| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 11/30/2006 10:18:46 AM | | i would tell the wife... it happened 2 me before and the wife called me up, and i told the truth, but whatever happened to him i dont even know.... | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 11/30/2006 11:39:34 AM | | I would tell..... I would want someone to tell me. The truth always comes out and better sooner than later. | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 11/30/2006 11:58:02 AM | Ask, and you shall receive your answer.....
If no one asks, then there is nothing to tell..... | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 11/30/2006 12:36:48 PM | so says the convicted child molester and murderer? because no ONE ASKED THEM if they did it. Jeesh...so relieved to know the entire world doesn't live that way.
Lying by omission is what cheating is all about. | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 11/30/2006 1:29:09 PM | I would NOT tell the wife. Why ruin somebody's life like that? If my husband were cheating, I would not want to know. What I don't know doesn't hurt me.
Just my opinion, but i am VERY open minded. | |
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| Would you tell the SPOUSE?
Posted: 11/30/2006 2:02:20 PM | Hey, all:
I had thought that this topic would have benefited from a more balanced perspective, i.e., less
sexist, acknowledging that there are women who cheat on their husbands, so that there are unsuspecting spouses of that gender, as well.
It is so much more helpful to express such issues that way when possible, since it avoids a lot of bias and prejudice, and makes possible better healing and communication. Just a thought.
To answer the question then, I don't think anyone should remain in ignorance over anything, and here especially so, since it is relatively easy to have a lttle courage and do so. Not informing the spouse allows the cheater an opportunity to continue.
All the situational ethics here really bothers me--i.e., simple absence of morals--the answer should be painfully--painfully obvious.
David
"Practically..." | |
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| Would you tell the SPOUSE?
Posted: 11/30/2006 2:28:10 PM | I understand David, I really do. It wasn't intentional. I see more of married men here than married women.
Someone before mentioned they were "open minded" and I would like to say, make sure you're mind is not too open, cuz I think you're brains fell out...seriously ! it pisses me off when people chose ignorance over wisdom. It's the ignorant and those that breed ignorance just irk me.
But back to the obvious David, you successfully evaded answering the question yourself. Care to clarify your opinion in the written form? If I assume you mean you would tell, might make me more bias than you originally thought, because I am doin' that "assumin'" thang. donwannadodat ! | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 11/30/2006 5:05:35 PM | MZ.DANNI, I think I'm gonna become closed minded and become a Reprocrat after reading part of your profile and the threads you've been on...Wooooo Weeeee Peeeeeee Peeeeee. I don't agree with telling on some adulterer ,but I can see why you wouldn't tell on a man if he was having sex with three married women.........(no pun intented!!!
Would sumbudy tal ma whut tha hail is twith the broken doll parts...Dayum,have we been invaded by Planet ignorance or stupidity? Dayum,that is sooooo crude and dayum mean..... | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 11/30/2006 5:56:52 PM | Wow!! Get this!!
Pastor.....we chatted, e-mail for a year....met had a couple of beers a couple of times.....by accident, l phoned his cell.....she got my messages.....old school friend and he never wanted to introduce me......tempted to show up at his church for the second time....it was cat and mouse for him......what did l get out of it? Heartache!! l could totally ruin him!! | |
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idioms
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Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 110 | |
| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 7:06:06 AM | | I would tell the wife. The spouse whether male or female deserves to know. Then they can make the choice if infidelity is something they want to live with. Infidelity from a health standpoint can be deadly or at the very least life changing. I get messages all the time from married men who say they are looking for someone discreet. I tell them that discreet is not my middle name and I would be more than happy to out them. For some reason they stop emailing or messaging me after that. | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 8:08:54 AM | Good for you, skybluehope. Good for you ! ! ! ! Sometimes I am flabbergasted ('zat a word?) at the nerve some married men/women have. It's scary. I hope most single women will modify their mail settings so they can't humor these cheaters, it's disgusting.
Am I judging them?...you betcha ! git a rope ! git one for me too ! Cuz I'm a sinner too. I just don't implicate innocent people and cohorts. | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 8:34:42 AM | | The truth HURTS... you may want to consider how she will take it befire you go ahead.. yes its admirable to be honest.. But ALOT of pain will becaused... and its a brutal thing to do purely on the premise of beinf self righteous. Women cheat too. | |
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| Would you tell the spouse?
