|
|
|
|
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/2/2006 3:16:13 PM | There is plenty to do even with someone in a wheelchair. I would be more than happy to be friends with people of any sort - including someone who is in a wheelchair.
Just because some things are out of the question, doesn't mean all things are out of the question...
I mean there is still going for a stroll or to the movies... or out to dinner...
Ummm go to the mall shopping... sit home and watch a movie, play a board game or cards, travel around (road trip), and much much more... there is playing some sports too... Other than that... I think all in all its not much different... just have to take some alternate routes.
If someone is judging you because of a handicap that is out of your control, then they are the ones who deserve to be single and deserve to live alone for the rest of their lives. Die a lonely lonely person.
Don't let a handicap discourage you... Just keep driving on and a friend who is true will love ya and respect you for the person you are and make time to spend with ya... No matter how much trouble it is... And one day when you are ready for Mr. Right... Then he will love you for who you are and what you have on the inside... Not for whats on the outside and that is all that matters.
Hang in there... and if you ever need another friend... Then come to POF as you can find many here...
I especially will be a friend to you... Even if its only online.
So if you ever need to talk or what ever... Then drop me a line... I am always around...
Take care, stay strong, be positive, and don't let things get in your way or bring ya down.
God Bless. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/2/2006 3:24:01 PM | My mum needs a wheelchair so I grew up about disability. It's not a big deal and it definately is not the standard I, or any decent person, would judge someone by. Remember that how a person views someone else, good or bad, is often a good indication of who they are.
Good luck finding friends here. I'd be happy to be one.
 GreyLion  | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:10:37 PM | PPS, if you can hear him whisper behind your back, you're hard of hearing, not deaf.
^^
Smith,I thought you aren't one for Political correctness? yes hard of hearing.. and no i didnt hear him .. i saw him in a mirror say it to a clerk who obviously must have been saying something. Also, I do not sign.
Go figure... everyone is different
definitely some friendworthy people in this thread ((two thumbs up)) | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:14:44 PM | | Frankly, if they consider the fact that you are in a wheelchair a hassle then they aren't really friends at at all. And anyone that doesn't want to be your friend just because you are in a wheelchair isn't worth having as a fiend anyway. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/2/2006 4:32:25 PM | >>Smith,I thought you aren't one for Political correctness? yes hard of hearing..
It's not a matter of PC, it's a matter of definitions. Either you can't hear, or you can hear a little bit. Most Deaf people define the difference as being whether you are able to use a phone. If you can talk on the phone (without a TTY), you're HOH.
If I am with a HOH person who doesn't sign, I will raise my voice and/or make sure she is looking at me before I speak.
If I am with a Deaf person who doesn't sign but lip reads, I just make sure she is looking at me before I speak. No point in raising my voice.
If I am with a HOH person or a deaf person who signs, I just sign.
Definitions are important so people know what accomadations they should make when communicating with you.
PS, to anyone who is with a deaf or HOH lipreader: always attract the person's attention before you speak--they have to be looking at your lips to understand you. A casual wave is perfect for getting them to look at you. Shouting is useless with a deaf person, and may draw unwanted attention with a HOH person. Ask them if raising your voice helps.
Also, only 1/3 of speech can be lipread...the rest is guesswork. So, be prepared to repeat things, or use different words. For instance, if you say "four bucks" and she does not understand, try saying "four dollars". | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:40:57 PM | Interesting points everyone!! I tend to call myself a "gibble," I know that sounds horrible to some people, but I like it way better. To me the term "handicapped" or "differentley abled" etc is just such a label. I like to have a bit of a sence of humour about it. As one of my buddies said to me at a club one night - "get up there and shake what the government gave you!" I don't know if I said this in the origonal thing, but I'm newly in a chair, so all this disscusion facinates me. I've found (mostly drunk, I'll give you that) guys at a pub will often start a conversation with me by asking what happened. To me, that's not just something you ask right off the bat. What if I had just been diagnosed with a cancerous (spelling is NOT my strong suit) tumour on my spine? If I could, I'd burst out crying just to show them that some people are not comfortable with telling their story. (mine's kinda weird, very very rare autoimmune thing, it takes a while to explain. Other than that, if I've hung around someone for a while, I don't mind the questions at all, I'd be curious! Just treat me and talk to me like anyone else, I get a lot of people that are quite condesending, my legs don't work, I'm not mentally challanged.
