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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 4:26:01 AM | well greanize ,,i think its safe to say you have hit the nail on the head with this thread.
I normally don;t reply to alot of forums out here but this is so close to me and what im going thru that i had to give my opinion as well. We are at the age where we are set in our ways but women seem to be able to compromise a bit more then men in most areas. As far as baggage and children and past ex's well i think we all have different circumstances there. Its difficult to even get a freindship going i feel with men my age or up. I think its a combination of alot of things that stops people in our age group from getting out there and putting themselves out there for that committed relationship. It seems todays dating is all about casual,,whether its casual encounters, casual dating or even casual friendships. It seems so disposal at times. We have learned from our past relationships or should have learned ,,lol,some haven;t ,that most relationships have to start out as friendships. Lust beats love hands down. It seems that people fall in lust more then love. Don;t get me wrong we all need that kind of attention but it seems that its number one for alot of people , and committed relationships are on the back burner. So that is my opinion and im sure some people wont; get what im saying but hopefully some do....all i can say is keep fishing,,, | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 4:58:40 AM |
Its more difficult for the older generation, because we are all of those things. The infamous been-there-done-that gang. We've all at least got the t-shirts, some have the matching hats, and have the whole wardrobe.
You forgot the shoes
FORGET IT...no guy is worth giving up my shoe collection..
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 5:19:06 AM | One Man's perspective:
I am well over 40 and do find I rarely connect with anyone and almost never with women my age and that I think, for me, is a couple of reasons.
1: The stage I am at in my life. I am a full-time dad with two kids. Most women my age have pretty much raised their kids and are done. Mine are still in school, believe in Santa Claus, want to go to Wonderland, etc. From that perspective, I tend to have more in common with women 5-10 years younger than myself.
2: My interests and tastes do not seem very intune with women my age at all! Music, physical activity, movies, books, goals, vision of self and future are much more intune with someone much younger...probably because I am in the same stage of life as someone much younger. I just started later in life with regard to career, family, etc.
3: I like to care care of myself and be active, fit and healthy. It is a survival mechanism because I am at that age where if I do not, I will begin to have health issues. The pool of women, in my own very limited experience, who do the same is small. A generalization I know but again, my caveat is that it is limited to those I have met. Nothing deflates my interest more that finding out someone smokes.
4: Because I am well over 40, there are a whole host of issues. All age related and very pragmatic, that prevent me from even considering connecting with someone much younger than myself desite potential common iterests. i.e. I wouldn't want to develop a lasting relationship with someone 10 or so years younger and end up dying of a ripe old age and leave them alone for years. At our age, a real consideration we need to think about. Besides, loving someone totally and then taking your last breathe together after a whole life isn't too much to ask from this life, is it?
Earlier in the thread someone made a comment about BBW and men wanting the younger slimmer women. I think that is largely true but from my perspective it is more about attitude. I think a smart confident active and fit BBW who is very comfortable with herself can be very sexy and attractive. It isn't the BBW part but the rest that makes the package work and does as well for other physical types. I don't find big sexy but I can find someone sexy even if she is big. If you know what I mean.
Luckily, I have enough sense not to go chasing the young mom's on this site. The last time I approached a women under 40, I was 24 myself. I do find however, I like women my age a lot but almost never, likely because of the above, go beyond friendship. Friendship, however, is a great place to start anything and for me, it wouldn't be the first time that happened. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 5:27:55 AM | Just a thought here, but I think the over 40 crowd has had longer relationships and alot went through many things. When they finally get out of these relationships, they grasp on to be single and regain their freedoms. They somewhat reinvent theirselves and in a large part are finding out who they are, or who they were.
Going through this sort of thing takes some time and I truly believe if a person stays single too long they become some what self sufficient, also masked as independent. So, I think they are more guarded when entering a potential relationship, causing mixed signals back and fourth, which will make each other think lack of interest.
