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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 4:50:25 PM | I hear ya, magick. I live with my 3 teens, but no partner for 9 years now, getting a bit tired of it. Not my teens, lol. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 5:49:20 PM | I have done some of both, living alone and living with a partner. I have been alone the last 2 years, before I was with my latest ex I had lived alone for 5. I would say I much prefer living with a partner than alone. I don't have kids or family, and I'm retired, so if it weren't for my friends, local and online, I would have no human contact at all. I like my own company, but I get mightily bored with myself after a while. 
The "my" vs. "your" vs. "our" house seems to be a real issue at out age, which it never was when we were younger. A lot of women have said that they are very happy in their own home, and have no intention of moving. I have no intention of moving either, and there seems to be an impasse over that issue. I have no problem with sharing my space, would be happy to, even though I know I would have to give up MOST of the walk-in bedroom closet, for example. One girl I dated said my curtains were horrible, and my response was fine, pick out some you like. I think that with a lot of love and some willingness to compromise that such things can be worked out.
Magicallaroundme, I got a laugh about your electric drill on the kitchen counter. I have some stuff sitting out because I just can't decide where it should go. My old microwave oven started having fits, so I replaced it, but I can't bring myself to put it in the trash, somebody might figure out what's wrong with it some day.
The main thing I miss, other that the physical intimacy, is having someone to talk to. I just laughed my butt off at the "Sexy Panties" thread, but I have nobody to read it to.
The biggest danger, when you are alone and want to change that, is that you will settle for somebody that doesn't really work for you, and that you will regret it later. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:01:14 PM | | I have been on my own for four years. I like living by myself, when I was married I always regretted not having the opportunity to live on my own. I went from Mom to married. I like my freedom and independance but I do admit sometimes I would like to have someone to make dinner for. But for now, It's me and Gracie (woof) | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 6:58:01 PM | 25 years living alone here..hehe..I love eating a peanut butter sandwich for dinner standing in front of the TV.
I LOVE having two cats and a feral trusting me..and me only. (The feral is a problem..he's like owning a baby panther..but worse! Yikes!!!) Living alone has taught me how to survive in a hostile environment observing and living with my feral.
I love the fact that I have control of my remote. Always.
I hate in-laws..nothing but trouble.
I love hogging the covers without anyone interjecting..I'm a 'pillow pig', as well. Take my pillow?? you're dead! lol
Sans | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 9:22:29 PM | Gosh I guess you loose track till something like this comes along and you look back on it. I've been on my own ( as far as no partner) since 94, 12 years. The kids were around for a few after that then they were on thier own too. For the most part after once getting used to the quiet that seems to scream at you it wasn't too bad. I've had a few room mates over the years, some good and others good to see go.
I don't think the human race is meant to live alone though. Maybe that's why we make so many friends, you can always go out and meet them for company but it's not the same.
I can't say I hate living alone, it's better than certain spots you can find yourself in, but like all the rest, if and when the right person comes along again it would be great to share the ups and downs again with someone.
It certainly does teach us to figure out who we are though doesn't it????? Found out there were lots of things I could do that I depended on someone else for, I even have my own tools now :) | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/13/2006 10:21:27 PM | I felt alone for most of my marriage. Since my final separation in 93 and my divorce in 97 I have lived by myself except for a period of 18 months or so.
I enjoy the solitude but I miss having a partner and having someone who will touch me and I them. If I found the proper person I would enjoy living together but it is not necessary, It would be enough to find someone who cared enough to be willing to share lives.
When I am out in the evening and I see all the couples I will admit that I begin to wonder why they are paired and I'm not. It causes me to wonder if the old joke is true --- Perhaps my life's purpose is merely to be a warning to other people. 
Well, my dog loves me and he will come when called [unless there is a cat, a rabbit, or other more interesting thing around] and that is enough while I search for more. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 12:33:34 AM | Although i really don't relish the thought of living alone forever...the flip side of the situation is living with someone who makes you feel lonelier still.....
