| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 4:54:09 PM | Oh my dear Firmie? How very little you understand! I am glad you would not want to date me darlin, you are not my type plain and simple! Perhaps to speak with you and discuss the odd subject, sure. But physically and some other aspects, I do not find you at all attractive. And that is ok cuz not everyone is everyone else's cup of tea. Now, to get on with what you say about my only dating for just friends? I think we all start out that way. Least I would sincerely hope so. And alas, darlin firmie? I do not advertise my social life here in the fishbowl. I keep who I date to myself. Sure, you and others can think I am stuckup, or a player or gay, whatever turns your crank. Frankly, what folks who do not know me think does not bother me...
OT: Alas, my over 40 eludes me but he is out there somewhere. Very much doubtful he is on the net but one never knows! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:24:48 PM | LMAO
Well Kitters its your live in person show that makes alot of us guys turn and run more then anything !
Oh sure your a funny lady for sure ! And yeah I know you mean well when your having fun. But I can and will be honest with yeah and tell you it sure does scare alot more guys away from you then it will attract !
Hey its mutual about the attraction also &yep everyone has thier preferences.
And yep I know I drive alot of you up the wall in these forums . And alot of you show more then your nice side sometimes also!LMAO
Hey don't think I am not dating any women just because you don't see anyone in here chasen me on pof . Theres more to life then waiting for someone on here to make a move.
And besides seems only time anyone gets motivated on here to meet is only if theres some party they can hit and get drunk at . LMAO
Seems pof meets at some bar are the only thing people think of that are a place to meet singles at ! And bars for me are nothing more then a place to drink and waste time in.
Now don't get me wrong I go out to bars some times but heck thats not the only place to go out too. And I don't go to bars to try to pick a woman up as thats the last place to find anyone worth dating long term . | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:34:34 PM | And to this last post of yours dear firmie? I say heck, if what I do scares the so called "men" away, so be it. I am myself and have no desire to change. Btw? While I realize you speak for yourself, who would the other so called running men be? lmao....
I am over 40. I am single. I find it as difficult as some of the others here to find someone who I think is along the same type of person, wanting the same things I do. Would I change myself? Not in a million years! I did that for a man or two already in my lifetime darlin! I am me,take me or leave me. And firmie hun, if something Miss Kitty does turns you off, you always have a back to turn do you not? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:53:16 PM | YES I do now that you mention it kitters!
But since I am a nice person I tend to watch you do your show & see the expressions on everyones faces ! And hell you do do some crazy asssed stuff ! Maybe you should be on stage at Yuk Yuks as I bet you could bust people up with laughter with your crazyness!!
And besides when I find my sweet lovin lady I am gonna show her off to you all and make yeah pissed off at me even more !hahahha
And who else can make you lot take a second to think about yourselves or your actions other then me !lol
At least I don't and won't be afraid to say it to someones face in person or any where.
But as for changing who I am or what I am seeking in my mate just to match someone else's personality or what their seeking thats never gonna happen . I'll die a single man first before that will ever happen.
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Posted: 11/26/2006 6:03:32 PM | Awe Firmie? Thanks so much for explaining to me why I do not have a fish! What is your excuse?lmao When I do my "show"? I always have my clothes on right? lmao.....I am so glad you have my actions downpat. Would there be anyway you could film me next time? And funny you mention Yukyuks hun? I always wanted to do that and just may yet!
You say tomatoe I say tomato so no biggy here. You win firmie, Miss Kitty backs down! I truly wish you meet the lady of your dreams and leave the fishbowl! You are so very very deserving! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 6:31:28 PM | Gawd Kit...we ALL wish he would meet someone and get out of the fish bowl. The water feels murky tonight!
Luv you Kitty, and we all know that your liveliness and sense of humor is a valuable attraction to any REAL man! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 6:39:05 PM | I'll be hitting 40 in May and as I look at the previous posts from a so called mature man...no WONDER it's hard to find someone at this age when they still haven't grown up! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 6:45:27 PM | Don worry ...... be happy :) Good things will come your way :) The fishie I'm with now ...caught me 2 years ago ... I was 54 then. Don worry ...beeeeeeeee happy :)
When I grow up .... I wanna be ... dead . | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 6:48:16 PM |
as I look at the previous posts from a so called mature man...no WONDER it's hard to find someone at this age when they still haven't grown up!
