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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/6/2007 12:02:40 PM | I had a really bad dad and basically thought all men were this way and accepted it for a long time. Alot of women, this is all they have ever seen because there is such a high percentage of them. Once you realize that there is an alternative, and being alone is much better than dealing with this, you make a choice not to put up with it any more. Alot of guys go by the theory that if they are kind to you in any way or you are allowed to be in thier lives,you "pay" by putting up with their macho abuse. Once you realize that it isn`t "love" and you don`t "need " this kind of stuff and won`t accept it, it will stop. But you have to be very vigilant and not give an inch, and be ready to
say no to the majority of suitors no matter how nice they are to you. Women get lonely and crave love and attention. These guys know it and take advantage of it.
Most women want to be in a relationship and will put up with alot to be in one. I won`t
any more. Now, if I see one little thing that would point in that direction, on the very first date, there isn`t a second. There aren`t many second dates. That`s okay too. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/7/2007 12:56:33 AM | | This is a tricky one... Only because, splitting after a guy doesn't call you when he says he is going to is crazy -- hello, we're human -- but letting some ***hole hit you is a completely different story -- love can be toxic (trust me I know)... Girls do this shit for different reasons -- low self-esteem, self loathing, attention, boredom, afraid to be alone -- whatever.... Unfortunaltly, your friend isn't going to leave that insanity until she is ready.... | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/7/2007 1:52:52 AM | Geeeze Talk about a bunch of double standards.
Try this for a choice selection
=========================
"All men are good for is f&%$ing, and running over with a truck".
— Statement made by a University of Maine Feminist Administrator,
quoted by Richard Dinsmore, who brought a successful civil suit against the University
in the amount of $600,000.
Richard had protested the quote; was dismissed thereafter
on the grounds of harassment;
and responded by bringing suit against the University.
1995 settlement.
"I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig."
— Andrea Dworkin, Ice And Fire
“…[I]n every realm of male expression and action, violence is experienced and articulated as love and freedom."
— Andrea Dworkin, Pornography: Men Possessing Women.
"Women's Liberation … in the short run it's going to cost men a lot of privilege... Sexism is NOT the fault of women -- kill your fathers, not your mothers".
— Robin Morgan, Editor of Ms. Magazine
"Who cares how men feel or what they do or whether they suffer? They have had over 2000 years to dominate and made a complete hash of it. Now it is our turn. My only comment to men is, if you don't like it, bad luck - and if you get in my way I'll run you down."
Signed: Liberated Women, Boronia Herald-Sun, Melbourne >, Australia. 9 Feb.,1996.
NOW Lets just change ONE word. We change "men" to "black men"
==================================================
"All ni66ers are good for is f&%$ing, and running over with a truck".
— Statement made by a University of Maine Feminist Administrator,
"I want to see a ni66er beaten to a bloody pulp with a boot shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig."
— Andrea Dworkin, Ice And Fire
“…[I]n every realm of ni66er expression and action, violence is experienced and articulated as art and freedom
— Andrea Dworkin, Pornography: Men Possessing Women.
"Back Power … in the short run it's going to cost whitey a lot of privilege... Racism is NOT the fault of blacks -- kill whites, not blacks".
— Robin Morgan, Editor of Ms. Magazine
"Who cares how ni66ers feel or what they do or whether they suffer? They have had over 2000 years to get out of the trees made a complete hash of it. Now it is our turn. My only comment to ni66ers is, if you don't like it, bad luck - and if you get in my way I'll run you down."
Signed: Liberated Women, Boronia Herald-Sun, Melbourne >, Australia. 9 Feb.,1996.
=====================================================
Try this collection, of definitions of battered wives, from the Darebin Community Centre in Northcote.
• Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?
• Are you told what to do, when to do it, what to wear?
• Do you have to account for your time?
• Are you forced to have sex when you don't want to?
• Are you made to feel scared?
• Are you hit, kicked or pushed around? Do you have things thrown at, or near you?
• Are you cut off from family and friends?
• Is your partner possessive or jealous?
• Does your partner control you and the money?
