| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:48:41 AM | I think the others are very right on the money on the paternity test and going through the courts ALTHOUGH you state she lives on the reservation...
That makes this a whole diffrent ball game doesn't it? My advice would be to A) get some advice from a lawyer that specializes in trible(not sure I spelled that right) law and B) I would go to the reservation she lives on and speak to the tribe elders...
Doesn't the reservation have their own laws and their own form of judicial system? You will have to work inside of the reservations judicial system... You stated you were raised on the reservation so you know this...
You know that the lawyer that gave her advice on the birth papers were correct on his advice to her. But since you were raised on the reservation that maybe having visitation at a family members home on the reservation would work... that way they might not fear that you would not bring the child back to the reservation and with time her fear of losing her child to the system outside of the reservation would become less and less and her trust in you would become more and more...
You know full well that most that are raised on the reservations are very fearfull of the outside and they are raised to not trust the ones that leave the reservations for the outside world...
Reservations are diffrent cultures altogether... Reservations are countrys unto themselves and they work diffrently and you have to work with them for them to help you... I hope this helps even a little...
From a mom's point of view - she's scared no matter what... all mothers are afraid of loosing their young...
I wish you the best of luck and if you do decide to talk to the trible elders I hope you keep us posted on updates.... | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:58:57 AM | If someone can come on the reserve and take your son from his mother because she lives on a reserve - how will you prove paternity so that you can fight to get your son out of state care?
You deserve and your son deserves to be legally recognised as this child's parent!
When he grows up and comes to find you, how will you explain that you never "bothered"
Get a lawyer, a paternity test, establish visitation rights and joint custody! | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/18/2007 5:26:27 PM | hey whitebuffallo28
I read your post and would agree with what most everyone has said to you in the replies, but also the one thing I can offer you is a shoulder if you ever feel the need to talk to someone one on one about this, someone that will listen and give opinions then feel free to contact me I would be willing to listen.
I live in the same area as you and I see you alot at tim hortons so if you wish to make contact to have someone to talk to let me know and ill be a shoulder to lean on... Never can have to many friends right. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/18/2007 11:37:26 PM | If this is your child you have a legal right to have access to him unless the courts have deemed you are an unfit father, and it takes a lot for them to say you can't see your kid at all. Most will at least let you have supervised visitation.
My advice is the same as all the other posters. Get a lawyer and a DNA test. Go to court.
In a case like yours it sounds like the woman is just using you and probably isn't even spending the money on the child. Get her to draw up a list of reasonable child care related expenses and have a judge help out with dividing it up. Make sure you keep receipts of all the money you send her and ask for reciepts from her for all her child related expenses to make sure she is actually spending the money on the child.
Get a visitation schedule worked out.
And whatever you do, don't give her any extra money unless you have proof she needs it for something (like sending the kid to summer camp or something) and get reciepts for this as well. If you start sending her more than the courts order and don't get reciepts she'll keep asking for more and more and more.
It's really sad that people have to keep records like this or that one parent would keep their child from his or her other parent, but it happens. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 8/19/2007 1:42:56 PM | Well let me first say, GOOD for you, you want to see the child, that is great. I found out that I was pregnant about 1 1/2 months ago.
He is someone that I dated from this line, things just did not work out. Any way called and told him that I was in fact pregnant, he said well get rid of it, I will pay to have that happen. I am pro life, so that is not about to happen. He on the other hand states that he wants nothing to do with the child. I for one think that he made his choice in asking that I abort the baby, and I (this is my personal thought) do not want any money from him. I think that you deserve a lot of credit for doing what you are doing, but I would let her know that she cannott have her cake and eat it too. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 9/10/2007 5:50:19 PM | First off, get a DNA test to see if the child is yours. If the child is yours, take the mother to court for visiting rights. I wish my children had had a father like you. My ex left in 1979 when my children were just tiny. He has saw them once since then back in 1997. My children are now 31 and 30. Took me 6 years to find him after he left and then he complained because he had to pay 50 bucks a month for each of them. He worked and still works for CP Rail. My ex is a deadbeat dad and should get a trophy for it. He has 4 grandsons which he has never seen.
Do what you have to do to see you child and don't take no for an answer. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:56:30 AM | | don't send her money it would be hard but the longer you stick 2 not sending her money the better, and she would have 2 work with you 4 the sake of your child and when your child grows up tell him/her what she done i have spoken 2 you 4 a while now and i can see that you are a good person and im so sorry 2 here what you are going through | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:17:15 AM | | is your baby mother on drugs? because it sounds like she is, please take a DNA test first then instead of sending her money that you don't even know she is spending on the baby get yourself a good loyer and take her 2 cort every1 know you are a good person and a good and the fack that you have fosterd children in your pass must prove that 2 the juge | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:55:10 AM | | It seems you want to do the right or best thing to provide for your son Op. IF the boy is really your's , without a test to prove it, then try giving him things like clothes and diapers and baby food or formula depending on his needs at his age. This way he isn't deprived of the necessities it sounds you are willing to give. Keep receipts to show what amount you spent. IF child support is ordered, then make sure you get visitation. This is a way to show her that sharing time (seperate times taken) is sharing your son.She needs to accept that. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 12/4/2007 2:44:11 PM | I understand where U are coming from ~ am in the Same situation only thing the DAD don't want to be bothered ~~ I think ur son would be so lucky to have u in his life BUT
Sending her money and u not being able to see him etc,,,, She only wants the money for herself and if she REALLY needs the money etc she would let you see your son ~
I wish you all the best in the situation and keep praying that someday ur little one will realize and know a kind dad he has ~
As for my twin girls their DAD is a deadbeat ~
Take Care
BabyMama3 | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:14:34 AM | I'm so sorry about your situation...it just awful that your son is missing out on having a dad he could really respect. You seem like a very sweet man. I would go to legal aide or legal guidance. They can tell you what you must do by law so you it isnt held against you later. They can also help you find resources that do work with reserve laws to help you get visitation. For now is there a way you can tell her whatever she wants to hear so she will let you come see your son? Even if its at her house? On her terms? If there is a way you can play her game till you get legal rights it might be a good idea.