I do find that I seem to be doing a lot of educating, wich I don't mind, but I do like to have a night off to dance/drink with my buddies sometimes. Keep the debate going though, it's really interesting! I don't really get online much, but I'll try to keep as updated as I can!! | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/5/2006 8:22:54 PM | OK Codeegirl... first off your biggest and most obvious handicap is that you are a CANNOTS fan,.. heheheh j/k 
secondly, I see you are from Vancouver so come and check out our BC threads,... we are a great bunch and go many places on POF get togethers,..... we have other "fishies" in our midst who are wheelchair bound and you should check out the pics to see all the places we've picked up, pushed, pulled and dragged him!!!!!
YEA CAMPING!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
anth28
|
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| |
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:03:57 PM | | i don't know any one in a wheelchair but i don't see it as being a problem. people with disabilities have alot of extra stuff to go through but most of them don't expect you to be responsible for it. most places are required to be at least handicap accessible if not handicap friendly. it wouldn't matter to me. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:19:53 PM | Dating or being friends with the less than able, show the world and yourself, who you really are.
Decency, humanity, etc.
Life is a learning experience, we all have to grow or fade away. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:06:16 PM | Friends will be Friends and will be treated as such.
You're no different than the Friend with the BIG SCREEN TV except we'd take your car to get closer parking when we go for BEER before the big game!  | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:23:29 PM | Yea, whatever. Gibble girl!
With the kind of energy you have, I can't imagine you needing too many more friends. I think most of them would be out of breath from trying to keep up. Not to mention your Smokin' Hot!
Hmmm... Reminds of that potato chip commercial, "Nibble with Gibbles". | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/5/2006 11:26:33 PM | | I made a friend off here who is in a wheelchair. I liked him so much I flew him away to Mexico with me. Sure there is more work, and things need to be planned properly, but people are people. The truth is, we should all make an effort to leave that comfort zone one day and stop judging... maybe tomorrow that person would be you. If you are only considering friendship, then I think a wheelchair getting in the way of that should make someone truly ashamed of themselves. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:23:35 PM | For some guys, you being in a wheelchair will be an issue. Are they bad because it is? Possibly, but possibly not. They might lead a lifestyle that they know you cannot be part of. I have a few friends that are avid mountain and cliff climbers. I know they would not consider you dating material. They are looking for someone to share their hobby with. But if they discount you, they're doing you a favor and not a disservice. You're just not compatible.
As for myself, I've dated a woman in a wheelchair. Had a great time. I'm a fairly strong guy so I opened up the world for her and made it more accessible. When we first started dating, I was amazed on how inaccessible the world was for her. However, because I'm in good shape, we'd just park her wheelchair, I'd lift her up, and in we go. Up and down stairs, through tunnels, in and out of nightclubs, and so forth. Most people thought we were just being cute lovebirds and didn't even think it was because she was a paraplegic. One older couple jokingly said to us in passing, "You only have to carry her across the threshold once."
What she did do that I thought was really cool was she had a special wheelchair for just going out on the town. A beautiful thing. Gold-plated, rich leather, and mahogany wood. It really got her noticed and I could tell it made her friends feel the night was special. Just food for thought. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/7/2006 4:54:31 PM | LOL Snowman!!! I was joking to one of my buddies who's also in a chair one day that they should make spinners for chairs. He shocked me by saying they already do. Well, I guess I can't descriminate... the gibbled deserve to be tacky just like everyone else does!
Hmmmmm.... gold plated chair, leather, how much money did this girl have??? My wheelchair, nothing special, manual, (meaning I am the power behind it) is costing $8,500. I can't evean think of what one like that would cost!!
Just tell me hers didn't have spinners - that would just be laughable!
 | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/7/2006 5:35:10 PM | I found when I was on my crutches that other people with mobility problems just gravitated towards me and would ask me what happened to me. It was sort of an ice breaker.
I would suggest that if you are not comfortable telling what really happened to you, that you make up some****and bull story. :D
PS, when grocery shopping I had to use one of those motorized chairs. One time while I was waiting in the checkout line this little boy ahead of me said to his mother, "Mommy!! Why can't that man walk??" His mother shushed him up.
I think he was honestly upset that I couldn't walk. I didn't mind his question a bit. Actually I felt better that someone cared. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:03:31 PM | | Just My Opinon: I have M.S. so I know first hand what it is like to be in a wheelchair, when I have been blessed from going to a wheelchair to a walker to a cane and now I walk again so I have seen the difference in the way a person might be treated that is in a chair ect... but I'm the same person today that I was in the chair to be a friend comes from the heart no matter what your circumstances might be. I never thought I would be in a wheelchair but I was and I thank God that I've always tried to be a true friend to everyone no matter,if not then I really dont think I would have made it. Please remember its not the chair that holds the person, or the cane they might have to use it is the heart inside that makes anyone a true friend,,,,,,,,,,,,, | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:56:22 PM | Codeegirl,
When anyone asks her about the cost and she jokingly says that since her shoes never wear out, she never needs to buy new ones so she spends her shoe money on the chair.
