| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:22:24 AM | I should apologise for my breach of etiquette
You see I have an excuse
Besides being female (and that should be enough)
I read dog backwards
And thought I was speaking to God
now I leave in peace with a few words
from my new world of rednecks in the outback…
Government has raised the taxes
Curbing my wanderoos ways
Honestly going for a drive in the car
You ask the kangaroo if he wants a lift
In my part of town
Should another car pass
There’s no waving hello
You blow each other kisses to see another soul
Death is the price of petrol
I threw out my last loaf of bread this morning
To the dingoes who keep me safe from
My delusional images of black adders
For today fresh bread was arriving at the grocery store
If only I had not stopped to avoid running over lizards
I may have been on time to purchase the bread
Before it all sold out…
now I wait another week for a piece of crust
Son loves his baked beans and crackers
He’s doing so well at school
Learning what brain food is and
He makes me eat fish out of a can
I nod my head sweetly and say yes dear
AS IF…you can make a raving
Woman like me sane?
We finally get to the checkout…son is also apt
In mathematics…add the GST and he believes
The government is more insane eroding simple living
Than our choice of living in the desert
I’m learning the lingo and attending 3 different churches
Hey it’s the same God with different prayers
This is no trial nor tribulation
I go once a week and rotate…every fourth Sunday
Is my day of rest
Becoming part of the lost world here where
Everyone you meet is an extended member of family
The only emergency dash is when we’ve run
out of sugar…then the local policeman is on a chase
You can’t be silly with the price of wine
I’m putting my stomping to good use
Eroding extreme government taxes in moonshine 
There’s more to this rant but foremost
Can I be forgiven ? | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:39:00 AM | That Paula Dean is a southern dame
fries and cooks just like we were raised
and mayonaise Ash
she loads mayo in EVERYTHING
(I think she came from Albany, my old stomping ground)
you know my grandmother cooked and ate that way
and she died at 98 with a clear mind
chopped wood way into her 80's
mom watches her every single day
I think it thrills her to see Paula's recipes
on national TV
just the same down home cooking
mom and granny taught me
but, not even Paul can beat my mom's caramel cake
(but, sometimes I feel my arteries clogging just watching
then I go fry up a batch of fried squash and green tomatoes anyway lol)
-----------------
dog calls it having the
shine
he has a prowler
thinks about his ladder being stolen
7 hours away I wake up knowing none of that
and my first thought is to check to
see if MY ladder is stolen
a common happening
with a dog who is really just a red haired indian
who knows how to paint vivid images
of a blue corn moon
(into high gear I go now..see you guys when I get back) | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/18/2008 8:23:27 AM | AD making shine
making wine
helping everyone
get thru these times lol
I'm working on the beer recipe soon
I planted amaranth just in case
food of the future some say
eat like spinach
make into flour
pop like pop corn mixed with honey makes dessert
breakfast cereal too
really just a plain old weed
hmmm wonder if you can smoke it too
good ramble I thought...I distinctly noticed how empty the roads are around town lately.. | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:38:53 PM | AD knows that I'll drive the cart and caddy
amaranth.. c'mon now, how many
of you have heard of that, anyway?
gotta love drea
lol
the aftermath of the forecast sounded gray
but, I decided to stay
I actually enjoy hurricanes
when I was younger, I went swimming in them
midlife crisis forced upon by nature
what to do now?
a young son and an old dad
I wish I'd have been born in the 1800's
life expectancy was what ever you made it
men didn't die from sickness
towns only had one doctor
he was just there to patch up the holes
and dig out the bullets
as the casket maker came into the picture
the local wood butcher
looked at me and sized me up as I rode into town
getting his measurements down
I could see it in his eyes
business on his mind
"a six foot box will fit him fine"
somebody shoot me..
I'm fourtythree without an old lady
now there's some gravity
an eight year old boy and a child that just turned eighty
and I wanted to go hang out in montana
for just a little while
yet, I can still smile
as long as someone shoots me now
I promise to draw slow
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/21/2008 9:16:40 PM | I'd sing some barry white, if I could get that deep
please, excuse my coughing
it's just you and me, darling
you'll get the meaning even if I'm off key
_______________________________________
holding her hair as she pukes
is instinct
and she's used to being my focal point
like I said.. it's just me and you
or she and me
her and I?
