rrussh
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Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 71 | |
| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/10/2008 3:43:04 AM | "... they need to feel the buterflies"
I hate that... and I love that feeling in the beginning... but when its all your partner brings up... it makes me think they are addicted to excitement. So sad.
Not every day is exciting, and doesn't have to be... sometimes you just have to go mow the lawn. Boringggg
I guess, just don't let extravagancies get the best of you, yet at the same time, never forget how you became attracted to the one you are with. Let them know how you feel and in that same way be as creative as you can to show it, and stir up the fire. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/10/2008 5:18:21 AM | Just my opinion.....before the actual date we talk on the phone for hours,we seem to have a lot in common,everything seems to be "up and up".Then comes the actual date and NO CHEMISTRY--again another date with a" strangers".
Everybody talks about this chemistry,personally I feel that if you like talking to the person over the phone for hours, this will show some kind of attraction already.
Sometimes we are SOOO into this chemistry thing that we overlook all the other aspects.
Sometimes we toss good people aside too quickly and not give them a chance to be a friend first.The greatest love affairs I have had in the past have always started with getting to know the person gradually and then one day "there is something"and I start thinking about this person 24/7 .You think that you have "chemistry with someone who looks great.......but just think how many other people this person may have "chemistry" with. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:10:48 AM |
Everybody talks about this chemistry,personally I feel that if you like talking to the person over the phone for hours, this will show some kind of attraction already.
...Absolutely! ... It certainly shows that you have the potential of being friends, possibly the best of friends and for the long term, absent of the addiction of "new," being best of friends, totally dependable, is the only foundation that will survive.
...Anyone that attempts to build a relationship on lust alone, will be back in the "fishing pond."
...Personally, being the best of friends in all facets; someone that you can depend upon, completely trust, mutually communicate about anything and not be concerned about having it used against you later, has also been the basis, the foundation for the best relationships of prior times.
...Sure, most of us need the lust, but rather than realize we are expecting someone else to give this to us, to "cause" us to feel it, maybe it is our own intellect from prior experiences, maybe it is our own perceptions and mental blocks at the root of it all.
...Because for a fact, each and every one of us can take control of ourselves to create this sexual tension called chemistry and personally, I would much rather be with my best friend, someone with almost, if not total compatibility when doing so.
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...Obviously, someone resurrected this thread from the POF archives, but the OP simply needs to learn his "game." There is a lot not being said and I think it would give much more meaning, even credibility, if the rejecting party would participate in these threads. Who knows, as he could have came across as too "needy," attempting to manipulate, control, etc.; who knows, as one side of it is not telling the total story.
...IMHO, there is not a woman in the world that does not want to feel totally secure with that one man and there is not a man in the world that does not want the approval from that one woman.
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/11/2008 4:25:59 AM | When you have a date for the first time .....ofcourse you see things that you do not care about .To a point people seem to take this "chemistry thing"like the "law of dating".Most of us here on POF go through people like water.Nobody seems to be interested in finding out about the person "inside out".
Like in any good relationship -it takes time to get to know the person..you may find your "chemistry",fall in love but can or do not have the strenght to swim out of the relationship after you find out that the person you fell in love has a very dark history .
Now with your "chemistry thing"and letting yourself falling in love blind folded......what are you going to do?
These are only my thoughts........I am personally looking for a good person first and then chemistry finds itself into the relationship if it was ment to be.
No more falling in love blindfolded.
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:18:56 AM | I think what you said about meeting in person is the key. When meeting in person, you need to put extra effort into making the conversation flow to avoid awkward silences. Try to find non-obvious things about the person about which you can offer honest compliments (and avoid the cliches, even if true.) Don't talk about yourself.
I've found that by doing these things, I always do better when meeting someone in person and recently a woman pointed that out to me, so the above must help some. If you feel awkward, use that to your advantage by just flat out saying you feel awkward. Awkward and inept can be a lot more charming. Women are not nearly as picky about looks as guys are, so if she thought you were ok in your pictures, chances are it wasn't your looks. If women were picky about looks, I'd be in deep do do, so I can assure you that looks are not nearly as important as a little charm. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:42:17 AM | Its usually men who run a mile when the visual attraction isnt there.
Women tend to be a bit more tolerant of looks than men.
Like most men I always look at the pictrue first and only if they look OK will I venture into the profile. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/12/2008 4:40:41 PM | Sorry to hear that bud, sometimes it just doesn't work out ... Keep fishing though, your girl is out there!
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/12/2008 4:56:45 PM | Everything is important, looks, voice, chemistry and a whole lot more. Sometimes you just have it or you don't. I really like some people on the phone and in person I can be so turned off. Silly, but a limp handshake can turn me off or femine manerism. You cannot tell that on the phone.
It is what it is. Move and and know it was just not a connection. You did nothing wrong. Neither of you did anything wrong. It just did not click for both of you.
Good Luck and keep at it. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:00:53 PM | | You can't tell by photographs if you are going to feel the "spark" with someone. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:29:02 PM | I thought this wierd thing is only happening to me, I 've talk to a guy in this site and we are in the same town, things are okay between us through email he asked me what my days off is, after 2 days ,his reply is "happy Days off". I've talk to him on the phone too, he was really a turn off. These are only few rotten fish among the good ones..  | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:09:43 PM | It is beginning to get discouraging on this website..meeting guys that aren't right for me..nor me for them..or, the silent treatment. It's been like this for too long..
