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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 9:51:12 AM | | @wheels, i didnt have a problem with a guy in a chair. apparently, i wasnt good enough for him or maybe to good for him, i dont know all i know is he rejected me ..go figure. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 9:57:33 AM | | i fully agree with dreamer....there is someone for everyone out there..u just have to wait and keep looking.....good luck too u..and god bless | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 2:20:13 PM |
It's a different matter when you're with a partner and they become disabled later on (when you've established a relationship already) - if you love that person, you will not only tolerate their situation, you would be there to love them and assist them in any way you could. But that's a different matter than what OP was asking/saying.
We'd all like to believe that about ourselves, and sometimes that is the case, but usually not. I knew a man who was struck down by polio in his early 30's, because he had never been vaccinated against it -- within 2 years his wife was gone.
I know a wonderful lady who adopted 4 "special needs" children. Now there's a woman with an incredible heart. | |
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BR27
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 104 | |
| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 2:40:41 PM | Piknick says "When someone is disabled, it is a hard adjustment for the other person - no matter who that person is. It takes more work for the partner who isn't disabled; plus when you wish that the disabled partner could help you out with the yard work or anything else regarding "house stuff", they can't help in that way. Love is important in this world, but so is having a "helping" partner, because life is so busy. Another reason is a lot of people would prefer someone they can do physical things with - like sports, walking, rock climbing, swimming, etc., which some disabled people cannot do these things. Plus the matter of sex - you cannot do as much "variety" when a partner is disabled - you cannot deny this either! And sex is important for many people "
Who says people with disablility cant do house work or yard work i do that stuff everyday and as for sports ive been playing competitive sports since i was 4 years old. I can swim i can go for walks so what if i have to wheel beside you but that doesnt mean i cant keep up. As for sex i can do pretty much anything you can do when it comes to that subject so i think Piknick you need to get more informed about disabilities before you go and alienate someone because you think they are of less importance as you are. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 4:51:37 PM | BR27 (wheels),
You did ask the question, "why don't women go for guys in wheelchairs?", right?
You got a lot of advice on "make yourself the best man that you can be" responses from people, which is good advice. You probably already know that.
You got a lot of general reasons given for why a woman may hesitate, but also added with a smile was the.... "I'm sure there must be one for you somewhere, just be patient and good luck" thing.
[I know, I know, you don't have to tell me how that feels]
Now, you got some answers from some women who actually did come out and admit, "nope, I don't go for guys in wheelchairs, and this is why......", which is what you asked for in your original question! You wanted some answers to that. You replied to one lady this way:
...you need to get more informed about disabilities before you go and alienate someone because you think they are of less importance as you are.
Now OP, you and I know it is because of being uninformed, ok? We know that, and heck they know that too. But dear man, they just don't want to be informed. They, (those that give such an answer as Piknick did), see the chair and that's that... they don't want to. Their minds are already off on something else... NOT on wanting to get to know you. So telling them to go get informed is a waste of breath... they don't want to, period.
You and I both know that there are MANY people of our opposite sex that do that. See the chair first and first thought is "don't want to"... and off they go onto another thing/thought/person.
I don't care how many non-wheelchair people say the ole', "don't let the chair define you" thing... they do not know. It is not not not not us letting it define us, it just DOES define us as the "first thing people see". It just does. We aren't "letting it", it just does. And those many people of our opposite sexes who are going to walk on by, already thinking of other things, are going to do it even if we are the strongest, smiling-est (lol), wonderful person. They're going to go on by, and telling them to go get informed means nothing, they don't want to. That's their choice.
You can ask away all you want.... but you already know the answers.
Come on, I know you do. But coming here and showing your side of it all... good move.
Just don't jump on the gals that give that answer which you already know quite a few have.
Save your energy for the good jumps ~smile~
The advice on "being the best Man that you can", is the best advice.
