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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 12/20/2006 3:48:41 AM | I sortakinda agree with Bill Engval when he says... "Men are only interested in three things... eating, sleeping and sex. And I can do all three...... by myself....... in my truck........... in traffic!"
I believe that we all ate... respirate... urinate... deficate... and fornicate. I really don't understand the pre-occupation with the last one in this list. When I read a gal's profile and she says she likes cuddling, snuggling and sex.... it means about the same to me as saying in her profile that she really enjoys breathing. (Yeeee Hawwww!!!...... yawnnnnnnn) To me, sex is a way to give some pleasure to a person you care for, not just an act for your own self interest. This pleasure is a gift to be given, not taken. However, it's a relatively small part of an overall great relationship.
A great relationship to me is having similar philosphies, interests and goals and working together as a team in order for each other to achieve their goals. Actually reaching these goals is not important.... it's the journey along the way. You become closer to each other along the route until the teamwork becomes sooooo close that each one of you becomes an indispensible 1/2 of of the team and you are devoted to, and dependent on, each other as opposed to just yourself. | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 12/20/2006 3:58:35 PM | When two people can sit down and talk about everything,maturely and respectfully,when we can learn to hug each other and enjoy the evening,s togeather as a one and a team,when we can learn to love each other the way two people deserve to be loved,and when we can smile with each other thats what make a relationship | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 12/20/2006 5:19:36 PM | What makes for a great relationship ~ Here's mine...
Honesty, Love, Devotion, Feelings, Trust and Respect. Romance and Passion follows, if honored by both they'll know a great relationship is forever happening...
Memories,,, for ever lasting love...
For me,, here's my eulogy of the greatest relationship in the world beyond the stars I've ever witnessed and shared. I was such a lucky guy...
"Celebration of life"
The power, the glory, the total "Inspiration of my life including so many others".
My loving wife Mrs. Sandra (Finch) Fleming...
For many here today, family, friends, or for anyone who may of shared her human tender caring touch, I thank you for being with me today. She always had a hug and a wonderful smile for everyone. She surely enjoyed all her time with the fellowship of people that journeyed by her path. She always had and took the time for anyone or everyone.
On behalf of our loving family we are here not for a funeral but rather a "Celebration of life". Today it is a celebration of Sandra's life as she would have wanted it.
She was my one and only, the sweetness of my life, my best friend, my total strength with so many precious times shared together. I was such a lucky person as her husband to be honoured with her companionship and her devoted love. She will always remain in my heart and our memories will always be treasured forever.
Sandra went on to become a professional within the Health Care working at a Hospital taking care of suffering patients. She was very tiny, athletic and very fast on her feet going room to room, this is where she picked up her nick name "Finch". Legs always moving very fast just like a bird. She loved being called Finch.
Sandra was the loving mother of our sweet Daughter, who also blessed our lives as a wonderful loving woman who now carries the light on behalf of her mother. Her Daughter was her "One" and only, she always loved her so much, she was her Butterfly.
Sandra was going to be the future Grandmother of her baby and was so proud to say the least. Our son-in-law, was now within her "Heart" and she felt totally secure for her baby, her Daughter,, and her future Grandchild. She knows her babies are definitely in good hands with all of us...
I believe she is smiling down at all of us today and I know she would insist that we all carry on and not take anything for granted, ever. Love all those now who journey in our path.
God Bless you Sandra and God Bless all of you...
The song may of ended,,, but the melody lives forever...
All__Canadian...
" I will always remember and love you sweetness "
"The Ultimate True Relationship".....
I sure miss her, everyday,, specially now at this time of year...
For Christmas she's getting her favorite flowers placed at her Marker looking down at our home miles high up the road,, may God Bless her for all should stood tall for...
Merry Christmas All,, Family and all special friends...
Amend... | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 12/20/2006 7:08:22 PM | | Well let's see a bottle of wolf blass, a roaring fire,soft music,a trojan or two,a mutual understanding between the two people involved andlots of COMMUNICATION! | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/4/2007 5:49:51 PM | All great comments.. But most of us beat around the bush. So lets talk about biology. Pure and simple what attracts us to another person is that we want to have sex with them. Women tend to like taller guys because their primitive brian function tell them taller bigger men will protect them and their kids. Bigger means perhaps stronger kids too. Add intelligence to todays factor as brians means that he might provide for $$ for the family... All primitive functions that drive us.