My mom played this stupid game when i was a kid and when i was older and found out it made a HUGE difference that he tried. Keep trying hon and I will keep hoping this works out for you and your son. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:20:19 AM | Supporting a child financially is not a option but a responsibility and one you should do regardless of whether you see it or not. That said, it sounds like you have a lot of questions to answer first and then some steps to take afterwards.
Just because her lawyer gives her advice, doesn't mean you're bound by it. Get the paternity test first, establish your rights as that child's father and then go to court to have those rights set in stone! Just remember, you will be bound to that child - and its mother - for the duration.
You sound like a good father. You need to do what a father must do for its sake. Best of luck. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 2/15/2008 8:51:21 AM | Don't know if this is still the issue D
But in my opinion, if you love that child and know in your heart is yours-you've already answered that question as I can see....that you helped out that child already. Once your heart determined that and you began to help, no matter how hard you try you'll still help somehow. If you question how she spends the money, and you haven't done a paternity test or she hasn't sent it to Family Maintenance. Get it in the form of grocery gift cards? Or whatever age he is, order from the store in her town things that are for that child's size now. ya know????
anyway just met u, just seen this so thought I'd respond.
The only way I can relate is watching my child live in his broken promises. I'm sure he has a father who does not like sending him money, heck I had to have family maintenance garnish his wages before his girlfriend made him start sending me 100.00 a month, I watch my child get broken hearted all the time becuase his father is not a part of his life and he reached out to him. I suggest that if you want to be a part of that child's life, and if she isn't consistant. I don't like it myself but take it to court. She has a duty to show up and prove that is your child, and offer visitation rights. You have no reason you can't see him. So if she doesn't want to be nice about it, then as trooper states it, "raise a little hell" | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 2/15/2008 9:13:14 AM | | I feel for you its always hurtful for the father and I dont see why the mother should have all the say over the best interest in the kids. You deffinately wont be a "dead beat dad" just because you decide not to send her anymore money, she's taking you for a ride!!! She using her son to get to you which makes her lower than low, you have two choices you can either cut your losses altogether and pray that your son comes looking for you OR go get some legal advice and apply for joint custody, theres also the question of the CSA if she is on benefits. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:50:30 PM | | well get a paternity test, then get a lawyer for if your the dad you deserve visiting rights. take her to court for that. if your the dad you owe her support in raising the child weither you like her or not. even if she refuses to let you see the child you have an obligation to make sure the child does not suffer or be neglected. if your concerned that she may squander the money then share those concerns with the judge. maybe you can help support indirectly like buying kids cloths or help with the day care costs instead of handing over cash. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 3/17/2008 9:02:49 PM | | C'mon, bro! It's now time for you to step up and be a man. Be a father! There are remedies for your situation. Find out if that is your son. Court order a DNA test. Once you figure out if he is yours you go through the courts and get legal privileges. This is not some game for you to cry to the POF forums about. This is your child! Fight for him... or don't fight for him and let it drop. This is obvious. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:08:22 PM | ^^^So what he said!!!
Step one make sure you are the Dad and if you are, that brings us to step two...You were there when he was conceived and no matter what then you pay for your child...If she gives you problems about seeing him? Try this nifty thing they got called Court and get visitation.
Man, that was a tough one. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 5/25/2008 10:25:44 PM | Apply for visitation rights. sounds like you would really like to have a relationship with your child... Speak up, Fathers count too! Maybe have a mediation meeting with her and some advocates to come to some type of agreements... You have rights and so does your child... his birthrights! Also why not put $ into a trust for him, and anything you send should go through Family & Childrens Services to document she is recieving it for your child.
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:05:43 AM | | i would hire an attorney, get a paternity test to make sure this child is yours, if so, i would get some parental rights through the courts, then she could not deny you. let the legal system work for you | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 5/26/2008 2:07:43 AM | | one more thing to add, stop sending money until this matter is resolved, put the money in a separate account, tell her what you are doing, if the child is your, you have the money safely away to give. if not, your money is your money. | |
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| Always calling for money?????
Posted: 6/12/2008 6:08:41 PM | Hey My Friend.
Have you taken any of this advice as of yet.
As a recently court ordered non custodial parent..my daughters decided they wanted an adventure to live with their Dad..his fiance and her daughter.
I'm suffering financially ..but will make due. Remarkably he still asks me to bail him out of stuff. As their mother it's really hard to sit back and not rescue him but I have learned ...he wanted it. I can't rescue.
Your a grown man. I know you are reaching out for some odd reason..Doubt, Miss Givings..Indecisive ..as to whether it's worth it to go to court. Yes it is. In the long run it's best for 'all' involved .. If the child is yours ..she can't deny you visitation unless she proves you are 'unfit'. Paternity testing can cost but ..worth it to find out for sure if the child you have been supporting is yours ..but only YOU know in your own heart whether that matters to you or not. You may be content to support this child and sincerely in your heart know regardless of a blood test that the child is yours.. You should go the legal route. There are resources out there ..search the internet..You'll find resources where you can get legal advice ..advice on how family court is taken care of in Quebec or where you live specifically.
Good Luck with your challenges. Miss chatting with you online but with my recent court decision my internet is a memory... Take Care My friend
J | |
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