I think it's hair braiding time
want to see?
I don't know how we could get more close..
without ending up divorced..
love with no remorse
we're gonna add that to the writin' for losers roster, of course
Like I've said before, and I'll say again
I compare all women to The Indian Princess
________________________________________
there really aren't too many women
who would get their arms all scratched up to rescue a kitten
and also have the know-how to build a rescue shelter for them
amen
Yeah, I'm in love The Indian Princess
call the press
huh, Sis
moss doesn't always grow on the north side of the tree
ask any indian
they'll point you in the right direction
and grandpa really didn't pose with cigars in his hand
The Indian Princess and I have been running across each other's soul for centuries
we share clarity
and here's a lil tip about women
if you have to go out and buy tampons
don't get the cardboard applicator | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:46:22 PM |
huh...?..
I get a lot of that. 
Was a long day, eh, muse..
anytime you mention emergency room
the tampon thing was an inside joke
had to do with one of my blog quotes
figured the Indian Princess would think it was funny
I just happened to see the kotex box while I was peeing :P
I guess it's monday again already
it sure seems like I go through a lot of sundays
anybody else ever feel that way?
ever felt like you've already done everything that you wanted to do?
then something as simple as a craving changes your mood?
tell the truth
I'm craving something but I don't know what it is
can't quite put my finger on it
maybe it's just my free spirit
feeling caged up within
that's when I unzip my chest and take my heart out
study it and put it back in
and zip my chest back up again
kinda like taking my soul for a walk
or is it a wander when there is no destination?
which way to the Amtrak station?
we can take the train over to Nassau
just to watch the sun go down
I'm into women who are both mystical and natural
and they closed down "it's a small world"
some idiot let their kid stand up
decapitated in a teacup
guess I won't be writing many children's books
I should prolly quit reading Aesop
at least he had a moral to his stories
I guess I'll try for one just to prove I'm boring
and the moral to the story is:
you have to live
it's your choice if you love
| |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:40:19 PM |
I unzip my chest and take my heart out
study it and put it back in
and zip my chest back up again
kinda like taking my soul for a walk
Profound or prolost. It's in the interpretation. Nice BD!!! | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:22:01 PM | prolost.. lol I love that word, yoko
I'll prolly be on a roll one night and think I came up with it.. 
hahahahaha
I realized today that I need to spend more time with my son
he lives with three women
so, he's learning absolutely nothin'
and then I started ponderin'
well, maybe he's already smarter than me
I've got none and he's got three
eight years old and I taught him to run a boat
hell, he already knows all he needs to know
Yanno  | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:53:39 AM | figured I'd better get this story down before I forgot about it
Welcome to Florida
I was down in Tampa at the airport yesterday
both kids, nanny and my ex old lady
seems there are still a few things that I'm good for
one of them happens to be carrying folks to the airport
anyway, that's a totally different story
this one's about my 12 year old stepdaughter
she fly's up to see biodad for a month ever summer
and yesterday, all of north america was one huge flight delay
(and I told her not to come back this time with her hair purple)
she had a 6:30p flight
so, I put 'em there at 5:30.. just right
and the incoming flight didn't even get here 'til 7:30
the whole traveling population was gettin' pretty edgy
here's the welcome to Florida part
ex comes back from the departure side and tells nanny and me
that two cops went in and arrested a guy on the plane after landing
a young couple innocently flying down for a vacation
my guess would be that it was their first and last one
see, they were flying with their baby
the baby in the guy's lap and he fell asleep
as did his old lady
but, the baby was awake
welcome to the land of psychos and ass holes, folks
welcome to Florida
the baby being awake pyssed off someone
that's why they took the dad off in handcuffs
they called it child neglect
yeah, no shyt
but, they didn't arrest the baby and the mother
as dad was escorted away saying "I still don't know what I did wrong"
Welcome to Florida
I actually have to live with these people
that's why I'm basically a hermit
I can barely stomach them
another true story | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:43:33 PM | got a cell phone?
pretty much nowdays everyone does
pandy is the only one who has a special ring on mine
but it goes all loud and crazy with a call from "restricted" sometimes
Who the hell is "restricted"?
