.... | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:54:24 PM | Honestly "piano" now that you have posted your 2nd post I have more of an understanding of where you are coming from. The first sounded bitter and negative but truly that is your pain speaking and it is evident by your words in the 2nd. I am sorry that you were only given half of someone's heart because I can relate to that as well. Never feeling that they are totally with you or giving all of themselves. It can be an empty and frustrating relationship.
You have learned from it and that is truly what is important.......you know now that you will seek all or nothing and that is something she taught you. A positive thing correct?
The point is living, loving, and learning but essentially taking with you what was given or not given and being stronger, healthier, and more loving individuals because of that knowledge.
Peace | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:57:13 PM | Piano4te, I have also had relationships where I lived with a ghost to whom I could never measure up. The most pronounced one was with a widower who saw his late wife as "the only one". I realized, over time, that there was absolutely no way I could compete with the ghost of a Perfect Woman (or so she had become in death). Ironically, he died only a few years later.
I have also experienced being punished for what a former partner did to hurt the man I was dating. My current partner refers to it as "frying someone in your ex's fat". These people always hold back part of their heart in self-protection. The tragic thing is that they inadvertently destroy any chance of ever having a happy relationship with anyone.
No, Piano4te, love does not conquer all. But I hope you never lose your being a "hopeless romantic". I, myself, am a hopeful romantic, and I wouldn't have it any other way!
I hope someone comes your way who has come to terms with her issues and done her previous-relationship-homework. Best of luck to you! | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 5:29:50 PM | One Step At A Time
You said it all for me. :))
Piano4te
Just to clarify something. It was all good for me. He gave that awful phone call one day and said good-bye. He told me he didn’t really want to say good-bye. His decision was based on logical thinking. I knew why. He wanted a woman that was the same ethnic background. I think he felt that was the right thing to do for his raising his son. He made a mistake. He knew he made a mistake only months after he married her and I knew it would happen exactly as it did. Anyway, the time spent with that person was good.
Like you, I haven’t had a lot of relationships. I was married twice that took up most of my adult life.) I feel the right one, the last one, is just around the corner though.) | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 86 | |
| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 5:51:53 PM | All my "relationships" stand out in unique and positive ways.
The various short terms or flings have pretty much been forgotten. Lost count and forgot their names. But the ONE above the rest was/is the "first love".....the first REAL love for me...we had 3 years together until I had to move 3000 miles away with my job. It was a wonderful, life changing 3 years, a time to love, live in paradise and become an adult. We never had any arguements, and leaving was excruciatingly painful....
But looking back on it I am GLAD it happened the way it did. We ONLY have great memories of each other. No bad times, no bad days, no bad fights, only love and kisses!!!!
Let's get real...sure I could have quit my job and stayed with him.....that would have been great for a while. Buttttttttt eventually we'd go down the toilet with the rest of the great loves and we'd be full of negative, sad, angry, hostile, hurtful memories.
This way is better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Only love......that was a gazillion years ago and we kept in touch with letters and calls every year or so for half a gazillion years. Then....it was time to just let it go. Still only love, smiles, happy hearts, tender touches and best wishes for each other.
and nooooooooooooooo I don't compare other guys to him. It took a long time, but I was able to let that stupid habit go.
EACH MAN IS UNIQUE and I LOVE THEM FOR THEIR OWN PERSONAL QUALITIES. | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 6:59:14 PM | You clicked! The chemistry is what it's all about! Sometimes it's where you were at that point in time which allowed you to appreciate them more..... The again it's sometimes where you are today which dominates or makes you more aware of what you miss......
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zooom
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Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 88 | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 9:48:35 PM | OOO YES. DESIRESFOR.
WHAT A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE OF WHO YOU SHOULD AVOID ON POF OR THE WORLD. HE IS A FANCY TALKING, SWEET TALKING, LYING CRAPHEAD OF A PERSON.
WE HAD A DATE AND HE IS SO INTO MEETING AS MANY WOMAN AS HE CAN, HE STOOD ME UP..NO EXPLANATION. HE LIVES IN SAN DIAGO AND BEING A MEDICAL PERSON, I WAS SCARED TO DEATH HE WAS INJURED OR WORSE.
BUT, GUESS WHAT..HE WAS ON POF TODAY SO I GUESS HE IS ALIVE AND WELL AND SIMPLY A CRAP HEAD OF A HUMAN BEING. ASKING LADIES TO BE REAL CAREFUL WITH HIM..HE IS A LOSER | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/3/2006 11:01:05 PM | Yes, one step, there is someone who stands out among the rest. He changed my life twice, both times being at low points in my life. First he showed me how to accept love and then he showed me what love is not.
When I was much younger and pretty much hating the world after my mother died, along came this man who broke down those walls and taught me how to love and more importantly how accept love. We didn't work out because we were young and foolish, but I've always been thankful that he came into my life when he did.
Years later, when I was at the lowest point in my marriage, I ran into him again. Although I had completely changed since we were together, he still recognized me. I was surprised to discover that the love that we once shared for each other was still there and he reminded me of the person I once was. (Not that either of us wanted to re-visit that chapter as we broke up for a reason.) What surprised me the most to learn was that the love never died. I had always believed that love would fade in time, but I was wrong. By running into him again, he reminded me what love truly is and when its not really love.
For me, those were huge lessons in my life, which is why I believe that people come into your life for a reason. | |
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errnst
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Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 91 | |
| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/4/2006 4:46:08 AM | The Reason I can't simply chose "one" is because...well they were all special in their own way.
Now if i really have to choose, i would say the best was the first, cuz of some of the things she liked to do, over and over and over | |
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| The ONE that stands out among the rest.............
Posted: 11/4/2006 5:50:01 AM |
The Reason I can't simply chose "one" is because...well they were all special in their own way.
A simple statement but one filled with great positivity, well done.
EACH MAN IS UNIQUE and I LOVE THEM FOR THEIR OWN PERSONAL QUALITIES
Yes, Daisie that is something that needed to be said on this thread, because I believe sometimes men will think that they are always being compared or put to the test in the love making department and because of this they feel pressured. When we embark on new sexual relationships with another, it should always be a clean slate and open to the possibilities of what this exciting, new, lover can bring to us as far as new experiences as lovers.
It is amazing what each one brings to us........... | |
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