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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 3:18:21 AM | I had that happen to me quite a few times....
I was on a paid site..had FOUR pics on them...and all I got was...you have another one?
Send me another RECENT one...the ones I had were two months old...then I ended up with a stalker...so I quit posting pics online... | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 3:42:55 AM | I hope no one compares me to my picture on here when I'm Santa Claus.......I don't sport the big red suit until December 23rd or 2nd.
Unless you are looking to play Mrs. Claus on a date and we go have fun being Santa & Mrs. Claus for kids somewhere, from the 22nd or 23rd -25th of December, I don't think you should look for me any time soon standing around waiting to meet you with a big bushy white beard and red hat!
My face changes often, sometimes I sport a goatee and mustache, and other times I get bored and shave it off. So I have a picture sporting a goatee, and if you are looking for me with a goatee because the picture shows me with one, and I had shaved it off, where is it that I'm lying about myself because of a picture. I wasn't lying or trying to deceive anybody. I might have shaved it off the week before we chose to meet. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 3:47:06 AM | if I wasn't attracted to them I would hang out for that initial meeting and then just explain that I didn't feel a connection. If they purposely tried to deceive me I wouldn't give them the courtesy of an explanation, or maybe I would ask them why they felt the need to lie.
A picture or two only gives a glimpse of what a person looks like anyway so I don't base too much on a few profile pictures , I met a guy once who I wasn't really attracted to based on the pictures he sent me , I ended up dating him for 8 months and falling in love with him , and when I first met him all I kept thinking was this guy is so beautiful!( cheesey yes, true , yes.) | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 5:04:10 AM | Some people also include picture in their profile of themselves 10-15 years ago...right alonside relatively current ones. I can understand if it's an interesting activity that gives insite into character.....but a beach bikini pic? Why would you lead w/ much younger pic right alongside ones of you & your grandchildren? Nobody is going to be able to date the younger you, now are they?
Not many people compare favorably in their 40's to what they looked like fit & 25. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 10:49:21 AM | Ya, thats definitely happened a few times before. Sometimes just slightly, a couple times, wow, big time. And also you get the times where you might not have been very impressed with the pic and then meet and you're like wow, your pics didn't do you justice. People have definitely become good at just catching their good points lol...
I'm glad that I always hear I look like my pics, which is good..
I usually stick around and finish the date, many times these people still have become good friends etc. It can be dissapointing though, but like some people say, leave a little room in there for them not living up to that picture, so don't set those expectations too high, just incase. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 2:53:56 PM | For what it's worth...
Disillusioned online daters turn to matchmakers
LONDON (Reuters) - Online daters, disappointed by potential partners lying about their age, weight or marital status, are turning to professional matchmakers to find love.
ADVERTISEMENT
Rather than risk taking pot luck online, chief executives, entertainers and politicians are among those paying thousands of dollars to matchmakers to discreetly "headhunt" and vet the perfect partner.
"In the old days you had your extended family, or in some societies an actual matchmaker, trying to find someone for you," said dating expert Mary Balfour.
"Nowadays people have a personal matchmaker in the same way they would have a personal trainer," she said at her Drawing Down the Moon agency in London's Adam and Eve Mews.
The stigma of online dating has waned since Internet dating sites sent thunderbolts flying in the world of romance and revolutionized the way people found partners.
Websites now abound for straight, gay, Jewish, Christian, disabled or millionaire daters, but figures show a large chunk of those looking for love in cyberspace are disillusioned.
"So many people have had nightmare experiences with people misrepresenting themselves," said Christie Nightingale, principal of New York-based Premier Match LLC.
Nightingale said about 80 percent of her clients had tried online dating before coming to her with horror stories.
The online dating industry is lucrative, reeling in about $500 million in the United States and about 160 million euro ($203 million) in Europe last year, said JupiterResearch.
A survey earlier this year by Pew Internet and American Life Project found that about 16 million Americans had used an online dating website.
But while 52 percent said they had mostly positive experiences, 29 percent reported negative experiences.
"A percentage of men I met online were absolute freaks. I don't think any of them were the mad axe man type, but if you'd met them anywhere else you wouldn't touch them with a barge pole," said London nursing manager Joanna Haworth, 36.
"Some might have used photos from three years ago when they were three stone lighter. One man spent all the time talking about his ex-wife. He was still desperately in love with her."
DON'T MENTION THE EX
Showing off an album full of wedding invitations from former clients, Balfour said her matchmaking service had taken off in the past year for clients willing to shell out up to 8,000 pounds ($15,000) in the hope of a "happy ending."
Her agency employs a team of women to scour social and business events for potential matches.
Nightingale hand outs a list of "do's and don'ts" to her clients before they head off for dates -- such as turn off your cell phone and don't talk about former partners.