I'm not answering that shyt
at 10:30pm
and they don't leave a message
what the hell does "restricted" even mean?
I don't want to talk to anything that has to block it's number
yanno?
I'd call back if they left a message and they were sane
I only know one woman who has a blocked number
and I already asked her if it's her
she told me not to be silly
she leaves a message if she misses me
hell, pandy texts me sometimes to see if I'm awake
then I just call her back
doesn't want her ring to give me a heart attack
if I happen to be dreaming about the maid
so, who the hell is "restricted"?
calling me at 10:30pm
I'll never answer if you don't tell me
that's the whole point of having caller ID
yanno? | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/26/2008 12:33:55 AM | I love life’s mysteries
Depends on the moon
Before I revel in myself
So forget dreaming(pun intended)
You never left me upon a grey cloud
Real friends say
“Mate…pass me another beer
That witch is revving the cart”
With or without you
Am sick of hearts
Pass me club no.18
The sympathy is living on the 19th
My aim is hole in one
Skull skull skull
Rednecks are the same all over the world
a woman walks in…they all gag
where the hell did SweetnessOne go to?...
that is the question!!! | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/27/2008 11:17:09 PM |
where the hell did SweetnessOne go to?...
that is the question!!!
she signed into mail today
ask her, darlin
she's prolly still in shock from not being in canada
that and deagledog
lol
man, I wish I could write good spanish
latin is so much more romantic
but, I can't
so, here's somemore pig latin
or, I could write about the Indian Princess
that would make more sense at two a.m.
I don't know where we're going yet
but, this is a writin' for losers 101 poem, be sure of it
I'm not really in fighting form
haven't done any ringtime for awhile
and I love a great lightning storm
nothing is more beautiful than a sincere smile
I fall in love with a woman's mouth
when the southern drawl comes out
that means she's finally relaxed
it's amazing what comes out of a woman's mouth when you're rubbing her back | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:14:33 AM | took a couple tokes and went out to the barn
got the mower out to push around
just came back in and sat down
cracked open a beer and dusted my keyboard off
I haven't tasted a pvssy in nearly four months
enough is enough
I've got two boats sitting right here in the yard
and my d1ck is always hard
it's time to find a local woman who can stand me
that understands reciprocates meaning
goddam I'm horny
not to mention lonely
and I abhor dating
I'm more into grilling
I ain't going nowhere
you have to come here
Sis calls me The Hermit
then she throws somethin' else in
says I'm the most alive person that she knows
for someone who doesn't even leave the house
(oh, and it's autumn fantasy's b-day around now according to my space
happy birthday darlin  before I forget again)
I wish Drea lived closer
like next door
or even the same shower
I get along with her
I don't want to get into anyone's head
just talk about it while I'm chaining down the bed
do a little staring while I uncork the wine
hell, unscrew the cap, sometimes
I even share the remote control
it's not really that hard to find a local
I just hate the screening process, yanno?
everybody is an ass hole
how do you explain to a woman that you want her to love you
yet, not overwhelmingly so?
I dunno
and I'm never short on words
breaking in a new lover sucks
and god knows I've done a bunch of it
I used to do it for kicks
on a nightly basis
I'm a lot mellower now
I wouldn't even drive across town
for a fingermodel's handjob
I'm not the local applyin'
and that's just how I feel about it
no, I'm not conceited
I've got a pony tail and fvcked up teeth
thank god women look at men differently
watching dad die of old age is really fvcking me up
I mean, if he was falling off of a bridge I could just grab his arm
nah, I'm not conceited at all
humble would be closer
like I said, find a local girl who can stand me
tend to each other's needs
yeah, like it's that easy
there always seem to be attratched strings
not to mention the tolerance a woman has to have
I mean, I'm really bad
I'm stoned and on my third beer writing a fvcking poem and it ain't even 11am
and if there was a woman here I'd be naked
I want a fvck buddy that loves me
yet, we don't drive each other crazy
just the right mixture of intensity
a woman capable of sharing her body while keeping her mind
I could go up to the convenient store and get laid if I wanted
I don't go to bars anymore either
I require something deeper
old age settin' in, huh
I'm not into games
I ask a woman if she wants to fvck when I'm aiming to get laid
yeah, that actually works
if you don't ask like you're an idiot
my aura alone swells up clitties
it's a pheromone thing
I've even been known to turn women on with my keyboard
my ex refers to y'all as my internet whores
I guess if I'm gonna start fvcking a local
I'd better take Pandy's gun pic off the wall
or frame it better
that would be more poetic
this is gonna be a long day.. moo | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/28/2008 9:54:32 AM | So I said to myself, get a hold of yourself, so I did, and I liked it.  I know a thing or two about location mooing....I'm mooving 5,747K away for a daily squeeze.