Remember how easy it was when we were all young. Hey your cute, your cute too, lets make out. Wanna be my girlfreind. We then worried about everything after that. I think you have to get back to that a little bit. You are mostly yourself when you are vulnerable, allow yourself to be and keep being until you find your mate, because just like gummle has posted, when you start carrying dissapointments along with you it becomes a hinderance when you do actually meet someone with potential.
Also another thought is, your age group is on the borderline of where a generation is changing shovinistic roles in a relationship. Alot of males in your age bracket still have these old time beliefs when looking for a woman. Some of you may like that, some of you may not. This making it harder to find someone to gel with where your comforts levels are and accept and enjoy each others definitive roles in a relationship. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 6:24:59 AM | Justin, your comment is fraught with way too many generalizations but makes a very good point. Us over 40's have been through the wars...some bad times and have a lot of baggage. But we have to do as you suggested, open up more and show that vulnerable side and take a chance...or else we will never connect.
Pretty smart for a whippersnapper!  | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 6:35:10 AM | yes he is for a whippersnapper
i think a lot of us have gotten over our past, poor wording but it's early, and checked the baggage at the door...i know i have and my friends in this age group have also...
where the heck is bernzg's input when ya need her  | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 6:36:50 AM |
I truly believe if a person stays single too long they become some what self sufficient, also masked as independent.
That is a very true statement. I recently met a man who is my age. Single, never been married, no kids...perfect in my books. He was looking for the same thing I am ... someone to be with, do things with, go places with...companion with a hope for a future. We clicked on all levels. We had a lot of things in common. Conversation was easy with us. I saw no reason why it would not work, but he just disappeared!
I have been alone for 5 years now. When I first became 'ready' to move forward with someone, I got a lot of this from men: You have not been single long enough. You need to take time for you.
Nothing in the world irks me more then someone telling me what I NEED! If I need time for me, I take time for me. If I need to go for a walk, I go for a walk. If I need space, I find space, but no one tells me I need it.
I find that those 'words of wisdom' are just cop outs and excuses not to get close to a person. Almost like...you smoke, or you are not my type, or I don't like cats....whatever. Point is, when someone sees everything is there and falling in place....the fear of loosing independance kicks in, and they purposely seek the excuses to sabotage a possible nice relationship.
I know in the past I have done stupid things to drive a nice man away. Tried to move forward too fast, was too reserved, too quiet, too loud....
I am in an ideal situation right now. I am not tied down with small children, or teens, or university students needing the bank of Mom. I live in my own house that is not my HOME. It is something I bought as an investment, so I am not TIED. I am flexible, accommodating, and reliable, but that scares the crap out of men as well.
So my ultimate belief as to why the over 40's are still fishless.....FEAR!!! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 6:50:03 AM | I am going to add something to this over 40 thread from a different perspective. I did not date for the first time until I was 47. (Long story, though some already know). By that time most people have been through 20 relationships or what have you. I am too late a bloomer, and I feel the older you get, the choosier you get in finding that right person who is compatible with you.
When you are younger, you figure, I can do the assembly line thing, if one does not work, just head on to the next one. Maybe some older people do that still, I don't know, but as you get older, maybe you want to find that one person to spend your golden (not a good word), years with and you go for quality more than quantity. I know some over 50 who have given up, been through the wars, bare the scars and are over it.
I would like to think that we have to be optimistic that life is not over until we take our final breaths, and in the meantime, there is a lot of living, loving, and experiencing the best of what life STILL has to offer. We should not show fear or insecurities at this stage of the game, those should have been met head on and conquered long ago. Life does hold interesting twists and turns no matter what the age, but as we get older we should face them with a new appreciation and bravado we did not have when we were younger.
