| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:58:06 PM | When I read Sparticus's post, I was floored. I can see bitter pill everywhere in his life. Sorry for your crap, but not all women are ballbusters like what was eluded to in that spiel.
So there is another reason why a lot of us are fishless over 40...if someone has a bad experience, it seems that for the most part, all men or women are painted with the same brush. Instead of chaulking it up to making a bad choice years ago...blame it on the rest of the opposite sex!
Heck, if I painted all men with the same brush that my ex was painted with, I would be a bitter old bag until I got planted!
Some people come across like the walking dead. They just forgot to lie down!!!  | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:27:21 PM | All I can say is ouch to sparticus, sorry for your luck!
We're not all like that, some of us are lovable still and have done our best to pack away the baggage.
To all those still hurt and suffering | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:34:04 PM | lmfao i packed my baggage back in 1990 raised my kids and i want to have fun and enjoy the rest of my life and that just doesnt mean sex i have a trailer i head off to every summer and enjoy it there party hearty in the winter months | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:40:50 PM | Kitkat...just wondered what part of lifestyle you were referring to in your post. ya know like dating someone but still wanting to live a singles life or start going to church on sunday and get a haircut and act like I'm gettin ready to retire. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:32:28 AM | In my opinion, i think after we get past 40 we've all been there done that and tend to live our future based on past experiences. we also tend to be shallow hals/hannas because of our past experiences. we look to have better relationships and try to weed out those that may be a repeat of the bad ones. I for one am not looking for a quickie or casual sex, if that's all i want there are sites for that, and yet i remain single. i am honest,loving and caring, but i will be the first one to admit i'm not perfect. i gained a lot of weight when i quit smoking years ago(man food tasted so much better lol), but ppl can't see past that to look at the real me. well when i lose the weight it's gonna be their loss. and i have tried the thing with the kids(hers) and her kids are number one priority(well then dating will take a back seat right?), which i can kinda understand, i don't have to be number one but i won't be number two made to feel like an outsider. if it's a package deal then it's a package for her too not just me. so i changed my profile to say no kids at home etc., but ya know what if i found a lady and her kids that made me feel a part of their lives i certainly wouldn't say no to that.
also some of us are partiers and some of us aren't and we need to have more get togethers for both, i personally don't need alcohol to have a good time, though an ocassional drink is not out of the question either.
Let's all try to stop judging first and give love a chance. more hugs i say!  | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/14/2006 3:26:55 AM | I smoke , and I'm not giving up my afternoon naps ! Guess I'm doomed eh ? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lol ooops ..it's 6:30 am .. time for bed ..lol Ahhhhhhh freedom ..I love it ! happy  all :)) | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/14/2006 4:44:36 AM |
In my opinion, i think after we get past 40 we've all been there done that and tend to live our future based on past experiences. we also tend to be shallow hals/hannas because of our past experiences.
I totally disagree with this one.... I know many folks who have gone through a ton of crap, and they have taken the time to heal and get over it, and get on with life!!! I am not saying our experiences don't shape us... they do.... but as Greanize said..... "Heck, if I painted all men with the same brush that my ex was painted with, I would be a bitter old bag until I got planted!"
I for one am not about to become one of the "walking dead"..... life is so much more fun when truly lived.
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/15/2006 11:19:22 PM | Don't know about most folks, but I ...
... ain't spending a lot of time looking (not much time left after the other stuff gets done).
... guess that there isn't much demand for short/chubby/balding guys (that's life, I'm a big boy & can handle that).
... don't feel like putting on a sales pitch: what you see is what you get...
... already have a good life now with *or* without that 'other fish', so am not 'motivated' to hurry & find one to fill that empty gap: got lots of friends & family & things to do ...
... still remember what life with the wrong fish was like; anything similar goes gently back into the water for somebody else (more compatible) to catch.
... got lot's of financial/legal/divorce stuff that I'd rather resolve first so it stays my problem & not theirs...
... believe that when the right one swims along, I'll (and she) will know.
That's my story & I'm sticking to it until I can come up with a better one ... | |
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GUMMLE
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Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 84 | |
| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/16/2006 5:06:57 AM | Most bizarre...
And embarrassing too...
My post ended up in the wrong thread... :help:
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/16/2006 3:32:28 PM | hummm Interesting?????
now I understand why im still single ?
and Im not picky or judgmental , just looking for happiness ....seems to be too much to ask this day and age !!! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/24/2006 2:38:17 PM | [Some people come across like the walking dead. They just forgot to lie down!!!]
Love that!
I like what DivineBovine's pasted article stated about looking for everything in one person. It doesn't make sense and I believe we do it. I have a theory about that BTW.
Life has become too busy, too rushed, too everything. We are constantly multi-tasking ourselves to distraction and half of what we do is done on autopilot. When was the last time you spent 30 minutes eating a plate of food? I don't mean the whole meal...just one plate.