You may have to leave the neighbourhood Mr. Rogers! | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/28/2008 1:51:20 PM | I'm ready
I can plan the best marina in the caribbean
without a doubt
just gotta wait til dad's dead.
morbid.. huh
reality sucks
wasn't it Jimmy that wrote about latitudes and attitudes?
he was just drunk and in a mood
my biggest turn-off is a tattoo
well, that and facial earings, too
that's just disgusting
Know what I mean?
Yoko does
just because
I think I'll change subjects
yeah, baby.. you ain't ready to fvck with my keyboard
just letting ex's idiot friend know that her account will be deleted
she has huge tits, though
Looked really firm, too
actually, they are huge
round and firm
she spends much time around me and she's gonna get my d1ck stuck in her
fat ass
but, for now I'll show a tiny bit of class | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:41:37 AM | | Thank you Brawny I had the best birthday ever in New York City. Don't lose faith sweetie you will find your girl! | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 12:48:50 AM |
I'm ready
I can plan the best marina in the Caribbean
I may hold you to that some day. LOL.
AF...glad your Birthday was spectacular! | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 2:22:16 AM | how about just holding me in general.. lol
I've been a tad bit tense lately. hahaha
I haven't been to NYC since, I think, 89
everyone should do it at least one time
they don't call it the greatest city in the world
for no reason
(hey, yoko.. did you laugh when I ended that one stanza with "mind" instead of "sanity"? lmao)
This has been an extremely odd day
or, I guess now, it was yesterday
and I'm going to put it all down into words
when I'm in a much less hostile mood
betcha want me to do it now
go with the shock factor and all
but, I don't do retractions
so, I'd better not show my ass again
yesterday, I made a decision
and I didn't clean this guy's clock for him
but, I will if he ever shows up at my gate again
he had fortunate timin'
I'm not a jealous man
but, don't fvck my old lady behind my back and show up smilin'
I'll hurtcha
really badly too
nah, I didn't suddenly become civilized
sometimes she just tells me the truth between her lies
and motherfvcker.. you'd still be lying there bleedin
if the girls hadn't called and said that they were comin
I'd have beat him til he was swimming in his own blood
internal organs
for being so arrogant
but, the girls were comin'
so, I waved him off with the back of my hand
next time, I'll beat him close to death
he just got lucky because of the circumstance
the girls don't need to witness that | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:37:03 AM |
it's not really that hard to find a local
I just hate the screening process, yanno?
everybody is an ass hole
how do you explain to a woman that you want her to love you
yet, not overwhelmingly so?
breaking in a new lover sucks
exactly....my "dating" lately smacks of desperate instant relationship (on their part)....are they really that afraid of being alone? Like I want someone that insecure.... Everything feels so awkward....guess I'm waiting for someone who doesn't feel awkward, someone who fits..... | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 11:56:02 AM | or who is *that* guy on your profile anyway? (a couple weeks ago) his profile.....i mean...
you mean what? are you that insecure? what?!
i am looking for the one i can't live w/o, not the right here right now one. | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 4:13:29 PM | | Dawg, I never expect sanity in your poetry LMAO. It's such a beautiful day and I'm stuck in Seatac waiting for my flight...la la la la... | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:16:21 PM | lol I just read that.. hope you're in flight now..
bored with a laptop and satelite, huh. hahaha 
Call me. I mean it. Let's not lose touch or track. | |
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| welcome to writin' for losers 101
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:44:53 PM | and blah blah blah
and I wanna fck brizo and jujubee
get it line
every guy does
the difference is that I'm not intimidated by a couple double AAs and a drop of lube
yanno?
I've got your good vibrations.
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