| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:02:32 AM | Wow, alot of these comments made in here are so true.
My issues are similar to some in here. I'm 46 with an 11 year old. My 'me' time is limited. My issues are finding someone who's ok with that or is willing to get to know us. I would rather find someone who also has children in this age range rather than someone single and still into the bar scene.
I'm independant, have a great job, I support myself rather nicely. I'm not looking for someone to support me in that sense but to share in what I do have.
I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone. lol
All I know is I've made sacrifices in my single life to ensure my daughter has a healthy, stable home, life & morals.
I have been blessed with good genes, take good care of my health and don't look my age. So I'm hoping that by age 50, (my daughter will be 15) I'll be able to get out and date. Maybe I'll still look 40? LOL
No c'mon.....one has to also find humour in life and accept what's goin on.
I'd rather be single then be with someone for the sake of having a partner. | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 52 | |
| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:05:01 AM | I find it inertesting why people continue to think age is a factor in whether or not it is difficult to find their S/O's, i think if you browes the forums enough that every age group appears to have difficulties, some of the issues may differ for sure, but in the end everyone goes through the trials of a search for the "one".
just a thought | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 7:21:20 AM | Hi folks, This is my very first forum entry.
I've been single again for a little over a year & I'm very new to POF. I've learned a lot through reading these forums and I'm more than a little shocked. Prior to becoming single again there was no need for me to know about these POF "type" sites so I really didn't know what was going on.
I only have one question & I've found that I may be as guilty as anybody. Up until today I kept my profile hidden so I could only message women I thought were the best looking. One common trait I keep reading in people's profiles is they won't compromise on what they want.
Is that desire not to compromise just another way to keep looking and hoping someone better looking might be around the corner?
As I said above I'm probably as guilty as anybody is. | |
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bernzg
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Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 54 | |
| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 7:24:52 AM |
"Up until today I kept my profile hidden so I could only message women I thought were the best looking."...........>" One common trait I keep reading in people's profiles is they won't compromise on what they want. "
Tee hee.......(I'm assuming that was meant as humour?) | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 7:32:20 AM | I think it is a matter of at 40 we know what we want finally and won't settle for 2nd best.
When we are younger we settle alot of the time thinking even if some things don't match we can change it over time.
As we get older we realize the best and only relationship will come when we accept who we are and who our partner is for them. And no changing is involved. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:11:08 AM | | Jesus Game Set Match! You kept your profile "hidden" so you could only email the best lookin ladies on pof? I agree 100% with Bernzie! That sentence had better be a joke for sure.....OMG.....(where is the I am freaked out face when ya need it eh?) That must make you one o the best lookin men on pof????? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:14:52 AM | | And now we know why we are over 40 and fishless. If that is the attitude of the men on here, I will go dyke! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:37:14 AM |
As we get older we realize the best and only relationship will come when we accept who we are and who our partner is for them. And no changing is involved.
My dear friends, that is the nugget! That is truth is its best form...freely expressed without reservation. Well said Katz! Much of the underlyng theme of this discussion is commentary on the social truth that people are either expecting someone or themselves to conform to some cultural and social vision of who the perceivce they want or who they need to be to get the proverbial "trophy fish"!
There are a lot of profiles on this site ( I won't say people because we all know so many of them are fabricated) that are innundated with e-mail from individuals like the gentlemen above. People not accepting who they are or the person they met but expecting them to be....something else. I feel sorry for the "real" truly attractive people here...their lot in this pool can't be always pleasant.
Unfortunately Katz, not everybody learns this lesson. That is a sad truth. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:50:22 AM | ""If that is the attitude of the men on here, I will go dyke!""
Can I watch? - just kidding.
No us men are in the same boat. Bored and lonely.
You ladies could start asking us guys out a bit more LOL
One thing I do see is a lack of good events for "people over 40" in the party threads.
Most "mature" women I talk to online seem to hate going to the Roadhouse/singles/pickup bars which are the majority of events listed. I'm well past the drink till you drop age and the "thud thud thud". beat of most of the so called "music" played at those places is impossible to dance to. If you can't dance because the music is crappy and you can't talk because it's so loud, why bother going??
There is a Tuesday night dinner group but if you can't get to it there is little else to go to.
We really need to plan events for "grown-up" people. Any suggestions? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:01:10 AM | Okay, I've been mulling this thread over for a few days, and I still have no concrete answer. So, I'm just gonna wing it.
