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BR27
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 76 | |
| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/17/2007 6:38:33 PM | | Well friendlyIntense if i found people who were interested in dating someone in a wheelchair then i wouldnt have made this thread now would i | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:20:26 PM | My reply was actually to another person who wrote:
FriendlyIntense, just not wanting to date someone in a wheelchair doesn't make a person selfish, shallow and callous... assuming that they couldn't possibly be into sports does.
She totally shifted the focus to make it seem like I was suggesting people in wheelchairs don't play sports. And I didn't mean that. And I think most intellectually honest people can recognize that.
But there might be something in the way you responded to me that could turn a person off, in general. It's a passive-aggressive high-school kid sound like you were being a smartass. It IS a victim-mentality conditioning. What's nice is that I don't have anything to lose by being honest with anyone so I can say what I think needs to be said even while I know there are always some overly-sensitive bleeding heart types lurking in the wings waiting for their daily dose of self-righteousness.
In any case, if you (or anyone else) is attempting to make people sound shallow and callous for not wanting to date someone in a wheelchair then I suggest you look at that as either a personal choice or, in the very least, a handicap of theirs and do unto them as you would have them do unto you.
Just put in your profile that you're bound to a wheelchair most of the time but that you're also a better person for it, or something like that. And find someone will accept you for that up front rather than dropping it in their lap at the last minute. What kind of a cruel trick is that?
I mean, what is this - "bash people who don't want to date people in wheelchairs week"?
Eric  | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 12:24:06 AM | FriendlyIntense, you said:
Why is a person selfish, shallow and callous if they don't want to date someone in a wheelchair? Maybe they just prefer people who walk. Maybe they are into running or sports and wanted someone who is into those things, too.
That doesn't make them selfish, shallow and callous.
What does that sound like to you?
You are backpedaling. "Oh, but that's not what I meant!" | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 1:32:25 AM | | I guess women dont go for men in wheel chair because they think they cant please them and they dont want to take care of them.But me, it is what is inside that counts,as long as they treat you right.I am looking for a longterm relationship.Someone who I can spend thee rest of my life with.I dont care if they are in a wheelchair or if they can fly.I think men just go for looks.We cant all be buity queens.Maybe I am saying the wrong things.I dont know.I am new to this.Hope I dont make anyone mad at me.Can I ask a question? How do men do it if they are in a chair, or please a women?I am dumb at this stuff.Sorry! | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 6:07:50 AM | 99 percent of women out there aren't going to date you. I'm very sorry to say it, but it's the reality of your situation. You have to be fair. If the situation was reversed and you had no idea whatsoever what it meant to be to be in a wheelchair, you probably wouldn't date anyone in a chair either.
What you can do is work out as best you can, dress as well as you can, stay positive and hope for the best. What will make the most difference is if you have a very prestigious career, make a ton of money and have some kind of unique skill/ability. For example, if you become a world class saxophone player, you'll draw in women in droves. Sure you'll still be in a wheel chair, but you'll have one skill that will separate you from the rest of all men out there.
You need to find and hone and develop some exceptional talent you have. If you make that your passion, you'll always have something you love even if you can't find someone you love. Live a good life, pursue a passion you love with all your heart and accept that the dating will take care of itself or it won't. If it doesn't, the consolation prize is an exceptional life if you are willing to work for it.
I wish you well on your journey. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 6:17:31 AM | OP,
It is not that women do not want to date you
because of your chair.
The right woman will look past that chair and
see the real man sitting in it.
Think outside that chair and the right person will
also. It does not define who you are, you define
yourself. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 6:17:40 AM | | Have you not read any other forums, women love to wear their heels on this dating site so you must be at least, four or more inches taller than them...hows that for honesty. Lets face it, its hard enough to get a date on here being able bodied....so you can be as tall as you want ,but in a wheel chair you will never be tall enough for them....JMO | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 7:47:39 AM | Hello Mr. Wheels,
You mention only 90% of the women, what about the other 10%? Where are they? :)
Most of the women I know, including myself, love to sit on a mans lap. Seems to me you may have one of the best props out there, you just haven't realized it yet!
 | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 8:04:11 AM |
What does that sound like to you?