Many of us in our forties and fifties say they have been alone for a few years (myself included), and though things have not worked out since the last relationship, I do live in the hope there is someone out there, and will never totally abandon all hope. You can be selective if you wish at this stage of the game, but don't be too selective, or some golden oppurtunities may be passing you by. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 6:56:33 AM | I just find this entire thread depressing to be honest! The mention of "casual" be it sex, dating etc. seems to be the norm in this day and age. Justin is right! I wish I could go back to the days of "hey, I like you, you like me? I have been on my own for 3.5 years and in that time, yes, I have had my fair share of dates. Only met one man that I would consider changing my status for, but he comes with far too many "conditions". That would be settling, and I will not do that. I truly wish I knew what the answer was folks. I see so very many lonely people, good, kind people. Who long for someone to share their life with. Then again, I look around and I truly do not think this is just an "over 40" issue. I see the "casual" thing going on all the time. However, I do think the over 40 crowd feels it more as let's face it? We are mid life and no matter how much we do not want to face it, we are on the end of the trail. Would be nice to share the walk down that path with someone! I wish you all much happiness and sincerely hope you all find that "special someone" to ease the longing in your hearts! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 7:04:32 AM | | i could be yer fishie but i smoke so there im toast btw that was for primadonna that smoking thing im so bad i know | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 8:44:56 AM |
Is it because we are:
Set in our ways?
Fear of falling into something as bad as we had before?
Unable to open up and step outside our boundaries?
Not willing to look at someone who does not 'fit our norm'?
Too busy in our lives to find a balance between home, work, and dating?
Unwilling to compromise?
What can you add to this and how can we overcome some of these shortfalls?
everyone who's been here since last summer knows that i was dreadfully unhappy living in Ottawa and that i was close to being unemployed again when my contract was due to expire at the end of January this year.
but it really was a matter of the "devil i knew" versus the unknown.
i don't know why i felt compelled to do something about my life last year - having an "aha" moment, as it were. what i do know is that i changed it.
i set goals for myself and managed to get the two most important ones out of the way within 6 months - one was to get a permanent job and the other was to get out of Ottawa. fortunately, one took care of the other and i accomplished them both in one fell swoop!
within a few short weeks of moving here, even with the stresses of going back to Ottawa to pack and looking for a place to live and dealing with a boss who has made it clear to me since the day i met her last December that she doesn't want me in her office, i was happier - as strange as that sounds. i felt stronger emotionally and more capable of looking after myself, and more comfortable in my skin.
once that happened, i was more receptive to a relationship because i was better able to be a friend and companion rather than someone who NEEDED someone to "complete" her!
and it happened that the person i met was someone that i never would have considered at one time. but once i spent some time with him, i knew i'd be an idiot if i tossed that fish back into the pond.
the other thing all comes down to a post pearl made a while back - it's all about timing.
the timing was right for The Boy and i. and if timing isn't right between you and the people you meet, it just is NOT going to work, no matter what you do.
some of you might think this is easy for me to say, because i'm one of those never-married people, but it doesn't mean that i don't have emotional baggage or scars left from previous relationships - because i do; and some of them go pretty deep!
there was an interesting article in The New York Times this week about how we are isolating ourselves by putting all our emotional energies into the "one perfect SO" basket. if anyone would like the link, please email me. as one letter to the editor today states:
Today, we want from our spouses what we have always sought in marriage: companionship, economic support, children and respectability. But now we also want our partner to be our best friend, our trusted confidant and our passionate lover.
The problem is that we ask one person to give us what an entire village and extended family used to provide. No wonder our isolated domestic units crumble under the expectations.
i had fully prepared myself to live my life alone... and maybe that was when i fully opened myself to the possibilities that love presented to me.
just a thought... | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:30:46 AM | It’s not so easy to start up a new relationship in later years. A lot has to be considered established family, friends, housing career and set behaviours are a few.
We have developed deep roots and while we can walk away from some aspects of our lives others are much more difficult to make. For the younger ones most of these don’t have to be considered.
Career for most of us is already established and there is no pressure to build a family.
For most us this has been a time of rejuvenation with a fresh outlook on life, from the way we dress to the way we conduct our daily lives. We have changed our lives from the boring routine we had become accustomed to and are proud of what we have become with a little bit of self indulgence.
