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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 76 | |
| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 12/26/2006 5:59:53 PM | Dang I knew you two were just alike, really I thought you were twins.... Both $HIT heads...
(my apologies to the rest of the wonderful people here on the forums..... )
as for the sick joke.... all I will say is sick joke ~ sick person....   | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 12/26/2006 6:03:51 PM | Just kidding,I am the real wolfie.It would be good if the ole cat was back.Peace-OUT | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 12/28/2006 5:52:42 PM | | I've got one ~ Why did the blonde snort Sweet~n~Low? She thought it was Diet Coke! | |
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 80 | |
| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 12/28/2006 8:41:53 PM | Wolfie,
It Maybe because that was the best name I could come up with at the moment...... Probably should not have called you that in public, since it is not my nature to be so rude...
To you and the POF Forum, I apologize
Let's just say open and honestly you really got under my Fur with some of your post. I do think you're a nice person and you love to play devil's advocate... Sometimes you go too far... to the extreme... and if you read over some of your post, you've been really harsh.. ..and I for one am not an easily offened person... however, I am not the only person reading these and when you respond, PLease try to be a little more considerate of all of those who are reading and participating in the forums...
Thanks so very much and again I apologize for my rudeness and outburst with Wolife...
For the Joke :
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Getting What You Ask For...
A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
"I want to get screwed," said the man.
"Okay, mister, but this is a private club, so slip 20 bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.
The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.
He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.
"Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"
"What?" said the voice, "Again?"
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 12/28/2006 9:34:46 PM | | Where did I offend you at?And if I was just voicing my opinion.Thats all that it is.If you can not handle my opinions.Then maybe you should not come out with your opinion.You will never hear or see me type your a shithead,just because I do not like or agree with your opinion.Seems to me alot of people on theses threads needs to grow up alittle.Peace-Outon topic I thought I found love lol.thats it,thats the joke. | |
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 82 | |
| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 12/29/2006 4:29:27 AM | I am over it Wolfie.....  let it pass and by~gones be bye~gones....
Sorry to hear things didn't go as well as planned..... words of wisdom to ponder....for all
God Said NO!
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You,
"Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them,
but you know they are always there.
Have a blessed Day To All
Lenore | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:55:13 AM | | Well kyn,I will let this past.But I must worn you,there will be other times that you wont like what you see on here coming from me.Hope you can handle it next time.Peace-Out doll | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:25:34 PM | I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??? What was that?!?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear....
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying,"Can't you just love me for who I am and not for what I can do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I just went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for
each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you....... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling, with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just as she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently, I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
**** knows I'm smarter than her.Maybe this dont fit in this thread.Because its no joke.Its true. | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:36:45 PM | There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.
Nice bike, the cop said, did Santa bring it to you?
Yep, the little boy said, he sure did!
The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said, Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.
To go along with the cop, the little boy said, Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you? Yes, He sure did, said the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, Next year tell Santa to put the****underneath the horse instead of on top. | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/7/2007 11:58:32 PM | KIDS IN CHURCH
3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
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A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
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After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys"
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I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word,
right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us from E-mail.
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One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
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Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old
brother, Joel, were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
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A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/8/2007 3:27:12 AM | Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, when his teacher states the fact that only humans stutter, and no other animal in the world does.
Johnny raises his hand and says, “you are wrong, Miss Finch!"
"Really, would you mind telling us why that is Johnny?"
"Well, Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbor’s Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "fffff! fffff! fffff!" and before he could say "F…" the dog ate him!"
In the darkness of the all but empty theater balcony, the couple embraced so passionately the man’s toupee slid from his head. Probing to find it in the darkness, he reached under his date’s skirt.
“That’s it, that’s it,” she gasped.
“It can’t be,” the fellow whispered back. “I part mine on the side.”
A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says "$101,237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/8/2007 1:03:13 PM | Sign on the door of a gay bar: “Condoms Fitted Free"
Kevin is watching a movie on Friday night and feels rather amorous He says to his wife; Hey honey, how about it?”
She says, “I have a headache.”
Saturday nigh they are in bed, and he asks, “Sweetheart, how about it?”
She says, “I’m too tied.”
Sunday night he climes into bed, puts his arm around her, and says again, “Well how about it?”
She pushes him sway and says, “Three nights in a row? What are you, a sex maniac?”
The following is a PSA (public service announcement) for Jerry
You might be a red neck if you think a 7-course meal is KFC and a 6 pack.
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 90 | |
| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/9/2007 4:34:33 PM | Subject: Hymn #365
This is a hoot, but I expect the minister didn't appreciate it.
A minister was completing a Temperance sermon. With great emphasis he
said, "If I Had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it
into
the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had All the
wine
in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then
finally,
shaking his fist in the air, he Said, "And if I had all the whiskey
in the
world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/10/2007 9:11:50 PM | One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word penis in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word penis again on the black board.
Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the days lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each days word, larger than the previous days word.
Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words,
The more you rub it, the bigger it gets | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 4:07:32 AM | | I know who wrote it......... Little Johnny did it!!!!!!!! | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 4:36:24 AM |
The following is a PSA (public service announcement) for Jerry...
And thanks for that | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 4:38:25 AM | Home and Jethro were out at the ballpark watching a Little League baseball game...A few feet in front of them was a German Shepherd licking his cajones...
Homer said to Jethro, "Gee, I wish I could do that".
Jethro replied, "That dog will BITE YOUU!!!" | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 6:19:40 AM | Making a comment to his friend a guy says; of course, strip poker is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it.
The former Clinton administration was like a condom; it stood up to inflation, halted production, protected a bunch of pr..ks and gave us a sense of security while being screwed.
A Woman at the doctor’s office is being examined. The doctor listened to her chest with his stethoscope and said " nice big breaths " She responded " Thank you Doctor, but I wish you could have seen them when I was younger!
There is this woman who grabbed her dentist by his private parts as he leaned over to begin working on her mouth. When he protested, the woman replied, "We're going to be very, very careful not to hurt each other aren't we?" | |
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 97 | |
| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 7:16:01 AM | Hippy, I needed that this am......
Thanks those were sooo good.....
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 7:31:18 AM | | You are most welcome! You know me...... comic relief!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 3:36:08 PM | 4 DIFFERENT WAYS OF HAVING SEX. HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FU-K YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fu-k you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.Peace-Out | |
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 100 | |
| Jokes of all kinds
Posted: 1/11/2007 7:41:28 PM | A visit with Grandpa...
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?" he asks. "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
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