Next us humans need to be touched. The more we get touched hugged and kissed the healther and happier we are (these are scientificaly proven facts). So we need each other.
So lets get to basic needs:
Sex is a basic need. Having sex 3 times a weeks boosts the immune system (fact) Or just watch seinfeld (king od my domain...lol) we need it.
Touching is a basic need. It lowers blood pressure, feels great, boosts immune system, relieves stress and oh baby can lead to sex.....lol Also with kids, those kids that get hugged and loved the most grow mentally and phyically healthier than those that don't.. facts.
Now the rest...
communitcation, honesty and respect..well all that makes us feel better, safer, more open, relaxed with that person. When you have all this, it just leads to better sex. Which gives us those feeling of:
passion
desire
missing our partner
wanting
running to their arms
lust
happiness
love
oh baby oh baby.
There are books thousands of years old that talk about all this. Tantric sex or tantra are thousands of years old. They talk about the important of please your partner, being insync mind body and soul. Kama sutra is all part of this.. How to keep it fun and exciting and how important it is. TAO himself wrote of these vary things too.
Unfortunately most of this stuff was lost.. sex and spirituality got screwed up with religion and power. Sex became taboo to talk about or even in some religeous sec's forbidden. We are even afriad to talk about it with our kids, even hide it from them. No wander we are so screwed up. No wonder there is such a high divorce rate.
Sex is the foundation the glue that hold it together. if is is poor or weak the relationship fails.
Some thing the others come first.. The statement alone contradicts nature. It is that endorphen rush that chemistry that brings us together and that is purely sexual period!
To be truely successful we must be insync with the other compoents too, personalities, commucations. goals, life styles ect... But if the lust and passion fails then it all fails.
So the trick is to know when you find that special person.. how do you keep it fun and exciting. How do you keep the lust, the fire going. This is the work in the relationship and it always takes two to tango!!! | |
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ck1960
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Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 81 | |
| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/8/2007 4:09:25 PM | A connection that strengthens over time and encompasses having healthy needs being mutually satisfied:
sexually
conversational
intellectual
genuine interest in the other
a desire to forsake others because the payoffs are worth it to both of you, the compromises you make are worth it for the sake of your individual happiness and the "we".
Together you can live out your lives, fantasies as a protected, intimate and committed force. It's a life of acceptance, cherishing, patience, devotion, respect, kindness, passion and a mutual devotion to the team you have forged.
Cindy | |
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| What makes for a great relationship:
Posted: 1/8/2007 4:27:03 PM | Hmmm lots of things: AND in no particular order..
Sex and LOTS of it..LUST...
Mutual Respect
Honesty
Communication
Love
Devotion to each other and the relationship
Feelings
Trust
Romance
Passion
Commitment
Compromise
Intimacy
Cuddling..just cuz it's good to do..
Never going to bed angry
Doing things together...whether you like it or not..
Just my two cents worth....
GEB  | |
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mackz
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Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 83 | |
| What makes for a great relationship:
Posted: 1/9/2007 12:12:10 AM | Honesty
communication
understanding
being a shoulder to lean on / a hand to hold/ a person to listen to
being a light for the other person, at any moment of the day
Hugs.....rrrrrrrrr
chocolate
being able to look into each others eyes, forget any trouble there was, or disagreement you might have had and remember why you are together
passion...felt in a look, an embrace, a kiss , a thought.....can be so strong, carry you through the worst moments
the big one
MORE HUGS | |
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| What makes for a great relationship:
Posted: 1/10/2007 9:57:13 PM | A connection that strengthens over time and encompasses having healthy needs being mutually satisfied:
sexually
conversational
intellectual
genuine interest in the other
a desire to forsake others because the payoffs are worth it to both of you, the compromises you make are worth it for the sake of your individual happiness and the "we".
Together you can live out your lives, fantasies as a protected, intimate and committed force. It's a life of acceptance, cherishing, patience, devotion, respect, kindness, passion and a mutual devotion to the team you have forged.
Cindy
Hmmm lots of things: AND in no particular order..
Sex and LOTS of it..LUST...
Mutual Respect
Honesty
Communication
Love
Devotion to each other and the relationship
Feelings
Trust
Romance
Passion
Commitment
Compromise
Intimacy
Cuddling..just cuz it's good to do..
Never going to bed angry
Doing things together...whether you like it or not..