Traditionally men married women younger than themselves but as we get older men and women tend to discredit others their own age. Many women seem to want men a lot younger than themselves which in itself could spell short term to me. As I read this thread I realise men also want younger women too, so right away you can see a mismatch between the sexes. Now guess what age range the younger men and younger women are looking for?
On the other hand we may have walked away from a marriage that could potentially have been saved thinking a bed of roses awaited us. The likely scenario is that more men fear well while a lot women have to wade through the sharks getting bitten here and there along the way.
There is a special freedom one has at a later age and while we may have left our emotional baggage behind we still have physical baggage to contend with.
Being single over 40/50 might not be so bad after all.
But then who is kidding whom. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 11:08:42 AM | | First of all, excellent thread subject Greanize! Please be nice to me. I am not a regular poster nor do I attend every party out there. Everyone has awesome posts here so I am gonna post too. It seems it is harder for people to meet when in their 40's for many reasons. We 40 somethings have to stick together and help each other out. I have been to only a couple of parties. I went by myself. I talked to a few fishies. Met some nice people too. I hope to go more parties....but not by myself. It seemed that the 20 and 30 somethings out numbered the 40 somethings. People in their 20's and 30's weren't at all interested in me. I know it's tough breaking into a new crowd. For men and women. The few 40 somethings that were there was more interested in partying with the 20 and 30 somethings. I prefer women my own age. Would be nice to meet and talk to people my age. It appears that a lot (not all.....I repeat NOT ALL!) of people have fallen into the cycle of the parties. I see so many threads where people are counting the number of sleeps to the next Fish party. Fish is not the be all and end all of dating. It should supplement your offline dating strategies. I know it's fun to attend the parties, I will make it to other parties in the near future. Why? cause it's fun! Sometimes people forget the focus on why they joined Fish in the first place. It's to meet a partner. It's nice to meet new friends. You can never have too many friends. Well actually you can but, that's another story. Someone in an earlier post stated that 40's men and women are looking for younger. Might be the case but not for me and a lot of other people that I personally know. We have to stick up for each other. I remember a thread from last summer for a party for 40 somethings. The backlash was incredible! I wish I could find that post to see what age group most of the complaints came from. I wonder if the backlash was from the 20 and 30 somethings feeling they were gonna be left out from parties? Yet it's ok to largely ignore the 40's people that are not friends with 20 and 30 somethings. Hope that last statement doesn't label me a whiner, bitter or a basher. It was decided that no Fish Party will ever have an age range. Period. There's a post for an 80's music night. You would think it would appeal to the 40's crowd. That thread was crashing and burning last time I checked. What's going on?? If we don't stick up for each other.....who will? I may have digressed somewhat on my original context. It would be nice to meet new people my age. It would be nice to go to a party where most of the people are in their 40's. I am in my 40's, having the time of my life. I have never looked or felt better in my entire life. Us 40+ somethings would have a ball. In the end, it's up to the indivual to decide what they want. We are out there in masses, it's up to to us to get it. Now that I posted...please be nice. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 11:30:01 AM | Asian: although I'm sure you'll possibly get some flack for some of your sentiments, trust me in that you are not alone in having them. I have chosen not to participate in many of the local events for the same reasons.... for the most part, it seems all the threads are about getting drunk at these events and carrying on...something I don't wish to to. I've volunteered for 2 different events....to help the hosts behind the scenes ... I'm a good organizer, etc. and figured it would be a "gentle" way for me to start to meet people...since I also will not go alone.... both times my help was refused.... yet within a few days both hosts were posting for help!!!! Certainly made me feel unwanted personally!
Regarding the younger man/older woman scenario...yes, it is within the realm of possibility. If I could find a fish in my age group who likes classic/hard rock, etc., travelling, and won't fall asleep by 9 pm or have to have an afternoon nap (I've had dates with both) I'd gladly date him.
