| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 11/9/2006 10:58:29 PM | Energy, resilience, exposure and many other factors join together to make it appear to be more difficult to find a relationship when you are older.
When young relationships are all part of the game of life. We were all expected to devote a substantial part of our time and life to searching for the right partner. Practically everyone we knew was playing. We all thought we knew what we wanted and what was truly important. Some of us did but most did not and we all still played the game. We had social networks to help us play the game.
Now, the group of potential partners and friends is smaller and we are wiser. We or they become choosier and more measured in our responses. At the same time we have become more resistent to change.
We no longer have the benefit of our friends fixing us up. Our social networks have shrunk. Our friends are married now or have moved away and are no longer in the game so they never meet those who might be perfect for us.
I think the answer is still the same... go out and do the things you like and you will meet people with similar interests. Meet people, make friends, rebuild your social network. The relationships will happen. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 11/9/2006 11:28:36 PM |
Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older
OHHHHH thats easy
as people get older they die -- less people around right ? - you all know what I mean -- why do men die younger then women -- because they want too - that sort of stuff
yeah i know its dumb but I couldnt think of anything else that has not already been said and being the thread crasher I am I could not resist  | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 3:37:25 AM | Anciente, I think that pretty much sums it up for many of us...reversing as applicable the sexes.. LOL
OT: I think we're more set in our ways, we know by now what we really won't settle for in a relationship. Add to that full time jobs, children, homes to care for etc... and our possible 'pool' has become considerably smaller. Since dating was so easy back in the school days.. maybe we need some sort of 'school' for us older folk looking to date..... Oh wait...we have the POF pond.... LOL | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 5:59:52 AM | Hmm. I've never found it hard to find a relationship. Maybe I'm just not old enough yet?
I really don't think that's it, personally. I think it depends on how seriously one approaches looking for a relationship if one is really desired. If you put in a lot of time, effort, and are willing to assertively step forward and make contact with those whom you find attractive, who you feel you may be interested in, you have a lot better odds of finding what you seek. For those who just sit around waiting and pining over how hard it is to find someone, well..
This aggressive approach I utilize has always paid off for me when I was looking. I had my share of email from dating sites (of which I would register on many) and I met people my age at various social functions that I enjoyed, who had common interests related to the social function I was attending.
I think that how hard it is to find a relationship is based upon one's perception and one's willingness to approach dating as more of a task to complete, with a clearly defined destination/goal in mind. You weed out what won't work and you keep on keeping on till you find what will. Purely by the odds alone, eventually a keeper crosses your path. It also helps if you're not so rigid in expectations that you can see beyond the packaging they come in, the job they happen to be doing, etc.
In other words, give Mr. or Miss Right some wiggle room and you'll snag he or she within a year or so -- maybe a little more if you're really picky. Happy Fishing!
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:17:47 AM |
And your very serious about finding one? Shouldn't it get easier? Because you know more about life?
Well no... Thats what makes it harder. The fact that you know more about life means you've learned from your mistakes, including your relationships. This will make people more picky about who they talk to, or have relations with.
Good Luck Man.
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:42:39 AM | Because as we get older we are wiser ... plus the fact we are acclimated to our ways. We raised a family lost a husband or two , maybe more lol, know what we want , (even thou some don't know what they want as old as they get ). When young we just are looking for that tall , dark , nice hair , and handsome guy with nice smile, teeth and great sex .
When older we want a man with good teeth, nice smile, handsome, intelligent ,companion , hair on his head, friend , great love making , a lover with great working plumbing lol ... Then again some want whatever falls off the sky....Life is great either way I enjoy it while I can....
Men want younger women as they get older hum? Then again women want a younger man (a man not a child) too!  This could be a great thread ! Have a great day !
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:55:32 AM | I believe the entire dating scene has seen change. I believe even younger people are having difficult times because of internet dating. "So many choices and sooo little time", is the mode most people are in. People are no longer serious about committment. This mindset transends all soci-economic lines.
I see beautiful people everyday on the internet, and in real life who are having a difficult time finding a mate. Most people are actually not looking for a mate as much as they're looking for a f***.
So that anyone wanting a serious committment has a lot more homework to do and cannot be anxious for anything. I've been hurt and I am not so sure this is the way to go (internet). By the way I am ok, if anyone wants to know, cautious though. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 6:46:34 PM | Because now we have internet and there are POF in it... and women /men want to have fun.. their not into a serious relationship anymore.. then days are gone ... with technology on the raise , I wonder if they'll ever invent men humanoids or women LOL ? Well with all this going on maybe we can order a perfect man... in the future .. I rather have the warm , and touch of a human being (man) anytime then a mechanical man anytime .... I might accidentally put super fast and then I am in trouble ......Good Luck ! Ladies and Gentlemen... | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:16:11 PM | | I find its harder to find someone who has stayed on the path to personal health. All those who decided to party (smoking and drinking) through their 20s and 30s and now in their 40s, has taken its toll. I find too much of that and all the healthy ones (women) are considered prime, thus, already taken or know that they're wanted, thus, play hard to get. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:50:30 PM | I really don't think that's it, personally. I think it depends on how seriously one approaches looking for a relationship if one is really desired. If you put in a lot of time, effort, and are willing to assertively step forward and make contact with those whom you find attractive, who you feel you may be interested in, you have a lot better odds of finding what you seek. For those who just sit around waiting and pining over how hard it is to find someone, well..
Southernlass makes some really good points here. If you're really serious about getting a boyfriend or girlfriend, putting some serious time and effort into it is the best way to get results. The flip side of that is there are a lot of us who are ambivalent or indifferent to a relationship. If one is say 50 yrs old, and has had mostly negative relationship experiences, the lure of a new GF or BF isn't as strong it was when you were young. Some people simply decide that relationships aren't worth the hassle, and live life alone. Others have become VERY selective about what they will and will not tolerate in a mate.
