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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/22/2006 5:06:58 PM | c'mon mel....am i worth it? lmao
ummm the chair..chicks dig it.....some will, some won't, so what? next!
hey mel, who's gonna actually say, "yes, ppl in a w/c are a hassle, shove off gimp." they may tink it, but i doubt anyone will commit in writing..lol | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:25:44 PM | Codee,
I see this thread is still alive and well. 
Since you want to have this be a big discussion thread, here's a few things that you might like to comment on, get feedback on, and dialogue with them over.
SEX: When I was going with Ms. Goldwheels and people around us had a "few" too many beers, this would always drop. What was rather humorous was how the others reacted at the mere thought that ... *shock* ... you two can have sex? And then the mental chaser: You two HAVE sex? They didn't say either (unless they too were drunk), but you knew by their reaction they were thinking both. "I mean she cannot feel you down there, right?" Oh man, I couldn't help myself sometimes with that one. "Oh, no, she can. Sex is different. Different set of nerves. Didn't you know that?" And if they replied with "No shit? I didn't know that.", I'd chase it with, "Unfortunately, it makes her toes itch." Ms. Goldwheels would laugh and hit me when I'd do this to drunks. However, it is a taboo topic with so many. On both sides. Many think that since nothing can be felt down there that paraplegics don't get horny. Don't look at the opposite sex with animal desire. That having sex with one is like having it with an unconscious body. That they cannot be sexually satisfied. Still others who are a bit more informed wonder about the tube and plug.
Codee, care to enlighten people onto the realities of sex and paraplegia?
CHILDREN: Another thing people don't know is that paraplegics can get pregnant. Sorry, guys, all the plumbing works down there. She just cannot feel it work.
FALLING OUT OF ONE'S CHAIR: It happens. Ms. Goldwheels says it happens to her about once a year. Normally she gets knocked out of her chair. Once by a car! I saw it happen once. She was coming out of the nightclub as I was pulling up with the car. Two guys came barreling around the corner and BAM! They freaked. I came to a stop and got out of the car in time to hear her yell, "You didn't kill me. I am not dead. Please bring over my chair to me!"  When they saw me run to her, they totally freaked and ran for it. I got to her and was going to hold the chair when she just looked up at me and said, "Just lift me into the car seat." I did and when I put her into the passenger seat, she continued to hold, and cried. Then we noticed that certain things had become detached due to the collision and it made a mess. She then freaked. I didn't care. I took her to the emergency room and they scanned for internal injuries. Thankfully there was none. It was a bad hit.
So when you fall out of your chair and no boyfriend is around, how do you like people dealing with it?
---
To comment back on an earlier post of mine in this thread. One of the things Ms. Goldwheels loved about her gold-plated chair was how it replaced the normal "How did it happen?" question with "How much did it cost?" On more than one occasion, people would act weird around her while looking at her chair and she would then without prompting say "As much as your car." and she was spot on. Yup, they were more wondering about the cost of the chair than how she ended up in it.  She loved that. She once told me that people wondering that first than how she ended up in it was worth the cost of the chair. The discussion then would be over how it was done. Did they dip it all in? [No, part by part.] If it was solid gold. [Too expensive and gold's too soft.] What the beautiful wood was. "Can I feel the leather?" Etc. Etc. Etc. | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/24/2006 10:57:30 AM | Sushi -
I know probably no one will actually say it's too much work, but you never know, I just wanted to get the topic out there. And mister - you got it waaay easier, women have that nurtering gene in us, they love to take care of a guy. Guys want low hassle girlfriends/buddies as a general rule, they don't want the 'baggage' of carrying a chick around some of the time. As in everything, depends on the person. Look at how much action my ex-GF roommie has gotten!!! case in point!
Snowman -
I like your style!! good points!
Sex -
Yes, some of us can feel. Depends on the injury. Some of us are 'complete,' some 'incomplete.' A complete injury is when the spinal cord is basically totally apart, no feeling, no movement. In that case, usualy the un-injured parts are WAY more sensitive, and the girl/guy may be able to get off from brest fondling etc. If you're an incomplete, it means some nerves are still attached, so people usually can feel touch. Orgasim is different, I'm not going to say it's the same as before, but it's still gettable!!!  I get asked that usually after a guy in the pub starts a conversation with 'what happened?' then they ask if I can feel things. Yes, I can, and that doesn't give you the right to stroke my leg, you're gross. And my sex drive has NOT gone down since, other than sometimes I'm frustrated/PO'd/tired. And my head still gets turned by a hottie, and my eyes don't have far to do to check out the package and butt on them, its great! my buddy says "i'm sorry girls, but my eyes are right at boob hight, I'm gonna look." (quoted loosley!) We now look differently at ourselves, but a hottie is a hottie is a hottie, not matter what your "disability" is.