Some top-end U.S. matchmakers -- who charge up to $25,000 -- also organize makeovers and relationship coaching for clients.
"In New York, London, Los Angeles, or Tokyo, where there's a lot more money and the demographic niche market is professional singles in their 30s and 40s, they really want an all inclusive, personalized service," said Lisa Clampitt, co-founder of the U.S.-based Matchmaking Institute that also trains matchmakers.
Disenchanted with online dating and keen to put as much effort into finding a partner as he did to his career, Los Angeles product designer Bill Conley signed up for relationship seminars at matchmaker Julie Ferman's Cupid's Coach agency.
"Los Angeles is the temple of the external appearance. Everyone does a good job of hiding themselves underneath a lot of gloss, expensive clothes and plastic surgery," said Conley.
"She matches you more on a personality level, it's not scientific, it's more of a traditional matchmaking role. I told her a lot about myself, the things that were important to me," he added.
A recent U.S. legal case highlighted the potential pitfalls of cyberspace dating.
In a first for the dating and relationship industry, U.S. online service True.com announced a landmark civil prosecution victory in October against a convicted felon and registered sex offender from California who misrepresented himself online.
"Almost universally people misrepresent themselves in online dating, you never know what you're getting. I found I was chatting with someone who ended up being in a cybercafe in Nigeria and tried to squeeze me for $300," said Conley, 42. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 5:54:53 PM | I find the whole dating process very difficult and so yes, it is somewhat disapointing to realize that the person is not quite equal to the picture... I just take it in stride and I do feel for the person I am meeting.
I am suprised as how some people actually do not see such a huge difference with an old outdated picture of themselves... I guess they see the reflection of their soul, not what the mirror is showing... That to me is ok... We all have to deal with ourselves in some way...
Are looks that important? For some yes, for some no... I have dated men of all shapes and sizes and I had fun... I do have a preference for men taller than me. That I do get annoyed. I get men saying they are 5'7"... Well, I AM exactly 5'7"... ok... 5'6and 3/4 inch to be exact but with a 2 inch heel, I am easily 5'9"... So... it does annoy me that when a man says he is five feet 7" and I make sure to wear low healed shoes and when we meet I am at least 5 inches taller, it does annoy me... Size does not, but height does... Funny thing what makes us all tick...
Again, what is chemistry?... Do looks realy matter... I wonder... I do take into consideration, the voice, the mannerisms, the body language and I am forgiving in the looks department...
Just an opinion...
As Mae West once said: "The score never interested me, only the game."
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 6:05:09 PM | | A few years ago I met a man from another site, the picture he had poasted was 10 years old! I saw the date through but it was a short evening anyway and there were other circumstances that made it not worth another date. Another man had "lied" about his weight and was only off by about 200 lbs(he had no picture). What's the point of not being honest, do people really think they're going to get another date? If they're going to be that dishonest over something small, it only makes you wonder what else are they being dishonest about. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 6:17:52 PM | | That happened to me recently... She said she had put on weight and had a vision problem..Ok..No one is perfect.....Turns out she weighed ( and i am not kidding) all of 400 pounds and had one eye...But being the gentleman that i am, I had invited her to brunch and i followed through. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 7:25:33 PM | i know a friend who blateny touts his pic is 20 yrs old.........so i give him credit for that( be honest in his profile).....as for me i usually 'check in ' with the date to see if i am as i appear on my profile......i would hate to get that 'look' of ohhhhhhhh noooooooo.......that's why i think its stupid not to post up to date photos.......
i mean........yikes........even if i was 300lbs ....one needs to know and not be deceived.......   | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/1/2006 7:42:14 PM | Last summer I went out for a coffee with a woman who described herself as 'athletic', and when I saw her, I knew that the only way she could have been an athlete was if she ate one for lunch. She was at least 100 pounds OW, and close, if not at six feet tall, even though she advertised herself to be 5'9".
I tend to be very liberal in how folks assess themselves -- *nobody* is required to put their worst pics up, but it would be nice if the best pics were less than a year old, and NOT the results of a makeover, which I see alot here, too. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 6:20:59 AM |
What do you do when you meet and you're like, "um, Jack?...or Diane?"
OMG...it is just tooooo weird, but right as I read this post, I happen to be listening to the radio and that John Cougar Mellencamp song JUST came on!
The guy I'm dating told me I didn't look like the pic I sent him at all...that I was much prettier (awwww), but I think it looks just like what I see in the mirror! | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 6:44:09 AM | Ok this has happened to me twice now..
1st time, he looked nothing like his pic and he failed to tell me he was disabled.. now that wouldnt have bugged me if he was honest about it.
