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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/12/2007 1:17:22 PM | LOL..safety sake? that's just terminology to use to make YOURSELF feel good. and yet again you imply that someone is dishonest because they dont meet your test of honesty by posting a picture of themself to "appear" honest. I really don't think people are getting it here. No one HAS to post a picture just because YOU feel jilted, or betrayed, or because "you think" they are being dishonest or have a hidden agenda for not "complying with your needs". Spider, what you just did is typical passive aggressive behavior to get people to DO something you think they should, casting aspersions (aspersion |?'sp?r zh ?n| noun 1. an attack on the reputation or integrity of someone or something) on them and implying they are dishonest, if they don't.
What it really sounds like spider, is that you lack the ability to properly qualify someone through the discovery process of getting to know them, which is typical of people who need a picture of the other person to see if they are physically attracted first before bothering to find out if the important "requirements" are there first. This is how people get into troulbe meeting up with the "bad element" by accident, because they are more concerned about the looks and the physical attraction before putting the old noodle to work first and discovering and looking for "red flags" of character, or actions, determining ones morality, and discovering if a person just has good intentions or is a man of actions.
People's goodness and character show thru their actions. People of ill-repute can easily hide behind good looks, and often it becomes one of their weapons or tools to con or deceive or gain the trust or confidence of a victim. (that's not to say bad looks are exempt) Most good looking people know they are good looking, and some are even tempted to use that trait dishonestly. Knowing how to discover the truth about a person, doesnt come from having a picture of them, or knowing what they look like, or handing that picture to a friend (just in case), it comes from effort, maturity, experience, understanding and wisdom.
Which road do you want to take today? The one that might require a little hard work and determination on your part? or the popular/easy one?
Temet Nosce | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/12/2007 5:46:24 PM | | ^^^^ your right...they don't have to post a picture...but I will not meet someone without a picture and without "cam".....if you don't agree with that,then that's your opinion...but I only go out with people I'm attracted to...call me shallow if you want....but that is just who I am...I only want to date or met a man whom I'm attracted too.....having said that....it's the personality that will keep me interested.... | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/12/2007 7:27:30 PM |
What it really sounds like spider, is that you lack the ability to properly qualify someone through the discovery process of getting to know them, which is typical of people who need a picture of the other person to see if they are physically attracted first before bothering to find out if the important "requirements" are there first. This is how people get into troulbe meeting up with the "bad element" by accident, because they are more concerned about the looks and the physical attraction before putting the old noodle to work first and discovering and looking for "red flags" of character, or actions, determining ones morality, and discovering if a person just has good intentions or is a man of actions.
You can find out all you want about a person, but if there's no attraction to that person, the rest doesn't matter. One of those requirements is that they are someone you are attracted to. That doesn't equate to good looking, it means that to THAT person, the person they meet is attractive. It's not an across the board thing, it varies with each person. You can't get around that - attraction is something that has to be there, and if it isn't there and the dating continues, then there's a high possibility someone's getting lead on, and that's worse than admitting that you're not into them. It's not a choice, and it's not something to be argued. It's either there or it's not. If someone cares about looks only and nothing else (they ignore bad traits in the person, put up with abuse, addiction or anything else negative and toxic) then it's shallow...if they are attracted and then look beyond that to find out what else is there in that person, then they're human and totally within their rights to do that.
It's easier to find the ones you're attracted to and then hope that all else you want in a mate is also there then to keep meeting people who meet all your requirements and find out the attraction isn't there. It's a smaller group to sift through but its a target rich group.
People's goodness and character show thru their actions. People of ill-repute can easily hide behind good looks, and often it becomes one of their weapons or tools to con or deceive or gain the trust or confidence of a victim. (that's not to say bad looks are exempt) Most good looking people know they are good looking, and some are even tempted to use that trait dishonestly. Knowing how to discover the truth about a person, doesnt come from having a picture of them, or knowing what they look like, or handing that picture to a friend (just in case), it comes from effort, maturity, experience, understanding and wisdom.
Just because someone is good looking doesn't mean that their personality will be overlooked. I think most of us are not victims to the extent that we'll put up with crap from someone who thinks they are good looking (we may not agree, it's all relative) or who we're attracted to. I don't think this happens because good looking people are villains, but because some are into just looks and aren't concerned with depth. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:40:27 AM |
but if there's no attraction to that person, the rest doesn't matter. One of those requirements is that they are someone you are attracted to. the word attraction is relative. For me attraction is not by their looks. Its about who they are.
attraction is something that has to be there, and if it isn't there and the dating continues, then there's a high possibility someone's getting lead on, and that's worse than admitting that you're not into them. again...attraction can be physical or otherwise. I am defining that physical attraction doesnt play a role for me, whereas (not to single you out) many people use the word and confuse its useage. "admitting that you're not into them" meaning their looks? or have we flopped back to who they are?
