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| | Dating men who have never been marriedPage 20 of 23 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23) | ^^^^^^^^^^^ I couldn't agree with you more!!!
It is interesting how people make opinions like that based on pure opinion. For a fact, I know I am more mature than every married relative I know. I can cook, clean, pay my bills, take care of myself, hold a steady job and this isn't maturity??? Just because you "spit" a child out between your legs makes you mature? OMG, that is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard!!! It sounds like justification to me, for what, I am not sure. I think there are more parents who are immature now days with children than there are single people over 35, so your theory holds no water honey. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/2/2007 10:49:01 AM |
First point: what exactly does not being married or having kids and being 35 + have to do with morals? I would think, if anything, that not having kids or being married until you are sure you are with the right person is an indication of strength of character. Silly me.
Secondly, in the words of Inigo Montoya: ”You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Forte - a strong point, as of a person; that in which one excels.
Geesh, if you are going to generalize a gender because of bad dating choices that you have made at LEAST get the words right! Perhaps you meant that men who are 35+, never married and have no kids: “have a forte for not making bad decisions that will affect the rest of their lives”.
I just recently attended the wedding of two of my best friends. They are both 35 +, no kids, never married. They have both had long-term relationships in the past. They waited to get married until they were sure that they were with someone they could spend the rest of their lives with. That, to me, indicates good judgment.
My mister is 41, never married and hasn’t had kids. He simply never met the women he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and didn’t want to bring children into the world outside of marriage. That makes him a grown-up. Sometimes it takes a person a long time to find that person. Why is that so inconceivable? I can also tell you from personal experience that there isn't a selfish bone in that mans body. It's been my experience with the other men I've dated that are 35+, unmarried and childless that they've been really awesome, loving, unselfish men. They just didn't want those things until they were absolutely sure. They also treated my daughter well; I'd never have dated anyone who wouldn't.
Methinks that perhaps the OP might be the person who needs to “grow up”.
Thank you for that reply, gothygeek, you said everything I wanted to say but from a woman's perspective and I am grateful for that.
I can't understand how having many failed relationships (let alone marriages) is better than being single. I am 38 and never been married. In fact, I have never even been close to marriage. Does that make me a commitment-phobe? Not necessarily, because I take commitment very seriously and if I am going to commit to someone, it is going to be for life. People who have many former boyfriends or girlfriends (or spouses for that matter) rings more alarm bells to me than someone who has been single most of their life. In my opinion, it shows that:
a) they throw "commitment" around easily, or
b) there may be a common denominator as to why all those relationships failed
Someone like myself, who has been single for the majority of his adult life, may be perceived as "not marriage material" by some closed-minded people and that's fine by me because I am looking for someone with an open mind, doesn't have arbitrary "rules" for dating, and doesn't make generalizations about people simply because of age and marital status.
I'm stepping off my soap box now. Peace.  | |
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kgize
| | Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 478 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:01:52 AM | Hmmm...Intersting thread.
Let me stir the pot some and add another observation as corollary to original observation 'or 'forte' on unmarried men - ->
'women that have not had kids - are generally selfish and lack the basic maternal intinct that make women fenminine and full of sugar and spice and everything nice...'
(just stirring the pot - I know it all isn't true) | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:08:34 AM | Well I'm single ,never been married and over 50. In part because I decided many years ago that when I did make that decision it was going to be forever. I believe if you are going to make that kind of committment that you must be willing to work at the relationship together to overcome the rough patches of life. It's too easy to just throw it all away in this society.
However, another reason I remain unmarried is because for whatever reason, I just don't seem to set off "sparks" in women. That elusive "chemistry" they all seem to seek has just never been there, or so I'm told. I'm told I'm a wonderful, caring guy with a lot to offer but no fireworks. so I gave up trying for a long time. I'm now making some major changes in my life and that's why I'm here, to see if there is someone worthy of my time and effort and hopefully someone who can see past the exterior and see into my heart.