You are backpedaling. "Oh, but that's not what I meant!"
Well that isn't what I meant. In fact, I know a handful of people in wheelchairs who have played sports and been in marathons, so at least with them, your nonsense accusation would hold no water. And I referred to "intellectually honest people." Since you were the one who first made the false accusation, I can understand why you'd want to continue promoting it.
Grow up, please. I won't respond to you any further. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 8:52:14 AM |
Hello everyone again this is Wheels27 i ended up deleting my profile and came back but i would like to thank everyone for there positive thinking and even the negative stuff was good too. Anyway i just thought i would update you on if i found anyone yet and the answer is no but im still keep my spirits high and one day i will click with someone happy fishing to all
Dear Wheels, it is quite pleasant to see such an old thread renewed with such vigor. I hope you are doing well and please go back and read Metallic Blue's comments. MB is no longer here. Perhaps he found the perfect fishy 
You know, I approached someone less than a year ago on another site (not a dating site), who is in a wheel chair. He is a very interesting person. I never did get to meet him, partly because he lives in New York. Trust me, you can make that wheel chair invisible if you choose!  | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 9:04:30 AM | | Hi, Its just my oppinion, I cant speak for other women but I would have a very hard time dating a man in a wheel chair because... As a woman I need to feel protected and taken care of. i suppose its a left over from evoloution. When a human chosses a potential mate they go for the best deal they can get. The best dna in which to make a child with. When someone has a dissability we instintively do not choose that person as a mate. Thinking or rather (feeling) they are not good enough to mate with. Its more a survival of the species mode of thinking. It is a very primitative thought process and the female must over come this. And she will after she sees that you can provide for her needs. She needs shelter, food, sex, etc. Hope this helps you understand females a little better. I wish you the best and keep trying. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 9:29:55 AM | | FriendlyIntense: Stop being a whiny baby about how the mean lady put words in your mouth, and admit that whatever you may have meant, it sounded like the same tired old justification of your bias and discomfort. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/18/2007 7:09:35 PM | Why is a person selfish, shallow and callous if they don't want to date someone in a wheelchair?
If they just dismiss the person without looking beyond the chair, it's that being a wee bit shallow? Look at the person instead of the chair; you might find something wonderful.
She totally shifted the focus to make it seem like I was suggesting people in wheelchairs don't play sports. And I didn't mean that.
Mean it or not, you certain said it. | |
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BR27
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 90 | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/20/2007 9:10:47 PM | I don't take your post as a pity plea, but just as a query...
Tell ya what...I got an invitation to get to know a man in a wheelchair last year that was tooooo hot for words. I talked to him and we got on great, but we lived too far apart and neither of us could move, so it wasn't going to work. Still, of all the men who have contacted me, his is one of the few addy's I've chosen to keep on file just in case circumstances change!!! Not all chicks care whether you are in a chair or not. Then some, just want what they feel the public would consider "acceptable" as arm candy. Pfffft....I'll take a great guy in a chair anyday to an ***hole on legs like I once had!!!! | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/21/2007 3:23:33 AM | My late wife was thot 2b "more handicapped" than I am
by some people, whatever that meant, I thought she
just had a different one than I did.
I loved her because she was nice to me and loved me,
just for me, not for money or what I cood "do for her".
I would never gived that up for anything.
Rest her soul forever. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/21/2007 5:31:09 AM | | I dig guy's in wheel chair's , I think there sexy in there own way : I dated a few disabled men and never had a problem with that : Even joined a disabled dating site : | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/21/2007 7:44:39 AM | I think that it is definitely difficult for anyone trying to date online that has any physical 'imperfection'. (Too tall, too short, bald, blind in one eye, has a limp, crooked nose, bad hair, overweight, underweight, unattractive, etc.) Part of why this is so hard is that you're looking at a flat picture of a person. You're not getting a sense of them, so you choose a picture that' s as close to the ideal as you can. (Please read on:)
If people are picking someone to interact with based upon a photo, I think they will choose the photo closest to the ideal they have in their mind. If you or I don't fit closely into their ideal, than we get skipped over. It's only human nature.