Just my two cents worth....
GEB
Honesty
communication
understanding
being a shoulder to lean on / a hand to hold/ a person to listen to
being a light for the other person, at any moment of the day
Hugs.....rrrrrrrrr
chocolate
being able to look into each others eyes, forget any trouble there was, or disagreement you might have had and remember why you are together
passion...felt in a look, an embrace, a kiss , a thought.....can be so strong, carry you through the worst moments
the big one
MORE HUGS
it all works for me.....
Randall I like more hugs too!!!! | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/10/2007 10:46:25 PM | | You can analyse it to death, but life is just too complicated to find the perfect general formula. I'm closer to 50 than 40, and have been through a marriage and a few long term relationships. Despite thinking I'd found great relationships in the past, I have yet to find one, assuming that a "great" relationship wouldn't end. What makes a great relationship? Not a clue. | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:59:57 AM | What makes a great relationship?
Ones ability to adapt and accept the other person for what they are.. (if you cannot then you have to come to a decision)
I am a great believer in Spirituality and the Universe... And let me tell you the universe works in mysterious way sometimes, everything happens for a reason.
There are a few mottos I go by
Mind, body and soul (you have to connect on all three to at least have some measure of success, some people call it chemistry)
Reason, Season, Lifetime, ( you meet people and they fall into one or more of these categories, sometimes you meet someone that enhances your life, however that is all they are meant to do to put you on the right track.... your destiny lies elsewhere)
Mean what you say and say what you mean (be clear as to what you want and expect, don’t beat around the bush ... its not good to let things fester, "do i pull the band aid off slow or fast?")
Communication is the Key! (Just make sure its not just talking and you really are speaking the same language)
Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words (what people do speak volumes over what they say)
Personally, I have very few regrets in life... everything that has happened was figured out before it happened... that’s what happens when you can communicate with your inner self
So the bottom line in my eyes is to be able to look forward past the present and into the future based on the things above... you can figure out very quickly if a relationship is going to work or not... although sometimes it does take a few months.
For a great relationship one needs to look at all these things and make decisions base upon the things they see, feel, hear, and taste and what their spirit is telling them... (You know sometime you get that horrible gut feeling that something is wrong)... if you can accept the other persons idiosyncrasies... and they yours... you have what it takes. Unfortunately in this day and age (of liberation of both sexes) the ability to accept things is a lot smaller than in the past... and the amount of people on sites like this is proof positive of that sad fact.
[[[SyMoN]]]
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/15/2007 9:35:47 AM | I recently got an e-mail from my mom with words of wisdom from kids on how to choose who to marry and other relationship stuff - since some of these are actually quite profound I thought I'd share them here rather than in the Humour threads!
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS TH E RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Fifty is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Unfortunately this last one is not attributed to anybody - if I were 30 years younger it might be worth waiting for him to grow up!
Darlene | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/16/2007 6:23:12 PM | Lessons of love
Lesson 1 - Sexual frequency is linked with longevity in men, and sexual
enjoyment is related to longevity in women. The health of your sex life is
associated with the length and quality of your very life.
Lesson 2 - No forethought equals no foreplay. An optimally functioning brain
is associated with the behaviors that enhance sexuality, while a troubled
brain troubles often ruins it.
Lesson 3 - Understanding the chemistry of attraction, attachment,
commitment, and detachment is essential to being “brain-smart” in
relationships. Learn the brain strategies to help you get over the loss of a
love.
Lesson 4 - Male and female brains function very differently. Knowing the
differences and rules of interaction will help both partners be more sane
and happier in relationships.
Lesson 5 - Brain imaging allows us to look and see who we are compatible
with and who we might want to avoid. It offers some exciting new insights
and may be part of the future of dating. However understanding personalities and being with someone you're have that chemistry with. That personshould have a similar personality to you. Know this will be more effective than any MRI.
Lesson 6 - New love works like cocaine. It often causes us to make bad
choices in relationships. Learn how to use your brain before giving your
heart away and see the warning signs of trouble.
Lesson 7 - All of us have weird, crazy, stupid thoughts. A healthy brain
protects us from saying the first thing that pops into our heads. You must
understand the brain if you are to understand fiends and fetishes.
Lesson 8 - Orgasms are processed in the “spiritual” part of the brain. Learn
the commonalities between sex and spiritual experience, and what they tell
us about enhancing sex.