Last week, I met a great fellow that for once, I liked very much and almost immediately..a first! I was excited and would love to see him again, I told him so. He told me he'd like to go out also..However, he hasn't contacted me since. That was 5 days ago...I am a strait talk kind of person, so, yes, I'd like to know what is happening.
Good luck everyone and please, be true to the people you meet. Tell them gently, that it isn't anyone's fault but, it wouldn't be right to continue seeing each other. Silence is not the way to do this.
Ciao! | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:10:09 PM | Well, you were getting along mentally.......
ummm....that's the answer.
Also, how the helll can you talk for hours a day? Do you not have stuff to do..work, play, etc.
I just don't see how all of that talking would cement anything in your mind.
Pictures are two dimensional representations of Us. When we meet in person, the pictures don't matter anymore....everything becomes animated and real.
And Yes, what you describe, it has happened to everyone...at some point. but it's all very natural, if you think about it. In life, some people will be drawn to you, other's won't. It doesn't seem that mysterious at all, to me.
As for what other's expect from online dating, it appears that everyone expects to meet somebody special. So, maybe you gained a friend...in this woman....that in itself is kindof neat and special, dontcha think? Perhaps you were expecting to hit a home run on the first pitch. Hey...could happen....but it doesn't sound like it did here.....so be her friend instead.
peace
Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:49:47 AM | | I can tell by the photo if it isn't twenty years old. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:59:57 AM | | Chances are it had nothing to do with looks but an impression you did, or did not make. It can take a few dates to get a truly clear picture of everything that makes up the *whole* of the person. You can look just fine, carry on a great conversation and charm the daylights out of someone. However, there may be some much extraneous bs it is necessary to move on. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:02:07 PM | The whole thing about getting to know someone online is as follows....
You type out things, the person reading them gets a mental image of what is being said. It is just like reading a book. You picture in your head what the written words are, then the movie comes out, the movie is never as good as what the book was. That is simply because the imagination is so much more powerful.
Your pictures.... even though they may be recent, pictures that are posted up are always the best pictures you have so it never quite looks like what you really are.
When you speak in person, your body language is different than what was imagined.
Many people on here fall for the written words.. wich is sort of normal but one should not let themselves simply get attracted to what is written or posted pictures. Even if on webcam, it is not really a true representation.
Ro | |
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~luna~
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Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 86 | |
| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:28:47 PM |                    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo0 | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:31:11 PM | | You shouldn't take it personally. Chemistry is a very fickle thing, and even though the mental connection was there, you cannot blame her for not having felt physical attraction in person. Sorry. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:14:48 PM | OP, it is always a good idea not to talk via internet or phone for too long.
It has been my experience that it is best to meet the person face-to-face early on so as to make sure that you do not get your 'hopes to high'.
CC. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 8/30/2008 7:46:05 PM | Rules of attraction:
simple: good looking, well-educated....then see if there's chemistry! | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:08:38 PM | It's more than good looks..it can be downright euphoric. It made my heart beat so hard that when I danced with the guy, I thought I was going to melt in his arms..he noticed and said to relax.........
It's delicious!  | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:04:22 PM | I totally agree with the 'old fashion' way of meeting, face to face. I seem to do much better in person than on a website. At least, we can remain friends. Here, some men often become silent, and/or, disappear without a word....In person, they do not usually remain silent or run away..:-)
I do not have expectations in such, that it'll turn out to be the best encounter ever, but, I believe in good communication.
Good luck.. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:18:15 PM | | You never know until you actually meet if that SPARK will be there, regardless of how attractive someone looks in photographs. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 10/13/2008 5:51:54 PM | | I agree with your comments. At least she was willing to be honest and tell yuo the truth and not lead you along abot how she felt. And meetuing earlier would be my advice, then at least you haven't invsted all that time and effort for nothing. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 10/13/2008 7:23:37 PM | I had a similiar situation happen to me, however I was on the other end. I was the girl who ended up not being interested in the guy I met. What happened was, I talked to this guy a few times. He messaged me out of the blue and started chatting me up. I checked out his pics and his profile. He seemed like a decent guy and I thought it was worth giving a shot.
He kept pushing me to meet him, and normally I would want to take more time getting to know the person. However, I met him at a restaurant (that is why I do coffee now) and he ended up not looking like his pics at all. His pics were when he was 20 something, he was so scary I didn't even know what to do. He was much older, then he had said. Honestly, looked like a meth addict. Ughh!! Anyway, I didn't run away at that point. I felt bad that he had driven all that way; yet he had mislead me with his pictures and age. We sat down and he ordered, I didn't. After, like 5 minutes, I can't even believe I made it that long. I pretended to get sick and called it quits. I actually did get sick in my mouth and the guy was such a pervert, I just didn't know what to do. I almost called my father from the ladies room, to come rescue me. I just figured I would tell him I'm sick and have to go. I did that, he continued to e-mail me. I told him I wasn't interested and he left me alone. It can really be scary meeting people on here. I haven't met anyone in awhile, because of this particuliar situation. I actually prefer if someone has webcam, so I can actually be positive they are, who they say they are. | |
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| Rules of attraction
Posted: 10/21/2008 3:15:20 PM | | Sexual attraction is very, very important - but so is emotional compatibility | |
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