Add to the mayhem our desire to pack in as much leisure activity as we can while still performing our roles as parents, kids, siblings, friends and neighbours.
We get pretty good at it. Almost addicted to the rush really.
Then, along comes s/he. What do I give up to be with s/he? Is it mowing the neighbour's lawn? Visiting gran at the home? Walking the dog? Yoga class? Monday night football?
Initially it all seems clear. But eventually when hearthrob becomes...say 'comfortable', we start to compare. "Do I want to spend time with hearthrob or watch the game?" From there it's "I'd rather watch the game than be with hearthrob." And if we're really good at listening to the tape in fast forward we can have this entire process over and done with in our head's before we get to the bottom of the first cup of coffee we've shared.
Our lives are so full and we've all become quite accustomed to believing they need to be and any compromise is "giving something up" instead of adding or changing our lives. Instead of "you mow, I'll rake"; or "you watch the game, I'm playing cards", we immediately move to, "We have nothing in common."
In other words, if you can't fulfill all of my needs to heck with you.
I don't believe there is a perfect mate out there for me. I do believe I will be perfectly happy with one though. Now before anyone goes nutso on me and says "so anyone will do?" read my words. When we were 15 and dating we looked at our date as someone with potential; comfortable in the knowledge s/he would grow and mature. Somewhere along the line, oh say after 40 (?), we looked at our date as a finished product.
I am not set in my ways. I'm certainly very familiar with them. But I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up. (Except I know I want to be less angry than DivineBovine's second post. Whoa nellie) Perhaps we should get some of that spirit back into us? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/24/2006 2:50:33 PM | | Fishy fishy where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu lol | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/24/2006 3:18:00 PM | | greenize i am in the ecact same vote as you,i too am very flexible and i can comprimize,and ive raised my kids also,and the nest heer is empty also,No one will ever make my choices in a man but me,and when this happens he will be number one in my life yes my children are my world but they have new lives and new beginnings and now its my turn | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/24/2006 3:27:23 PM |
Except I know I want to be less angry than DivineBovine's second post. Whoa nellie
i DESPISE whiners!!!
especially when they complain about rules at PoF when they are literally getting something for nothing.
i also don't think that whinging about age differences is constructive in the least... but that's just me.
i have strong opinions, and i found a man (even though i call him The Boy - because he's all of 2 years younger) strong enough to match me.
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:02:11 AM | Wow Divine, where does that anger come from?
I reread Asian's post and I didn't read whining. On the contrary he stated he attends parties and has fun but would like to see a party for 40's. Loneliness isn't being alone...it's being without one's own kind. I get that. Why don't you?
Observing something he sees as lacking and suggesting folks rally to change it is not whining. It’s a constructive and assertive beginning to initiate change. Just because something is free doesn't make it perfect or impervious to constructive criticism. Nor does it render it incapable of positive change. (The air I breathe is free but it stinks and could use some change to make it better)
The op asked: “I would like to hear others views on why most people over 40 are not matching up with someone???” Asian gave his opinion and included a suggested solution. You responded with what can only be viewed as a personal attack.
We all have strong opinions Divine. Are you strong enough to accept that some are different from yours? | |
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| Great Expectations
Posted: 11/26/2006 8:11:50 AM | I think the older we get the more diverse are our reasons for desiring a partner. This makes it harder to match up with someone with similar expectations when it comes to finding a partner. In your twenties and even into your thirties you are building a life and looking for someone to build it with. By the time you reach your forties your life is pretty much built and is what it is and harder to modify to accomodate someone else.
You also may live like I do in a small dating pool where most of the people have had a very different life experience.
Forinstance how many people can quit their jobs and move across the country in their forties? In many fields being older and starting in a new situation is a real disadvantage.
Myself I got into the dating game too late, was always looking for the PERFECT match and always seemed to be behind the experience curve in terms of who was/is in my dating pool. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 8:14:03 AM | HAHA!
Well I know that I have different opinons then most of you on here all the time on things!
And you all know I do and you love to go after me for my opinions also !
As for me well I am always in a good mood even if I sound like I am not !
Sure I know alot of over 40's people are not matching up & for good reasons is why .
Nope it is not that their not looking but more the fact the women are not letting their past relationships that went bad be put in their past. And hence the ladies remain not match up with any one new because of this.
As for the guys over 40 well yes alot are looking and trying to find someone but it seems the guys are never just good enough for the women for some stupid reason. Why well don't ask me as I am one of those guys who's trying but not getting any where with you ladies.
Its never the guys who gets to decide if theres anything gonna happen . As for events for 40's & over only well all thats gonna do is same as any other event .
Those over 40 who attend will already more then likely attend with someone their all ready dating . And those who attend single will most likely still be single afterwards as the women will be afraid to open up and give any these still single men over 40 the time of day let alone think of opening their hearts and giving one of them a shot .
