| | Dating men who have never been marriedPage 19 of 23 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23) | I've never been married but did live common law for 12 years ... we were happy with it the way it was and had a stronger commitment than most married couples ... but I wouldn't date someone who hasn't had some type of a long term commitment in their past ... whether it be marriage or common law or simply a long term relationship .. the last one being somewhat questionable. Are we really that unlucky in love, or is it a choice to prioritize life's many other opportunities ahead of finding a partner and sharing your life with them? I don't know .. I'm asking?? It is definitely true that the more time a person spends alone, the entire concept of sharing everything from your closet space to your bed to the same water glass to your home is much more difficult to attain. I'm not at all dissing men who haven't been married long term or haven't been in a long term relationship, but there is something very different about the way they perceive a potential new relationship. I have met those who have had a few very short term relationships throughout their lives, have reached their middle years, and they are not concerned about prioritizing areas or doing things, no matter how small, that may constitute 'being a couple'. That statement means that sometimes they just don't know how to and it can make things difficult to progress for the long term, IMHO. If we have a prior long term commitment, we should have an idea of what it takes to make it work but we have to look at the mistakes we made as to why it didn't. Men who haven't been in a long term situation isn't necessarily an implication that they don't want one, ... but when we get older, it gets more difficult to cross that partnership/couple/sharing bridge successfully because we really have not been able to learn how to share our lives with anyone on a deeper level that denotes being committed in some way.
Just my opinion.  | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:43:52 AM | I do have a thing about not dating someone who does not have children. I opted to have my tubes tied after my second child and am adamant about not having anymore. Therefore my getting involved with someone who has not yet had children does not make much sense to me.
Well this makes no sense. Why ASSUME a man without children desires to have children?? This is a common mistake many women make. Why not just pose the question to the guy "do you want to have children with your partner?". If he says no and seems disingenuous, then your reasoning makes sense. If he says yes, then your reasoning makes sense. If he says no and you sense frankness and honesty, why couldn't you date him? It seems many women prefer to make knee-jerk decisions instead of thinking. Who's to say a guy with kids will say "no more kids" and then change his mind??? Much better to use your thinking cap--that would increase your likelihood of finding a suitable partner, don't you think???
bikeman...
Umm, evidently you did not read my entire entry. I did ask him what his goal was in regard to children and he told me he wanted one of his own and adoption was not an option.
But thank you for your opinion. Had I not asked, your point would be valid. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/20/2007 8:28:31 AM | I don't believe that people 35+ and still unmarried are necessarily selfish. Your guy seemed to fit that description, but I wouldn't label all this way.
Why is it that some of us place a "stigma" on those who are older and never married. It it infinitely worst than being married and divorced? However, certain questions would come to mind:
1. Have they had any relationships they would consider serious?
2. Have they ever lived with another person (as in who they are dating)?
3. How long did their longest relationship last?
If they "just haven't found the right person", I would have to ask what they were looking for. Too picky? Not dated a lot? A workaholic?
There could be a multitude of reasons behind someone being 40-50 and not being married. Investigation and questions and answers that would satisfy YOU, would be warranted.
ANYONE that makes you choose between your kids and them, you are just asking for another child to raise. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/29/2007 3:08:34 PM | | I had a very, very scary time in an emotionally abusive "relationship" with a man who was slightly younger than I who had never been married, no children, and no close friends (male). So all those things are RED FLAGS for me. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/29/2007 5:49:08 PM | Wow - such a huge array of responses. I'm glad to hear that because that is what life is like.
The last two serious relationships I had were with men who were over 40, never been married and no children. Both also turned out to be, in hindsight, narcissistic to the point of it being a dysfunction.
Not all are like this, probably most are not. But its good to keep your eyes open just in case. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/29/2007 8:55:28 PM | wow, what kind of moral is that?
so men should have sex around and have children outside of marriage even they are not married?
thanks i don't have that moral and i don't need that moral.
not that i am against sex before the marriage (not something you should be proud of, maybe brag about within your own cycle of good friends)., but ...
i just don't understand the logic here..
of course, i don't speak right english either ...-:) | |
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vinny1
| | Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 457 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/29/2007 9:07:47 PM | Hey there I am almost 50 and I have never been married and have never fathered any children, and I am most definately not gay. I few women have asked, but no wayHEHE.
I just feel that I do not want to be involved in relationship just for the sake of having a relationship. Too many of my friends have gotten married to make the lady happy.
I am sorry but soem men just do not feel the same way as some women do about marriage.
If the right lady rocked my world I would consider marriage, but so far not really feeling it I guess.