And don't talk to me about committment. I knew a woman for twenty-five years and for half of that I devoted myself to her. I helped build her carreer and her business, helped her through the tough times and all it got me in the end was pain. I have also spent time ministering to street people and helping them get back on their feet. So don't you dare classify me as selfish.
I have also worked with kids at my church and we got along just fine.
Don't judge a book by it's cover. Try turning the pages to learn what's inside before you pass judgement. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/2/2007 12:25:34 PM | I am a women who is in her early 40's Never been married because I will not settle untill I find the right person. Does this meen I am selfish?
I have never been called selfish as a matter of fact I think I have a brain because I have never been divoriced once or twice in my life nore do I have kids that have no dad's around.
I cracked up when I read the part about Men over 35 not ever been married are usually selfish, I think that is unfair to say to any of us who have never been married. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:15:48 AM | [?? Just because you "spit" a child out between your legs makes you mature? OMG, that is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard!!! It sounds like justification to me, for what, I am not sure. I think there are more parents who are immature now days with children than there are single people over 35, so your theory holds no water honey. ]
Spit a child out! Between our legs? Yikes!
There are very few moms for whom that is true.
After the spitting comes the raising!
That is what takes all the compassion and more genuine voluntary sacrifice than many singles could imagine and tend to shake their heads at!
I had mine at 33, on purpose, within what I thought was a solid marriage.
If it were as simple as spitting I probably would have had more than just one!
I had no idea I would have to sacrifice my career and most of my single friends in the process(their choice not mine!)
.I am picking both back up now and they are somewhat resistant.
They dont get me!
How could I live with so little (materially) over some rugrat!
To them and you I say, we were all children(not rugrats) once.
And without mothers (and fathers!)not one of us would be here
to complain about them!
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pbmac3
| | Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 482 | |
| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:19:46 AM | Yeah, I thought that "spit" comment would not go over well, kinda winced when I read it!
My next Mother's Day card: Hey Mom! Thanks for taking the time to SPIT me out! Love ya!
I'm 39, never been married, no kids. Good thing I can't match my socks or everyone would think I was gay...........
never thought I'd be wishing I was twice divorced, raising children as a single parent...*sigh* | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:38:06 PM | Well Dont know if that was to me but I only married and divorced once!
After reading all the posts here I want to add that I believed my choice was good
and I take on average of seven years between relationships (just worked out to the number)and have had only three in my 50 year long lifetime.I worked daily with my husband for many years and was very close to his friends and family
BEFORE I married him!
I put several years of honest communication and observation into the relationship because I wanted to SUCCEED in the marriage and not divorce like so many of you singles mention you have avoided by not marrying. For, me it failed anyway.
The guy changed dramatically after I had our child even though he was a parent and grandparent before meeting me.
So ya, there are serial marriers and divorcers and child bearers!
I am not one of them and there are many like me!
So, I just had to speak up to represent that side which is a more balanced way to consider what you are talking about!
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:03:12 PM | I have friends that have never been married and they are far from selfish. They remain single because they are waiting for the one that they feel God wants them with. My brother was 42 when he married for the first time. He took on his wife's three small children to raise. They are still together.
However I married a man that had been married and had three daughters of his own. He was the most selfish person I have ever met. He was cruel and abusive to my then 13 year old daughter. I divorced him to protect her. That doesn't mean all divorced men are selfish, you just have to watch closely at how they treat you and your children before hand, while you are dating. There are a lot of jerks out there in both men and women, that have never been married before and that have been married; but there are also a lot of gentlemen and lady's. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:21:09 PM | | Go for it!! GALS- My brother has never married, no children, and he is such a wonderful man. He is a looker(Tom Sellack),has worked all his life, owns his own home, and just a sweetheart. There are lots of men like my brother, out here in the world- so pay attention, to some of these fellows, they are keepers, for life............!! I am searching for some man similar to my brother.-- very gentle, and enduring to my heart.... | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:37:01 PM | I agree with a lot of the posters here. One rotten apple doesn't spoil the entire barrel.
I am, however, biased in that opinion as I am 38, never been married and never had children - been close to it once, but now, in retrospect, it would have been a disaster as we were both quite young at the time.