Children -
Yes, we still can have kids, it's just different now. Guys have to get checked if they have swimmers, and if they do, its all good, like any guy. Women, we have a bit more issues, but the mechanics are still the same. How labour feels depends on how high your injury is, and if you're a complete or incomplete. Personally, I'm a T7/8 incomplete para, so I'll feel the contractions but probably not the pain of it. (darn it all, eh??) We can still have "oops's," get STD's, everything else like that.
Falling out of one's chair -
Oh I've had this happen a few times, mostly my own fault, me and Mr. Rum got a bit too aquainted then I'd try to transfer into a car or hop a curb or somthing else stupid. When I'm drunk I just laugh my head off, then a buddy lifts me into my chair. I personally haven't gotten actually hit by a car yet, but SOOOO many times I've been SO close. Give her a big hug for me, that would be so scary. Helpless too, you're stuck on the ground. I can get into my chair from the ground if I'm sober, so that's all good. I've fallen back in it once though, and was hurt, so needed help getting into it. Just lift me by the underarms in a bear hug kinda thing, and put my butt in the chair. I don't like it when people make a big deal outta it, but people worry, so I understand. When I'm toasted, I kinda bounce, giggle my @$$ off, and try to stumble my way back into my chair. You gotta have a sence of humour about the whole thing.
I also have to say - I DON'T like it when people push me without asking. I had someone doing that in a club, and because they aren't used to the chair and how big it is, they were running people over left and right. I felt bad for them, they were outta the way. My chair is a part of me, I don't like people pushing it without me asking them to. The offer is nice, but don't just do it. Makes me feel kinda out of control too, I'm not in control of the speed, direction, etc. Ya feel more helpless, and I HATE feeling helpless. Just another thing for food for thought.
Ms. Goldwheels has the idea!! When I win the lottery (although I never buy tickets, so it might take a while,) I'm gonna get me one of those. I never thought of that, but it's perfect! I usually don't like to bring any extra attention to my chair, but I guess people are gonna look, I might as well give the questions a little nudge in the directions I want. Hmmm... I see a chair covered in Canucks stickers coming up!! I wonder if I can get it custom painted...... I'll look in to that.
And remember, any questions/comments/arguments are welcome!! | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/25/2006 1:08:06 PM | okay code's, this is for you...
Pace of Discovery:
90% of what we know about spinal cord injury has been discovered in the last 10 years.
Speaking of SCI...
People first language empowers people with disabilities to be treated as fully functioning individuals and not summarily characterized by a physical attribute.
The word disability refers to the functional limitations one experiences as the result of an impairment. The word handicap refers to the social consequences of the disability. It is the environmental or societal obstacle.
Thus, the person who has a spinal cord injury has a disability; whereas, this person is handicapped when stairs present a barrier to accessing a restaurant. Be aware, there is no handicap unless we create it through our actions -- or lack of action!
Remeber too, that the word disability is a noun; whereas the word disabled is an adjective. For example, DO say "a person with a disability" or "people with disabilities." Do NOT say "the disabled".
We all have different levels of ability!
Incidence of SCI in Canada:
35 persons/million or 1,050/year*
Estimated Number of Canadians living with SCI:
Approximately 40,000*
Health Care Costs associated Approximately 80% of all spinal cord injury (SCI) occurs to individuals under the age of 30, with many living a normal lifespan. Financial care requirements, over a disabled lifetime, can vary from $1.25 million for a low thoracic paraplegic to $25 million for a high cervical quadriplegic requiring continuous ventilator support and 24/7 care. With cervical SCI recently accounting for more than half of all injuries, care costs will only soar
is it worth it?...lmao
*source: extrapolated from 1997 figures from
the Canadian Paraplegic Association
and then to make sure i ripped off the whole page...lol...
spinal cord injury (SCI) can result in partial or total paralysis, as well as loss of sensation and bowel and bladder control. The consequences of SCi depend on the extent of the injury and what part of the back or neck is injured. Most spinal cord injuries are incomplete, meaning there is some preservation of sensation and movement in paralyzed areas of the body.
Paraplegia affects the motor and sensory functions of the lower extremities and part or all of the trunk muscles. There can be other effects such as muscle spasms, pain and loss of bowel and bladder control. Paraplegia occurs when there is an impairment at or below the T1 Thoracic level.
Tetraplegia (Quadriplegia) results from total or partial impairment to the hands and arms, in addition to the effects of paraplegia. It occurs when the SCI occurs in the cervical, or neck, region.
signed,
an ancomplete Quad
*authors note...this is typed by finger(not all of it, are you 'effin kidding? ) | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/26/2006 2:38:40 PM | I don't see friendship with someone who happens to be in a wheelchair as extra work, simply a differnt type of work. Let me clarify that all types of relationships (this includes friendships) require work...it is just a given, any quality relationship requires effort from all involved.