This is just this single guy's opinion
Vinny | |
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007000
| | Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 458 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/29/2007 11:44:46 PM | | He would just do without for the rest of his life. Why should I care how he lives his life? He's diffinitly not my type. He hasn't had to share anything. Your information was 100 percent correct in my little black book. If you date this man and he decides to get married, make sure you get a prenup signed. Be sure you can stay where you live without any problems. Keep your House and Investments out of his reach. Don't let him make decisions for you. Heaven only knows what this man is about. I don't care to figure it out. By that age a man would be so use to controlling everything!!!!!! | |
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Spicy!
| | Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 459 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 1:37:13 AM | | If a guy who has not been married by a certain age & has no kids gets a bad rep then what about a girl like me who has never been married & has no kids? I would think that you would be thinking 'great no baggage'. By making assumptions about people you may be missing out on a great guy! That's allright it leaves more for me. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 2:18:46 AM | well this is a very interesting forum, and I am a guy that is in his 40's and I have never been married and don't have any kids. there isn't anything wrong with me but its so hard to find a decent woman now a days. doesn't matter where you go or what I do for a living there is always that material girl.
I want someone to like/love me for me, not for what I have. I have worked all my life for what I have and I enjoy it and would like to find someone to enjoy it with but I'm not just settling for anyone because I am lonely sometime. I love kids and no nonesence people, I don't like someone with alot of baggage. just an average girl with or without kids. I always have a problem because I like to work, I'm not a lazy guy who sits around the house. with my work also I travel alot but I will be finished soon and would like to see if there is someone out there for me and if not then I guess I will have to enjoy the rest of my time on earth with all my great friends and single. I can do it without a problem , I've done it this long and another 40 years won't matter to much. I do enjoy life and fun and coming and going as I please but it can change. well have a great day and everyone stay safe later Russ | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:30:44 AM | OP:... your argument is as assinine as I have read on these forums...
Perhaps I couls say that women who are over 35 divorced with children are extremely JADED negative, and YES SELFISH...
But I wouldn't dare make the pathetic assumption of people... such as you are.
Your post talks more of YOU than of this man.
Sour grapes. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:57:26 AM | This is why some single, older men don't like to date older women with kids. The men and the women are just too stuck in their ways to change. You could have been understanding, as you have a teenage daughter, who is trouble at the best of times, and is bound to resent anyone who disturbs her childhood dream that daddy and mummy get back together. But you weren't. I would guess that he made an effort, or he would have left the minute he slept with you.
But I've not been called selfish, just maybe not pushy enough to get married, is all. I wanted to meet the right woman, not any woman. | |
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iris43
| | Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 463 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:48:49 AM | Wow the Op has said a mouthful....I'm 43 single never married and no kids....never have I considered myself selfish far from it....yet a I dated a guy who had been married and 2 kids and was one of the most selfish people I had met...Go Figure!!!
I don't think one justifies the other everyone has to be taken at face value, we all have our own reasons why we never married ( quite frankly don't believe in it) as far as children again many reasons why people choose not to bring children into this world....LOOK AROUND!!!!!! I personally think that people that have children are more selfish than the ones that choose not to. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:54:12 AM |
Candy?: If a guy who has not been married by a certain age & has no kids gets a bad rep then what about a girl like me who has never been married & has no kids? I would think that you would be thinking 'great no baggage'.
Bingo!!
But upon reflection I actually don't think a strict gender reversal works here... Women who call men who haven't married by a certain age various epithets (self-centered, narcissistic, etc.) are like men who call women who are still virgins beyond a certain age "frigid" or some such thing. It's a way of putting emotional pressure on them to get them to do something which is in the other sex's interest. A man who doesn't marry is a man who doesn't "put out" easy for women, and so naturally we come in for a lot of abuse from a certain sub-set of women who think that's what men are for. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:13:21 AM | | If you've chosen to be single for a long time, whether married or co-habitating in the past, it may be difficult to make room for another... as far as people without children, I definately see a difference in maturity. I'm sure there are exceptions, but overall if you've never experienced the complete giving relationship of being a parent, there is an aspect of growing up that is missed. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:32:04 AM | > if you've never experienced the complete giving relationship of being a parent...
There are other sorts of relationships besides parenthood with huge fiduciary responsibilities.
Or one could just be a run-of-the-mill workaholic.
Either way, your calling those of us without kids immature is likely to be seen as condescending at best. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 10:43:20 AM | I have wasted 9 mo on someone who is 41 never married no kids and since I wasnt ready for anything serious at the time I was fine with that but as time goes on you realize it will never EVER change no matter how patient you are.! Its kinda like shopping and never really buying anything, its fun for a little but you eventually find something you really want but you just cant have it!!!!! His reason is he isnt responsible enough for all that!! Rock on Sista! | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 11:19:24 AM | | Well "life of leisure" if you do ever have kids, you can come back and tell me I'm wrong. Until then, think me condenscending if you wish... | |
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libbyv
| | Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 469 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 11:27:45 AM | | Well frankly I would prefer someone that has never been married like myself..If not I hope we are compatible in some form or way.. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 12:09:21 PM |
if you do ever have kids, you can come back and tell me I'm wrong.