Asknot | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 3:14:17 AM | Right! But the darnest thing, the "ME" remembers keep finding ME. LMAO! | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 3:22:26 AM | Alone for 18 months......I was alone emotionally for 31 years in a marriage......I HATE beong alone; I always will.
(I love myself, enjoy life with the joie de vivre!)...am content with who I am, etc., etc.......enjoy time by myself
But hate being alone.
Born extrovert, huggy-kissy, touchy-feely; I miss what I never had; a warm loving relationship with a man.
Good thing I am unbelievably patient!! LOL
Smiles Rossal | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 6:54:08 AM | | My last live in BF was in 99, he passed away, pissed me off at first, because i didnt want to be alone...My kids are grown, im in a good place, now I want someone to share it with, but how do we know when the time is right, when ur so used to living alone...ive dated, but still havent found the right man to settle down with, and build a home life, hope to find out one day | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 7:00:22 AM | BFJRLADY wrote:
"I think 32 years, you should be asking yourself just how much you honestly wanted to partake in the give and take of a real living together experience. You have to bend and them too."
The great majority of my 32 years living alone was without any partner, or even any dates.
There were a few "temporaries," but all short term and, in the end, little satisfaction. After each disaster, I would swear off women, only to relent a few years later.
My current theory is that emotional attachment does not work for me, and it might be better to steer clear of relationships. Maybe a FWB thing, without strings. Maybe.
The funny thing is, that as a really young guy, it was my ambition to always live alone, and to be without a partner. Guess my dream came true.
From childhood, I always knew I would never marry. I would live without the conflict and stress. That's the thing about relationships; too much drama.
I suppose the quietude of solitary living is more attractive to me, than the battlefield of romantic partnership. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 7:46:23 AM | | 9 months here. I was scared to death at first. I have never been alone in my life until now. The hardest thing I find is the "eating".. I don't want to cook for just myself. I have now evolved to loving my own space and doing exactly what I want to do. I am looking forward to finding the right man for me and making OUR house our home. Thanks for the heads up on some men don't want you to change anything if it is THEIR house. I will see to it that, that is not gonna happen. I love decorating and I take pride in making comfort changes for the two of us. Great thread. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 9:13:40 AM | Ive lived alone for a few years. I used to dread going into that cold, empty bed alone but I got a nice featherbed and a big down comforter and its very cushy and comfortable, so I look forward to it. In the absence of someone I really want to be with, I don't suffer living alone and enjoy it for the most part. It has taken me many years, but I am finally at a point where I am not inclined to tempt fate, so alone or partnered, I am going to be ok and make the best of it.
What I miss is having an animal, a cat or a dog.  | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 9:27:22 AM | Steven, go get yourself a dog or cat or both like me,   | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 6:20:45 PM | I'm single but not really alone... first my 3 teenage kids lived with me, then various ones moved out and back and to school and back. For about a month they were all gone. Now my daughter and son in law live with me. I actually like their company. I like having people to greet and have dinner with and watch movies with. At the same time, being single, I really do like having personal space and freedom to come and go.
On the other hand...I would really love to have a Special person in my life!
And then again, I'm really not sure how it would be if I had to get married, sell the house, kick daughter & sonin law out, and move in with someone. I just don't know if I could do it. The thought gives me "cold feet".
The idea of marriage at 50 seems a lot more complicated than at 21. I have property, I have my own identity, I'm not ready to be someone else's "sidekick".
Sometimes I think I'd be happy if I could just have a sweetheart who lives NEAR me, like a few miles away. But I don't think most guys would go for this. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 6:55:54 PM | It will be 10 years this coming May...well, not really.
First, I have not been lonely alone. I love my own company and do find lots of fun things to do alone, I read a lot, listen to some jazz or blues, a video here and there, love my walks, etc... My pad has all the toy a boy ever want.
