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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 1:33:44 PM | The package Deal
instead of the Oh and Ive got a kid, which sounds kind of weird........like woops I forgot I have a kid too. I do remember checking that section in checking out profiles, the children/ want children section. If someone is sending a message to someone that has a child, what part of having a child won't they accept?
I've browsed through a few of the forum threads where people are so bent out of shape because someone didn't ADVERTISE they have a disability and they think it's a bold face lie for not coming right out at the formal introductions.
Did the person ask the other person if they have a disability? If not then how can it be a lie if it isn't brought up about it? I'd be more interested in learning HOW it happened, instead of forming a POSSE and want to string them up for not telling me about it. I have many appointments at the Veterans Affairs hospital. I set and talk to guys in wheelchairs, guys with one arm or one leg, or no arms or legs. I LISTEN to the stories of how it happened and think WOW. I don't walk by them thinking any different of them for being in the position they are in, other than having better respect for them and the future they have.
Where is it misrepresentation......in comparison to someone saying.............HE/SHE lied to me because they didn't tell me they were disabled before we met. It's only common sense that shows that AFTER meeting them it wouldn't have made much of a difference, because they are GUILTY of lying to someone by not saying anything about something that if the person truely cared wouldn't make it an issue.
Oh well, at least I can be glad I have such an open mind, and not so quick to judge people. I think the movie Deuce Bigalow shows it best, when he dates the girl with the prosthetic leg. The girl lead a normal life even with the prosthetic. After finding out about it like he did, it didn't change how he felt about her.  | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 1:52:25 PM | A lot can change in less than a year. You might have highlighted your hair, or you are a different color of blonde now, because you changed it last month. Just because you aren't blonde like you were in the picture, isn't going to make me NOT want to date you.
I understand trying to have recent pictures and not your senior class picture, but to judge someone because of a difference in person than in their picture is a bit silly. Those judging by that issue alone, should be the ones looking in the mirror actually. I see a lot of grainy, unclear pictures of men & women on here. So because they don't look grainy and unclear in person does that make them a bad person for not being like their picture? Good Grief Charlie Brown! | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 3:31:24 PM | Its definately what's on the inside that counts...but no one wants to be deceived...I'd go the same route, find out why. But it's like, 'what else are they hiding/why?' It depends on if it's a blatant lie or not.
Back to disabilities. I don't think it's about not caring about a person. It's about meeting for a first time. If someone has no arms&legs whatever and their pic is of them doing all this physical stuff they can no longer do (depends of course) and they don't mention they now have no arms and legs, I would consider that misrepresentation, and wonder why you just leave that for someone to notice. But again, it all depends on the person, situation, and the conversations you've been having/how long. | |
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a1na2
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Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 55 | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:13:41 PM | | I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was definitely not funny. A gentleman I met on-line posted a picture of himself that was at least 20 years old and had been touched up. We spoke on the phone half a dozen times before he drove up to meet me, but when I saw him I was so disappointed. He had aged 20 years, put on some weight, lost half of his hair and I would never have recognized him from his pic. I should have just walked out and not wasted my precious time, but I thought I would at least talk to him. We had coffee, but I told him things would not go any further, as nothing good can start out with deceit. I asked him why he posted such an outdated picture, and he laughed and said he was just having fun. Well I told him it was not funny, but to get real, and get lost. The next day his profile was deleted from the site. If people can't be honest, they should just go home, alone, and stay there. Since then I have met others who actually resembled their pictures, and our dates were far more enjoyable. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:38:54 PM | | I have no idea why people do this. Maybe they think (wrongly) that once they get to "know" you through chat, they'll wow you with their personality and you won't care.....I would never stay on a date with someone who would decieve me right from the start. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:42:54 PM | Whoa, wait up.
I think it depends on the type of disability. An enlarged heart really shouldn't be cause for concern. But some others are.
I've been considered as a thoughtful person. Almost nice. However, I get peeved at the thought of missing limbs and the like. And if somebody is in a wheelchair, I'd like to know.