Posted: 12/1/2006 8:56:48 AM | Hey, all:
Sunny, I thought that the answer would be obvious, since I clearly wrote the reasons for the answer--assumptions are much more arbitrary and based on a lot less information. If at all possible, you should tell the spouse. Knowledge is power and power should be shared. If the person has suspected infidelity or if they are clueless, they should know. There was another thread about someone who was harassed at work but had no witnesses of the actions. Speaking up reveals other such actions. When people who have been attacked in some way speak up, it empowers others to do so, revealing a pattern of violent behavior.
If you tell a married person they have an unfaithful spouse, it gives them the power to act to restore decency in their own lives. Not telling is cowardice.
David | |
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| Would you tell the spouse?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:22:04 AM |
The truth HURTS... you may want to consider how she will take it befire you go ahead.. yes its admirable to be honest.. But ALOT of pain will becaused... and its a brutal thing to do purely on the premise of beinf self righteous. Women cheat too.
hmmmm. interesting statement.
There's really no point in dissecting your post. It speaks for itself.
Brutal? indeed. Pain? who's pain?
Self righteous?....no....just "right". | |
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| Would you tell the spouse?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:23:28 AM | I'm gonna become a dayum tell on you dayum adulters..I'm just gonna go into business making it my business to screw up an innocent wife or an innocent husband cuz I'm so dayum jeaouls I can't find a woman that's married to git it on with.....Such is life....."HA"  | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:31:32 AM | so says the convicted child molester and murderer? because no ONE ASKED THEM if they did it. Jeesh...so relieved to know the entire world doesn't live that way.
Lying by omission is what cheating is all about.
One issue has NOTHING to do with another!
Someone who potentially is considering cheating on their spouse is a child molester??????? OR murderer???????
WTF??????
....You know, you should be careful if you keep riding that high horse of yours - I hear the fall is a b*tch......
And I'm quite happy not everyone is as black and white or without finesse, compassion, or understanding as your comments made you seem.
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:38:21 AM |
....You know, you should be careful if you keep riding that high horse of yours - I hear the fall is a b*tch......
Careful there. You've wandered into SunnyTexas' personal grievance and solipsism thread, where her way is the only way and heaven forbid a tolerant word should be spoken. Please, no mention that other people's perspectives might possibly be different than hers, or that others experience don't match hers. This thread is about her healing process; she's in the ranting phase right now, which comes after the sue-his-azz-back-to-poverty phase and before the Jerry-Springer-appearance phase.
Cheers,
Mike (we're here for you Sunny; carry on) | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:43:59 AM | Brokendoll, you seem to say if no one talks about it...that it didn't happen.
Same thing with alot of issues. Not just adultery. I'm not putting them into the same scenario and you know that. You know exactly what my post intended to say.
No high horse here. Just because some would follow their heart doesn't put them on a pedestal. It's a personal choice. It's a personal choice to deceive and it's also a personal choice to inform. I can't help it if some chose to be ignorant and helpless. What they do with the information is there right, there business. Nothing I can do about that and neither can you. You just chose not to know the difference. That's okay too. It's a denial thing, to some....but it's still a choice.
Urban, I won't dignify your post with a remark. you will NOT provoke me.
You have choices too. If you don't want your wife to know your unfaithful, then don't date someone who'll tell her. It really is a simple concept, isn't it? | |
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| Would you tell the spouse?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:47:17 AM |
hmmmm. interesting statement.
There's really no point in dissecting your post. It speaks for itself.
Brutal? indeed. Pain? who's pain?
Self righteous?....no....just "right".
You are onviously alluding to me having no scuples... well FYI.. i hate to be SO blatan...i for one have NEVER cheated.. EVER... but I have seen the damage the TRUTH has done to many relationships.
The Pain.. will be inflicted on the one true victim.. the woman or man being cheated on. and yes it is Painful.. There are other factors to take into consideration. Many people TALK like they want to know the truth.. but in reality.. the TRUTH,, is painful damaging, and brutal.. as you said.