I've just turned 47, and I've been fishless for almost 2 years. I've been here since April of this year. I think I'm still in the "kid in an candy store" phase. There's so much that I COULD have that I end up with nothing because by the time I make up my mind that THERE'S the one that I want, she's moved on to someone else.
Not to mention that some of us are shy. You heard me. I said that I'm shy. While exchanging messages and posting of forums is okay, I start shaking like a leaf when it comes to actually meeting someone. That's why I don't do very well meeting someone for the first time in a group situation. I figure that I'm going to crash and burn, and I'd rather do it with just one person there than with a whole bunch.
Bah, this post is about twice as long as I'd figured it would be. Sorry bout that. Hope it made a shred of sense to someone. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:06:54 AM | I am going to express my view as a firsttime poster on these forums . At age 50 I have found that it is sometimes difficult to send a message to someone that appears attractive to me whether younger or older than myself. At this point ,men are expected traditionally to be financially secure ,have their own place etc etc. My personal situation has me looking after an invalid parent ,and being a parent to my children who are still in elementary school. This is understanably a big turn off to most people , and being in the midst of divorce ,has no apparant light at the end of the tunnel. What I continue to tell myself is that it will take the right person to accept me and my situation and until that happens, patience is the order of the day. I have cut back considerably on sending out messages as there was just so much rejection, I don't need it . The point about being on a free site does have some merit in my opinion ,you have to expect to get any kind of response ,it goes with the territory, but the pay sites haven't offered much differant in my case either. So, all I can say in conclusion , is be patient, if it is meant to happen,it will.
also , one more point in case I never post again, to all you ladies that have insulted or questioned us guys who have pics of our vehicles on our profiles and find it a problem... did you ever consider that maybe we don't have any other pics on our computers to post on a free site ? I am not about to post pics of myself with my children on them so anyone can view them. I think those that do should re-evaluate their decision. A lady I have know had the misfortunate experiance of meeting a guy who turned out to be a registered sex offender after she caught him going thru her childs underwear drawer after asking to use the washroom . word of caution moms... he still has a profile on here and lives in the GTA . Be careful !! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 11:25:32 AM | I certainly don't have the "secret", or "meaning of life" ... (if I did, I wouldn't be here ...)
And so, I can only speak from my own personal, and extremely limited view of "the big picture".
I'm just plain tired of being abused. Period. Point final. The rotund songstress has sung.
(and thus, soooo tempted to change my log-on to "TOTGA" = "The One That Got Away" ...) | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:33:07 PM | This a response for Bernzg as well as KitKat45
No, it wasn't meant to be funny. By keeping my profile hidden I simply had the luxury of not compromising on what I wanted either. I may not be the best looking guy in the world but I didn't have to let anybody down who may have messaged me if I did not find any physical attraction. Is that really any different than somebody who just deletes a message from somebody based solely on a picture.
Isn't a healthy relationship supposed to include compromise? Don't people grow and change daily?
These are just thoughts and questions. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:40:40 PM | Lol, you are so thoughtful. Too each their own I guess, but you coming off a little arrogant. With the attitude, that those who I can not find myself would not be worthy of a man such as me.
Kind of makes me feel sorry for the one that you do find. lol Really. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 2:18:17 PM | My problem is wanting to be active, go camping, and I smoke!
I work full time, come with benefits and a pension, but I don't look like Barbie!
I know what I like, where I want to retire and what I want to do with my retirement years.
Yes, I can compromise, to a certain degree, but would be happier with someone with the same goals as myself.
I failed sandbox, don't like to share my men, want him all to myself, so married or dating need not apply.
I'm too slow, by the time I get to know the one I think would suit me, he's met someone else! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 2:50:42 PM | GameSetMatch.....is your profile still hidden and why?
Are you still checking us out from behind the curtain? I believed you've checked me out already. LOL | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 2:52:08 PM |
I believed you've checked me out already. LOL
He isn't the only one   | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 3:01:13 PM | Well Game Set is either hidden or has deleted himself or found the most gorgeous of you pof babes all for himself?