Sometimes, the mate of a disabled person does carry the burden of an increased responsibility. If somebody walks with a cane, or is in a wheelchair, their significant other will more than likely have more to take on.
I understand it hit home with you, since you are disabled. But her opinion is much more than a simple hit on that segment of the population.
I'm all for helping the disabled. And they're no less than the rest of the population. But I find a serious problem in hiding a disability to get a date. And yes, I said hide. If they were truly comfortable with themselves, there would be no reason to. If I was in a wheelchair, or had a****d eye, and were going on a blind date, the girl would be the first to know. And that's on tha real. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:52:19 PM | And it has nothing to do with judging the person.
You keep making one unwarranted assumption in your statements. You think that people are automatically looking down on the disabled while on the date. This isn't true. There are things people are just uncomfortable with. I'd bet if you talked to somebody on the phone who looked like Fire Marshall Bill because of a fire accident and didn't tell you, you'd be taken aback during the meeting as well.
I also think before you accuse the woman, you should find out what kind of disability she was talking about. Disability is a loaded word with wide variability. An enlarged heart is a lot different than a wheelchair and no legs.
By the way, I think I have one of the most open minds you'll find. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 5:57:54 PM | Kingwritrer you are missing the point.
People arent bad becuase they have a disabliity, or are large, short, thin, tall whatever.
But the reality is looks matter to a lot of people. If they didnt, why bother posting a picture at all? If you want to date someone to whom looks are entirley unimportant, then message somone who does not have a pic, and do not post a pic of yourself at all.
It is a question of honesty. And again, why waste your own time along with the other persons.
If someone doesnt have the guts to accept themselves and be honest about who they are, then why should I? | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 6:34:14 PM | I'm not missing the point at all, I'm just playing devil's advocate 
But the reality is looks matter to a lot of people
Now, once again playing devil's advocate. Let's say you found "the one" that's right for you. She's beautiful in more than just looks. She has an accident, or gets a wrinkle somewhere say after 5 years of being together. Are you going to ditch her and run because she doesn't look the way she did when you first got together? 5 years together sounds like an eternity in today's dating standards. Thank god I'm not looking for someone using today's standards.
Another example too: You are on your way to meet your date, and again something happens to where you are blinded even temporarily. How are you going to judge what makes a person beautiful and what doesn't. Do they look like their picture posted on this dating site or whatever dating site the picture was on. You won't know will you, because you got blinded and now don't know what she looks like.
Dating shouldn't be based on looks alone, and this person or that person didn't look like their picture is all I'm saying.
I had fun with her, but that dang patch of freckles just ruined the fun we had and well I'm not going to date her now.
That guy was pretty cool. He taught me how to (whatever you may have learned from him). He has a chipped tooth, which normally wouldn't be a problem, but because he didn't look like his pictures on here, I'm not going to date him.
I myself have 2 webbed toes. Should I have to put a picture of my 2 toes that are stuck together up as a profile picture so that nobody thinks I'm lying to them by not showing them the toes? They haven't bothered me for 33 years now, and it hasn't stopped me from dating anybody that didn't know about them.
I guess thinking outside the box is getting a bit old fashioned for the new age ways. I'm proud to say I'm old fashioned then at 33! | |
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Posted: 11/2/2006 7:04:24 PM | Again, what is chemistry?... Do looks realy matter... I wonder... I do take into consideration, the voice, the mannerisms, the body language and I am forgiving in the looks department...
Its all about chemistry. I think it has to do a lot with unconscious. Granted a nice looking partner may initiat the contact, but just looks does not guarentee a lasting relationship.
some relationship you have to work very hard at, and others flow easily. I wish we could add our sent to the pic. It is amasing what scent to add or subtract from a relationship...
now, where is that 10 year old pic of me I wanted to post, j/k, lol | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 7:27:39 PM | To King
Fine, but again, if that's the case, don't post a pic.
The issue at stake here is that people are posting DISHONEST pictures of themselves. That raises two issues to me.
Firstly, it says they have no problem either lying to me or to themselves (or both).