If nothing else, thanks to OP for letting us vent - obviously this is something that has been bothering quite a few of us for a long time and it's good that it's finally out in the open. Maybe now each of us will take whatever additional steps are required of us personally to find the right bait and go after the big one that won't get away! | |
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bernzg
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Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 2:02:21 PM | ......K.....roxyblue threw down the gauntlet so I have to add I guess.
I'm over 40, and *until* I got into my relationship, I was content. No baggage. No hang ups....
I was enjoying my time, not worrying about a relationship, being with my friends, family, just plain living. I've had my share of relationships, but I certainly wouldn't have considered entering into a new one without having totally let go of the previous one. I was loooong passed any history of problems.
I feel that for many like myself, life was fine the way it was. Being content just living life is something to appreciate. I wasn't about to go out "seeking" a man. I find that it's easier now that I'm older to simply appreciate my life as it is, thankful for all that's good and enjoy any bonuses that come my way. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 2:11:51 PM |
We 40 somethings have to stick together and help each other out.
i got the distinct feeling that THAT is EXACTLY what B (greanize) wanted us to do in this thread, asian.
but i haven't seen a single concrete suggestion from you, except for wishing that PoF would allow age-specific parties.
they don't.
get over it.
there are dozens upon dozens of dating services that have age-specific parties in major cities all over Ontario - if that's what you REALLY want, join one or two or three.
It seemed that the 20 and 30 somethings out numbered the 40 somethings.
depends where you are... i've found London parties to be skewed older. but that could be because this is a small enough place that the college/university students congregate together separately from the locals.
i'm not sure, i haven't lived here for quite a year yet.
The few 40 somethings that were there was more interested in partying with the 20 and 30 somethings.
are we supposed to segregate ourselves by age at PoF parties????
i go to them to see my friends, dance with The Boy and meet other fish. i don't ask how old they are before talking to them.
It appears that a lot (not all.....I repeat NOT ALL!) of people have fallen into the cycle of the parties. I see so many threads where people are counting the number of sleeps to the next Fish party. Fish is not the be all and end all of dating. It should supplement your offline dating strategies.
how do you KNOW that people don't have "offline dating strategies"? and what about people who do shift work or have kids and jobs and don't always have the time to get out to meet people? and how the hell does people counting down to a PoF party have anything to do with you? what business is it of yours if they're excited about it?
Sometimes people forget the focus on why they joined Fish in the first place. It's to meet a partner. It's nice to meet new friends. You can never have too many friends. Well actually you can but, that's another story.
that's YOUR opinion!
there are more than a few people here who are only interested in meeting friends. and what good is a partner if they aren't also your friend????
you know that New York Times article i mentioned in my other post to this thread - i think YOU need to read it!
I remember a thread from last summer for a party for 40 somethings. The backlash was incredible!
and, yet, you know why that is, you say so right here:
It was decided that no Fish Party will ever have an age range. Period.
that was decided a long time before that party thread was posted. at this site, you cannot have age-specific events. as i pointed out earlier, there are places that have them.
I wonder if the backlash was from the 20 and 30 somethings feeling they were gonna be left out from parties?
no. it was from people who know the rules and don't try to flout them.
If we don't stick up for each other.....who will?
so far, you haven't said much that appears to be sticking up for 40-somethings. do you have ANY ideas to help single and seeking 40-somethings meet other like-minded 40-somethings? at least i posted what worked for me....