But then, that is the best advice for ANY male. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 5:00:50 PM | The woman that is looking for you will find you believe me. I dated a man in wheelchair years ago and had such a riot with him. It's about the man not the chair my friend........your outlook, your character, your passion, your personality AND how it connects with the woman. I don't have to tell you to be strong because I think you are already, but I will say be open and be ready................have some balls to be assertive (if you aren't already)! Whatever you do don't ever count yourself out regardless of who she is, just go for it you might be surprised what happens!  | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 5:04:48 PM | Why do people take what you say & blow it all out of proportion? You never said what you are able to do & vice versa. In addition, I never said ALL disabled people - of course it depends on how disabled someone is but I didn't want to make a super long post by getting into the semantics of it all. Besides all that, I still have no regrets what I said - some disabled people CANNOT do much - i.e. - can you MOW the lawn or dig the soil for preparation of a vegetable garden - hard labour like that? Probably not, and often that's what we need a guy to do - the hard stuff that SOME of us ladies aren't able to do. As for sex - YOU say you can do anything, but I truly doubt it - that would mean that you can do stand-up sex - against the wall with your partner - doubt it! Let's be honest here, and don't put words in my mouth! I never once said EVERY disabled person is the same - some CAN do certain things others' can't - any semi-intelligent person would know that!!! I was just answering your question (honestly I may add) and giving you reasons why many would NOT want to date someone in a wheel chair. A lot of people, I felt, weren't giving it to you straight up (in this post).
Next time don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the truth, and maybe you should go into detail about what you can and cannot do with your disability - afterall, we don't have ESP you know!
I forgot to add - I don't think anyone is less "important" than me, as you said. Not once did I imply that in my response. You obviously felt you had to criticize me and say things for which are untrue - as if you know me! Everyone is equal in my eyes - it's the situation and the people that are different, but not less important! It's also not about being "misinformed" - in this situation (your question) I'm TELLING you that no matter what the case may be, I would NOT want to go out with a guy in a wheel chair and no matter what information or education I would have about "disabilities" - it would NEVER change my mind - and it IS about CHOICE and that's MY choice!! I'm still entitled to my choices in this life, no?!
** Robin4wheels - thanks for your input - well said!** | |
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BR27
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 108 | |
| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 5:31:56 PM | | ok Piknick maybe i did jump on you a bit hard but you dont know that i cant mow the lawn which ive done or dig dirt which ive done and as for standing while having sex so i may not be able to do that big deal i know able bodied people that cant do that too . My point to what you said was just that you are judging people before meeting them thats all it wasnt cause you werent being honest and i didnt like it. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 5:44:26 PM | I never met anyone in a wheel chair. Maybe they think because you are handicapped you can't make love? I would love making comes in many different forms.
If you lived close to me I would meet you and see if we click...I would not let the wheel chair issue keep me away.
Good luck sweets!  | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/25/2007 6:49:06 PM | OP - I accept what you say & thanks for responding back. However, I need to tell you that I was NOT judging you or anyone else who may be disabled. You asked a question & I answered it. Of course I don't know what you can or cannot do, and I never assumed either way. I was simply stating how I felt & how others MAY feel. You MUST know that ANYONE who's in a wheel chair is going to get LESS responses than someone who isn't disabled (even then, some people don't get hardly any) - to me, that is NOT being judgemental - that's trying to make you aware of how others may think. It's not always about right or wrong, or being uninformed, or being judgemental - some things JUST ARE because, as human beings, we have a right to think, act, and react to things the way we want (although we may pay a price for inappropriate behaviours). I was NOT being judgemental at all. I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but I say things DIRECTLY and it may sound too blunt at times, but I don't believe in " beating around the bush" like some people do. I did not intentionally mean to make you feel bad, unimportant, useless, or anything of that nature - I think you 'misunderstood' my responses (and intentions) to your question.
I don't know 'exactly' what you can do, but it's great that you can do some things, as you mentioned in this post (particularly to me) - and it would be a good idea if you put, in your profile, some of the more important things you are able to do - instead of someone having to "guess" what you may be able to do (or not do). You may get more hits that way too.
I hope this explains things. A lot of people say things on these forums & they get "jumped" at for saying the truth or saying their 'own' opinions. That should not continue to happen. As long as someone is NOT being purposely mean (and I wasn't), then I feel that we ALL have a right to say what we believe in and what our opinions are.