If memory serves me right (and it rarely does), I believe she said it cost her a $1 per square inch to gold-plate the chair, $500 for the leatherwork, and $1000 for the woodwork. She took out a bank loan and paid it off like a car.
And, no, it had no spinners. However, last time I talked to her, she was going to try out glow-in-the-dark treads for it. She thinks that will help people not stumble into her at nightclubs. She's thinking white glow but I thought maybe blue or yellow glow. The treads wear out quickly but it isn't like she uses that chair everyday. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/7/2006 6:57:45 PM | I don't know how long you've been in a chair- But I've been in mine 5 years this haloween. Didn't have too many friends before, even less now. (doesn't bug me much) Everyone always was spread out (different towns / states) and I recently moved, so.. Kinda in the same boat as you.
Usually when we just "go out" in general the fact that I'm in a chair seems to come as an afterthought.. Find a set of stairs & there's no way 'round, they'll just drag me up the things. (Down isn't really a problem)
For me alot of the fun of hangin' out with them is the occasional freak-out.. Takin' the escalator instead of the elevator, chargin' the stairs... Curb-hops.. But I always was "that guy" and they know it.
As for new friends- I think it's hard for people to get over the "why are you in the chair" thing at first, then they start accepting the personality. The newish ones tell me they don't even see the chair anymore..
The accessible stuff.. That *does* suck. Hard to keep up with your snowboard buddies when you're the dork in the sit-ski thingy trying to figure out how to turn the damn thing. They would take a couple runs, come by & root me out of the bushes.. (crashed) Take a few more runs.. Not so much fun. Not gonna be climbing Mt Shasta anytime soon I con't think and rappelling into a cave would pretty much be a joke.
I find it's harder for me to find accessible things to do than it is for them. All the "normal" stuff is easy- Movies, out to eat, flying, whatever it's no worries. Camping, rock climbing, snowboarding... That's when the "how the heck do we do this?" problems start.
So I wouldn't worry about it too much- If / when you need some help with something your friends will be there. Sure sometimes it might be annoying to get you into someplace, but they'll be annoyed at the place, not you. If you fall out of the chair, so what. They'll help you back in. Total **** to get in someplace? So what. Find another. It's NOT a big hastle. | |
|
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/8/2006 9:18:58 PM | I have a friend in a wheelchair, actually more than a friend, more like a playmate...anyway, I contacted him from this site because I thought he was cute and interesting. He said he was in a chair, but didn't really matter to me. We've been friends for awhile and do stuff together and I've never felt hassled and it's never been an issue. My favorite thing was going to the mall to shop for some clothes when we were first hanging out and I asked him "should I push you?" (I didn't know...) and he looked at me with this look and said "uh, that's why I took the handle bar thingy's off the back of the chair." So, I figure if he needs me to do something he'll tell me. I realize I can help him with some projects that are cumbersome and time-intensive for him to do and I'm happy to do it.
So, more it's about friendship and good people...if they're hassled then find the ones that aren't. Lots of us know that really sweet, good people are just that...no matter what form they come in. And we've all got disabilities, it's just some for some they're in plain sight. | |
|
| |
| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/11/2006 11:36:40 AM | Smith - My BF has a HUGE raised truck, made for 4X4'ing. We were in the parking lot of safeway one time, and I was waiting by the passinger door for him to come over and lift me in. (I can get in normall hight cars and evean some SUV's, but the top of his tires are eye hight to me - let alone the truck floor!) This mother and her little boy were walking by, and they boy asked me "how do you get in there??" It was the sweetest thing in the world, total complete innocence. His mom was shushing him, and I said No, it's OK. and told him that my BF pickes me up. (He's a big guy thank goodness!) For some reason, it warmed my heart, there was no judgement there, just honest innocent curiousity. Kids are NO problem, its some adults I have issues with!!
All the "normal" stuff is easy- Movies, out to eat, flying, whatever it's no worries.
That's it, the easy normal stuff is easy, but I've never been a person to do the normal thing. When I go out with friends, we definatley have more adventures than we used to! things are different, but I'm luckey, I've got some really good friends. It is the new people I meet that are more weirded out by it, they don't know quite how to handle it so I'm not offended. Tough for them, I completley empathisze, but frustrating from my end all the same. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