I guess it depends on how badly you want it. If there are slim pickin's in the pond you're fishing in, it may be time to find a new pond!
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/17/2008 7:52:40 PM | horneschwoggle : I know what you mean . So many ppl I went to school / college , know , did that drug and stuff in their younger days are now paying the price with bad health... and I run into many with COP , Heart problem , hypertension , short of breath etc etc they didn't take care of their body.. now they suffer.. I am healthy and work out, but I am picky, and I work alot too... I do date occasionally now and then. Go out with my friends, to dinner , movies , hang out. Just haven't met anyone I like to journey into the future with yet! You know that ride is long and I have to make sure he is going to take it all the way.. with me .... faults and everything as I will him because after all we are not perfect... I am a devoted Christian thou so maybe that's another thing I look for in a man.. he don't have to be a into it just respect /understand to let me be me and he can be him but know that we are there and love each other no matter what.. Is that much to ask? .... I could be out partying or do the bar , thing if I wanted to but it's not me ... | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/18/2008 12:51:53 AM | People become more paranoid with every relationship I think. If they see a person do this and it triggers a memory of what the ex did when they did that, then that MUST mean they are cheating. It's natural, and we're all guilty of it.
I think it's funny that every female on here writes on their profile "and if you think you're going to get me in bed in the first 10 minutes you'd better go look somewhere else!" It seems everyone says that and we almost think if a lady doesn't have that on her profile, it must mean I can get some action. Then comes "I'm tired of the bar scene." Well if so, why do you have as "go get some drinks" as your first date idea? All joking aside, I think people get pickier as time goes by. When you're young, the pool of prospective dates is so much larger. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:55:33 PM | Actually, I don’t think it is harder.
That ‘pool of prospective dates’ that existed when we are in our twenties ? It didn’t really exist. It was an illusion. People that looked good, could dance well, and told jokes weren’t necessarily eligible, marriage material or even relationship material.
After several decades, some of us have acquired the ability to recognize a red flag when we see it. After developing the recognize-red-flag skill, comes the ability to use common sense and not waste vauable time on a non workable ( for me ) situation.
When I do find a potential LTR, all is good. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:26:44 AM | When you're older, you're much more mature, so more enclined to actually want substance in a partner. Not just some partner to fill a void. You tend to become more picky, as a long life of experience has shown you, that you don't like certain types, and aren't willing to settle for them.
Younger people tend to be much more flexible with what they want, as honestly, they don't really know what they want, just yet, usually.
Chances are, you have a career, and children, or just one of the two, and are extremely busy in your life, and the type of partner that you want, drastically changes from when you were say, in your mid-twenties.
Unless you date younger people, the more you age, the more challenging that the dating game will become. | |
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Renda
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Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 47 | |
| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:12:03 AM | | I am older, albeit, in good shape and keep myself looking pretty good. Unfortunately, most men my age have a lot of baggage. They usually have been divorced and are very bitter or shell shocked. The ones who aren't usually have grandchildren and the grandchildren are their lives. A lot of them are also broke, having lost so much to an ex. I do not have baggage. I have never been divorced, have a good job, and no grandchildren. I am my own person. It is hard to find a fit. I am in love with a man who cares a great deal for me as well, but because of all of the above problems, he will not commit. I have just decided to keep going as I am and do the best I can. Life will work itself out in one way or another. It was much easier when I was young, but you can never go back. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:56:23 AM | | I find that most men close to my age put their dating age limit at 5 - 10 years lower than me so I rarely ever get to Step 1. So many of them want that young trophy date who is most likely only after them for their money and possessions. I hear that from young men as well...the young women are choosing the older men because of what they can get from them. If they do make the effort to speak to me, once they find out I am financially independent and pretty much no baggage other than the dog, then they want to move in to my house and out of their bachelor suite - before they even know my last name. They don't really care much about what I want because all they are interested in is the appearance that they can escape their restrictive living situation. I understand that divorce can strip a man of much of his finances, but as trite as it sounds, that is life. Children are no problem to me...I HAVE had children and I do remember what to do with them, BUT, I do not want to become the free babysitter on the weekends that the guys decide to take them. I stress weekends, because I have yet to meet a man w ho wanted anything more than a very brief relationship with his children after the divorce. I know there are some out there who want to be a real father...but I just haven't met them. Usually it is just making an appearance than anything else. My ex and I are great friends - my son thinks we are freaks because all he has seen with his friends is how their parents fight, accuse, swear and make life miserable for all. I also do not want to be in the vicinity of someone screaming profanities at his ex on the cell phone when we are in a store. In fact, I don't want to hear any of that bickering. So those are the things that I am not looking for. I realize it is my own weakness for choosing weak men who I think I can help....but most of them have chosen the life they have. It is not my responsibility to try and "save" them. I focus on my life and do the things that I like to do. And that means that I usually do them alone. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:06:27 AM | | i think because you "know more about life" it's actually harder to find a good relationship - you know what signs to look for to avoid, you know how good things can be and you don't wanna settle.. and basically, well, life is good with or without a relationship.. you don't *need* it as much, happier in your own skin doing your own thing....at least in my experience | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:10:12 AM | Well you would think so but in most cases most of the guys are trying to recapture their youth and overlook the ladies closer to their on age. What I see is a lot of prejudging instead of trying to learn about a person they take a look at a picture and never respond to that person.
Or if the lady makes the first contact they don't even respond back which I personally think is very rude.
So maybe your sights are set way to high or you are looking in the wrong direction.
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