I've had a few close friends go through the 'getting married' young phase, my own cousin alone is already on his second DIVORCE and he's my age. I really didn't want to put myself in a similar situation.
Call it old fashioned, but I value the sanctity of marriage. I'm not about to get married just because everyone says it's about time I do. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:44:34 PM | My mother always told me if a man wasn't married by age 40, there was something wrong with him.
I tend to think that if you can't find someone "good enough" by age 40, that there is something wrong, also. But more importantly, i think how could a man like this ever understand me? I was married for 20 years of my adult life, and i am 44 years old. I have children, and i wonder how could he understand that/them?
I truly think you can never REALLY understand something unless you've been through it yourself.
On the other hand, maybe a man like this was just smarter than i, and didn't make the wrong choice getting married to the wrong person, like I did.
I will never say never. There's always a chance. Things are not always as they may seem.
:) Cali | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:35:46 PM | If women are threatened by the thought of dating a guy who was never married, then they have a lot of problem issues of their own to discuss, about having too many 'high' standards, or just pathetic ones. Of course, I'm 22 and have never been married, and I refuse to consider changing my title of bachelorhood. I guess for all those sick, selfish, prissy girls out there, I'm out of the running!
Of course, if a woman doesn't want to date a man because he's still single, then she was most likely a loser and would've never amounted to anything in a relationship anyway. Oh, well, her loss, right?
Just my $0.02. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:41:29 PM |
My mother always told me if a man wasn't married by age 40, there was something wrong with him.
Oh geez, you have got to be kidding me!! I hope that it is your mothers opinion and not you own. Man, I know a lot of single men over 40 who do a LOT of good things and nothing is wrong with them. I just can't stand the moniker of being single means something is wrong with you. We can spin this theory around and say everyone who is married has something wrong with them, like the fact that they are extremely insecure with themselves that they need an "identity" in order to live? I mean c'mon, we all know that is b.s. just like your mothers statement.
For myself personally, the woman I came close to marrying was a very nice woman, but someone who tried controlling me, telling me how to live my life and how to act. She wasn't interested in myself, she wanted someone to control and someone who would be a "yes ma'am" guy and I am not that type of guy (that doesn't mean I won't compromise, just means I don't suck people's asses). The point being that if I was over 40 and single and had no intentions of getting married (at that point, I probably wouldn't get married, as to what reason should I?), I would devote myself to helping others and volunteering to better this world, so would that make something wrong with me for being a good person and trying to help my fellow man? The amazing crap that comes out of people's mouths is just ludicrous! | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:48:56 PM |
Spit a child out! Between our legs? Yikes!
There are very few moms for whom that is true.
After the spitting comes the raising!
That is what takes all the compassion and more genuine voluntary sacrifice than many singles could imagine and tend to shake their heads at!
I had mine at 33, on purpose, within what I thought was a solid marriage.
If it were as simple as spitting I probably would have had more than just one!
I had no idea I would have to sacrifice my career and most of my single friends in the process(their choice not mine!)
.I am picking both back up now and they are somewhat resistant.
They dont get me!
How could I live with so little (materially) over some rugrat!
To them and you I say, we were all children(not rugrats) once.
And without mothers (and fathers!)not one of us would be here
to complain about them!
Again, let me re-iterate my previous comments to all married people and single people with children. Just because you have children DOES NOT MAKE YOU MORE RESPONSIBLE OR MORE MATURE. I realize that there are plenty of couples and single people who are mature, but that doesn't automatically make you mature just because you had sex, got knocked up and had a child. Just because us single people have not had kids doesn't mean we haven't made any sacrifices. Just because you chose that path in your life, please don't try to make it sound like you have gone through so much more than the rest of us. At least for the married people, you still have someone to lean on everyday, someone you can come home to, where us single people basically only have ourselves (with exceptions of course). Now, before I get ripped on by the single people with children, yes, I understand how hard it is. I have a brother who has 2 children that he takes care of full time all by himself, so I see how hard it is.