Gawd love you Destiny! If that is all we have to choose from in this fish pond, I will switch species!
I have learned a long time ago to ignore what a certain Mature Man writes on here, but once in a while this terrible urge comes over me to give someone a smuck against the noggin! It goes away! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 6:57:37 PM | I just came swimming over to check out Ontario and wow...bit of a discussion going on here.
"Nope it is not that their not looking but more the fact the women are not letting their past relationships that went bad be put in their past. And hence the ladies remain not match up with any one new because of this."
Just my opinion but I think this might be called learning from your mistakes. But that's only my opinion. I can be bad with quotes, I can't remember who said this...and I paraphrase so forgive me..."Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."
Anyway, I just turned 40 not so long ago. Yes it is tougher for us. But like most of the people who responded have said...we're set in our ways and we've raised the bar (not wanting to settle for anything less). And I think we're more patient anglers.
S. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:24:27 PM | I've just spent a bit of time reading all the posts in this thread, and I didn't see what I think to be an important, if not the most important, reason a lot of us older folk are still single, and will likely remain single.
That reason being.....we've learned that very few relationships will stand the test of time, and we simply don't want to have to go through that again.
And sadly, if the relationship does make it to the end of time, we're still going to go through the loss again.
So, knowing that we're all destined to lose one way or another, and knowing that we're all moving into the autumn of our lives, why enter into something that can only lead to pain and sadness in the not-too distant future? | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:30:07 PM | ^^^ So if there is a chance of failure give up?!?!?!?! OMG if we thought that about everything we'd all be on Prozac curled in a ball on the couch with a blanket over our head!!! I did that once - it sucked - get on with life and suck it up!!!!! 
You're not freakin' dead yet - LIVE FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
edit (below) OMG you are only 10 years older than me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holy sh:t I am getting married in a few months and hoping to have a kid and you want to throw in the towel and dig a hole - Yikes!!!!
Go ask for help for your depression before it's too late!!! I hate to be harsh but please save yourself from a life of sadness!!!!!! You have tons of living to do if you allow it!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:38:05 PM | Its not a question of 'if' Leanne. Its a certainty. The best relationship we can find will end, and given our ages, the average lifespan, and the high divorce rate, that relationship won't last very long.
Its not about giving up. Its about being realistic, and deciding whether you want to face that separation again - regardless of how it occurs.
I really do think this is one of the reasons - whether folks will admit it or not - why they choose to remain single.
Happily though, romantic relationships aren't a prerequisite to enjoying life. :) | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:50:13 PM | | Good lord..DOOM AND GLOOM! How depressing is that? Lady..there are no guarantees in life. You could be 25, meet your soulmate and one day BOOM!..hit by a bus. Life is way too short as you so eliquently pointed out. Why not keep optimistic and hope that someday..SOMEWHERE is that man/woman that can make what time you have together wonderful? What if you knew today was the last day you spent on this earth? Would you want to spend it curled up on the couch hiding under the covers...waiting for it to end..or.......wouldn't you rather spend the day living life to it's fullest with those you care for and love? I for one don't want to be alone at the end of days..twilight years..autumn years..WHATEVER you want to call it. Maybe it's my fate to be alone but I sure as hell am not going to roll over and die! | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:56:57 PM | If I've given the impression that I condone the curling up on the sofa approach, I apologize! Anything but!
Personally, I can't stand people that hole-up like that. I certainly don't!
But as I said before, I still believe its one of the basic reasons so many of us are single, and will remain so. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/26/2006 8:26:17 PM | All I have to say is WOW! I don't ever really think of my age, but now that it's been pointed out hmmm - thanks a lot haha!!