Lesson 9 - There are many neuroscience tricks to enhance sexuality, from
where to touch someone, to what scents to wear, and to what foods to eat.
Lesson 10 - There are many neuroscience principles that can help you embed
yourself into the brain and psyche of your partner. Learn how to make love
last and make it unforgettable.
Lesson 11 - Many untreated brain issues, such as PMS, depression, ADD,
substance abuse, and brain trauma, get in the way of lasting love. If they
are present, get help!
Lesson 12 - Since the brain is the largest sex organ in the body, there are
strategies to optimize overall brain function, which will enhance your sex
life.
Randall | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:14:58 PM | 1) Watching Robot Chicken together and both laughing at teh same time
2) Buying, and then building something from Ikea together.. without arguing.
3) Moving a lot of boxes from point "A" to point "B" without killing each other.
4) Being exhausted yet still being able to "party naked" .. cause you BOTH want to...
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:58:16 PM | What makes for a great relationship:
being able to have a beotch day and know that no matter what went wrong he/she will be there to scorch you to bring things back into perspective.
i love you babe (and you too Still!) | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:05:17 PM | Trust
Respect
Compassion
....patience
inner strength
The ability to read each other's thoughts., know when to speak and know when to be silent. | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:39:21 PM | The ability to read each other's thoughts., know when to speak and know when to be silent.
I like this one. This what you get when your personalities are similar...Oh baby it can be bliss. | |
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ck1960
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Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 93 | |
| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/18/2007 7:21:45 AM | I think we are trying to quantify one of the main mysteries in life. It is difficult to do so.
I believe we are energetically attracted/repelled by others. There are many variables, some of which are beyond our immediate awareness that creates energetic fields between one another. It may be very subtle factors, or more blatant, but everything we are, everything we do, and don't do, requires energy. Familiarity or a sense of it, as well as a physiological elevation of arousal which may not be able to be explained easily causes many attractions between us. So pay attention to your feelings...they inform your thoughts and behaviors and your thoughts feed your feelings. It's intricate. It's wonderful. It's achievable.
CK | |
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ck1960
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Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 94 | |
| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/18/2007 8:34:07 AM | P.s.
from a behavioral Psychology point of view we tend to repeat things and go after things that have a payoff for us...and there are idiosyncracies as to what we find most rewarding in interactions with others. Usually, we go for pleasure and avoid pain (unless there is some secondary payoff that makes the pain pleasurable). We are influenced by reinforcements around us. Positive reinforcements keep us coming back for more, while the obvious is true for negative reinforcements. But....sometimes the strongest reinforcements are the intermittent kind, where on occasions you feel really good with your interactions with another, sometimes neutral, or negative, but the positive moments are soooo nice, that we expect to have more of them based on past results...and the expectation that we will be receiving more pleasure keeps us in. It's all fun to think about, regardless.
Love to hear back from you.
CK | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/19/2007 7:36:59 PM | OP, you've obviously got a very clear understanding of what makes a relationship work which leads me to wonder what you're doing on this site! Guess you've run into a lot of those shallow women who only date tall men or something cause imho you've got it all going for you. By the way the lyrics in your profile are from "One of these nights" by the Eagles - do I win a date for coffee or something? (I should be so lucky).
So anyway, I had this fledgling relationship blow up in my face today and now I'm back to square one. Apparently even the most articulate, well-read, intelligent men can be complete flaming a**holes when it comes to women! Or maybe it was reasonable for him to expect that I would know that since he freaked out that I had called him at work before we had met (he put an emphasis on things moving too quickly at that time) I was supposed to know that months later it would be unforgivable for me to anonymously drop off a Christmas gift at the school office to try and lift him out of his seasonal depression. My bad!
What I'm trying to figure out now is what exactly are the rules about how long it's supposed to take one person to care deeply about another person. Seems the weeks and weeks of telephone conversations and exchanged e-mails don't count - I was too attached for only one face-to-face meeting! Is this stuff written down somewhere? Here I thought it was a GOOD thing that I don't require a small fortune be invested in wining and dining me - in that context I'm really low maintenance - but it seems I was wrong.
I believe it was the OP who posted something about getting help for any health problems that might interfere with forming a lasting bond with somebody; guess I need to avoid men who aren't willing to seek help for their stuff while I continue to work on my own. There's no cure for ADD btw; medication only helps us manage the symptoms, and only SOME of them at that!