Secondly it says they have little or no confidence in who they really are.
Both of those things are a big turn off for me.
This is not a thread about people who believe looks dont matter. If looks are meaningless to you, all the power to you. It is a question about honesty both with yourself and the world at large.
And if you become blinded on a way to a date, I'd suggest taking a rain check and maybe visiting a hospital instead lol | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 7:42:14 PM | czj film fan,
Yes, I have experienced this with every woman I have met from the Internet in person.
We human beings have a tendency to be vain. So, we always find the best picture(s) of ourselves to post, so we look more appealing to the opposite sex.
None of the women that I have met look as good in person as they did in the picture(s).
I may be a slow learner, but this is the main reason that I am not going to date any more women from the Internet.
I search until I find a woman that I like and start chatting. Soon, we think we know each other well enough to meet. When we do meet, I think to myself "she doesn't look as good in person as she did in the picture."
I finally figured out that online dating is the exact opposite of the regular style of dating.
If I SEE a woman that I think is attractive, I try to "chat her up" to see if there are any compatibility issues, and then proceed from there.
If we hit it off, I may ask her for a date.
This is the way that is most successful. This is the way it has always been done before the Internet dating sites.
Online dating is is simply "getting the cart before the horse" kind of dating. No wonder things don't usually work out.
I will continue to chat on the Internet, but I am not going to meet any more women via this site or any other. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 7:59:11 PM |
This is not a thread about people who believe looks dont matter. If looks are meaningless to you, all the power to you. It is a question about honesty both with yourself and the world at large.
If this wasn't a thread about how looks don't matter, then why are so many people stating their opinions on how someone looks compared to the pictures posted on their profile.
One thing I have noticed too, is the people that have made the comment of the profiles without pictures. If a particular person were to read this thread, they might have second thoughts about investing in a digital camera or webcam and placing a picture on their profile since looks are such an issue to many.
Thinking about it too, I believe I've stood in line at the register, and glanced over the supermarket tabloids that show the SUPER MODELS without their make-up and the glamorous photos that blast billboards and such. Now there's some big pictures of some very beautiful women up on billboards all made up. Should they be damned when the make-up comes off and they don't look anything like their billboard pictures?
Oh well, I'll still laugh and enjoy myself, when I find someone not based on JUST looks or a photograph alone, but because we enjoy EACH OTHER, and think of everybody on here STILL, that just can't find that LOOK. I might even find somebody on here with NO picture that's drop dead gorgeous. It's all how you look at things that makes the difference. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 8:53:27 PM | King
You still don't get it do you?
Read the thread title. If you still dont get it, read it again.
Is it titled why looks are the only important thing in a realtionship? Nope, sure isn't.
It is about people who LIE. Get it yet?
You can sit there and play Mr morally pious all you like, you can attempt to portray all the people who disagree with you to the end of time as superficial. It changes nothing.
Tell you what, what does matter? I mean if the only important thing is who we are on the inside, then according to you, I should be pretty much able to lie about a whole host of things right?
How about age, I mean just because someone is 50 doesnt make them a bad person does it? So they should be able to post a pic of an 18 yr old, lie about their age and go chat up 18 yr old girls right? I mean so long as they are nice, what does it matter how old they are? You wouldn't have a problem with someone doing that to your 18 yr old daughter would you? I mean you don't want to be superficial now do you King?
Look Ill do this in point form for you if it helps.
1. This thread is about people who LIE about how they look. My opnion is you should be HONEST about how you look, and about everything else for that matter. It saves your time and the other persons, and shows you have confidence and faith in who you are.
2. I, and im sure most people in this thread do not care solely about looks. But they do play a part. Deal with it. If people do not wish to date those who feel this way, then go find someone who shares you view and date them, don't misreperesent yourself.
It isn't Rocket science King... | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 9:16:34 PM | You mean Couldn't care less right lol
I'm not fired up, just a bit sick of the holier than thou attititude that constantly gets sprayed around whenever this type of thread rears its head.
But hey if people want to spend constant 'one off' dates stuffing themselves and others around, then there is precious little I can do about it.