Second, I have been dating these last 8 months and we do "sleep-overs" 4 nights a week. Nope, no ready to move in together...probably never. We both enjoy our evenings alone, she - her bluegrass and TV, me - my jazz/blues and reading. We agreed that when we are together we do stuff together, two or three planned activities a weekend.
For those who are lonely alone, get a pet. I have a cat, 19 Y.O. tabby. A wonderful room mate.
Doc Sage  | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 7:15:15 PM | I live alone and actually feel alone in a world with 6 million or so people.
Who’da thunk it ..............
Married most of my life - no kids of my own - helped raise two girls from 5 & 7 thru college and now both married.
Don’t like it much but .......... thats how the mop flops I guess.
I get trumped by the girls’s mom for all the holidays and that is how it goes also.
Next time around I will have some kids and not have a “leased” family lol.
I also work from a home office and have for like 19 years ............... I don’t even see anyone unless somebody tries to run over me when I go across the street to the mail box lol.
There is nothing I can do about it. Maybe heck will freeze over some day and little miss huggable will move in next door.
3.5 years and it looks umm ............ lasting. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/14/2006 8:15:32 PM | Alone....Who is alone when you have a human that talks all the time.... | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/15/2006 7:45:12 PM | I don't think I have ever lived "totally" alone in my entire life. Maybe for a couple of months (when daughter joined the Army or the kids were visiting dad for the summer) but never more than that. How long have a lived without having a significant other living with me? Almost 20 wonderful years. I enjoy dating. I enjoy men. I enjoy friends. I am enjoying that my daughter is grown and is now one of my best friends. I would not enjoy having to pick up after another man; listen to one complain; not being able to stretch out in my bed; do what I want when I want.
What I would enjoy is having my apartment all to myself. Having my daughter visit frequently, lunch dates and such plus having a sexy man (mid 40s to late 50s) to enjoy time with and when it was over he went home.
Does that make me selfish or a witch with a 'B'? Who cares? Life should be lived and enjoyed -not tolerated. If you are living alone and don't like, do something to change it. If you are living alone and like it - lucky you. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/16/2006 12:13:12 AM | wow, I love sooo many things about living single. I have been living single for about three years now, and granted, I came out of an intensely difficult and painful marriage, but the beauty is how liberated and lucky I feel now in my life as a single mom. I live with my young daughter and we have had live-in mothers helpers come and go, so I am not literally living alone ... but I can't imagine trading this life for all the compromise and negotiation that living with a partner demands. Maybe someday I'll feel differently, but for right now I am madly in love with the freedom and ownership I get to have in my life because it is truly my own.
I love not having to pick up someone else's towels on the bathroom floor
I love having peace when i want it and craziness when i crave it
I love buying what i want when i want where I want
I love not having to negotiate my choices
I love not having someone angry at me
I love not being angry
I love cleaning when I want to and leaving it be when I don't
I love having the option of absolute solitude
I love having anyone over any time I want
I love not arguing over different parenting styles
I love having a sane living environment
I love having the house look just as great when I come home as it did when I left
I love no secrets or lies
I love my life
I love my house
I love making my own priorities, schedules, commitments, choices, and timetables without having to compromise, discuss, debate, or defend
I love working whenever I want however long I want without being judged
I love hiring people to do the jobs around the house I can't do and they actually finish them
I love having sex when I want to and not because I am obligated to
I love raising my daughter my way
I love dating and flilrting and meeting people and exploring relationships without feeling trapped in a relationship with someone who is all wrong for me
I love that I have been married and now feel no urgency, desperation, or even need to experience that journey again
I love that I can now choose single status with joy, rather than feel stuck in it with fear
I love that I can follow my own desires and sense of flow
I love that I can create my own daily existence and fill it with beauty joy peace adventure, whatever I please because my life is my own and my journey is my own and though I get to roll alongside other people whenever I choose, I get the freedom to roll any direction I want and the wind in my hair is amazing. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/16/2006 6:43:17 AM | I have lived alone for 2 years now,and love it I can come in and out when I want to,cook when I want to,no one to answer too. So whats to complain about??  . | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:28:03 AM | I have just turned fifty. I have lived alone all my life.