Just a side story - a few years ago in the course of my job, I came across a man in a wheelchair. I felt instant chemistry with him and definitely was attracted to him, mind and body. He was intelligent, well spoken and had the most gorgeous blue eyes I have ever seen. I didn't even care what the level of physical interaction might or might not be. This attraction surprised me. I would definitely have acted upon it by asking him out, but he is married. :( I still turn my head and glance at his office when I go down that street. My point here is that if you showed me a photo of this man I might not have picked up on the feeling. His charm came through in my interaction with him. I'm not a beautiful woman, but I have other qualities that will never show up in a photo. Maybe people like you and I need to be interacting with people in order to have them sense the qualities and charisma we have to offer. Maybe online isn't the best place for us to be looking for company. I've really been giving it a lot of thought. I hope I'm not offending anyone. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/21/2007 8:57:33 AM | Well, if I like the many very much, and i know he is not replace me for somebody else then I will take a man in a wheelchair.
To answer your question. Women think that if a man is in a wheelchair that means he can't have sex (don't get mad just my opinion). By the way, did you have a grilfriend before you have wheechair? | |
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BR27
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 96 | |
| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/21/2007 12:57:42 PM | | well for you and everyone else asking and havent looked at my profile i was born with spina bifida so no i never had a girlfriend before i was in the chair lol | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 5:28:58 AM | Hi Wheels,
I've read a few of the posts to get a glimse into what people are saying. Some of them are interesting and insightful, and helpful on a number of fronts.
But let me get on with my post. I am crippled too, caught polio at the age of 3. And now I'm aging, and dealing with declining abilities just like everyone as they age, only for me the decline is more troublesome because, in general, it's more specific.
Nevertheless, I've had the pleasure of enjoying a normal life in all aspects. I've gotten married and raised a family, and worked as a computer programmer for several decades, then went back to school and earned a master's degree in social work.
It is true that many women will reject you out of hand because of their own fears, and frankly, their own selfishness. But on the other hand, you only need to find ONE, so keep looking. Don't let anyone dissuade you, and certainly don't let your circumstances dissaude you.
You may be living on disability right now, but do your level best to find a job that you can handle. Use whatever social service resources may be available to help you get trained for some kind of work you can do. Believe me, there is nothing that contributes to your self-confidence like accomplishment. And women are always impressed with confidence, not arrogance mind you, but real confidence.
I hold that my good mind has been my saving grace, because I am able to do "mental" work, but the fact is that anyone can do a "mental" job given the proper training. Find something that you love to do and dig in.
Here's what my experience has revealed to me. There are a LOT of people who will reject you because of your disability. They will think that because you are crippled, you must also be stupid. They will fear that you must somehow be contagious, and that associating with you will somehow curse them. IGNORE such people, they are mere children stuck in an adult body.
I'll tell you a secret. My wife saw me as a SUPERMAN because of my disability, and mostly because I refused to let it be the major defining charactistic of my life. I had goals and aspirations, much like you do, and I went after them big time. That is something women appreciate and admire, even when they don't know it directly, because they "sense" your confidence and realize that there must be a basis for it.
Additionally, hone your social skills. Learn to communicate with women -- in a sense they speak a different language than men do -- they speak in a language that is much deeper and richer emotionally -- and emotion is the path to the insides of a woman -- emotion is the path to her heart. Win her emotions over and you have gotten to her heart.
Keep your expectations and requirements of an "acceptable" woman to a minimum. Be as broad as you can be. I'm not even suggesting that you "settle" for less than you are comfortable with, just that you shouldn't limit your options unnecessarily.
It has been said that women are like buses, if you miss one don't fret over it, another will be along shortly.