I have worked for a quad as one of his aides while I was in college....I never considered it work. He became a great friend and still is to this day. We go out and have fun pretty similar to the way I do with other friends. It is necessary that we go places that are accessable b/c I am not able to lift him and his chair but it never stops us from having fun. I know how to put him in bed and a lot of the personal care issues that he deals with because that was what I did when I first started working with him.
There are a lot of things he can do for himself, some things that he needs assistance with and some things that he needs people to do for him. If I don't know how much help he needs I ask and he's cool with it. There are many times that he will pick on me (all in good fun) because I don't remember how to do something for him or where he keeps certian things. I am constantly impressed with how patient he is and his ability to VERY accurately instruct anyone who is helping him.
We are close enough that I do see the good and bad days but I have to say that he does not waste time feeling sad for himself or angry...anytime those moods come they disappear quite quickly. Of all the people I know he is one of the more intelligent and has the BEST outlook and perspective on life than anyone else I know.
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 11/26/2006 4:50:49 PM | I was an aide for a quad for a semester once. I took his class notes. I didn't do much else. He arrived by van on campus and I met him when he arrived. We'd go to his classes, lunch, and then I'd see him to the van and hand over the notes to his mother. I went to his home a couple times. Went to the bars with him a couple times. It didn't go much further than that. It didn't not because he was a quad but because he and I just didn't have the same outlook on life or interests. We tried but we didn't mesh.
However, we did have some deep conversations over lunch. I know one day he was really depressed. He told me that there were times when he wished to go to a pier and drive his chair off of it. Even if someone were to dive in to try to save him, he would drown before they could get him unhooked from his chair. The batteries on his chair would sink him like an anchor. I asked him why he hasn't. He said it would hurt his mom. That's the only reason he hadn't done it. His father divorced his wife and abandoned the family because he was a quad. Couldn't handle it.
Another time he told me how he became a quad. I never pushed to find out stuff like that. I put it on the same level as pressing a woman for her exact age. Crude and rude. He was an All-American athlete. No joke. I saw his trophies he still kept in his bedroom. Photographs of him at track meets and at the beach all buffed up. And it was at a beach, that it happened. Dove off a pier. Head first. Just below the water was a pier post that he didn't see. Snap. He was washed ashore. He said at times he wish he had drown then or wash ashore face down and drown there.
Now if anyone asked him how he became a quad, he'd always tell lies. "Ever go to a stripclub and had the stripper smack your face back and forth with her milk jugs? Well, this one had triple-Ds, a definite streak of man-hate, and a few too many shots of Jack Daniels so that night when she..." "I was running around the house with scissors one day when the dog stepped in front of me and..." "I was walking down the street and minding my own business when these four hot naked Asian women ran past me and I turn my head around so fast to catch a second sight of them that..." He would do this totally straight face. I would try to keep a straight face for as long as I could. I'd always spoil it by breaking out laughing and because I was his aide they would know he was then pulling their leg. Some got quite upset when I thus clued them in that he wasn't being serious with them. Nevermind how rude it was to ask. Never mind how often ... over and over and over again ... he was asked that by people.
Sadly, he became an accountant. I jokingly tried to talk him out of it. I even offered to drive him to the nearest pier. He'd laugh and said he enjoyed numbers. That and it was definitely not a physically demanding joke and that, for some reason he couldn't put his finger on, he thought that might be a good aspect of the job for him.
And, yes, that was a pun in the last sentence.  His, not mine.
Now if Ms. Goldwheels had a few too many glasses of champagne and people asked her how she became a wheelie, she sometimes would get all sad and say, "I really don't want to talk about it, but if you insist. Well. *sigh* Let me just say that while you would think having sex with a horse would be all fun, when it gets too excited and rams you hard, it can..." Her delivery was perfect. I watched her pull the leg on one couple for over half an hour. That was until the wife said, "But after getting it so excited, didn't you realize it would eventually buck?" That's when Ms. Goldwheel laughed the hardest I ever saw her laugh. Literally, tears streaming down her face.  | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/4/2006 1:44:01 PM | how's the new place mel?
hey, my girl came back .. so you know who's gettin some..lmao..mmm mmmm mmmmm and i'm getting my santa suit today...and that new lg chocolate....mmmm sweet.
yes, i'm worth it | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/7/2006 2:20:39 PM | Quadly - love the new name! Place is GREAT, everyone at pubs and clubs keeps buying me drinks they're so happy to see me back! (well either that or I'm just an amusing para when drunk..... could go either way.....) Now that she's back I can see the stupid grin on your face... atta boy!!  You GOTTA get pics of you and your drunkin santa buddies on the pub crawl... is your brother going with ya?
oh and
It would be sort of like having sex with a hot retard
I'm not evean going to begin to reply to the ignorance/stupidity/offensivness of this. Are you for real?? | |
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AlexSB
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Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 86 | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/8/2006 9:23:52 PM | My best friend died two years ago (in a car accident) he was in a wheel chair for thirty five year's we grew up together and where best friends I took him fishing and camping, graduation, weddings, parties every where and always enjoyed his company.I miss him and would push a wheel chair around the world to have him back
Friends are friend no matter what. You will know who your real friends are just look them in the eye.
