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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:29:10 AM | I am older, albeit, in good shape and keep myself looking pretty good. Unfortunately, most men my age have a lot of baggage. They usually have been divorced and are very bitter or shell shocked.
I've found this, too. I spent a couple years working through my 'baggage' and I'm ready to open up an love again...but I find that the men I date aren't. I've had a couple actually cry on the phone to me about their exes...clearly not ready to move on...I never bothered to meet them in person. The last one I dated CLAIMED he was looking for a real long term relationship, but wasn't able to give what it would take...he really wanted a friends-with-benefits relationship for life, so he would have sex and a buddy to go places with, but would never have to show any affection or feel anything and risk getting hurt. He actually told me that I was living in a 'dime romance novel' because I wanted him to hug or kiss me once in a while (not connected directly to sex). Phooey; not for me. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:58:04 AM | I know in my situation I no longer am looking for someone to share children with or become financially independent with. I have already achieved these goals with my ex and don't need anyone to support me. On the other hand I don't want a man that I would have to support. I want to love and be loved and yes have lots of sex with the right guy but it is hard to find a guy close to my age that is financially independent. Most of the people I have met are divorced and paying child support and are living paycheck to paycheck. I know I am pickier than when I was young as at that time all of us were poor and living paycheck to paycheck.. LOL  | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:04:28 AM | Hold_da_fries wrote:
Some people simply decide that relationships aren't worth the hassle, and live life alone.
Bingo! That's it exactly. For me, it's just not worth the hassle. I am alone, but not lonely and very happy with my own company. Dating has become too much like a social director: "What are we going to do next?" I have worked to keep myself in shape and I have the good fortune to have good genes which have helped me look younger than my age. I am friendly and outgoing, not shy, not a hunk but a nice looking guy who is not bald and whose hair is still mostly dark, and get along well with women and treat them well and can make them laugh, so my choice to remain single is that--a choice.
I can remember when I was a senior in high school and my English teacher, a woman in her early 30s and single, told us that if we did not get married by the time we were 30 that it would get harder to do it because we would get set in our ways. We laughed because at 17, age 30 is ancient, but I think she was right. I am so set in my ways now that I have no motivation to change. The grass is not always greener on the other side, it is just different grass. I am under no delusion that getting in a relationship would make me more happy than I am now. Somewhere in life there is either an age or a line or a level of experience where you can admit to yourself if you are lucky, "enough is enough--I don't need the hassle and work and stress and complication of relationships anymore".
I am only here at POF because a now married and ex girlfriend from 15 years ago nagged me to try it. Once I realized that it was not fair to fish or even have tempting bait in the water when you really do not want to catch a fish, I changed my profile to indicate I am not fishing, but I remain here for the forums. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:10:10 AM |
I am only here at POF because a now married and ex girlfriend from 15 years ago nagged me to try it. Once I realized that it was not fair to fish or even have tempting bait in the water when you really do not want to catch a fish, I changed my profile to indicate I am not fishing, but I remain here for the forums.
The men who are self-aware enough that they probably COULD have a good relationship aren't fishing  | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:45:41 AM |
I love me way more than I ever did when I was married.
I didn't realize it until the marriage was over and I found that I had no "me" and nil in the self-esteem category.
Once I worked through my baggage (190 pounds of baggage left when the divorce was final) and struggled to find a me in it, I found out how great me was and how much I enjoyed me.
I do not want to lose me again and I'm comfortable being alone.
Some people deal with their issues in different ways and I've found that some do no handle them head on.
Drinking to fill a void.
Eating to stave away the hurt and loneliness.
Gambling, one night stands, sex addicts............and many other things.
So frankly I do not and will not try to fix them and I, at this time in my life, do not want to be dragged down with them.
It might sound harsh or cold but I spent more than 26 years (married 29 in total) as one guy's cheerleader..schmoozed and helped him up each rung with his career.....invested my life being the "good wife".
Woke up when reality slapped me in the face and discovered I had no identity, no money, no college degree.........I worked for him under the guise of "for the good of the family".
It amazing how grand life is when a person gets rid of all the drama.
I do not wish to work for anyone but I do desire a partnership for the rest of my life.
A connection of two hearts entwined in love and devotion.
Wake up every morning, share coffee, throw in a spontaneous ideal and have an adventure. Make a memory together.
If I find (or he finds me) "the love of my life" that's icing on my cake.
If I don't find my everlasting love, then that's OK too...........I still come out with my cake.
And I ain't gonna leave it out in the rain either.
My name's not Lucy ( even though I have Lucy moments) but my bestest friends name is Ethel.
We have a "girls night" every week.
And we volunteer at one of the community charities.......
life is good.
She's young enough to be my daughter (36 years my Jr.).
I would not swap lives with her.......her husband pouts, gives her the silent treatment, has no ambition, when things goes wrong he always blames her and he does not handle money well.
I wouldn't say I was picky, just more selective.
