Beedo
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Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 51 | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:57:24 PM | I tthink it's alot of new-age mass-appeal hype-speak, the catch-phrase of the year etc, aimed at the hoards of us wading in the ruins of broken relationships.
Broken relationship equals " baggage". The more failed whatevers, the more baggage accumulated, the more baggage to attempt to deal with.
Do I put myself in that rather unsavoury category? Yes, I must admit I am a member of that not-so select or exclusive group.
Do I feel particularly fortunate or " blessed" to be single after a failed marriage? NO!!
That's crazy-talk.
It's a relationship that failed, as I'm not with the person now. Does that mean I failed?
Maybe. That's for me to judge, and others can feel marvellous about their broken marriages if that's their thing. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/13/2007 10:29:49 PM | All anyone would have to do is - take a long close look at my two step daughters and their lives. Look at the success of their marriages - look at the quality men they attracted and married - look at the success of their education - look at how sincere they are when they still call me dad.
The relationship with their mom lasted 20 years and would still be going - if I would pick up the phone when she called. Which I won’t.
The relationship with the two girls started when they were 5 and 7 - they are now 26 and 28.
Yes - the entire four way relationship was a total success and still is and no doubt will always be.
I don’t have to think about what I learned - I see it in the eyes of my two daughters. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:38:38 AM | | Yes. People step into our lives for a time, a reason, or a season. Consequently, the "final outcome" of a relationship should not determine whether it was successful. Most of us have loved before. A breakup happened. So what? We're smarter, stronger people because we allowed that person into our lives. We hopefully learn the lesson introduced by this person, part ways amicably, give ourselves time to heal, and eventually move on wiser because of the experience. I call that a success. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:53:58 AM | To me a marriage isn't a success unless it lasts "until death do you part", however, that doesn't mean you can't walk away with something positive from a relationship that didn't go the distance. Failure doesn't mean everything about the relationship was a failure.
On the other hand if you get married and promise to stay together until death; how can it be a success if you don't?
Even if you fail at a relationship with someone doesn't mean you have to hate them forever and you can still learn from a relationship that failed (hopefully not to have another relationship that fails lol). However, in my book, that still doesn't make the relationship a success.
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:21:53 AM | Walking away from a relationship in itself is a success sometimes....whenever two people in a relationship care and share of themselves, it is always a success when you walk away with positive memories and a sense of personal growth...walking away from that person does not take away the positive feelings you felt and the great moments the two of you shared...there were great adventures, an exciting shared level of intimacy I never imagined or experienced, there was a miraculous sense of trust without fear.
...but it does not remove the sadness from my soul in that I can still feel but no longer share those feelings with the person I so greatly treasured in my life. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 10:35:48 AM | Great topic, and I appreciate the positiveness because I think far too many people look at break-ups as failures. But that said, I personally think I often only view it as a "success" when I feel both of us gave our best to try to make it work. So, I always do my best to give 100% to making the relationship work. Otherwise, I think there's regret: why didn't she try more, why didn't I recognize she wasn't 100% into it. Anyhow, I think I feel most positive about the ones where I believe we both tried the hardest.
Having not been married yet, I do have to agree with one of the other posters. If you vow to marry someone for life and it ends in divorce, not that you can't learn from it, but I'd be hard pressed to call it success. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:35:54 PM | | Maybe it just has to do with the fact that you have one set of expectations and theirs are different....you like to "enjoy the journey" as you say, while others have no interest in finding anything other than a lifetime partner as possibly their parents did. So, by their way of looking at it, anything less is a failure to achieve what they were striving for. It's just all in how a person sees it...nothing wrong with either view, just a case of different strokes for different folks I guess. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:38:25 PM | I have had two relationships in my life, that even tho they ended, made me a better person. Not only did they make me see my good points but also my flaws, and I think we learn the most from our mistakes.
I would have to say that with every man who ever mattered to me, I learned something. That is why people come into our lives, to teach us what we can't learn on our own. Sometimes that something is how to give and receive love, sometimes that thing is how to cook. Regardless of what the lesson is, there is a lesson there, you just have to look for it and learn it. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 5:57:32 PM | I agree...hopefully we all learn from the "failed relatonships"... I really believe that you should learn something from your past relationships, both the good and bad ones.
If you keep doing what you always done, you'll get what you'll always got( which is a failed relationship, or being alone)...so, take what you learned into the next relationship.... | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:01:06 PM |
I wonder why people don't look at what they gained from the experience and consider it a success?
I am with you. Different relationships give us different things. Sometimes I think people put too much pressure on relationships to give them everything they are ever going to need and are disappointed when that turns out not to be the case. That relationship might have given them 98% of what they needed but they threw it away because of the missing 2% ... or they "settle" and do without that 2% and are disappointed.
Different relationships offer different things. I think our social programming often sets us up for failure. We are not "allowed" to get some needs met with one relationship and others met by another with the result being a happier life with all our needs met. Nope, we are destined to be miserable and seek out relationship after relationship in search of the "perfect" one of the one that is "perfect enough" that we can live with. That just seems so sad to me. So we go serially from one relationship to the next with none of them meeting all of our needs, each one failing in its own unique way and people suffering a lot more than they should have to. | |
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:26:46 PM | Since I've joined POF, I'm always amazed at how my life sort of ran parallel to ron9...but from the other side. There are so many similarities it's uncanny. I too had two little girls when I met my second husband. Mine were a bit older (10 and 8) than his were when I met my ex, but still. And right from day one, we were a family. There were never any conflicts regarding him not being the "real" dad. We all sort of blended in together right from the start.
And to this day, my daughters, who are now both in their 30s still consider him their "dad". Our marriage (common law) lasted 20 years and we did a very fine job raising those girls together. He was such a good role model to my kids that my oldest daughter swore that she would never settle for anything less than someone like him for a husband. And at 33, she now claims she's found him;) That's quite the honor for any dad to wear, let alone a stepdad who was only 22 when he took on this heavy responsability:)
The bad part is that my life is so similar to Ron's in every way that I was also the one who left the relationship. And I guess that's where the similarities end. My reasons for leaving are complex, and even now three years later I'm still having problems dealing with it all. Our marriage was very good for many years....we had lots of fun and there was plenty of loving...but for us it was having to deal with my youngest daughter's illness that put a severe strain on our relationship...sigh..anyways... no, I don't regret a thing and neither does he. In fact he was just here this morning and we talked for a long time...we're both grateful for the time we shared together. He's still very much involved in my granddaughter's life and he treats her like his very own. He's now involved in a serious relationship and I wish him nothing but happiness...he deserves it:)
Anyway...sorry for the mush but reading Ron's post did that to me...haha...and if I may be so bold, you're a good man Ron, and I love when you write about the love you still share with your daughters....it just warms my heart:) 
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| Does anyone ever consider a relationship successful....even though it didn't last forever?
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:33:30 AM | Every relationship, romantic or otherwise, brings something to your life if you're willing to except it. Success has nothing to do with longterm and just because a relationship lasts for a lifetime, doesn't mean it's successful.
There are people that I wouldn't trade them being in my life for anything, even though the outcome wasn't long lasting, they gave me more in that short amount of time than I could ever ask for.  | |
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