Typical examples of wife abuse? Think again.
- The average husband DOES feel as if he’s walking on eggshells every time his bowels fail suddenly, and he makes a hasty dash from the garden to the toilet with anything on his boots. (If a wife threw up in his car, with a touch of morning sickness, and he yelled at her, it would certainly be listed as abuse.)
- The average husband is told what to do by his wife absolutely all the time. Including how to do things that she has no knowledge of.
Something goes wrong and the average wife is promptly screaming at her husband “DO SOMETHING” That’s domestic violence! That’s husband bashing!
(A great many wives still take some sort of sick pride in this form of husband bashing frequently bragging to the girlfriends about how helpless her husband would be if she wasn’t there to tell him what to do. I know I’m gettting confrontational now but how many times have you heard these control freaks, actually boasting about the way that they abuse their husbands in this manner without actually taking the issue to your department?)
- The average husband does have to account for his time. Each and every time he works back late. He’s routinely accused of infidelity even though he’s got the overtime money to prove otherwise. The real truth is that the workplace often feels more like a home than his home. Particularly if home means “walking on eggshells” all the time.
- The average husband is hit, kicked, and pushed around. The shelters and the law list every angry shove, by a short tempered husband, as wife bashing. Ask around your own office. Do you have a single female staff member who as NEVER, given her man an impatient shove? Including you!
- The average husband is very much cut off from family and friends. Her family is welcome in the home, his are not. His friends are usually his workmates and they are not welcomed into the home.
The Darebin Community Centre has got one thing right. All of these forms of abuse are still abuse. Blood doesn’t need to flow before abuse occurs.
But all of these forms of abuse are considered the normal way to treat a husband.
A man, even talking back, or expressing his own opinions, is rapidly being listed as a wife basher these days. A wife, continually hurling, both abuse, and kitchen knives, at a husband is rarely listed as a husband basher. Not even when the man is dragged into hospital with a gushing jugular vein. A woman has to actually kill her husband, or her bash victims have to be children before she is charged
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box65
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Joined: 11/26/2006
Msg: 55 | |
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Kixxie
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Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 56 | |
| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/7/2007 3:00:34 AM | | Personally, I would NOT stay with anyone who abused or disrespected me. I have more respect for myself than to tolerate any of the things you listed. | |
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| Interesting
Posted: 12/7/2007 3:25:31 AM | This topic came up tonight at a gathering at my place.
The unusual part was that it was being discussed among the men.
Before you start thinking we're a bunch of nancy-boys, we've all been working in bars for years. Security, cooks, bartenders, and we've all been training for years, boxers, kick-boxers, kung-fu, you name it we've done it.
Yet, in our pasts, we've all had at least one gf that used to hit us. Some worse than others.
For us, it was a mixture of confusion and embarrasment, how the hell do you accept the fact that you're being abused by a woman half your size when you teach self-defense?
We've all sparred with mixed-sex classes, but out in society if you so much as blink at a woman you're going to get dog-piled. One of my buddies even got stabbed by his gf, didn't realize it until the cops took the cuffs off of him to put them on his sweet darling. He was an accountant by trade by the way, we're not talking trailer-park disputes over recreational pharmesuticals, this shit happens to the best of us.
Actually, I think that the best of us are the prime targets. Who ELSE would have the patience to put up with this crap?
The first step is to realize that you ARE being treated improperly.
The most important step is to make sure that it never happens again to anyone that you care about. Especially yourself. | |
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Kee2
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Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| Interesting
Posted: 12/7/2007 4:35:05 AM | I can't say that I will ever truly understand why someone would allow themselves to be abused or abuse someone, but it's time to make better decisions instead of thinking that abuse is OK. Not all men do this type of thing, just as not all women do this type of thing. No matter what you are looking for, you can get it without abuse attached to it, but I think abuse has to be sought after in order for you to continue a relationship with it. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/7/2007 6:55:42 AM | hi i was in that sort of relationship ....and i felt to low to do anythink about it .....it took me till he put me in hospital and hurt me bad broken my arm in 4 places i wished i had ended it long time ago but i had a break down after it all i would never let a man do that to me again as i should not of stood 4 it but now i am back on my feet xxxx | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/8/2007 10:28:59 AM | when you are with someone like that they have a way to make you believe that noone else wants you. when someone stays they are scared of moving on cause your mate has told you things for how long and you believe him. it's a scary thing to deal with but someone only can put up with it so long before they say i'm done and has the COURAGE AND STREGNTH to walk away from the other person. they control you til you believe them and you believe noone else wants you but him. the only thing people can do is be there when they need a friend and love them no matter what they say.
