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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:37:11 PM | Haha, the blowfish. Sounds like a POFish dream date.
Blowing away after white blow, then a blow from your mate.
I once saw a striped mackerel in a lobster tank at Yum-Yums.
Pointed to the waiter to scoop it while I inhaled forty Tums. | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:42:33 PM | I usually stick with Red Lobster if I can adhere,
It's a more wholesome, family atmosphere.
That's just cause I'm all about being 'dainty and proper' though
You know me, pure as the driven snow.  | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/9/2008 4:47:14 PM | close friends always ovulate at the same time
I'm not lying
I'm not making this up
just look at the two of them
edit: you guys write around me.. I woke up at two for some goddam reason
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:03:00 PM | Haha, what, on that you doubt my veracity?
Oh wait, that's right, I forgot...you've met me. 
So when ya coming down again, Leafs, for more coronas in the sun?
I'm thinking by July, work will be slower and time for fun.  | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:04:06 PM | Y'all are crazy and I'm love'n it!!
I don't live in the trailer park, but I kept on read'n....lol
had to see what the fuss was all about!!
You said the code words, "Circumsized penis"
at least that's what did it for me.....lol
well, let me see, am I ovulating?.........................................................
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OH, my Goodness, You are right!!!!.............
How'd ya do that?!!!
K, I'll go "fore" now...........
sloppy hugs and kisses to ya Dr. Doggie!!!! | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/10/2008 3:05:06 AM | that's the "with a soothsayer" part, hammy hahaha 
Really good to see some of the old gang showing up
sorry I wasn't too sharp
had to go pass out
insomnia plus this intense heat
when it hits me, it really hits me
time to sleep
no counting sheep
wouldn't pat make a cute lil bo peep?
whatcha think, sweets?
should we ask deag?
I grinned when I saw rory 
okay.. a pre-dawn ramble shorty
I have to question my sanity
as in silence I watch the tv
I'm in love with the weather girl
but, I don't want to hear her
so, I turn some clapton on
picture her in a nightgown while she motions with her arms
while miming to me what to wear for the day
she's like my freudian weather mommie
I'd write her a poem and email it to the station
but, they'd prolly come suit me in a white sleeveless jacket
she looks weary this morning
hope she's been eating
it took me awhile to get used to her new hair style
this one makes her look less wild
prolly a tamed down version of the same girl
the station grooming her
the flea market crashed today
I don't know if that's like the stock market
I have the sound off
awaiting the weather lady
< well, they don't have coffee | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/10/2008 6:28:00 PM | WHERE THE FVCK'S MY MUSE?
you called.?...
I'M GONNA BEAT HER ASS
okay...but I'd prefer a spanking.....
I'm always 'hear'
even when I'm not...
arf | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/11/2008 12:15:15 AM | Well, that was almost as effecient as rubbin my bottle to get my genie to pop out..
I missed you, muse. 
Now, on your knees and assume the position
part your lips and then turn around backwards
I'm gonna paddle your buxom bottom bright pink
then cool it back down with my tongue, me thinks
want some romance, muse?
or do you just want me to take you?
you're the only woman who makes me jealous
when I picture you with another fella
and I haven't quite figured out what to do about that
other than turn you into a floridian
I'm trying to get over my commitment issues
want to change your name to lady_dog when I do?
I ain't got much class, but I've got style
make you cry and then make you smile
you got enough tolerance to be my woman?
I'm soft on the inside, but my brain's still half man
I'll pyss you off and then ask to make up
tickle you in your secret spot
kiss the tears away from your firey eyes
whisper "I know" softly as you sigh
but I'll plant you a dozen palm trees
put you up a porch swing
for all that make up snuggling
in a gulfstream breeze
we'll get a pet pig and name him Arnold
I'll carve a crescent moon into the out house
dig us a moat and fill it with koi
get too drunk and fall in as you say "that's my boy"
I'll bolt a picnic table to the peak of the house
so we can moonlight dine watching the shuttles launch
we'll just land in the moat if we roll off
accidently while makin love on the roof
paint a mural of a rainbow on the ant eaten barn
put a drain in the dance floor for when it storms
dip you and twirl you 'til you're dizzy
while sambaing around the lightning
hey, I'm all the romance a girl could want
but, you also have to put up with the idiot part
fortunately, I'm also available on a timeshare basis
if you want to come and go when I drive you crazy
 hi muse.. happy summer, darlin | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/12/2008 2:31:56 AM | I really don't have much to write about
but, like most of you, I'm writing something, anyhow (way?)
I just do it for the exercise
mostly
use it or lose it
isn't just a saying
I don't care if I mispell a word to rhyme
I don't care if I rhyme at all
do you?
