Phat
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Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 76 | |
| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/4/2006 4:19:12 PM | People have alot to say on this topic. But i am glad the everyone is speaking there mind.
Many good points have been made. And a few that just commented with out reading all points. I guess my reasons for starting this thream was to figure out what I wanted to do. I had met a single mother and was thinking about getting involved but I was tryin to figure out what to do. I was looking at everything to see the pros and cons.
As of now I have decided against it. but only because if I am looking so much in to this I am probably not with the right person. A true relationship should not be something you try for. It should just happen. Every situation is different. Don't do something unless you feel it is right for you. In the end if your not happy everyone around you ins't either. And that will kill most relationships.
cheers | |
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~KC~
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Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 78 | |
| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/4/2006 7:41:00 PM |
Don't do something unless you feel it is right for you. In the end if your not happy everyone around you ins't either. And that will kill most relationships.
AMEN Phat... you do what you gotta do... I respect you for that. Its a big decision and I'm sure not an easy one to make in light of everything. | |
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Phat
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Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 79 | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:57:51 PM | If your not happy with this lady and your just looking for excuses, let her go!
Better to find the one you'll be happy with, you'll know when it's right and good luck to you! | |
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.lisa
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Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 81 | |
| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/5/2006 1:59:42 PM |
as for myself i take care of my child on my own and no daddy around and when i date single fathers i want NO BABY MAMA drama cause i don't bring that into relationships | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/5/2006 4:03:10 PM | I myself have no children,but I am involved with a beautiful lady with 2 great boys ( honestly) . I have dated women with kids before and can see where you are coming from O.P.,,,,,,, but listen if you wanted to spend your whole life looking for someone without baggage or added stress guess what,,,,,You'd be single until you die. Stress is a part of who we are, what makes us human and how you deal with it measures you as a person.
My future wife and I have talked thorougly about the kids , issues and non issues , and I have butted heads with both boys on one occasion,plus one of them has special needs, but I grew to love them and respect them. I know , that no matter what , that the ex will always be a part of our lives , after all I always tell them " You only have one father and one mother, and you will respect them both".
I have never tried to take over the roll of their father ,I have only wanted to be their friend, someone that they can look up to, respect and come to when they need help. I know maybe I'll never win the father of the year award but i'll always be around when ever they need me , good and bad.
Sure it can get a little stressfull and I know that in almost all cases I will come second to the the boys , but that is the choice I made when I fell in love with the Mrs.( and I do love you).
Not being a parent bothers my sweetie but I tell her all the time that i am happywhere my life choices have brought me, after all we have our baby Aries together and she puts a smile on my face avery time i see her.
I have come from a broken home, my parents were divorced when i was 13 and beleive me , as a child it was very hard to see Mom or Dad with someone else but after a few times attending P.W.P meetings I realized , single parents are in need of companionship too.
So relish in the fact that you are looking for someone without kids , you have every right to chose your own destiny and noone should blast him for that , but as for your ignorant friends , they will realize when they are old and grey, single and bitter they will blame the same people that they are currently blasting, Cuz most of us will be very happy together.
Just my 2 cents
Mr.Goldenlovers. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:54:10 PM | Well as do most women with children, I too have an opinion on this. Please don't assume that all women with children have a "father" figure that you need to deal with. I'm a single mother and my sons father has never been...and never will be in the picture. His answer to finding out I was pregnant..was an abortion. I made my choice to have my son, and in turn raise him myself. No support, no baggage, no contact. Just the way I like it.
People are entitled to choose to date whomever they wish. Unfortunately I could never imagine not dating someone because of children. Even when I was single "without" children of my own - I was always open to the idea.
I think you are losing out on some great women. Sure there are complication, there can be with any kind of relationship - you do have a point though...if it seems like work then it's possible this women is far from right for you.