Go with your bad self champ
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 9:27:08 PM | Still don't see where I present myself as holier than thou. The only thing that makes me better than anybody else, is when it comes to being ME. Couldn't care less, which is Could NOT care less, which means I'd care MORE. Which I don't care, so I could care LESS. Sounds about right! Now who's straying off topic?
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 9:28:31 PM |
when younger I used to use telepersonals and there weren't any pics back in the day, it was all just talking so I met this guy he said he was a tall dark handsome lawyer who worked down town etc. he went on and on about how he turned heads, was so attractive, fighting off women, said he was 6ft 180lbs, 28 years old. I thought I was really into him. When I met him he had wide hips like an old woman, face like an animal, was at least a decade older than he claimed looked nothing like he said he did.... I said .... um.... hi. I was too polite to leave on the spot, even though he was a big liar and deserved to be ditched LOL but I was nicer then so I went to lunch, he said OMG you are late and I'm starving, seemed really mad, THEN he had a boner all through lunch, I know because I thought it looked like it, was really obvious and I said "OMG is the what I think it is," he said yes, THEN he ate a whole pizza and poured some kind of oil over it, then asked me to go to his place haha...and said maybe not, I ran for the subway....
holy crap. i just choked on my own spit... that's frikken hilarious! | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 9:58:13 PM | I have as many pics on my profile that I can have, plus I have others that I send when we exchange e mail addresses.
I agree with greeneyez, when she says webcam sessions too. But to be honest with u, when u webcam with a guy, all of a sudden he wants a free porn show! Do u know how many men turn into perverts when they find out u have a webcam! I think it is a vital tool in online dating, but it is hard. Especially when they want to start showing "parts" of themselves that u didn't ask to see!
I have had this "bait and switch" happen to me. The guy had a picture that was at least 8 years old, he was heavier and the other pics he had caps on. Now I love a bald man, but if u are going to hide it under caps, that is false advertising too. That would be like me not telling a man I am a BBW, it isn't fair, everyone has preferences.
I do have a glamour shot on my page, but I look just like that on a daily basis, as I am a girly girl. The only difference is my hair is curled and I only do that once in a while. I wear lite makeup everyday, and a little more at nite for a date, so that is me!
I also think that a camera phone is a great invention, u can snap a picture while u are driving home, at the store, or where ever
My point is that I NEVER rely on the pofile pic alone, I always ask for more. | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/2/2006 11:05:03 PM | Tricia, it's good to see this addressed on a Thread. What is with the exhibitionism anyway?
But to be honest with u, when u webcam with a guy, all of a sudden he wants a free porn show! Do u know how many men turn into perverts when they find out u have a webcam! I think it is a vital tool in online dating, but it is hard. Especially when they want to start showing "parts" of themselves that u didn't ask to see!
Other than that, I understand that people can look somewhat different in two consecutive photos taken minutes apart sometimes...but I had one meeting with a gentleman who sent me numerous photos of himself that looked like he was in his mid-30's even though he represented himself to be late 50's in his profile. When I did meet him, he was 82 years old, 5" shorter, 50#'s lighter and had no hair except on his neck (which was excessive - lol). He also looked at least 90. I stayed for coffee and conversation out of pity, basically -- but also because I had agreed to meet him and feel like it's good manners to keep your end of the bargain. During conversation, I asked to see his ID, which proved him to be 82 years old. For the entire 1/2 hour of our coffee date, he speiled tales about how great of a lover he was and how many women he'd been with. I excused myself and RAN!!! FAST! | |
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| When you meet up and the pic and the person you meet aren't too close
Posted: 11/3/2006 5:57:56 AM | I have not submitted a pic yet. I think I will not post my best pic. So, when I meeting does occur, the other person would not be alarmed that I do not look anything like my pic (as many here have posted). Actually , they may be pleasantly surprised that I do look like my pic, and in fact maybe a little better. The nervousness of the first meeting may be reduced.
as per web cams and unsightly images, omg, sorry to here that, thats awfull...ray  | |
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