| |
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 11:10:33 AM | I was forbidden to post by the 2 in 10 rule so am putting it out there now. This was written in reference to OJB's last post.
Oh there is no right or wrong perspective. Not sure if I am a Dr Feelgood...although I will take that as a compliment....nor would I be considered a pollyanna. For the most part I am a realist. I think I started this thread because in nearly every thread where people comment of their past relationships there is a vast majority of them that refer to them as failed. It just struck me that another perspective had to be thrown out for consideration.
Funny how perceptions are though really. It is like when I say to people that something is neither good or bad, it just is. It is someones perspective/perception of good or bad that they attach to the event. The event itself is just that.......an event.
Yeah, I know....it is late...I am deep.............so I will just go away (for now).
But hey...I am really enjoying the comments, the dialogue, the perspectives. Thanks everyone for your comments! | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 11:31:20 AM | Years ago I read a book called Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz.....In it, his basic premise was that people learn through 'negative re-enforcement'......he used a guided missile as the analogy......A guided missile doesn't actually travel to it's target ON COURSE.....it veers off course, and then corrects as it goes.....much like a slight zig zag pattern. It's really just a psych way of saying 'cause and effect', 'reap what you sew', 'consequences'....etc....
In that regard......we all read philisophical things that tell us to try to take 'the good out of everything that comes our way' and leave the bad......forgive the bad, and take the learning experience......
All my relationships were successful. There was tremendous pain in the parting....and the more of myself I put into any one particular relationship, the greater the pain, grieving, and time alotted to grieve came about. But they were successful non the less. There were things I received from each one that I will never trade for the world. The last one especially.......
And each one, even in it's demise, acted as a vector correction to get me to what I know I want now...and to not settle...... | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 10/29/2006 11:39:58 AM | Yes, I have to also agree. One of my shortest in duration was one of the closest , I have ever been with another human being. And to this day I still love him, just not a romantic love. I learned so much from him about love and about letting another adult persons needs come before my own. Concidering another and the compromise of a relationship.
Even the one bad relationship I had , which by the way lasted much longer by the time it turned bad, was worth the learning experience. And there was a time when he and I also were very close and shared alot of interests, and closeness.
I have always looked at all of life as a learning experience and a growth experience, that ofcourse would also include my relationships with men.
The fun times, and also the not so fun times.
I do not regret anything I have gone through in life to get to the point I am at now.
And the few relationships I had that didnt last, all helped me to know what I will be looking for , when I am lucky enough to find my next partner. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:13:43 PM | I have had one relationship that I can truly say was successful. It lasted more than four years and it ended not because we stopped loving each other or because we were fighting, but because his job was taking him overseas and my daughter was at an age where relocating was not a good option ... for her.
This man taught me what real love is all about, how to love myself and how to receive love with grace. He had a gentle, kind spirit and always treated me with respect, kindness and love. Until I met him, I don't think I knew what true love was.
Until I met him, I was scared to express my emotions and held them inside. He taught me that it is okay to be expressive and to this day, I thank him for that. He gave me the greatest gift one person can give another.
The experience has brought me to today where I am embarking on an emotional journey with my current man who I have known for two years, becoming emotionally involved with and I am not holding back. I am looking forward to beautiful and wonderful experiences here too and will pass on to him all the things that I have within me now!! | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/12/2007 6:31:23 PM | I think all of my relationships were successful. But I'm kinda picky who I date. They have to be nice people.
I think that it would make life a lot easier if we accepted that every relationship is going to end at some time, even if it is with our death. I think that it would be better, as then people could distinguish between good relationships that end quickly, and bad relationships that keep going on. Maybe then people would leave abusive partners a whole lot earlier. They might also learn to appreciate what they've got, and stop looking for what they are better off without. | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:01:03 PM | | DEFINITELY! My last relationship was extremely beautiful, wonderful, and successful... it was sabotaged by her daughter....totally a dysfunctional family. I hate it for her and hurt for her that she can not have peace in her life because of her family. It also taught me LOTS about communicating with the family members of a girlfriend... you keep your mouth SHUT no matter how bad they are or how much you do not like them.... you never know her emotional attachement or how easy it is to offend her, especially when it comes to her offspring! | |
|
| |
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/12/2007 7:24:13 PM | | the purpose of a marriage or serious committment to someone is because you want to express your love of your partner and you are saying you want to spend the rest of your life with them..when this doesn't happen,you do feel like it failed..the contract was broken..or verbal one...i agree with you op that that time spent together was not a total loss,you take both the bad and the good with you, growing as an individual learning to enhance your next relationship by learning from mistakes made, and taking those things with you that did work in the last one....but again what are most looking for in the next one?..someone to spend the rest of their lives with. | |
|
| |
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:01:33 PM | OP...I truly believe that each relationship we go through was a success as it has made us stronger people and brought us to where we are today, and without the failures we would not have the knowledge to become a better person and or PARTNER!!!!!!!