I won't judge you if you don't judge me
I abhor charity
except for UNICEF
am I gettin' on a roll? looks like it
do I really have to choose one person to love for the rest of my life?
I'm sorry. I just can't do that.
that's just a fact..
I need a lover and not a wife
and a friend sometimes
I write a lot about what you have to put up with to handle with me
here's what I expect from a lady:
well, I'm not even going into tolerance
that would be redundant....
softness and sweetness
with a touch of "I'll beat ya"
a girl that takes my cig when I fall asleep
yet keeps me awake while I'm dreamin'
see? I'm pretty much fvcked now
I've become friends with y'all
noone will sleep with me
except for my enemies | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/12/2008 5:05:28 AM | i was once 18 , older from 4 years of playing for money
old enough to know a big husband means leave the wife alone
Especially one living across the hall
passed out after 3 days of diet pills and dealing
( in the 60's diet pills contained methamphetamines)
my brother crashing on my couch , drunk and still drinking
I was deep in whatever place the mentally exhausted end up
when the light in my bedroom shined in my face
thru my eyelids as scrunched up as my half witted responses allowed
i could see shadow descending and then exploding into my head
light again bright, then shadow descending , i was getting beaten
grabbed that broom stick and came up out of bed
or as well as i could with that damn cast on my foot
that nutso drunk wench was pissed at me turning her down
I was half conscious and all crazy,jerked the broom out of her hands
and she passed out right across my bed , now what
i throw the broom down and yell for my brother
no way can i haul this wench out of here on one foot
No answer..I can hear music..he had to have let her in
i hop out to the living room and hes passed out on the couch,underwear only
a half full quart in one hand and a cig in the other, still smoking
"wake up, you let this b1tch in on me with a broom?
did you think she was going to clean?" my head was spinning
he was gone.. then i noticed his cig was smoldering on his underwear
just a couple of inches from his pride and joy..that cotton never fully catches fire
just burns and spreads a widening circle of consumed fabric
I grabbed the beer from his hand and waited
just before the burn hit paydirt, i poured the beer on his groin
he came up from the couch ready to fight.. til i pointed to his underwear
"Oh shit..."
then he passed out crumbling to the floor like his mind had deserted his body
wonderful , Im on one leg.. drunk crazy woman from across the hall
passed out on my bed.. her husband worked second shift at a local factory
it was 11 pm and he was due home in about 15 minutes
there is no explanation that will work and I ran thru them all in my head
I went to the kitchen, got out a knife , hopped into the bathroom
strong door ,good lock.. crawled into the bathtub and passed out.
the next morning my brother woke up and claimed to remember her saying
she had something for me..so he let her in.. with a broom in hand
it was time for a change
I called my Doc, got the cast removed and moved my ass to Chicago for a year
your comment about someone handling your cig brought that back
Thanks... | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:04:24 PM | if you want to come and go when I drive you crazy
already do that....I want the come part now please?
romance is over rated
I'd rather just kiss you....
well maybe the palm trees too?
Oh...and Arnold, we'll teach him to moo...
hmmm, maybe keep that cresent moon
might need a seat while I sing you a toon...;)
I guess we'll need the porch swing too
sway and hold hands, like lovers doo...
I like to splash, better keep the moat
might need it to launch, your rendezvous boat...
we'll picnic on the peak
on a table made of teak?
and the ants will be high
like Lucy in the Sky...
okay, keep the dance floor but forget the drain
dip my toes in rain water while you talk like Mark Twain....
and you already samba me up and down
with the belly-button words you write down...
leave the time share to the koi poi
............yup, that's my boy....
romantic idiocy makes my panties wet...woof | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:23:43 PM | Here's some Twain, babe..I'll write you my own version later..
After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:19:50 AM | ah.. something twainish for muse to wake up to
she makes it easy to produce
When a man endears a woman, he has two options:
covet her or fear her..
I tend to do both; but, that's just experience
Is that twainish enough, muse?
or should I write you a story?
yeah, let me write for you
stop me before I become boring
sit with me in the shadow of the sunshine
allow me to paint you a rainbow during a total eclipse
spread your thoughts and I'll kiss you there
I'm a glutton for the taste of your hopes and dreams
you know that you're smarter than me
some things are simply a given
and I don't think that gray matters
if anything, it adds character
you know that I could make this all rhyme if I wanted to
this little romantic idiocy that I'm scribing for you
but, I won't this time
I already have your undivided attention
I know that I'm the only man on earth that floats your boat
how's that for a touch of male ego?