In the end, it's up to the indivual to decide what they want.
very good, grasshopper!
and if a 40-something woman wants to date a 20- or 30-something, that's her business.
i'm going to say to you the thing that i'm going to reiterate to the whining 20-something complaining about young women in the city i live in -
no woman owes you attention just because you are in her age bracket, or a nice guy or... whatever reason.
and, ladies, that goes for you, too! no man owes you attention just because you are interested in him.
if that person doesn't reciprocate your interest - move on.
and if you aren't finding what you're looking for on PoF, there's dozens of places out there that are geared to specific, narrow interests - age, Mensa members, christians, people in the BDSM scene, etc. etc. etc.
just be aware that those are going to cost you money....
bashing the free dating site and the members on it will not get you anywhere - except labelled as "a whiner, bitter or a basher." | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:04:38 PM | | Wow...DB...thank you for the response. I wasn't bashing a free dating site, same way you weren't bashing me. DB? how do you know I am not over age specific parties? I will reserve judgement on you untill I get to know you. I might never get to know you so I will not judge you. I actually have a lot of friends offline. I meet tons of great people offline. Much like other fishies. Is this a dating site or a friendship site? I thought the focus was on dating. I could be wrong, hope not. Focus on the task at hand. Parties are great, like I said, I would like to get to more of them. A lot of my friends joined in the last few months. I hope to go to parties with them. They are a great bunch. It's funny how a dating site can turn into a friendship site. I guess when something is free you have to expect some anomalies. Some have a lot of friends of the opposite sex. I am one of them. How many friends of the opposite sex should one have before looking for a partner? As for the attention, I never said anyone owes anyone the attention for being in the age group. It's tough out there as you well know. Everyone is doing what they can out there. I hope everyone finds what they are looking for in Fish be it friends or lovers. Once again DB, thank you for the response. Now anyone have a tiny teeny weeny bandage? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 3:49:08 PM | I just turned 40 this year and honestly, I don't have any time for alot of bullshit and childishness, I think that's why I'm single at this point in my life.
I also get hit on by younger guys and no offence, I have a boy I don't need another.
I know what I want and I won't settle anymore, I've learned valuable lessons over the years so therefore I'm not *desperate* to hook up with the first guy who sends me an email/message. I don't waste time with anyone that I know won't be compatible, why bother?
I'd rather be single and happy then be in a relationship and be miserable, but stay in it cause I don't want to be alone! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 7:21:40 PM | Oh my ! Yeah I know the no fishy line for sure !
Yep being over 40 is one heck of an ordeal with you single women on here.
I guess using me for an example alot will not care to try with a guy who's never been marrried and 51 !
I don't have any hang ups about my past relationships but many women over 40 do seem to have them hangups still.
I am a smoker which is like saying F u buddy your not even on the same planet as any single women !haha
And I tend to scare alot for me being me >>meaning I have nothing to hide /nothing to fear and I seek long term only . And that is why theres no fishies emailing me at all.
My inbox is empty all the time and I think pof might ask me if they should remove my in box as its just wasting harddrive space on thier server system
Or maybe its the fact I have done things many only dream about and that also scares alot away too.
Nope I gave up emailing women as all they did was read /delete them emails anyways.
So if any thinking I should email them I am sorry tired of the deletes and never a reply back of any kind.
And maybe it's my profile that makes women over 40 pass me by . But who knows .
Yeah I know what I want and I think if they had read the email I had sent they would have realized that ! But I am not changing to meet someones list if thats what its gonna take . As I take someone for who they are from dayone and I don't expect them to change anything just becasue of me .
So take me for me or don't waste your time ladies. I am the one & only firmbear8 and yep I only want the best for me and I know shes here . But she has too email me to prove she wants me !! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 7:32:07 PM | HUM - All I 'still' hear is self depreciating, excuses, stubborn and whiny!! Truthfully, it's all right infront of you all - nice, kind and loving partners - ripe for the picking - make some personal changes and the world may open up big time!!!!! Just a thought?!?!?! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:03:19 PM | Bernzzzzzzzzz you know I could not agree.......was not sure I would even read this whole post till roxyblue said she wanted to hear from you.
<div class="quote"> I was content. No baggage. No hang ups....
I was enjoying my time, not worrying about a relationship, being with my friends, family, just plain living. I've had my share of relationships, but I certainly wouldn't have considered entering into a new one without having totally let go of the previous one. I was loooong passed any history of problems.