I have 'friends' listed on my profile, because in reality, I don't want to date or have a long term relationship with someone that isn't my friend first and foremost. I have no issue with meeting up with someone if there is a mutual attraction and/or anything in common, shared interests etc...
I'm not afraid of commitment, don't carry any baggage over but am not desperately looking for a guy either. It just seems sometimes like there arent' enough minutes in a day, days in a week, weeks in a month etc... At 43 years old (almost 44 omg haha) I have all those years of friends, family, events, occasions and so on that sometimes, when I feel like I DO want a man in my life, I wish I could just pluck him from a tree and fit him into my life. If I'm having issues keeping up with my own stuff, it's hard to imagine doubling that up. So, yeah, it takes a concerted effort to make it a priority and maybe I'm just not ready for that yet. Hence the 'friends' request. Should it move beyond that, should I want it to, then I will make whatever necessary changes I need to in my busy life to ensure that he is one of my very first priorities. Until then, I'm enjoying the forums, the people and the chatting here when I can.
Honestly, would I really rather be out on a date than checking out Firmie and Kits tango - not on your life!!!!
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 12:05:54 AM | HAHHA! Yeah nothing like Kitters & Leanne trying to bug ol firmbear!
But hey thats cool as it lets them vent on someone right !
Besides like alot of you women have been posting that changing or settling for second best is what us men should be doing yet you women will say you deserve better . I can not see me settling for any one other then the one who best meets what I am seeking in my type of lady . And as for me hey there is no compromising when my heart is invloved and no this is not the only place I look for someone to date. Yep I know every woman is gonna say they want friends first and then go from there. But don't every relationship start as friends ???
And no I don't worry about if I will find someone as I know I'll find her . And it never bothers me in the least if its this week or next year when I find her.
As to me I'll find her when I am supposed too and not before .
So I just enjoy life as it comes & enjoy doing what ever I wish to do . Heck I'm already planing my summer vacation down south for next year . So I don't think being still single and no fishie is bothering me in the least .
But I do see it bugging some of you ladies alot !! | |
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| Over 40 and have a fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 2:42:40 AM | Just come across this thread and just wanted to say .. it does work ... all you have to do is stop looking LOL and there is hope after 40 !!
Age is not the barrier, its attitude and mentality.. have a positve attitude and a young mentality and that attracts people.
I have many friends on POF, however I met a lady (On POF) that swooped me off my feet.. we connect on all 3 levels (Mind Body and Soul), I consider myself one of the lucky ones. There are a few couples now in the 'shwa area .. its pretty neat to see.
So dont give up hope or flame anyone it does not get you anywhere.
Good luck to everyone on here .. get out to the Meet and Greets and the parties now and again..
[[[SyMoN]]] also SHaGaDeLiC_LuVaHz
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:21:11 AM | Well I am an under-30, slowly approaching the 40 mark....still no fishies for me. All I can say is keep trying.
I keep searching, trying to find men that have some common interests. Send them off an email or IM and see if they bite. Some do, some dont. I try not to get too discouraged. But I know where you are coming from OP.....it can get a little discouraging but I just keep fishing and eventually someone will bite on my hook for a change.
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 7:00:07 AM | OK. Guess this one is gonna be a bit rough around the edges, but here goes.
Ladies, get a Grip!
The OP starts off with a perfectly reasonable question. But then the line runs to bitter and blamefull. You were first Kit Kat my dear. Don't quibble, I can read. You are normally a pretty withit doll, but the blame game is pretty clear in the post. Then when it was pointed out a whole whack of ladies jumped up and screamed "bitter..bitter...man"
So Sad.
Leanne hon, you were right on the money. Big hug, and a cheer.
For the record, a few things that might have missed your attention lassies.
1) Men don't date younger women as "trophys" out of course. They are seeking to recover from something that didn't work in the only way possible. If you don't get what it was, you don't get men, and well...that leads to not getting men.... To treat younger women as "trophies" is to set yourself up for unfair comparisons. Strongly resist the temptation.