good luck with your question and remember they do need friends at all times.  | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/8/2007 11:44:31 AM | This is a different kind of disrepect and maybe not for this room but thought I would share a sad story.
About 14 yrs. ago I went to a beautiful island in the Virgin Islands. At that time, everyone was accepted. I met a great couple that owned some villas and a Tiki Bar on the beach. It was AWESOME!
2 yrs. later I got a letter from the woman's mother (I had been trying to communicate with her since I left a month later) telling me her daughter was killed by a 'local'.
They don't respect white women. What's up with that!!!! | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/8/2007 2:20:17 PM | I agree a lot with this, if only from experience. I am a sucker for giving benefit of the doubt, and it hasn't yet done me any favours.
I've been in an abusive relationship, and can say now with some degree of certainty that the only reason I stayed in that relationship is because he wore me down to the point that I truly believed I could do no better (which in turn refers back to the earlier points about self-esteem). My problem now is that the lesser things that guys do (like not showing up after making plans, and other annoying things) seem insignificant in comparison - almost to the point that I tolerate them because "Well anything's better than what I had before, I guess". Sad, but true. I think I need more alone time haha. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:32:29 PM | | My ex boyfriend is the controlling type. Eventually started treating me like crap... I didn't really see it until someone outside said something to me. Then I felt comfortable with the relationship, so I stayed a while longer, I figured I couldn't do better than him and decided to stay even longer.... I don't know at what point I decided this, but I absolutely am too good for him, he treated me unfairly and wanted to control my life... I'm not the kind of girl that needs to be controlled. I think it was lack of other options that made me stay with him for so long. Now, I'm happy I'm away from him... looking for other avenues. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/8/2007 6:36:55 PM | i remember going to a medical school about this, and it was filled with woman and i was like the only man there, so they said ... they allow themselves to go through that...
say' FU.k you and get someone else because you're better that.. tell your friend to wake up off the pills and see life a bit more before getting caught up into somethings thats' been proven won't work-out | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/8/2007 10:08:30 PM | Perhaps being in a bad relationship is better than being in no relationship at all...
Low self esteem---afraid to be on their own... need someone to be there for them and putting up with their bs... is just a trade off.
To all those women and men (yes men put up with all this bs) REALIZE THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER... YOU cannot love another if you dont love yourself... Look within find who you are and what you want will come... appear... hence compeleting you...
Get out of this abuse--- YES IT IS ABUSE... AND NO HE/SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU...!!! I REPEAT DOES NOT....  | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/25/2007 1:45:29 AM | Agreed,, no one can ever force you to do what you dont want to do ..
The trick I think is to weed out the abusers at the begining.. But thats hard for these types of women,, because the pattern will usually send them right back to the same type of abusive guy, over and over..
They need to find a guy who is strong and dominant,,to get that feeling of being submissive to him,, but not in an abusive way.. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/25/2007 1:57:47 AM | Re post 22:
"Since I don't date men, whether they respect me or not is irrelevent."
Ditto!
Re the Opost:
"A friend of mine is being used by a guy. Yet she stays with him."
Use and disrepect are both bad but a tad different.
"One display of disrespect and I am gone for good. No second chance"
If all of us did that, strictly speaking, the whole world would be single.
"Can anyone explain why you would stay with someone who disrespects you. These examples don't apply to my friend but to anyone as in:"
Now, I find it hard to correlate some of the examples with disrespect, while I would have listed some others well above some of them.
"Doesn't call when they say they will,"
Good luck finding a man (and for me a woman) does NOT do that these days! A tad extreme, I think.