No, I'm telling you right now that you're wrong.
Just because, for example, I've never been arrested/convicted for drunk driving doesn't mean I don't get to have a perfectly valid opinion on the subject. | |
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iris43
| | Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 471 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 12:21:15 PM | Janet4now posted
as far as people without children, I definately see a difference in maturity. I'm sure there are exceptions, but overall if you've never experienced the complete giving relationship of being a parent, there is an aspect of growing up that is missed.
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard....don't tell me because I have never had children that I have not experienced complete giving....I know what it is like to give even if the child is not my own I have been mentoring a young girl for the last 6 years. People don't have to spawn children to know what it is like to be selfless... geesh | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 6/30/2007 1:38:23 PM | I think that there is only 1 star in the universe. I stepped outside at 4pm and saw only 1, so there must be only 1 star. All of existence is exactly the same.
By the same logic, all never married men over 35 must be selfish and unable to relate to kids. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:56:36 AM | This thread still going? 
Ya know......when I read what some of these folks post about single people sometimes I can't help but wonder just what is it that drives these folks to make some of the statements that they do.
So I go and read their profiles, read other posts that they make on the site....ya know....try and get an idea of what makes them tick........
And while there's all kinds of different reasons for why people do what they do......
There is one that I think is pretty consistent for this thread and they may not even know it themselves..........
Envy.
Yes, I know........they're chomping at the bit to go off on me and give me religion for having the audacity to say such a thing........but it's OK......I understand......after all......most people who go around pointing fingers don't like looking in the mirror.......but perhaps that's what they should do before making the statements that they make.
Most of these folks I've noticed have been divorced. Some even more than once. And for whatever reason they ended up getting divorced, obviously they didn't make the right choice in getting married to who they did or else they would still be married and wouldn't be here ****ing about single people.
Whereas on the other hand.......
While I can't speak for everybody that is single.......I can certainly speak for myself as a single person and I'm pretty sure there will be other singles who will agree......when we make a decision to do something, we want to make sure it's going to be the right decision. We're not going to do something just for the sake of doing it or do something that we either can see or think will put us in a bad postion, not work out, etc. etc. We tend to take responsibility for our actions and don't take something serious like marriage lightly. It has to be the right situation or else it isn't worth it. And I think it just makes some people mad or envious when we don't make the same mistakes they made.
And as far as having kids goes.......
While I am certain that most everyone who has children love their kids and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.........
Nevertheless.........
There are times when they'd really like to be able to go somewhere or do something but you can't get a sitter for the kids........ you'd love to change your career, tell your boss to stick it up his *ss and quit a job, etc. etc. but it wouldn't be in your children's best interest financial wise........and while they may love their kids more than anything in the world there are times when the little ******* can test their patience, push the stress level to the limit, drive them insane, even cause trouble at school or with the cops.......
Whereas us single people are not tied down with that. We're more free to do what we want when we want without having to worry about what it do to anyone else besides ourselves. In other words, we have put ourselves in a position whare we have more control over what we can do with minimal consequence. That's not selfish, that is simply exercising the right to live as one sees fit because they put themselves in a position to do so.
And you know there's times when the divorced folks with kids wish they were in that position........ and so some of them get mad or envious of single people and write the things that they do.......
But it's OK.......I understand..........if it makes you feel better to **** about us then by all means rip away........
I won't lose any sleep over it | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/2/2007 10:08:44 AM | | Maybe the man in question was selfish but you can not generalise every single man,and what about females who haven't married does that make them all lesbians?I think you should ask yourself why their are so many single parents! | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/2/2007 10:16:15 AM | I think Janet4now was running the Motherhood Mystique up the flag pole and expecting it to fly brightly and be saluted. The thing is, I've seen many women that have kids totally regress to about the level of their three or five year-old, so as to better relate to it I suppose, so her contention that having children makes you more mature just seemed ludicrous.
I know just about every mother thinks her little Johnny or Sally is the first ever to learn to ride a bike without training wheels, but really, all a mother who says her kids are #1 and the most important thing in her life is saying is that she feels herself justified to act self-centered and self-important (or "selfish" if you will) because it's all in the name of the kids best interest.
Yea I know that may sound harsh but I can't think of a more diplomatic way of saying it. | |
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