I think we live in this world were people have utopian ideas and feel it their duty to carry them out for some sense of dignified righteousness. I disagree. There is a time and a place for everything. And all I said.. was to consider how you approach it. Please dont patronize me. I dont cheat. I cant damn well be bothered to. And if my woman isnt satisfying.. i have NO problem ending it.. or inspring a better relationship. | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:47:41 AM |
The truth HURTS... you may want to consider how she will take it befire you go ahead.. yes its admirable to be honest.. But ALOT of pain will becaused... and its a brutal thing to do purely on the premise of beinf self righteous. Women cheat too.
I think your forgetting one simple fact - Cheaters always get caught eventually, ALWAYS!!
By not telling the spouse of a cheater you're only delaying the heartache and the longer it takes for them to find out the harder it is on them. One of the worst things about being cheated on is feeling stupid that it was going on right under your nose and you didn't find out. The longer it goes on the more risk there is of catching disease or someone in the triangle getting pregnant. And every day wasted with a cheater is a day the spouse will never get back.
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:53:52 AM |
I think your forgetting one simple fact - Cheaters always get caught eventually, ALWAYS!!
By not telling the spouse of a cheater you're only delaying the heartache and the longer it takes for them to find out the harder it is on them. One of the worst things about being cheated on is feeling stupid that it was going on right under your nose and you didn't find out. The longer it goes on the more risk there is of catching disease or someone in the triangle getting pregnant. And every day wasted with a cheater is a day the spouse will never get back.
Im not forgetting anything.. the first time.. or the 10th time.. it will all hurt. And besides.. you can catch diseases easier than you think. many people talk about condoms for penetration... but any good doctor will tell you the myriad of infections you can catch orally.
You sound jaded.. obviously a women who as been cheated on... And Im not saying not to tell. Im just saying there are alot of things to consider.
And remember.. women cheat too. I have been approached by a few married women in the past. it isnt all about men.. so my point of view in not one dimentional. | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 9:56:10 AM | Thank you for adding your comment fireandice and good for you. I meant well, I just wasn't sure you did...till now. Thanks for reassuring me there are good and honorable men (and women) out there. .
taluvs2laugh, yes they do get caught sooner or later, I think most spouses would prefer the sooner. Thanks for posting. | |
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 10:49:26 AM | Brokendoll, you seem to say if no one talks about it...that it didn't happen.
No.... I was saying that my view is (to keep with the thread topic) if the wife hasn't come to you to ask/question you on meeting with her husband (whether anything sexual or more actually happened or not) then why go to the lengths of seeking her out to tell her?
And what would you tell her? "Hi, I met your husband for coffee"? ....and.... what? - You think he can't easily explain that one away? LOL.... Especially if it was just a social meet.... It's not that difficult.
If a person feels the need to seek out the wife and tell her something - IT DAMN WELL BETTER BE WORTH TELLING.
To me, if a wife comes to me and asks.... I tell ALL in respects to the nature of the contact and answer whatever her questions are. But if she doesn't come to me, I'm not going to be hunting her down, especially when there isn't much to say......
If my S.O. is thinking about cheating, maybe flirting, joking about it..... I don't need to know, nor want know!
IF HE SCREWED SOMEONE ELSE..... And she felt the need to share, sure then she'd have something to say to me........ But it would be his responsibility to tell me, not hers. I wouldn't want to hear it from her over hearing from him......
I can't help it if some chose to be ignorant and helpless.
Sweetheart, that there made you ignorant to make such an arrogant comment. We all have a different set of beliefs, values, morals, etc.... So stop making yours sound better than others.
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| Would you tell the wife?
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:00:39 PM | oh but c'mon,
<div class="quote">IF HE SCREWED SOMEONE ELSE..... And she felt the need to share, sure then she'd have something to say to me........ But it would be his responsibility to tell me, not hers. I wouldn't want to hear it from her......
Of course you would prefer to hear it from her husband. Do you think he'd suddenly turn responsible and tell you? Basically, we don't always get a choice in how we learn something, or become enlightened. Shooting the messenger won't make you any smarter.
Furthermore, are you judging me for MY MORALS? or for just having some? | |
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