So setting a over 40's meet up is fine but don't expect it to be any much different or to change your chances any more then ay other singles meet. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 8:23:25 AM | | Although there are a few glimmers of hope in some posts, I still let my past statements stand here, I throw my arms in the air and I want to jump through the screen and shake some people and make you all realize that each and everyone of us has something to offer in the love department!! It's still the 'baggage' that I see - the self deprecating attitude that holds people back!! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 8:25:24 AM | HEY MOOMMM ! Leanne is following me !!!
HAHA! And she's giving me a complex I think ! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 9:11:11 AM | | Wow! What a thread this has turned into! I do not think it is whining when one states his/her opinion on why they are alone after 40. Or if they make suggestions on how they think perhaps it could change. This is such a difficult stage to be in that to question how it all goes is just that. Not whining by any means. And Firmbear? I so hate it when you always blame the ladies for not wanting a date. That is so untrue and you know it! We all have our likes and dislikes. To say they don't want to commit to a date is incorrect. I sure wish we all knew the answers to this, but if we did, we wouldn't be here to dicuss the issue now would we? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 9:26:04 AM | Hey firmbear not following you!!! 
I don't think I can give you a complex - someone else does that for you!!! Like most people, that someone can be 'yourself' - especially when it come to this topic!!  | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 9:30:37 AM | | i dont have any baggage i dont have any possibilities either but im not going to just wither and die my happy attitude wont let me for those that dont have fish never say never those who do good luck with that one you'll need it and congrats | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 9:40:06 AM | As a 49 year old, most of what I think has already been expressed here. Personally, I know what I am looking for - but like probably most people I have set my sights on what I consider a "perfect" match, and need to learn to compromise.
Obviously you don't reach my age without carrying a lot of baggage - and I admit I have to learn to leave a lot of it behind in order to move forwards. I am putting a lot of energy into doing just that. I was something of a "wild child" in years gone by, and still suffer from what I call Peter Pan Syndrome - I have a hard time with the growing up thing. It's difficult being a 23 year old in a 49 year old body!
Someone posted that when you live alone for a length of time, you get comfortable with the way you live - very true. Living on your own, who cares if the bathroom doesn't get cleaned, or the dishes pile up? (OK, I admit it, I'm a slob! )
Greanize said "I can't change who I am inside, but I can change who I am outside." True, but isn't it supposed to be who we are inside that really counts? I changed my outside by losing 50 pounds over the last three years. I'm still who I was on the inside.
Leeanne said "Instead of thinking life has little to offer the over 40's - reverse that thinking and open up a whole new world, that can be yours for the taking." I agree with this, hence joining POF and actually attending my first function, by myself, this weekend.
Gummle said "That the longer I am single...
Without that level of interaction...
One gets from dating...
Or being in a relationship...
The more selfish and self centered...
I've become..."
Again, something I can relate too, and something that is hard to overcome, IMO
I could probably go on and on, but I've taken up enough of your time! I think Greanize summed it all up:
"Set in our ways?
Fear of falling into something as bad as we had before?
Unable to open up and step outside our boundaries?
Not willing to look at someone who does not 'fit our norm'?
Too busy in our lives to find a balance between home, work, and dating?
Unwilling to compromise?"
My feeling - take a deep breath, and step outside your personal comfort zone. We're older, we've had our share of knocks in life before - we can take a few more. Hopefully eventually I will meet someone to share my life with. If I don't, then at least I will know that I tried. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 9:47:23 AM |
Wow Divine, where does that anger come from?
anger????
the man is bashing a free website and the rules they have in place.
he stated he attends parties and has fun but would like to see a party for 40's.
that's nice - it's against the rules here and he knows it. now you do too. i also pointed out that there are many places where dating is segregated by age - Hurry Date is one of those places in the Toronto area.
Just because something is free doesn't make it perfect or impervious to constructive criticism. Nor does it render it incapable of positive change.
PoF cannot be everything to everyone, nor should it have to be. if someone is looking within narrow parameters for a partner, there are many, many, MANY organizations to cater to those needs.
You responded with what can only be viewed as a personal attack.
personal attack??? i don't think so....
but if you'd like to see it that way and continue to be a White Knight, by all means, go ahead... | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 2:17:39 PM | HAHAHA!
Well now kit some of you women all you want is to just date others and not looking for anything other then just good friends . And those are what I call mind players plain and simple no matter how yeah look at it . And I could careless about the just dating people or the just friends ones also . And thats also why I do not bother trying to get to know any of you just here to date or just friends women .
And leanne well theres no complex here with me . Yeah I do not date large women period .But thats my choice also if I so wish it to be . And yeah I can tell by most of the replies in these forums made back at what I post alot of you wish I would F,n drop dead !LOL
But that shows me when I see this type of responses from some of you that your so not over anything in your past and yeah the baggage is stickin out for sure.
Cause when I see someone blow a gasket or seems so wound tight that they need to lash out on someone no matter how minor the something is thats not what I call no baggage . | |
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