Maybe I should only date men I'm NOT really attracted to, so I don't lead with my heart and scare them off or something? It shouldn't be this easy to find men who want to have sex with me and this hard to find ONE man with whom I can make love!
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ck1960
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Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 96 | |
| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/23/2007 4:17:23 AM | My two cents worth....you don;t know someone until you know someone....and you learned more about him by his reactions towards him...and you liked him less for it....so concentrate on how he made you feel later on about him, and stop romanticizing about the talks.....he only showed you one side. He is intitled not to feel it for you....it's up to you to pick yourself up and move on. Unfortunately he could not communicate clearly what was going on with how he was feeling towards you and acted hurtfully. Someone right for you will just be right for you.
Keep throwing your fishing rod out into the universe, and ask that your wishes be answered. | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/23/2007 4:26:21 AM | A lot can be said for mutual respect and admiration!!!!  It's very pleasing to have someone look at you and you feel no judgement - only the joy of being accepted unconditionally for who you are!!! | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/23/2007 4:38:27 AM | Finding someone that's on the same page as you, and has no hidden agendas or major neuroses. I'm on page 723. Maybe most people don't read books that long?? | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/23/2007 12:49:46 PM | Hey Jeep whatcha waiting for I'm on 801...lmao!
It's just so easy to believe you ARE on the same page - you find out when it's too late that you weren't reading the same book, or speaking the same language, or whatever.
I know a lot of people with a long history of abusive relationships (being the victim, not the abuser I mean) are always secretly expecting to be treated badly so when a guy comes along who treats us decently we can over-react. Or so I've heard anyway.
There was a brilliant episode of Night Court that dealt with that issue - a hooker thought the judge must be "interested" in her because he was kind to her without expecting anything from her in return. Completely outside her frame of reference/experience.
Obviously there is no simple answer to the OP's question - some men are just looking for a woman to have their babies and clean up after them and some are looking for a real partner - share the laugher AND the tears, talk about everything and nothing, can't wait to see the other person at the end of the day/week/whatever. I seem to keep drawing in men who are really messed up - guess there's part of me that figures I don't deserve better - so I know I've got to deal with that before anything changes for good in my love life!
Like my new profile says, most of the men I've met in my life were either completely turned off by my looks or completely turned on by my curves and don't really care about the rest of the package. Somebody once said something about how you can't judge a book by its cover - but sometime's it's really hard getting somebody to turn the page!
IMHO anyway.
Dar | |
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| What makes for a great relationship
Posted: 1/28/2007 9:27:35 PM | Wow some great posts to a simple but apparently complicated topic. Good posts Dar and Me two.
I liked this one too:
Finding someone that's on the same page as you, and has no hidden agendas or major neuroses. I'm on page 723. Maybe most people don't read books that long??
So let me express a few more thoughts.
I loved the movie Something has got to give.. Great Message!! It is better to have loved than not at all.
But you have to be open to love and not afraid to fail and be hurt. A great coach of mine once said if you are afraid to entre the field play and get hurt, DO NOT as you'll will get hurt. Entre the filed know that getting hurt is part of the game and accept, because only then can you do the right things to be victorious. He was right.
This also applies to relationships. As my friend has stated at are age we tend to develop neuroses and fears. We put up road blocks fearing that we'll be hurt, taken advantage of etc... Although things can happen, but if we keep putting up road blocks, we'll likely scare away and never find what we are looking for. Instead we'll find what we fear!!! So be open entre the field of play with knowledge and knowing, but do NOT put up barries out of fear, be open to love and you'll find it. Believe it will be successful and it will.
Being on the same page!!! This is just as important as:
Great Sex
Similar personalities
Trust
Respect
Loyalty
Honesty
But you must also be on the same page.. ie..
Wanting the same lifestyle
Working together for common goals
Help each other with their personal goals
staying on the same pages or moving to the next chapter at the same time and same pace.
This is all pretty much new stuff for relationships as prior to the 1800's the average life span of man was about 20 years, so there wasn't much in the way of long term realtionships.
By 1900 the average life span double to 40 years, again not much in the way of long term relationships , but getting there. Now the average life span has doubled again, and here we are with long term relationship and we are just now trying to figure out how to keep them fun and fresh and exciting. So perhaps we need to drop some of the old school taboos....
Your thoughts.
Randall | |
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