I wish you the best......honestly. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 11:13:54 AM | Hey there, Wheels. It might help if you posted you picture. That may be the reason you are not getting replies. I have dated men in wheelchairs before and that really is not an important issue. There are some physical things that ARE important to me, and they ARE silly and "selfish, I guess. The biggie is having teeth. I have had two men show up for dates and they had NO TEETH. I was comletely unprepared. There DOES have to be that initial attraction.....a nice smile, a genuine look, the same sense of "style"-----but that is true for all people, regardless of whether or not they are in a wheelchair. It also is importnat that you are self-sufficient and confident and secure about who you are......that, too, is true of ANY person. If someone judges you because you are in a wheelchair, then that is THEIR problem....not yours and you shouldn't give it another thought. I am a full-figured woman and some people may judge me because of that...and that's FINE. To each his own-----but I am not going to let it affect how I feel about myself. It may take a while, but when the time is right, you will find someone who is attracted to you and loves you for exactly who you are!!!! DOn't be discouraged!! | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 12:32:50 PM | can you MOW the lawn or dig the soil for preparation of a vegetable garden - hard labour like that? Probably not, and often that's what we need a guy to do - the hard stuff that SOME of us ladies aren't able to do
Thank you piknik for reinforcing the suspicion that many men here ALREADY have, that women are looking for a man to take care of them, rather than a partnership of mutual benefit. Way to go.
Guees what? I'm disabled. It's not an apparent dusability. But I'm sure that once it gets mentioned, alot of guys start thinking" yeah she's looking for someone to help her cope with her life. " Probably they think that because they've met one too many women like you, piknik.
If I happen to meet a special guy who walks with a cane, is in a wheelchair, or has limitations,I'm sure that we can do just exactly what I can do right now when faced with a task that I can't do, (or can't do alone), hire someone, or get a friend to help me then return the favor when the opportunity presents itself. ( and I'm NOT talking sexual favor. Especially if I get a FEMALE friend to help me with a task LOL)
OP I'm not gonna give you false sunshine, but it sounds like you do have your life together, and just be the best person you can be. I know that being defined by the wheelchair is going to be a factor in your life, how can it not be? You may have to accept that yours will be little tougher row to hoe. And I have met lots of people with disabilities who just live their lives, letting NEITHER their disability OR their lack of a romantic partner define them. Do they always find true love? No, not always. But they don't let that lack tear up their soul.
I'm not saying to you to give up or become resigned to being single, not at all. But if you start coming off as desperate, defensive, or overcompensating for the chair, those issues may in fact become a bigger issue than being in a wheelchair. How can Ipossibly say THAT? Because if I had to pick between a desperate, whiny. defensive guy who WASN'T in a wheelchair, and a calm confident man that WAS, calm and confident wins hands down, in my opinion.
Cindy O | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 3:03:08 PM | | I think here is a catch. There are a bunch of people who are actually very caring my nature. Many of them become eventually doctors, nurses and teachers. If they start to date a person like you they automatically will start to full feel their needs and for thwm it is a natural desire. I bet there are folks like that out there. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 3:33:13 PM | | I have worked in the health sector for a few years and guys in wheelchairs,,are no different than an "able" man....come on girls......they have the same needs....the same wants...and well they develop some great skills when they can't use certain body parts and their goal is to make you happy..lol give them a chance | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:26:29 PM | 'LADYC4 ' - You misunderstood my comments - I've never "used" a guy for anything, but a relationship is best when it's "give & take" from BOTH partners. I know lots of women who complain that their partner doesn't pull his weight in the relationship - that they have to do most of the housework, some yard work, etc. etc. and they feel burnt out (esp. those who work full-time and/or have kids). Like I said, life is busy & it certainly helps if BOTH partners CONTRIBUTE to the daily chores that have to be done every day (if you're both living together, I'm talking about). This has nothing to do with feminism, or being helpless, or using a guy, and if you had thought things out, you would realize that!
It's fortunate that OP can do many things, but others in wheel chairs cannot!!! And it's pretty stupid of people to say such things (as one did on this post) like if OP won a big lottery, then things may be different. GET REAL already! This is assuming most people are "users" and "money hungry" and "shallow". I hate when people say such idiotic statements. I, for one, don't give a crap how much money the guy has or makes - to me, as long as he works, isn't lazy, and helps out around the house/yard, and can "manage" his money (not "broke" all the time), etc. - well, those qualities matter more to me. I would never date a guy just because he had a lot of money - in fact, I've never dated a guy who had more money than me, and that's okay with me. How he "treats" me matters more than how much money he has in his bank account!
These forums piss me off when people like you, Cindy, make judgements of what someone is saying when you know nothing about that person. People take one or two sentences, like you did Cindy, and blow it all out of proportion. Stop it already!
I have already explained myself to OP (check previous pages) and I refuse to explain myself further. If people on these forums can't take the truth, then stop writing/reading/responding to them. People need to stop taking everything so personally - some things are just someone's opinions, beliefs, thoughts, etc. and every one can have their own opinions, beliefs, etc. - we shouldn't be the same anyways because then life would be boring!