I feel that for many like myself, life was fine the way it was. Being content just living life is something to appreciate. I wasn't about to go out "seeking" a man. I find that it's easier now that I'm older to simply appreciate my life as it is, thankful for all that's good and enjoy any bonuses that come my way.
I also got out of a very long term marriage after I had turned 40 and did what was suggested by taking 3 years to get my baggage checked.......and invested the time in me, soley in myself, learning what made me happy, and what I thought I was looking for........
As the three years passed, and I was at a point of thinking I was ready to find Mr Perfect....Now I have to admit, I have always had a thing about older men, just with the social graces yadda yadda so I joined a few clubs, tried some new things, tooks some risks.....and was driving myself crazy........I for one........and can only talk for myself here, but felt that in my search for THE ONE.......I was more lonely, and almost feeling depressed that at this age, my life was going to end all alone.......The thought scared me, so much that it made me very anxious........joined more clubs, started posting to pof, went to tons of parties.....out every weekend to the local clubs.....omg it was driving me crazy.....could not understand why my meathods were working........but lucky for me.......I joined POF and went to a social within the first month of joining.....I made many really good friends who I was able to share my inner fears with........and that is when the lights came on..........I subsituted my need for a man with Affirmations.........Possitive ones........and got rid of the EXPECTATIONS......that I had on myself.......realized they were the main reason for my feelings of desparation...and trust me that is kinda what it was feeling like........
At that point I realized that I was wasting my time, and life was passing me by.....that I honestly was not being true to myself, and not living each and every day to the fullest.......So NOW I am not in a rush, I am not lonely, I am not even looking.......to sum it up.........I have no expectations.......started to enjoy the parties and the socials, and just went out to them with no expectations other than it was my dime I was goin to have a great time.......it worked........Over 40, or under........try it, dont give up, just get in the game.....not the hunt........lol........and enjoy........dammit........enjoy.......
On a closing NOTE.....when u are not looking, and enjoying life, with no expectations.....you might find ONE HELL OF A NICE FISH......
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 12:07:11 AM | It is a traumatic experience for many of us in a long term relationships to suddenly experience separation. We are all at different levels of recovery and many of us have little no dating skills. As one doc I met here correctly predicted it would take about two years before we can even think of moving on. It is now two years, in the mean time reading the forums, browsing the profiles and participating in the get togethers were all excellent therapy. Thank you all.
I agree with Leanne, potential mates are everywhere what we need to do is focus on someone reasonably compatible spend time get to really know that person instead of date hopping or serial emailing. By the time we send the next message we will have forgotten the ones with potential we talked to a few weeks ago.
This can go on forever with us never really finding anyone, still searching for that dream date/mate that doesn’t exist or rather does exist in many of us but not discovered.
I believe we are compatible with a lot more people than we think. To prove it, many you have found true love by introduction from a friend, relative or co-worker. You didn’t have to meet 100 or 50 or 10 even 5 people to find love. A little time focused on each other allowed love to grow. Here we seem to hold out for the next best catch.
In the real world we would try to match up with someone compatible with ourselves. If we saw a beautiful woman we would probably realise she was out of our league and avoid her but here we think because she is single and looking we have a chance so we keep on dreaming.
It is possible in my opinion if we all had a few dates to work on over several months, there is a good chance one of them could become serious. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 3:42:18 AM | Yep being over 40 is one heck of an ordeal with you single women on here.
I'll assume you meant with 'some' of the women on here (and men as well)...those of us who do not have a problem with our age could take offense to that comment. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:23:29 AM | | ^^Rox hunny! Don't even go there as it falls on deaf ears!!!! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:29:28 AM | Don't even go there as it falls on deaf ears!!!!.
Kit... maybe that is because a person can't get a word in edgewise.... you know I don't have trouble talking, and even I could not manage to get more than two words in when on a coffee date with the fellow. I don't know of anyone who can talk and listen at the same time.
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