It's not a choice...
but it is a choice...your choice, you are either basing your communication with someone on their physicall attractiveness to get you to talking to them, or you arent. Your choice.
If someone cares about looks only and nothing else (they ignore bad traits in the person, put up with abuse, addiction or anything else negative and toxic) then it's shallow...
I say thats just plain stupid. Shallowness lives on the surface..stupidity runs deep.
It's easier to find the ones you're attracted to and then hope that all else you want in a mate is also there then to keep meeting people who meet all your requirements and find out the attraction isn't there.
You must have missed the part where I said it was easier (which you just agreed with). I just think its a shame people do that and hope for the best in a physically attractive person, which supports what I was saying about all the bad situations that arise from it. So i guess you didnt really READ anything I typed. lol And for the record, SOME people find that the attractiveness comes from what they DO discover about a person (which comes after your physical attractiveness issue) and find who they are is far more attractive than their looks. This amazingly even makes a person "look" more attractive physically because of who they are. This is merely a issue of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" some think it means physical beauty, some think it means emotional and character beauty, and others think its both.
Just because someone is good looking doesn't mean that their personality will be overlooked.
I didnt say it would.
Just because someone is good looking doesn't mean that their personality will be overlooked. I think most of us are not victims to the extent that we'll put up with crap from someone who thinks they are good looking (we may not agree, it's all relative) or who we're attracted to. I don't think this happens because good looking people are villains, but because some are into just looks and aren't concerned with depth.
Which is why as you just explained you are into their looks first (their attractiveness physically) before you get to know the person, so that its not a waste of your time to find out what a great person they are to be let down by the fact you arent {into them} physically attracted to them afterall.
Sound logic there...
Temet Nosce | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:55:52 AM | I have met several men w/o a pic,,,some turned out nice,,,some were full of themselves,,,enough said about them. I would meet someone w/o a pic as long as we have talked for a while and gotten to know each other
But I did learn a valuable lesson about meeting someone without a pic,,,,once you have set up the date,,,dont change clothes at the last minute,,,,,lololol
The man I have been dating the last 6 months came sight unseen and he is a gem,,,,,, | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:57:11 AM |
but it is a choice...your choice, you are either basing your communication with someone on their physical attractiveness to get you to talking to them, or you arent. Your choice.
Yes, it's my choice to talk to someone regardless, but not in a romantic sense. For that it's you feel the vibe or you don't date em. Of course in general it's rude to talk to only attractive people socially.
And for me it's the whole package. Not just looks, personality, intellect, or whatever but a combination of all. If one is missing, it's not for me. And yes someone I find attractive to begin with will get more attractive as I find out more and like what's behind that. Seldom does a person who I am not attracted to romantically become more attractive in that sense based on personality; but I can totally respect them more as a person.
You must have missed the part where I said it was easier (which you just agreed with). I just think its a shame people do that and hope for the best in a physically attractive person, which supports what I was saying about all the bad situations that arise from it.
No I understood that, I just don't want it to get confused with looking for depth after realizing attraction, which is a totally different thing. Obviously if you blindly hope for anything without any information based on one thing you liked it's a bad move.
Which is why as you just explained you are into their looks first (their attractiveness physically) before you get to know the person, so that its not a waste of your time to find out what a great person they are to be let down by the fact you arent {into them} physically attracted to them afterall.
Not me personally, no. I will talk to and/or get to know anyone I'm not attracted to when the possibility of dating them isn't a factor; however a lot of people here don't want new friends or have any interest in those they aren't going to date. That's totally their prerogative to do that and as long as no one puts them down for it, then I have no argument. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/13/2007 12:05:51 PM | Evidently everyone here is too young to remember an old coaster's song
"if you want to be happy for the rest of your life,,,,never make a pretty woman your wife,,,if you want someone tried and true,,,get an ugly girl to marry you"
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/13/2007 5:16:06 PM | I totally agree with you. These types of sites are great for meeting people you would most probably never have met. However there has to be a bit of a physical attraction. I believe that you have to be careful and if the person is not receptive, there is a good reason and spare me with the answer of sieving out the shallow people. There are some really wacky, sick people out there and you should be VERY careful.