.I hope this helps
GO Canucks | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/9/2006 8:09:54 AM | @OP
When I read the thread name I thought... "what a dumb question" but, actually it is a great question and you got some fantastic answers.
My nextdoor neighbour is 75 years old and in a wheelchair. Every Christmas I rent a ramp from Shoppers Drug Mart- $75.00 for one month-
Bring him into my home for Christmas is VERY WORTH IT!
Good luck to you | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/10/2006 11:10:20 AM | | As long as the dialoge is going and people are thinking about it - I'll say anything to get that convo going!! I'll bet your neighbour is totally happy to be included, especially the elderley with disabilities are quite forgotten. | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/13/2006 2:34:27 AM | Personally, I think it presents a little bit of a challenge like you've described in your post; but that's the wonderful thing about friendships--you tackle those challenges together and have fun while doing it.
For me, and I suspect a VAST number of people, it's all about the person and not about their situation. So, friend with wheelchair? Of course!
Oh, and if people are uncomfortable in dealing with it. It could be they're worried about doing something or saying something that is offensive. People in general want to be very accomodating and socially polite; but may not know how to go about it exactly. | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/13/2006 12:12:40 PM | I don't know how appraoch people in wheelchairs. When I see them I stare right at them and try not to look away like I think they're any different than someone who is bi-pedal. But when I saw this woman in a chair at the grocery store I saw her fumbling for this product on a higher shelf and I stood there for like a minute deciding whether she would want me to help her or not. I couldn't decide whether it would hurt her ego to accept help from someone or if she actually needed the help.
Anyway I decided to try and help her and she ultimately pushed me away and said go away. This other time I was at the beach (in the parking lot) and a man who apparently couldn't move his arms or legs rolled up to me and asked if I could give him his medicine (he was on a powered scooter thing). SO I had to get his pills from the back of his cart and individually slip them into his mouth.
Neither of these people were my friends but I could imagine that it does take extra care and effort to have a disable friend. If you like the person's personality then I don't see why you wouldn't put in the effort. If the disabled person is an a$$hole then I guess it isn;t worth the effort..is it. | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/13/2006 4:44:15 PM |
It's my stupid friends without wheelchairs that annoy me actually.
LOL I've found the kinds of people that are 'willing' to be true friends to someone in a chair (or with any disability for that matter) tend to be more openminded and down to earth. Won't find any bar stars toting their friend's chair around with them!! | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/18/2006 3:41:48 PM | I was a little extra work at 3:30 am wandering drunkenly down the street after santacon when my friend walking home from work found me...i don't know how i got there, but he did the extra work needed to help me out, and we still laugh our asses off.... | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/18/2006 4:28:33 PM | | I believe that friends can develop out of anywhere. The only thing that would not be worth the extra fight with a person in a wheelchair, in my humble opine, would be if it has debilitated the individuals personality. I read your profile and apparently you are still 100% you so I could easily understand how people would continue to enjoy your company. HOWEVER, and this is a big however, I doubt that you and I could ever be friends as we are DIVISION ENEMIES. I'd be more inclined to be a friend to a Flames fan in a wheelchair than any Canucks fan. I mean...come on..NASLUND or IGINLA. I think we all know who wins those "better captain", "better smile", and "all around cooler person" contests now don't we? DON'T WE? Christ...Canucks...I tell you...some people's kids. | |
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/18/2006 6:53:38 PM | OOOOOOOOOh this means WAR!! It's not about the captian, it's about the team!! And Linden could kick ignila's a*** any day. Iginla's not smiling, that's a grimace after we out skate him!! (OK, *sigh* we do kinda sorta a tiny bit are not doing that well this year, but once nonis is gone and we get to know each other, we'll WHOOP calgary!!)
And by the way, I'd rather be a friend to a quad Canuck fan than a superhero flames fan.
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| friends in wheelchairs - is the extra work worth it??
Posted: 12/18/2006 8:15:40 PM | | OH NO YOU DIDN'T. (Yes I did a fingersnap there for all of those who are interested) I will say that you finally got rid of the Bertuzzi curse, but losing Jovo sucked big time. Luongo was an excellent pick up and of course you have the best player in the NHL, Taylor Pyatt, whom I used to play with eons ago. Anywho, doesn't matter, I cheer for Calgary first, then all Canadian teams. Canada needs to bring the cup back home. Maybe when the Winnipeg Jets return, they'll win it. | |
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