I'm very proud to say that the men I've dated and been in contact with have been amazing about my son. They respect I'm not looking for a father figure and have no issues with my being a single mom. So my hats off to all you great men on POF. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/22/2006 5:05:28 PM | | OK...I have to jump in on this one. I have been a confimed bachelor for a long time. Never wanted children...on my end that was because it seemed like it would take too much away from "my time" So I meet a fishie here on POF...She has three kids...5/7/9. A freaking handful. My first thought n the back of my head was...ummmmm...probably a no go...and then the mind goes through all the disadvantages. I have been amazed to find that yes...three kids at those ages does take away from "my time" but not in the way that I expected. What was I doing with my time...empty hedonism...drinking...partying...drugs blah blah blah. Now I am so fraking lucky to have not only a great lady in my life...but three kids as well...a complete and total bonus...not a drawback. Makes you feel like you are part of something...that your life has a greater meaning than making yourself happy...AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes...I do miss lots of drunken nap time...but would not go back for anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/22/2006 5:25:11 PM | | I've dated women with kids and I liked it. The only problem was it didn't work out and I get attached to the kids and they got close to me. I don't think any kid deserves to have people come and go in their life. If you don't want to date someone with kids just don't. No matter what, the kids should come first. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:13:30 PM | | ^^^ and that is another risk of dating someone and getting them involved with the kids......attachment happens and if the couple breaks up, the kids get hurt. However, on the flip side, people come and go in and out of our lives all the time, and as long as it's not a constant on-going thing, I think it's safe to allow kids to get close to those special people. And even if it doesn't work out in the end, that's the way life goes sometimes, and they learn to deal with loss. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:15:33 PM | | Ok just needed to put in my comments. I think the only thing that got to me from reading the original post is " Lowering your Standards", I never realized parents with kids were a lower standard of people, ok that said. I dont have a problem with the rest of the post. I am a single parent with 3 kids,, ages ranging 20, 15 and 5 and no the last one wasnt an accident. I think whom you choose to date is personal perference. I tend to lean towards a man with kids only because he does understand that you may not always have the time to be with him on a one to one basis. But on the flip side i've been told that i should also look at men with no kids, reason being you wouldnt being sharing him. I think no matter how we handle the situations in our lives we will always have stress. In my case I dont have an ex to worry about as I was widowed 9 months after my 5 yr old was born. What I am finding is people do not want to date a widowed person either woman/man for fear of being compared to the person that has pasted on. I can honestly say i've never done that comparsion. When I meet a person I look forward to getting to know them and who they are, their likes and dislikes. I try to keep the past in the past where it should be. LIke i said above I think it's all on your personal perference if you wish to date a person with or without kids. Just when your filling out the profile in the section about kids be honest about what you want. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 9/10/2009 11:11:29 AM | | Phat...I am a single guy, and I feel the same way. This is the thing. We managed not to have kids. We did most everything right (at least I can say that). I am in grad school and I want to get a Phd in music. I know that I must not have a women WITH KIDS for this to happen. Also, even in my advanced age, I am waiting for the right person. Yes, I am single, but I know that I should not be dating someone with a kid. You know what, you have that right. Yes, I am still single, but I know the right one will come if I am patient. I lovely, viruous, and simple women. Stick to your guns bro. One last thing. In Louisiana, this is very common place. I would include the south in this as well. The best bet for both of us is to get out education, and move to states where there is less of this going on. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:13:52 PM |
This is the thing. We managed not to have kids. We did most everything right (at least I can say that). Not much offends me on these forums, but this does in a huge way.
Coldblk, you're alluding to my having children and now being single as something I've done in life that is wrong? How incredibly narrow of you to think this way.
There are many, many women in the same or a similar situation as myself that had a significant other pass away after we as a couple started having children. If not for this unfortunate occurrence, I might not be single today... I honestly don't know as the opportunity for that life was removed and not by the design of me or my former s/o.
I do however understand when a man chooses not to date a woman with children, but I don't understand the reasoning behind thinking that it is something we did wrong with our lives. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:57:46 AM | | We just have to do what we feel comfortable with. I know that there are lots of fantastic women out there with kids. For me, I'm just too much of a free spirit to live a life dictated by school schedules. I want to be able to go off somewhere in the world with a partner whenever we feel like it rather than just during school holidays, etc. But that's just me. There are pluses and minuses to all scenarios. If you can have a relationship with somebody (male or female) with kids, that's great. You can get all the associated benefits. But if you don't feel comfortable with this situation, there seems to be a lot of individuals out there who don't have kids. It's a big ocean out there. Just target better. | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:43:50 AM | I have dated women with and without children, the only difference I found is that children come first, which I wouldn't want it any other way and never found anything wrong with that, it would raise a question in my mind if a women would put me ahead of her kids, I wouldn't put my kids on the back burner for any women ever!!!
G | |
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| dating a woman with kids. Lots of extra stresses.
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:03:24 AM | | Now as an added twist, would people feel different if a woman's kids were in the 18 and older category, ie., college age and above? I have to admit that I personally have not explored this option yet. | |
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