ADVICE:
NEVER MEET ANYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE A PHOTO. DO NOT MEET THEM UNLESS YOU HAVE CONFIRMED THEIR PHOTO ON WEBCAM AND DO NOT MEET THEM IF YOU HAVE NOT SPOKEN WITH THEM ON THE PHONE. IF IN ANY DOUBT - DO NOT EVER MEET THEM. GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING!
THESE ARE BASIC ELEMENTS - MEETING A "STRANGER" IT IS NOT WORTH YOUR SAFETY! | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/13/2007 5:46:08 PM | | I don't have a pic posted with my profile because I don't have a way to upload one. However I do find it interesting that most guys want a pic right off the bat before hardly speaking to me. I do find that this is kinda shallow and makes me think that they are just too hung up looks and so I'm not interested in them. What I find partculiar is that they really don't seem to believe me when I tell them the truth about why no pic. I think that they are suspicious and expect for me to be ugly or creepy and maybe have a large wart on my nose. Ha! This is not at all the case with me. Another thing is I do understand wanting to see someones pic as I respond to both profiles with or withou photos. However, what I really don't understand and what dumb founds me the most is when I see a pic of a really large (huge) guy and in his profile he says that he is looking for an attractive and slim woman. Or he isn't that godd-looking (borderline creepy) and he wants an attractive woman. I think that some men are looking for a fantasy instead of facing reality and being realistic about thier looks also. Also seeing a pic isn't a sure fire way of securing an honest person because some of the photos could be taken years ago. I prefer the guys like me that are willing to take a chance and try and be interested in their personality instead of being hung up too much with their looks. Sometimes it is a determent to me to see a guys photo because of his looks! However, not too many things in life don't involve some kind of risk. Although I am not beautiful, I am not ugly either and I figure that a lot of guys that won't respond to gals withou a pic is losing out in getting to know a wonderful woman! I hope this response will helps some guys to look in the mirror for thirty minutes before posting their profile. Good luck to all! | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/13/2007 8:29:13 PM | smiles I agree with you completely,,,,the first they say is where is your pic,,,and I say cant you talk without a pic. I tell them send me their addy and I will send a pic,,one guy told me that he wont talk without a pic and I said "bye"
I went out with a guy that wanted a slim, attractive lady only,,ask him why he was talking with me and he said like my profile,,,we met,,,he was butt ugly and weighed over 250 lbs
but did say I was too fat for him,,,,(140)
Like I said my bf of 6 mos came sight unseen and he was worth the chance..... | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/14/2007 10:20:00 AM | | No, they are not hiding anything,,,except that maybe they have no current pic, not able to download one as previously stated or just dont like the ones they have,,,,they are not hiding anything,,,,they spell it all out when you talk with them,,,,dont be so cynical,,,,not everyone wants to post in pic in public,,,when you talk with them,,,most will email you one,,,,, | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/14/2007 11:15:25 AM | | My profile states why I don't have a pic, and most men who respond to me haven't even read my profile, since they ask me why I don't have a pic. NEXT, if they cannot even read my profile and then seem too concerned about appearance I know 2 reasons that I would not be interested in them. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:22:58 PM | My friends refer to my infamous blind date as "The Shallow Hal Incident" ...
(the one where I ended up being stalked, and had to get "Call Privacy" on my home phone ...)
They made me promise to never do that again, for my own good. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:15:57 AM | Ok ..
I dont see it as a problem to meet with someone without a pic .. depending on what type of chatting you where doing if it was in depth conversations .. why not there going to be the same person who atlesast thought of what to write (even if sometimes the truth is streched)
But if it was vague , general type conversations no i wouldnt.
Personally i spoke to a guy online for 3 years and thought he was great, could talk to him about anything. Anyways he was american .. i was australian i never really considered we'd meet. But i ended up going to the states on holidays and dropped by his town for a couple of days ... He was no way like his picture (he uses all old photos when he wasnt as weighty) and shorter than what he'd said, which kind of bugged me but in the end he was the same guy ... friend ! and still is a good friend ! And i still make fun of him for lying too.
as far as pics go on a profile .. naw i dont like it , i hate having my photo taken and that shows big time but i like to change my photos around alot to see who is shallow though. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:08:42 AM | I have met a few ppl from online that didnt have a pic at all. Mostly because I think that whts on the inside is the most important anyway. One guy I met however, i ended up dating for over a year. when we would talk online and on the phone he always said a man like him didnt stay single for long and my personal fav "Everybody wants a piece of old daddy... the shan meister" ugh lol... I being a lil chubby am very self conciouse so i was nervous about meeting this so called drop dead sexy guy. but when i seen him that day i was like omgosh... he apparently lied about everyone wanting him .. he was short and dumpy and well too stuck on himself.... but he mad me laugh and feel good about myself, and we eventually started dating...