I am not saying that a losing relationship is a triumph,....HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!
But in my own life experiences am able to look back and realize what each has taught me and therefore am able to look at them in a brighter light. | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:17:56 PM | You make some excellent points. I would hope that we would learn something from each relationship we have. Good and bad. ALL any of us are today is a sum total of uor lifes experiences. And someday when we are old if nothing else memories will have been made  I feel the past relationships I have had have been to teach me and prepare me for when I truly do connect with my True Soul - Mate! Merry Christmas | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/12/2007 8:20:39 PM |
Posted By: ~danni~ on 12/12/2007 9  02 PM Subject: Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever? Message: I had a very successful marriage! I got 3 of the most beautiful children out of it! It just didn't last forever! Do I care? Um... Not so much! Nothing lasts forever right? Well diamonds do... Maybe that is why you get diamonds when you get married... Because something may as well last forever! :D
Sure wish this board had a quote button!
I seriously think few people nowadays realize the value of a commitment. We have become such a throwaway society that many think that if they are not 100% perfectly satisfied with their partner they can just throw him/her away and get another one. They do not realize the huge investment in all aspects of the relationship that they are losing. The financial aspect is the least of it... family ties, emotional distress, etc. Communication and sharing is so important. Looking each other in the eye, nurturing the relationship, protecting the relationship above all else, keeping people away who are negative influences... all play such an important part of maintaining that happiness and love that should be there so that it can and will last forever... it can and will if both of you are committed to it lasting despite the ups and downs. | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/13/2007 5:01:07 AM | I have been very lucky in as much as I think all of my past relationships have been successful even if they did end. Sure it hurt at the time but each one was different and gave me different perceptions on life and other people. And sex was different too. All were enjoyable and learning experiences.
So I would say a definate YES to success!!!!! | |
|
| |
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/13/2007 5:53:15 AM | re the OPost:
A very wise post, IMO.
It is not a matter of "lowering" our expectations. It is a matter of mentality/philosophy. And a matter of being true to one's heart.
Of course, the rel and the break up are more prone to be successful not matter what the duration when one starts them with nice people, as the poster of post 34 says. But then many people have a thing for falling in love with nasty people. Well, the heart is heart and the mind is mind, so we are governed by the nature of our hearts (some decide to take the heart out of the equation and engage only in planned LTRs/partnersips, how "robotic"! | |
|
| |
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/13/2007 7:12:26 AM | yep, i agree, a relationship can be successful if you succeeded in getting something that you can appreciate, out of it (...and no, i don't mean financially...unless that was the persons' intention..   ) - whether it's a clearer understanding of self, or of another person, whether it's more of an idea of what you *don't* want, whether it's just having enjoyed the experience of sharing that time with another person...or whatever.. it can be a successful relationship no matter how long it did or didn't last, imo. | |
|
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:37:36 AM | | I used to be more optimistic about my experiences, but now I see breakups as failures. Any time you invest a significant amount of time in someone and they can just trash it and never want to talk to you again, it hurts. I used to feel like no matter what happens, this person will always be a friend to me. I'd say things like "If I like him now, I will like him forever and nothing will change that" blah blah, blah. Now, I realize that it is better to cut my losses and move on to someone who will appreciate me. Of course, it would be different if I had a child that I adored. I would probably consider the relationship successful because it beared fruit. But since that isn't the case, I see breakups as a loss, and therefore a failure. | |
|
| |
| |
| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:29:07 PM | All my experiences are successes
I've learned from every one of them...and I've learned from every relationship...even the really icky ones. I hope I have taught as much to those I have shared with as they have taught me.
Of course I don't really believe that "happily ever after" is the norm. I think the people who do experience that are unbelievable fortunate, or something. Mostly I think we grow and change all through our lives and our wants and needs change also... hence we move out of relationships and into relationships based on our needs at the time. I also believe that the world would be a much happier place if we could let people go when it's time and honour what we shared with them instead of feeling betrayed because it didn't last "forever". It would save a lot of heartache if we didn't try to make things stand still, because they never do. | |
|
Home
login 
t.r.7