In fairness though, I guess he is doing what he thinks is the honest thing. We all handle this type of dating differently. Mind you? I would much prefer and have used the honest approach. Not to mention? If I email a man? It is not like I have "set my cap" for him and am wantin to make the trip to the alter!!! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 3:20:47 PM | | Hiya storm...LOL You used to check me out on Chatropolis too babe. Remember Destiny? LOL | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:24:45 PM | Mesmor please meet Storm! lmao
Now for you folks to move on to email!!!!!!!!! Awe, budding love!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:54:23 PM | Well, I'm over 40, fishless, and not too unhappy about it. It would be nice to have a steady date to snuggle with now that winter's chill is upon us, but I'd rather keep my options open until I find someone who makes my heart go pittypat. I don't care which side of the bed I sleep on, as long as he's on my left. :-)
Like many of the other 40+ women here, I'm self-sufficient, solvent, and outgoing. I have friends of both sexes, but I don't feel that sleeping with whoever happens to be handy is a good idea. I work hard, like to play hard, and enjoy my sensual/sexual side, too. I own my vehicle and my house, and like my pets (horses). My daughter has grown up and moved out - and I like the peace of an adult household. Deal with it, guys.
As for asking the guys on here out, I do that regularly. Some will actually leave their computer terminals to go for coffee, but a lot more are looking for a skinny bombshell. Some say I'm too old, too fat or too something else - funny how judgemental they can be even though I know some of them had their profiles on quest, yahoo and excite more than 2 years ago...
I don't care if you smoke, as long as you don't do it in my house or car - and if I want to keep you, I'd rather you quit so that you can stick around for a long, long time. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:36:14 PM | | well i'm not afraid to ask men out or talk to them at all, i have emailed a few fishies and not many emailed back and the ones who did we only chatted for a brief messages then nothing i dont think i'm scary looking and i cant type alot of words in my profile to spice it up i am just me and to know me u have to talk with me not at me | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 8:43:41 PM | Kit Kat
This post of yours definitely rrequires a little trasnlation.
From the mans point of view.
1. They are always leary as something better may come along. So they love to shop and play.
====
Women are like cars. Plenty of good bodywork. Plenty worth more than a secnd glance but how many are so good that they are really worth the effort of maintianing for the next umpteen years. How many are so relaible that the actual maintinance is pretty much zero. They may be good to loook at but NONE of them are good enough to rreally bother with
.
2. They are so damned bitter from the past, they can't see past the nose on their face.
Every time they look in the mirror they can't see past the scars on their face. The scars that she inflicted. Before having him charged with wife bashing and the sexual molesting of thier two kindergarten aged kids.
It's been five years since the kids were finally examined by a doctor and he was rreleased from jail. But since then the ex has never beeen charged with perjury althogh every cop, judge,and laywer agreeds that she should be.
Bittter Kit Kat!!! Anyone would be.
3. A lot are simply not looking to change their lifestyle, but they sure want the fringe benefits of having a lady in their life.
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Most of them now know that the fringe benifits are very marginal indeed. Sex,only given grudgingly, only when something is wanted, never as a gestrue of love or affection is not sex at all. Women expect love from men but they regard thier own man hating as normal behaviour.
4. They make you feel as though you should "compete" for their affection. If you are not attentive enough,they let you know they will move on.
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They are sick of the whole business of "proving' anything to anyone. Paticularly proving thier love to you. Taking you for granted is no more lack of love than you taking them for granted.
Their presence with you is proof of their feelins for you. If you demand any further proof then they move on.
5. If they do not meet any of the criteria above? Then they are a Momma's boy looking to replace their live in housekeeper.
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They are more than happy with their own standards of housekeeping and the last ting that they need is anything half as bad as the ex. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:27:36 PM | OUCH.....this goes both ways male or female except for the momma's boy thing.
gamer.......... what a kind man you are to spare the ladies hurt feelings
My lifestyle hasn't changed that much in forty years, don't know if thats good or bad, married or not I still wear jeans, listen to rock and never sweat the little annoyances of day to day livin.
Now kitkat are you talkin lifestyle like hanging in the bar, being single even if your not or what? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:39:33 PM | @rocker? Not too sure what you were asking me there young man?
@ Mr. Sparticus? I can only assume that you are referring to yourself within your post. If you knew me, you would not say I was a man hater. And to be quite honest? If you ARE referring to yourself? I will graciously back down from further comment on your previous life. I have not the need nor the desire to get into THAT with you....I wish you all the best....and hope things do indeed look up for you.... | |
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