To make my final point, just because you have kids doesn't make you more mature than guys or gals like myself. Some of us are smart enough to know when the going is good and when the going is tough, so we luckily haven't been put in any bad situations. Most of all, peace to all!!!! | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:59:55 PM | Just because you don't have kids doesn't make you selfish. That's a limited thought.
But if you are 45 and haven't found one single person you thought was good enough to live with or consider getting married to: geesh come on, perfection does not exist. There are exceptions to every rule, but we're speaking generalities. That says he/she is seeking the "perfect" person and is out of touch with reality thinking they themselves are beyond the normal person. There are not perfect people, ever, no one.
Anyone who thinks they deserve the "perfect" mate is delusional and probably not marriage material. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:21:48 AM | Just as ... Just because you DIDNT get married have sex and crank out a kid
does NOT necessarily make you more mature!
The way the Op keeps responding definitely biases his opinion as though the above were less true!
And very few people who stay single persue altruistic avenues as you have used as an example to shine up their halo! I have witnessed the reverse in the majority of singles in several countries and cultures for thirty years of my adult life as a single person and later as a parent.
I have also witnessed parents who give to other people and their kids what they can
(time and interest mostly) when singles find it easier than ordering coffee to leave them behind because their parentdom or kids are "too encumbering for their lifestyle".
Totally understandable some of the time. But, for an entire lifespan? Make no free moments for someone with a different life? Know it well, but cant support that black and white of an approach towards other human beings who once claimed to be friends. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:15:49 AM | | Okay here is a change. I will only date guys that has never been married and has no children. I don't want to have to put up with a x wife and I already have two boys and two stepkids. I don't want anymore stepkids or kids. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:31:59 AM | | Does that ridiculous "forte" apply to women as well or just men? It would not make a difference to me if a woman had never been married or had been married. In fact if a woman has never been married instead of trying to portray her as being selfish, I would be inclined to think she is a little more intelligent, serious and mature as well as understanding the importance of making good decisions and not rushing into marriage and or having children. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:42:18 AM | While I prefer a guy who has never been married and has no children like myself, I have no problem with dating a guy who is widowed (with or without kids). I also would not have a problem with a guy who divorced (once) years ago, has no kids and no contact with the ex. I don't want to get in the middle of someone else's custody battles. Sorry, but I don't want to add new problems to my life!
Realistically at my age not many men are never married with no kids, but they are out there. Any never marrieds in New England or New York?
Any guy who is twice divorced raises alarm bells and I will  if I come across a guy like that! That shows a poor track record. I also don't want to get in the middle of that.
With all I've said, there are some guys I met who are never married, and I can see why. One guy I had a bad date with: Fingernails longer than some women's, bad table manners, lack of common sense, shaved the baldness on his head to form a perfect horseshoe instead of neatly trimming what Nature gave him or shaving it all off, very low paying job when he is qualified for better work, etc. I cannot imagine a woman wanting to be with him.
He was sooo dorky that I declined to invite him to the Trek fan club's meeting because I know he would be laughed out of the room! I like geeks, not dorks, and there's a HUGE difference! Geeks know computer stuff, are socially savvy and they can be very good looking. Dorks, on the other hand, are socially awkward! I don't want to have to teach some guy table manners.
Some people aren't married until later because they are focused on their careers. These people are often a VERY good catch! I fall under this category. At one time I was focused on pursuing a career almost to the exclusion of everything else, but had to change direction. I am changing direction and decided that career focus is good but not to the point of failing to have a "life" and other interests. I've learned from that experience that it's important to have a good balance in life. Many people who were very career focused relax that focus somewhat as they reach their late thirties and forties. These successful, focused people are often very attractive but their focus has been their work. Not all never-marrieds are like the above-mentioned dork. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:15:32 AM | I think there is a age old saying that goes....
It's better to be single for the right reason, rather than be married for the wrong reasons.
I see nothing wrong with never being married, however I do see something tragically wrong for people to get married because they are incapable of living alone.
My parents fought and argued all the time. They struggled for control of the household and were miserable everyday of their lives. 35 yrs later they still blame each other... how sad.
Do I have a commitment issue ? no I don't.