So, please stop with the criticisms and judgements, etc. and let people say what they want to say, as long as it isn't nasty!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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BR27
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 116 | |
| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:52:54 PM | | hey there Smylin1 if you read further on you would know that im the OP and i have pictures i left this site for awhile and came back on a different name | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/27/2007 1:42:21 AM |
These forums piss me off when people like you, Cindy, make judgements of what someone is saying when you know nothing about that person. People take one or two sentences, like you did Cindy, and blow it all out of proportion. Stop it already!
You new around here? Welcome to the internet. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/27/2007 6:06:49 AM | hey man i feel for you, i aint in a wheelchair and i get that crap all the time that i am not their type or they only wanna be frenz!
my advise to you is keep your head up and keep on keeping on man!
there is someone out there for everyone!! | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/27/2007 6:10:22 AM | Hey wheels...Not all women are as cold hearted...I have actually dated and been very happy with a man that had no legs and refused to wear prostetics (they got inthe way and slowed him down)
any woman that cannot accept you for you who ever you happen to be and what ever your mode of transportation isnt worthy of your time babe.
and that is MY opinion...perhaps find an older woman..we tend to be beyond those little girl things...me i kind of liked sitting on my man's lap when he would take his wheelchair out (he used to use a skate board to avoid the handicapped inaccessablity issues) I found it a romantic and loving thing..
red | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/27/2007 8:33:27 AM | | BR27, I don't think it's the wheelchair keeping them away. It may be that alot of women can't keep up with you! Your profile is great, as are the pics. You are very athletic and that may put off a lot of couch potatoes, etc. Hang in there, you'll find the one eventually. ( That's what I keep telling myself, lol) | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 9/30/2007 8:27:17 AM |
This thread has been done several times over.
I never dated a man in a wheelchair, not because I couldn't see the good in him or because I didn't think we'd click, but because of the fact that I think of things long term.
For instance I want 6 kids, so is this man going to be able help me make my dreams of motherhood come true?
Does this man need assistance getting into and out of bed? Getting into and out the shower or on/off the toilet? Does he need every meal prepared for him, or is he as self sufficient as he can be?
Can he drive? How often does he need to see a physician? Does he have tools in place to help him such as a motorized wheel chair or does he rely on himself and others to get him where he needs to be?
Can he work, or does he live off disability and SSI? If he can't work he can probably barely support himself let alone, me and children. I am not saying I would rely solely on his income, but I am not rich by any means.
Does he use his chair as an excuse to do nothing or does he make the best of his life and his situation?
These reasons may be shallow to some, but for me they help me to decide two things. One if I could have a relationship with this man, and two if I were to have a relationship with this man would the physical demands be greater than I could handle.
I have no problem helping those who need it, I work in a Dr's office as a medical assistant. However I have my own physical limitations, I also have to work in order to support myself, but if the man needs to be waited on hand and foot, I won't be able to do both.
I simply see no point in getting attached to a person only to find out that it isn't going to work. Being friends sure that's great, but to fall in love with someone only to hurt them or you is just cruel. I chose not to inflict that great pain on anyone.
The girls you are talking to may not have said these things, but they are wondering them just the same. I hope this helps you. Perhaps you could ease some of these girls fears by giving them an example of a day in your life.
You can and will find someone out there, but it will probably take a while. I wish you all the best.
wow..whomever wrote this, is THE most ignorant person on earth. | |
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BR27
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Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 122 | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:19:47 PM | I may have posted this earlier, too lazy to scroll back through tonight.
One of the sexiest guys I know, is in a wheelchair. I'd date him if we both lived within dating distance again. Why should his wheelchair stop us from having a good time? We can still go to movies, fishing, hunting, camping, whatever. You name it, it can be done. If someone is going to be so shallow to say "oh god, he can't walk and he can't do this" blah blah blah, then they don't deserve to know how sweet that guy is. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 10/2/2007 10:22:39 PM | I can't speak for other women,but I would never judge someone for having a disability.
Don't feel discouraged,I'm sure you will meet someone soon. | |
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| Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs?
Posted: 10/2/2007 10:55:38 PM | okay lets flip the script
for the fellas
would you date a chick in a wheelchair
I would... shit if she had a great personality and we click and get along, the chair wouldn't matter at all | |
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