what in the begnning was a fairytale romance, turned out to almost ruin my life... he cheated on me with numerous women he met offline... we were in a car wreck and i almost died and got a fractured hip and while i was layed up in a hospital bed he got 2 girls pregnant. one of which he already had kids with... but back to the no pic...
perhaps the reason he didnt have one is because he didnt want ppl to think he was anything less than the "shan meister" he claimed to be... or maybe its because he didnt want to risk getting caught by one of his many manyyyyyy other women.. long story short i broke up with him had him put in jail and he still will not leave me alone... i will nvr ever meet another guy without a pic.. even though looks dont matter im afraid the next one will have like 10 others and one will try to kill me. there are so many nuts out there these days lol | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/20/2007 8:43:49 AM | | I wouldn't be likely to meet anyone without a picture...even as a friend or something, it would be weird to me. I like to know who I'm talking to. I feel like I know the person better if I can see them. And how would I know who to look for when I went to meet them? | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/20/2007 8:46:47 AM | | And if they can't even show you a pic, how do you know who they REALLY are? He may say he's a 20-something year old guy and turn out to be 40-something. It's not hard to put up one picture on a profile, or email it or something...webcams are cheap and you can always take a regular picture and have it made into a cd or disk with your picture(s) on it. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/22/2007 7:47:31 AM | Hi,
It is totally understanable to want to see what the person you are talking to looks like, therefore everyone wants to see a photo. Like the guy you met, work is a major factor in not putting up a photo. Knowing this would make it more difficult to actually talk to anyone, let alone meet them...I decided there needed to be an option available. The option I chose was to include in my profile that pics were available by private e mail. I get to keep my privacy and the person I am talking to can still see who they are talking with. I have been happy so far with the results.
Libra217 | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/22/2007 1:56:25 PM | I kind of like the mystery of talking to someone without a pic, but I really don't care if I meet anyone in person, not yet anyway. What a cool way to get to know the essence of someone. Anyone can bullshit, pic or no.
That said, I would probably send my pic to a person privately if we were going to meet, and I'd request that he do the same. I would also meet this person in a very public place because I'm cautious. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/22/2007 7:55:44 PM | i have actually met someone without knowing what they looked like. those were the collegeclub days (does anyone remember that site, especially with facebook these days,  ). well.. wasn't attracted to her at all but i think she might have liked me just a bit so wasn't a good experience. | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/23/2007 9:08:04 AM | Wow, I actually took the time to read every page of this topic, just too curious as what people thought. And there are a couple common themes.
Those that don't care if the person they are talking to has a pic to share almost always mention that you could be passing up a great friend by not talking to them. Well, if you are on this site looking for friends then sure pics don't matter at all because you can be a friend to anyone whether they look like Betty Boop or Broom Hilda.
But if you are on this site looking for a long term relationship, basically there are four things that keep you drawn to someone:
Personality
Intellect
Common interests
Physical Attraction
If you are missing one of those things, your relationship is missing something. Sure you can "make it work" missing one of those things but why would you go through all that trouble to sacrifice true happiness?
The whole point of the profile on here is to tell people what you are like and what you are looking for in someone else. I have pics on my profile and some women think I'm cute and some women don't give me a second glance. If they hate smokers then they are not interested. If they are looking for a guy with no kids then they are not interested because I have a nine year old daughter. If they are looking for a bald guy with tattoos and piercings then they are not interested because I don't have that look. Don't you people think it is best to put it all out there for people to read and look at you and decide if you meet all these requirements before pursuing something that can end in quite the awkward moment in a public place?????
It isn't about being shallow, it is about looking for the complete package. And please remember, some people like thin people and some like overweight, some like long hair and some like short, some like tall people and some like short people, etc... If you are honest about what you look like the perfect person will find you who is looking for those things.
I have met people without pics and I would do it again if those other three qualities are there but I will say meeting someone without a pic only adds more anxiety to that moment of meeting in person, especially after already having a few bad experiences. And is that really necessary? | |
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| Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 1/23/2007 1:55:43 PM | | Yes I have a couple of times and most of the time I have not been dissapointed.. not all of those meetings were the highlite of my day mind you -but interesting just the same. And I met my special guy on pof with no pic.. after talking for three days I got a quick glimpse of a bad pic but took my chances and was pleasantly surprised to find a great sweet honest man. | |
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