"Makes plans and doesn't show up,"
Again, these hectic days, that is not rare. The key is does he/she call to alert re change of plans.
"Makes excuses about commitment (just lies),"
Too vague!
"Hits you,"
Full agreement here, even one little punch from her and I am gone! Or plate thrown, Italian / Sophia Loren or not!
"Mental abuse,"
Now, this is the tricky one to pin down. I am very sensitive about being mental absued or used or manipulated by a woman, but then, as a result, I am single!
"Cheating,"
In cards?
"Lies,"
To me or to her clients, her friends, her relatives, her voters???
I agree in principle, but brutal honesty is like being operated without anesthesiac.
"Steals,"
Steals? From me. from taxes, my best years, my lines, from banks, from the rich an gives to the poor (sorry carried away, thinking of Robine Hoodette)
"Why would you stay with anyone who does any of that?"
Because some of "that" are not signs or evidence of disrepect IRL.
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/25/2007 3:01:27 PM | Can't, won't, don't.
Being raised in a abusive environment has a lot to do with it. I grew up in a verbally/physically abusive household and as an adult went through a lot of counseling to undo the damage that had been done. A lot of people never have the opportunity to go to a thearapist to work through their problems that stem from abuse and continue to believe that they deserve to be abused, it is a sad situation. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/25/2007 3:52:25 PM | | its very simple...there are a lot of people out there who would rather be in a bad relationship (no matter how unhappy it makes them) than to be alone. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/25/2007 5:07:22 PM | Why is everyone hung up on "men" who disrespct????
Well??
Do you really think the world owes you repect becasue you have tits??
If you really want to see disrespect then try the old ni66eer test.
1/ Dig up any number of mainstream magazines where men or boyfreinds are bing discussed.
2/ IN those articels change the word "man" to "ni66er".
3/ Read the article again. Out loud! To a group of firens who don't know whats going on.
It's the women who have a problem respecting men.
In fact the women who DEAMAND the following are classic control freaks to be avoided at all costs.
Makes the boyfriens plans , without consulting him, and then flies of the handle when doesn't show up,
Demands commitment while chasing every rock star and sporting star she can get close to.
Hits boyfriends but doesn't regard that as abuse,
Takes a sick pride in the mental abuse of her boyfriend and brags to her girlfriends about itl
Cheating,
Lies,
Steals, | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/25/2007 5:15:22 PM | Many people who come from abusive backgrounds themselves may not be able to recognize the fact that they are being used.
Other people may be so in love with a person that they are blind to all their manipulation and self serving actions.
Others simply do not have a clue. Many hang out with pretty and good looking people so they can be the talk of town, even if the guy or girl is a proclaimend a**hole and treats them like dirt. This last thing is more common among younger people.
I don't know. I had a friend who was so blind to the abuse of her better half, and, since she would not take advice from anyone I left her alone. You can't prevent people, blinded by unreasonable love or their own deficient personality from their coming doom if they so choose it. | |
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| Why do you stay with men who disrespect you?
Posted: 12/25/2007 11:33:54 PM | | I can only say why I did...twice. I was brought up with very rigid Christian morals, and taught that marriage vows were not only between a man and woman, but God also...that vows were weighty things, and far outweighed any unhappiness I might encounter. Those I took said "for better or worse, etc.", much as most people's vows are. I did my utmost to keep my end of those vows, understanding I was never promised "better" and had just happened to recieve "worse". I considered it my lot in life...plain and simple. After my first husband left and I remarried, I again realized after a couple of years and some traumatic events, that I had once again recieved "worse" , but at the time was ill, had an ill child, and was pregnant again, and jobless due to the health issues. I stayed because of necessity and because I had no where else to turn at the time (there were no alternatives back then anywhere near where I live back then). It certainly wasn't because I was a glutton for punishment. Just a matter of necessity mixed with moral obligation I guess. Maybe a stupid reason to some, but the truth of the matter, regardless of how unhealthy it was. I have since changed my views somewhat, and wouldn't go through it again. | |
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