if you truly want to be with someone nothing matters

if you got to be # 1 all the time, then I would say...don't have children

Well OP, there are a lot of stresses AND rewards to being in a relationship with someone who has kids from a previous relationship. However, if you're a guy without kids going into that, it's highly likely that any negatives you experience will be far less than those of the woman you're with. She's already gone through a lot, trying to rebuild her life, raise her kids, and now is introducing another man (you) to the situation. All while trying to remain sane, and keep everyone who matters to her happy. I don't envy that, frankly.

Also, you talk about being second to the kids, and having to schedule your life around someone else's. Isn't that how it would be anyway, if the kids were yours? Their well being would take priority, and you'd make sacrifices, if you were their biological father, right? So, what's the difference? Looking beyond the possible specifics, the outcome is the same. Every relationship has stress, and times where plans fall through.

And, if you don't get along with her ex, you're probably not alone. He's her ex for a reason, primarily because their relationship didn't work out. The only reason why he's still in the picture - if he's in the picture - is likely solely because he has a legal responsibility to his kids, until they're no-longer considered minors. He might actually also love his kids. I suspect you'll agree that a father should take responsibility for and have access to his kids, and that his ex-wife/girlfriend shouldn't get in the way of that, because I do realize that's not the point of your gripe.

The point of your gripe as I read it is that you wish there were more single, available women who are of the age you're looking for and who don't have kids. To your way of thinking - which is reasonable enough - you want to build a relationship with someone as a couple, without distractions or intrusions or extra responsibilities. Something "boy meets girl" simple. The problem with that, is that your wish and the obvious reality live in two different worlds. Since you're not a teenager dating teenagers anymore, wanting what you want doesn't happen as easily. Life has somehow happened to everyone since then. So, it seems clear that a compromise needs to happen if you're unwilling to remain single for the rest of your life.

If you go one way, you'll need to accept that this is the way things are, and change your mindset in order to adapt to dating single mothers. Go the other way, and something else in your list of wants will need to change regarding the types of women you're interested in, so that you can have the opportunity to date to your liking.

Either way, good luck.

I am curious if the complaintents would feel the same way with a professional woman with heavy repsonsabilities. Would you feel the same if the lady you were interested in was say a doctor or politician and had a very demanding schedule? (No I don't consider the 2 professions equall in importance, but that's another post.) If you care for someone and want to be with them, then you need to accept the whole package and accept them for who and what they are, NOT who you would like them to be. I believe being a parent of a child , is the most frustrating and rewarding thing I have ever experienced, be it my own child or my step children (well now ex step children- though I still get to spend time with them). But that is simply my opinion, and does not mean anyone else has to agree.


I woud like to add that ex's can be a problem even if no kids are involved. Some people, be it men or women, seem unable to accept the end of a relationship and will cause all the problems mentioned in the original post, and more.

Finally, I think to many people want to be first in the relationship and there in lies the problem. NO 1 person should be first in a relationship. It is the RELATIONSHIP itself that is. if there are children, then the relationship becomes bigger and possibly harder, but also more rewarding.