other men no doubt repulse you
and have forever
sometimes a girl just wants her lobes spread and kissed there passionately
I call it a soulgasm
and I love to make you pleasured
I find it to exhilarate me
I guess I'm trying to tell you that I love it when you let me give you head
no juice is sweeter
and one day I'll take you on a trip starting at the st. croix
ending up in new orleans
show you twain's mississippi
it hasn't changed too much, really
the people are all the same
river rats are the salt of the earth
and I do tip my hat to the ladies
just like in the old days
and I'll defend your honor occasionally
just for the savior of my own masculinity
toss out the anchor and just stare at you in pleasant silence
that's how twain did most of his best writing
were you his muse too?
your eyes simply melt me
sometimes you even make my ink boil
and I'm no gentelman
though I am quite gentle
certainly not distinguished
I'd have loved to have gotten sloppy drunk with Dante
want to take a ride down the river with me, cuddlebugg?
no telling what stories we could tell the world
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 1:38:04 AM | now why can't I rant like that LOL..
me too with Dante *smile...
o.k. buggs, rendevous is almost ready *smile.. | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:08:45 AM | you rant better than that, darlin..
it just takes you longer to get started
figured I was the only insomniac up
guess Dante's keeping the coffee warm
lol
as I tap cautiously on the wall | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 2:13:54 PM | just going to take my new herb on a short test write
so far I'm dissapointed
but, it still is my first toke
guess I could wait til I blow out the smoke
hey muse
I don't know if you're going to like my new smoke
holy cow
says it all
it sucks
no buzz at all
I think I bought a bag of oregano
I'm kinda hungry for italian though
let's see.. what to write about here..
sigh..
don't want to go from making up my own twain quotes
to total idiot
yanno?
testing, 123
testing, 123
that's a roger idiot
you should quit typing
glad I took a test write lol | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 3:05:41 PM | as I go into ramble mode.. lol
that was one hell of a poem you wrote, muse
I about forgot to tell you
It turns me on when I muse you
now there's the true definition of reciprocation
and for all of you who think that d1ckopedia is a real dictionary
wait until I start tossing some of my meanings into it
and ain't is a word
as is comprehension
here would be my definition of southern:
mind if I you write and sing you a song in my deep southern drawl, darlin?
toss in a few memories of player pianos
log cabins out in the woods
dinner clubs
Do they even have dinner clubs anymore?
I can't even find a decent friday night fish fry around here
muse's dad will understand
I'm almost sure
here'd be my definition of romance:
what do you see in her eyes?
rhetorical:
shut up
asterisk:
'cept that
etcetera:
I'm done explaining things to you
plethera:
big load
muse:
a pixie that flies into your heart while you are sleeping
lays a seed into your head which causes heavy breathing
you wake up when your heart stops beating
then it throbs one time hard | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:10:08 PM | ^^^ Oh my....well ain't you just a peach shuga.....
Good lord, I am officially changing your name to
"brainynog".........get it....?
brawny+twain+dog......w00t!
yeah, you're right, I am smarter than you..................................lolololol
oh my god...... .....God bless the United States of America....specifically Lakeland Florida... | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 7:40:53 PM | hey buggs I like the new name!
I agree too!
(which part? dog asks)
what's the word for believing equally in 2 or more things? is that duplicity? dichotomy? discrete probability theory? or is this just my mad cow disease kicking in lol?
Sometimes I think others miss those little nuggets buried in his side splitting humor...
now we want to see more dog definitions! | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:15:47 PM | nope...nope...ummm maybe...?
well, I just sent my kids back to the park
to stand their ground tall
I watched 'em walk
well, actually...strut!
I reminded them of their last name
and then my ex-inlaws walked in...
wow...
i'll tell ya about that later...
oof | |
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| welcome to...
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:35:53 PM | well...my kids came back without black-eyes or broken teeth
and for that, I am grateful...
and now they're playin' Monopoly
at the kitchen table...
so funkin coolio..I so love that...
Doo-drop Inn folks are gone
on their way with a full belly
both physically and mentally
I can't help myself....I'm such a hostess..
now....I'm just sittin' here watchin' the world go round n' round......
la dee da da dee da da........la la la
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| welcome to...
Posted: 6/13/2008 9:56:15 PM | I want you to hear my fingers
when they tickle the ivory's
Blue Moon, you saw me standin' alone.....
my favorite tune
about the mune...
makes me sing like a lune
hope you're here sune...... | |
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| welcome to...
Posted: 6/13/2008 10:06:08 PM | I'm here.
Let me grab a beer.
Check my mail.
Post Drea's bail.
Then I'll wag my tail.
so warm up the ivories
prepare to tickle me | |
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