I'm independent and it's OK to be alone.
ceeceekitty
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:46:59 AM | I think in some ways it's easier, and in others harder. When you're older you've experienced more types of people, so you have a more defined idea of what you don't want, even if you're not yet sure what you DO want. You're also more set in your ways, you've established a pattern and rhythm to your life that is sometimes hard to mesh with someone, even if you like them very much.
I think we need to make an effort to be open to some adaptation to other people's lifestyles, and know what can and can't be compromised on. In all things we need to treat each other well and be respectful of other people's paths. It costs us nothing to explore. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:51:27 AM | | Experience is a good thing, so if you get into a relationship I think experience can give you the perspective to get you through the long haul. On the other hand, you may not even get into a relationship (which is what this thread is actually about), because with sometimes with lots of experience it may leave you feel rather jaded. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:13:32 AM | | I think it becomes harder to find a relationship because some people are afraid to trust someone again after having their heart broken. I often say that you shouldn't make the next person pay for what the previous person did. I read in some of the posts that all men/women are no good. That is not true. Everyone is not out to get ya. It just takes time and patience to find the one. Yes we do change in our appearances. Even if a man/woman married someone they considered beautiful. Would they leave em when they became less desirable???? | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/25/2008 5:09:26 AM | It is harder to find a relationship when you're older because you look like a sack of potatoes, you've got grey hair (that is if it hasn't fallen out), your juggs sag to the ground or if you're a guy, you just can't get it up (assuming you can get your leg over that is).
It is difficult to be intimate in public because young whippersnappers don't want to see it (despite being all over one another themselves) and then of course you've got the damned zimmer frames!
Need I say more?
This was a JOKE. Please don't take me seriously...
For our American counterparts... "Definition of a joke" A humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter.
Please don't eat me. | |
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rusdy
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Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 67 | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:24:34 PM | msg 2
This is something I'm suspecting true in the relatively short active time I've spent on POF.
It seems companion and friend has nothing to do with being on a dating site. It seems the males (maybe the females, but then I'm not corresponding with them) are either wanting a girl so fantastic she'd NEVER be on one of these lists, OR, hoping to find a woman who is "desperate", newly divorced, or newly widowed, with ASSETS. They're hoping to find someone so desperate that they've stupid. Yah...as the poster said, looking for a "sucker".
I'm at a point that going back to my LIFELONG premise that when "it's meant to be", it will happen in an environment you're used to, be it political, church, a senior center, etc.
EVEN OLDER, you need the ENVIRONMENTAL protection that you had as a child of PARENTS to check out the family of the person you were dating!
Clearly, the connections I've made so far, are just plain strange and little "bell" warnings keep ringing...and YES....I'm listening!
-novirginhere!cmp- -notdesperateeither!-
Oh...and guys have "tried" this routine since the beginning of time, using the same techniques. (writing only from female view 'cause I am one! ;-D ) | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:32:58 PM | I think women in younger ages TOLERATE and OVERLOOK things about their dating partner in desire for MOTHERHOOD.
Older women are NOT that TOLERANT and want more in friendship and companionship, and conversation.
Older women are intolerant even MORE SO than younger girls.
Older women of self-esteem will NOT tolerate, and WILL prefer being alone, rather than endure a cad.
Older women available, have escaped a cad, and bringing in another, is just NOT attractive!
So guy who are not game-playing, be open with the woman as to what you want...and what she wants, if they don't jive, remain friends and maybe fix them up with one of your friends who DO have the same attitude!
BOTH MALE AND FEMALE should not be "trolling for carp".
-cmp- | |
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hungup
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Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 71 | |
| ok.ok.ok enough is enough
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:34:44 PM | why is it some of the men on here want to fill a tall order. i mean they say what they want and wow who to hell really looks like that or want to be like that. this athletic crap to gets me.
some are not but say they are. that pisses me off to no end.
it is hard enough out there dating and trying to find someone to share things with without the bullshit that comes with it.
most of they only want a one night stand. i mean i had a date on here awhile ago and we were not a block away and he was all over me. no thanks i am not for sale.
i mean where does one go to find a decent partner and i mean i am not perfect i have my days and my flaws and an irish temper to boot.
someone tell me where do we go to find our partners.
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| ok.ok.ok enough is enough
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:30:44 PM | Msgs. 60 and 72
are so DARN cute in their HONESTY.... GO GIRLS!
By the way, I'm no more different than in my earlier days and quite frankly, the guys aren't either.
Same ol' silliness.
-cmp- | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:35:49 PM | Ok leave it to the sales guy to break it down by the numbers and some basic human traits.
First the obvious.
1. Sex drive is stronger at a young age leading to kids and obilgatory marriage for some.Which causes the pool of available people in your range of options to descrease. Yea I know,like I said the obvious. Bear with me.
-Bright side though. Teen pregnancy is down something like 50%
Highest numbers still being in a few certain demographics. Flame me,I care not. Just dont waste the thread.