2nd time, again nothing like his pic, really he actually looked kindof scary. and his profile said he was 5ft9" and he was maybe 5ft4" really kindof pissed me off cause i dont like smaller men so ya.. thats my stuff. I still went out with them on the date, and talked to them afterwards but i told them it wouldnt work.. first of all you deceieved me, lied to me, and your not my type. doesnt matter how much you talk to someone if they arnt your type then they arnt your type.... | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 6:57:48 AM | | I've met people without a picture so I rarely judge solely on a posted picture. I try and judge by their words and what I've come to feel or know about them in the process of talking. I've found in the past that just because a picture is posted , doesn't mean that is that person or even close. Yes, it's a risk you take but love is all about taking a risk and some people simply don't want a picture posted or if they are like me, hate having a picture taken. I may be in the minority in that I don't place much importance on the whole looks thing and believe it's what's in the heart that matters, but I also admit you have to have some attraction to a person..I just believe that picture or no, the only real way you can find out if you have an attraction is to meet in person and spend time together and go from there... | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 7:14:28 AM | My last date looked more like Granny than the 18 year old pictures posted. She was at least 150 pounds heaver and a can the size of a house. Her posted pictures were slim in tight jeans, I always wonder what are you thinking? Did you think I would not notice? There was no way possible it could have been the same person.
I can accept a weight change, Some even wear it well, I do not expect perfection, but total deception is in no way honored. A portfolio of pets and animals, without the subject included is another issue. I am not here to date you cat! Sending me countless photos of your vacation does not interest me. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 9:54:35 AM |
1st time, he looked nothing like his pic and he failed to tell me he was disabled.. now that wouldnt have bugged me if he was honest about it.
A fresh shot at the disabled people. I still to this day wonder why people make it such a big deal that if someone doesn't mention their disabilities they are DISHONEST.
Maybe, just maybe they are so USED to their disability it slipped their mind, because it's a common part of life for them. Maybe, since it doesn't really bother them, that they thought it might NOT bother you. I guess they were WRONG.
GRAB YOUR TORCH AND PITCH FORKS we're on a hunt for dishonest disabled people. Shame on them for not defining their life by not walking around with a billboard sign: HI IM DISABLED, MY NAME IS (NAME).
If shallowness was a disability, I know a LOT of people that would be disabled.
Some people don't let their disability define them, they define their disability.
Go ahead, arm wrestle the guy/gal in the wheelchair. I got $50 on the person in the chair.
Let's see you attempt to do some of the stuff they do daily with a missing limb, or in a wheelchair, or whatever their disability causes them to do differently.
They aren't DISABLED..........they're DIFFERENT..... some people fear different because they just don't understand anything that they don't know about, the fear of the unknown.
Some disabilities aren't visible. I'm disabled. I have an enlarged heart that pumps weak. With the proper daily meds I take, I can live a relatively normal life. Granted, I can't run the couple miles I day like I used to do when I was in the Army. But as long as we aren't running anywhere, and walking, why should my enlarged heart make a difference about me as a person that cares, shares, watches out for others, and all around DECENT guy?
I love these forums. It makes me realize I'm better than a lot of people, because my mind isn't narrowed by self-centered ways.
If given the choice between a one armed woman, or dating someone like tequila sunrise, I'd take the one armed woman any day. She has respect for herself, and for those around her, and not everybody is conspiring to lie to her and out to get her like some people.
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 1:07:28 PM | | I don't know the exact situation, but it can be misrepresentation. Since this thread is talking about pics/people not matching. If your pic is of you running a marathon or hiking up trails, and you guys are conversing about how physical you both are, and you never mention 'oh by the way my legs now no longer work so I can't do any of that stuff anymore' and leave that for the person to just notice when you meet...that's dishonest. Again, I don't know the exact situation this person had, so I'm just throwing out a scenario. But I'd liken a person with a disability to a person with kids. Like you said, it's a part of them they're used to, and it's common to them. Yet, it's a part of them that some people won't accept; just like someone with kids. So, the same way you'd mention your kids whether it'd scare off some or not, would be the same way you'd mention a physical disability. I've even read profiles where people phrased them the same. 'Oh and I've got a kid, so if that's a problem, don't waste my time'...'Oh and I'm in a wheelchair, so if that's a problem, don't waste my time'. Even a non-visible disability would have to come up some point in a serious relationship. You can't run the way you used to? Fine, no problem, maybe you meet a runner, so it's something you mention. I just think it's mainly a problem in the case of misrepresentation where someone was clearly trying to hide something, or even lying. But again...I don't know the situation to fully judge. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 1:22:13 PM | | Isnt it always the women saying, "it's what's on the inside that counts"? Unfortunately, the internet is made for lying. If I met a women under those conditions I would make a quick choice, stay or go. Try to find out why they decieved me or say it's not worth it. | |
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