Am I afraid of failure... not really, I am already a survivor of a very nasty divorce.
Do I want to go through that again, absolutely not ! I watch and I see what mistakes other make and in my heart I know what it will take to make a marriage successful.
I want a relationship where we compliment each other.... ying and yang so to speak.
Since being on my own and working since the age of 16, I've learned many things over the decades, including about myself. One fact that was obvious to me was I wasn't mature enough... I wasn't disciplined enough and had to get a grip.
Today I look back at my past and know I have made the right decision not to marry because if I had.. it would have been for selfish reasons.
Today I'm secure, more disciplined and better able to understand what life is really about and what I want from it. I feel that I have a lot more wisdom and love to offer now than I did when I was younger and confused about my own identity.
I also feel a more mature person will less likely have "OATS" to sow or something to prove and would make a more dependable person to have around the house.
Keep in mind that your single person whether it be male of female have been there done that and have less to prove... just more to explore. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 10:04:16 AM | > Some people aren't married until later because they are focused on their careers.
The problem is, when one finally looks up and around, there's no one left. The average age of first marriage is 24-25 for women (and about 1.5-2 years older for men), so there's a phenomenon which is sorta like the game of musical chairs when the music stops -- just about everyone chooses a partner in their early- and mid-twenties, and if you're in your upper twenties and not even dating anybody (and with no real prospects) the odds quickly become very bad without your ever having gotten the memo. I think 80-85% of people marry by age 30, so at about that age and above it's either the dregs (yes, there are plenty of female dorks, too) or those who have been around the block at least one more time than you have. I think the media is very misleading in giving the false impression there's this world of great eligible singles out there in your very neighborhood and all you have to do is show up and you'll almost have more people and options to choose from than you know what to do with. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 12:11:44 PM | I tend to always treat a person as i would want to be treated and therefore give each person an equal chance despite whether they have or have not been married or whether they have kids or not. I would also like to point out that as a mother who entered into motherhood at the age of 30 with a man that i had been with for 7 years i didn't enter into it lightly, i have my own job and work hard to bring my daughter up with repsect and morals.
I have never felt like i had to answer a forum but this one i couldn't let pass!!!
If you are trying to get your point across that not all men in the catagory mentioned are not selfish my answer would be that if i ever heard anyone call my child a '**stard' child or even had an incling that they thought that they would be out of my life immediately. It is hard enough to work and bring up a child and try to build a new relationship without people labelling my child that when through no fault of her own she has ended up in a single parent family with i might have 2 loving parents that still get on very well and think the world of her. | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 1:30:24 PM |
It is interesting how people make opinions like that based on pure opinion.
What else do you base an opinion on?
For a fact, I know I am more mature than every married relative I know.
This may very well be true.
I can cook, clean, pay my bills, take care of myself, hold a steady job and this isn't maturity???
So can my youngest child. (he's 22) It's all good!
Just because you "spit" a child out between your legs makes you mature? OMG, that is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard!!! It sounds like justification to me, for what, I am not sure. I think there are more parents who are immature now days with children than there are single people over 35, so your theory holds no water honey.
I'll agree with you. Having sex, fertilizing an egg and giving birth has nothing to do with being a parent. People can adopt children and be a parent. It's the raising of the child that has the greatest impact on a person's life. Not all do it well, because as you said some are immature (selfish). | |
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| Dating men who have never been married
Posted: 7/4/2007 3:37:58 PM | What are yalls thoughts on dating someone who has never been married?
You cannot generalize people for calling them selfish if they've never been married or have never had children. I personally never been married nor do I have children and I plan not to unless I choose to get married.
Does this make me a selfish person? NO! I will not get married or have a child by a certain age because I'm expected to by society. It doesn't take a lot of skill to physically have a child. For one dating has never come to me easily for the most part and I choose not to be a single parent nor am I ready to have a child at this point in my life.
It's a choice I made and we all should be able to make choices in life. Now for someone to make you choose between you and your child is wrong. HE was selfish, but please do not generalize everyone who has never been married or have kids by saying they're selfish. | |
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