Don't know any different. I have nothing to compare it to.
So I guess.......... I can't really comment about living alone. | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/16/2006 8:23:26 AM | Suz2b
I love your post!!!
I have not been alone in the kid's department. I have a 15 year old daughter at home still. I had a son at 16, so technically, I've had a child still at home for the last 29 years. Though I am 46, I have never lived alone. I am single, and have not lived with a MAN for 4 1/2 years. But, when I do date someone, and he wants to be at my house all the time, it drives me nuts. I don't feel like I can run around in my ugly (but comfy) jammies, I can't do my chores, I can't sit on the couch and eat my supper out of the can, I can't watch a DVD without being pawed through the whole thing. Now guys, don't get me wrong. I love men and dating, maybe even have a boyfriend someday but at a slow pace. Even with a child home, I can pretty much come and go as I please, and I don't feel I have to "answer" to her. Though I love my daughter immensely, I am sooooo looking forward to her moving on and not having to clean up after someone all the time. I am looking forward to those weekend getaways or staying out all night and not have to worry about someone else. I have spent my whole life putting everyone else's needs first. But, funny thing is, I still worry about my 29 and 21 year old sons who are moved out and I still seem to put first. LOL | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:04:51 AM | Its 8 years and counting now. I guess I am surprised at the number and the ammount of long time that so many have been alone. (!) Is this a sign of our times? (middle age) , I don't know. all I know is, 8 years is the longest I've been single in my adult life... and it just so happens to be at that stage of my life?
Is it the cumulative effect of picking very bad partners? Is it...maturing and not being so impulsive? Is it getting stuck in our ways? Is it the added complications of property and what to do about it? (not my problem, ) Is it a rock hard attitude problem?
I see all of the above all over the place as I read thru a thread like this.
I think everyone should spend some time alone, in order to conqure loneliness and really discover who you are. But, having accomplished these skills... I really think we were just not built to remain alone. In even the most resigned and stubborn posts... I still see twinklings of this coming thru the inevitable cracks.
Living alone certainly has its perks. We are the only one who ever tells us what to do, or what needs to be done. ha. there was the 'cat lady' on dr. phil yesterday who certainly has a living alone problem with her 200+ cats!! ha ha! We have to be on guard that our quest for independence doesn't bcome our own self made prison.
I don't want to live like I have been living for the past decade for the rest of my life. I know that! And...thankfully... I am being relieved of the compulsion to preface my desire to have a partner (needs) with a (not so subtle) list of "I won't put up withs"...or..."they better nots". If that stuff is indeed strong and secure inside of me... I don't need to display it on a big threatening billboard. I am so grateful for this. that doesn't mean that I can't occasionally fall off the wagon and go on a diatribe... but I try not to.
I believe the Creator built us to be partners. Pure and simple. But, being the wise Creator that he is.... He still allows us to Learn How. allthough I do addmit... there are times when I look up and have to ask...." god, why couldn't you have just included the how to part along with the package?" | |
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| Living Alone
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:25:35 AM | I think it is our mindset. When my ex was having an affair after being married 25 years, and when confronted he told me he hadn't loved me for 20 years, my first words were, why didn't you tell me then and I could have found love, now it's too late. I have gotten over that. I don't think it is ever too late to find love. I did stay another 9 years, on and off, my choice, and not a very good one, but circumstances prevented me from divorcing then, as I was taking care of my mother and needed to stay in the home. He wouldn't leave. I knew if I did leave, I would have to leave the state and not just the marriage. I was separated before and he was there all the time, so I dealt with it. I have no regrets, but would love to find my one true love!
I do love living alone though, and maybe it is because of being in such a rocky marriage. It is freedom to me. | |
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