2. 50% of marriages for any reason end in divorce , reference obligatory emotion
index.Adding back to pool of available mates.
 However these wonderful new additions have an extremely negative view on things and also cary baggage. Literaly, it usualy needs diaper maintenance.
3. In and out of failing relationships tends to give that ever unrelenting feeling of "I will never find anyone".
4.After every immature individual in the book lies about how they are so honest, it creates automatic distrust of the opposite sex. Causing things to start off with a note of prove your not going to do the same things to me.:frustrated:
5. Individuals may over analyze what they want and become too specific due to the negative effects of a previous relationship. Such as believing that one characteristic of a persons personality is representative of a former lover. This one usualy is overcome with wisdom im assuming. Would love input on it.
6. New trend in society. Due to the lack of having the old fasioned counter part we often(atleast in my own personal life) change the traditional roles of male/female. Making it even more complicated to find a match.
Time is definitely not on my side for sure. Im in a rush to get married asap before I become impossible for anyone to put up with. My usuage of emotes alone is enough to send a good crowd running. 
BTW yes im 24 and may come off as arrogant.. Just what I have read about and applied. These obviously arent all proven facts. | |
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| Why do you think it becomes so much harder to find a relationship when one gets older?
Posted: 1/25/2008 9:45:01 PM | I do think that what this thread really needs very bad is another opinion. Well let's just see what new can be added as anyone reading should not need me to rehash other than maybe for a bit of clarity. Now I just about filled my shorts when I found one thread not overwhelmed by spoofing of false profiles making up junk and joking to dumb down any real progress.
I want to go in a new direction cause it is so very easy and convenient to head in the simplest easiest one that is obvious but not really fully the BEST ONE.
[u]How about discussing why a LTR is so crucial?[/u]
You see friends most all you folks have done such a good job of convincing yourselves by presentments that there is little chance other than of failure. I sense and fear most of the failure is a self-fulfilling profecy.
How would you like to stew the rest of your life in that kettle of hogwash?
Most give up their life in little bits one day at a time one piece every day or so till there is no real hunk worth even arguing is worthy of trying to save.
---------And I do believe much of it is just a self-created dungeon where we could never give ourselves a reprieve nor is parole possible cause it is just so darned comfortable sitting where we already are and KNOW. It is like pissing in our black trousers in that it is unarguably pitiful but it can just be so darned warm and comfortable until a cold wind blows or the chaffing gets so bad that we change things.
I see so much of this in both sexes by the direct comments here.
The explanations are:
----Why bother to try
----I know I can get by
----I have gotten comfortable
----I am sirene with my own failings and inadequacies
----Change is risky and uncomfortable
----I'm too old for change and trying even if there is a huge downside I just won't think about those things
----Why start to prepare for a brighter future as hard work should be long behind me
----Old dogs should not try as they can not learn new tricks
----"The fox and the grapes" even if I get some grapes they will just be sour
----There are no good ones left so why bother
----I'll just comfortably wait but if a diamond falls at my feet cut, polished and in a beautiful case I might just pick it up (I'll just paitently wait -- forever)
----Heck wouldn't invest in a brighter future as it is risky
Do you get the picture?
We all have poisoned the WELL and so why go drink or take this seriously?
Do review the posts!
Do ask yourselves "Have we gotten wiser, more mature, powerful and more effective?"
If the answer is NO then we have wasted the decades!! What else could we say with all the life experiences that adds up to us just being pitiful and broken down!
Are you all really arguing this with all you have learned unless you are a terrible student over all these years to have learned and accomplished so very little?
Hell, Can we rename the thread "Yet's all get together for a GRAND PITY PARTY!"
Hell have you forgotten just how miserable it was to be young and naive and stupid. NO MONEY, NO REAL SKILLS, NO REAL FUTURE and yet able to take on the whole world. Heck many of you have means, intelligence, experience and yet what does that mean other than worrying about how the story will end long before you are even close to the grave?
Back to the story. Why is it so CRUCIAL! Now folks do you really think it would be any good if I had to tell you all? I find people argue and complain and say it is not even possible if you gift it!
But I will make it easy for any that are or were slow students by just saying
"Your happiness was so much greater when you had insight that relationships IF done right were going to make you a much happier person than sitting at home by your lonesome." Now if you have not learned how to treat a lover and make both of you happier after learning to be happy with so much less by yourself, just by their company and help then maybe you should continue the PITY PARTY instead of GETTING Going.
The sad truth is these pity parties are so darned common it is hard to find anyone doing their homework to MOVE their sorry Butts to much happier accomodations!
If you play dumb and slow two people loose, you and the other you would make a brighter world for too. Double damages and to innocent others too!
Please let's make a effort together of FINDING our strengths instead of our weaknesses. Let's build together what we may not easily be able to by ourselves. Isn't that also a relationship? | |
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