2) Women kvetch about men wanting sex. This is usually a sign that she has control issues. Look, a man in his teens and twenties is likely to screw anything with a heartbeat. Fair enough. But in his thirties and forties? Get over yourself. There are only two kinds of men at that point. The kind that is a playboy and never got married, or in a serious relationship and you can steer real clear of him. Sure he will tell you he just never met "miss right" but it's kinda like the little old man that cried wolf at that point. The other is the kind that has had long relationships. They know the score. Don't treat them like emotional children or you will get emotional cripples to date. D'uh! Wait a year, then date them. Simple way to increast your odds.
3) Has it occured to anyone that the main reason that decent quality over 40 fish are not that readily available is because they are worth having? HELLLOOO! If they are good men, the vast majority of them are taken!! Kinda makes it rough, but them's the breaks. Sorry.
4) Many women in thier 40's are emotionally closed off. They can talk about thier feelings, and express what it means to them personally and what they have done to grow till the cows come home. Big deal. That makes you the emotional equivalent of a sister or a mother. Most guys on POF aren't shopping for one of those. The problem is fear of hurt. Women would rather tell me what they feel and how I should feel than just jump off the emotional cliff into the arms of love. Sorry sister, but if a guy in his 40's can fly, he isn't going to settle on a lady that is to frightened to open her wings again.
Sorry about the length. Just had to get some of that out in the open.
Dented.
PS. Loved the first post DB. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 8:29:36 AM | @dented knight... altho I think you make some valid points, the general slant of it SEEMS to be that women want to "catch a man".... and that certain things must be done for this to be attained..... sorry, but most of these women aren't in that category. They are quite comfy in their own skin, in their lives, and are MERELY voicing an opinion.
Women kvetch about men wanting sex.
Sorry again.... most women over 40 can't get ENOUGH sex... haven't you been reading Leanne's posts???
Many women in thier 40's are emotionally closed off.
This is just as true for men over 40 as it is for women.
OT - there are many women and men over 40 who are single, have been hurt, are more careful, etc.... when you have been on the merry-go-round of love a few times, and fallen off, you learn to watch a little more, be more careful, and more patient, and more picky too .... you have not only yourself to consider... you often have children, a home and a career to consider too.... and you long ago learned to count on no one but yourself....... JMHO
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 8:36:57 AM | Pearl darling.....
Well said honey, I'm glad I read your post before replying to Dented!  | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 8:39:53 AM | Pearl...Sorry for the confusion.
What is the functional difference between saying, "I'm over 40 and a man hasn't come to me yet." and "I'm over 40, I haven't caught one yet?" There is none. It's very safe to say that women don't want to "catch" a man because it implies entrapment. It is equally bad for a man to volunteer himself to a woman, sets up all kinds of "doormat issues" Seems you might be quibbling in the "control issues" area....lol.
The reality is neither men NOR women in the age group are happy about the odds. I'm just pointing out alternatives and reasons, not trying to "blame" anyone, although being "comfy in ones skin" is really handy please remember it's right in the middle of an empty bed. So if it's so comfy, why are you here? Helloooo. Not that it is intolerable, but it does underly a desire for some kind of change no?
I read Leanne's posts all the time. Note: She has a man. Next point?
On the OP. I agree with you. Those are also good points, but IMHO are excuses. Things that bind up time and effort. True, invaluble and wonderfull. My child is 10. I have a job. I know the gig. But it just makes it harder. But not that hard. Life without The Girlfriend would be much less hectic to be sure, but far, far emptier. | |
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| Over 40 and no fish!
Posted: 11/27/2006 8:42:46 AM | | @Dented. Perhaps you did not READ enough of the posts. Right up until someone's post #100, I do not believe there was anything wrong with what I said. In post 100, the person inferred that I am a player and someone he would not be bothered to meet. I came back at that with an answer, which I know I should have let ride off my back as I have with all of that person's other posts. I am not "bitter". You know me. Thought you would have understood at least that much about my personality. However, this is in fact an open forum and all are entitled to their thoughts.....and I wonder why I try to refrain from posting? | |
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