Don't particularly go after a beautiful women, they are often laboriously stuck on themselves, but don't avoid them either. Keep in mind that the "average" woman has beauty. the average is beautiful. Neither go after, nor avoid women in the health-care fields. They are usually pretty screwed up because they see so much human suffering.
OH, and as far as your profile is concerned, don't put in it that you have a disability. Wait to see how things develop, then choose an appropriate time in the course of emailing, and before phone contact to reveal that. It might be a little more painful emotionally if you get rejected at that point, but at least you will know WHY you were rejected. And if you do get rejected at that point, then you know she isn't worth her salt. Don't wait for her to discover it on her own by showing up for a date. Give her the chance to gracefully reject you before a date. It will save you both some agony.
There are some women who will specifically go after a man who has a handicap for whatever reasons motivate them to do so, but they are rare. So don't be afraid to try it both ways for a while. Just my advice for what it's worth. It doesn't mean I'm right though.
Fortune smiles on those who aren't afraid to carve their own destiny.
Never give up, never ever ever. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 6:04:31 AM | I felt like I had to add something to this.
I used to do some volunteering work when the local sports clubs put on events for disabled sportsmen and women, now a lot were mentally disabled but majority were physically.
I have never seen such a huge gathering of absolutely stunning men and women, they are fit and healthy and they shine with something majority of able bodied athletes don't, they have a disability and it has never stopped them. No matter how good looking they were on the outside, the fact that they were beautiful inside enhanced that in a way that has to be seen.
Personally would I be with someone in a wheelchair, yes there is a little hesitancy BUT the only reason is because I have horses, I would worry about putting them in danger (although watching the basketball guys move, they are quick LOL). | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 6:09:20 AM | I agree with all the positive feed back that you have gotten from this thread!
I personal have no problem dating someone with a disabiltiy. But we are a shallow and selfish sort of society so having an handicap makes it extremely difficult sometimes...
Hang in there she's out there!!!
Happy Fishing to you!
Tori | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 9:45:26 AM | If it was reversed would YOU want somebody in a wheelchair?
I feel most replies to your question on this posting isn't the whole picture. I will say the whole truth. If I was single, no I wouldn't want somebody in a wheel chair and it has nothing to do with being shallow or selfish! We all know what we can tolerate and I would not want to be with someone who was disabled in any way. Why should I - I'm healthy and totally functional and not disabled and I want someone like that too. It's not fair to criticize women who are not interested in you because of your situation - it's their choice and no one should be put down for that.
When someone is disabled, it is a hard adjustment for the other person - no matter who that person is. It takes more work for the partner who isn't disabled; plus when you wish that the disabled partner could help you out with the yard work or anything else regarding "house stuff", they can't help in that way. Love is important in this world, but so is having a "helping" partner, because life is so busy. Another reason is a lot of people would prefer someone they can do physical things with - like sports, walking, rock climbing, swimming, etc., which some disabled people cannot do these things. Plus the matter of sex - you cannot do as much "variety" when a partner is disabled - you cannot deny this either! And sex is important for many people.
Do you get what I'm saying here? It's all a matter of what we can and cannot tolerate, and I personally would never want to be with a disabled person. I also realize that if one day I became disabled (accident or whatever) then I KNOW I would have a hard time finding a suitable partner - because I understand human nature. It's the way it is for most of us - if someone did a survey and people were to answer "honestly", I think you would find that most people would not want, nor purposely choose, a disabled person. It's a different matter when you're with a partner and they become disabled later on (when you've established a relationship already) - if you love that person, you will not only tolerate their situation, you would be there to love them and assist them in any way you could. But that's a different matter than what OP was asking/saying.
Nevertheless, I truly believe that there's somebody for everybody out there, but we all need to be patient (easier said than done, I know); however, it's important to never give up - one day you will most likely meet someone who doesn't care that you're disabled and will accept you just as you are - then you'll agree that it was worth waiting for. Good luck to you. | |
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