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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 8:58:30 AM |
Well Princess after looking at the pic of your fiancé he does look pretty SCARRED
don't encourage him... we have giggles about it as it is to lighten up certain situations,he will remind me of this now everytime I get into a strop  | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 9:45:49 AM | | Just a heads up, a 45 year old man using second grade insults is not attractive. If you are going to act like a moron, please attempt to make sense. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 10:01:52 AM | "personality disorders" is a class of disorders... Borderline personality disorder is just one of them (this is in response to the poster who was concerned that's what she had).
BPDs tend to NOT have a well developed ego, or sense of self. I know that that is part of it that I didn't see mentioned (or missed). And I think that a lot of their insecurities and behaviors are a result of that. Also many of them experienced a traumatic event earlier in their life - some sort of abuse. Many of them are cutters - engage in self-injurious behaviors.
My experience with borderlines, via our counseling practice, (I was co-owner, not a counselor), was pretty hellish. There was one borderline patient that I actually rather liked... being that I wasn't her counselor nor her friend, I enjoyed the casual chit chat when she'd come in. But there was another borderline who tried to ruin my marriage. Of course, with us divorcing, well, apparently she wasn't needed. LOL But borderlines are well known for splitting and causing turmoil everywhere around them.
If I loved someone and was committed for life, and then found out they were a borderline, I'd try to help them. HOwever, if I already had a problematic relationship and then found out he was a borderline, I'd run for the hills...so fast all I'd be is a blur.
Sorry to say that...just, enough bad experiences I guess. I have enough drama in my life, who needs more.
Incidentally, I remember one of our therapists mentioning she would dx my stbx-hub w/a personality disorder but she wouldn't tell me which. So I did a bit of reading in the dsm and concluded, rather sadly, that my stbx is a narcissist. I dont' know that he was always that way, maybe he was but kept it hidden. But with what the MS (multiple sclerosis) has done to his personality, all of his "faults" are now exacerbated and oh-boy that narcisisstic personality disorder has just come out in full. Do you know, he is absolutely never to blame for anything that has ever gone wrong in his life? SOmeone else is always at fault. A nd he's very good at setting up situations so that he has no responsibility for when the sh*t hits the fan. No way in hell I want to be married to someone like that!!!! I already talked to my MIL and was told that I am fair weather wife and horrible for leaving him. Um, has he told you all the hell he's put me thru??? On a daily basis? I can't wait for the divorce to be FINAL!
Lastly, to get out of my own pity party and back to the subject at hand, counseling very much can help borderlines cope with their emotions and learn how to deal with the world around them. The therapeutic technique that has been used successfully w/borderlines is called DBT - dialectical behavioral therapy. I don't know a lot about it, but it has to do with teaching them to label their emotions, teaching them how to or not to interpret events around them, etc. Basically it gives them "Tools" they need to cope with what they feel inside. You can probably google it and learn more. It is somewhat new, I don'tknow, maybe 10 years old at the most? I'm just guessing though. My info is learned second hand from the narcissist. LOL Also looking thru a workbook for dbt therapy groups.
K
Kaylie | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 11:43:03 AM | With BPD, I hardly even bother seeing it as a disorder that needs to be worked with anymore.
Yes, it seems that the people I knew (a sister, and an ex wife) who were diagnosed with it often appeared to be their 'own worst enemies' by my view.
Yet, it also appears to me that they are somehow fulfilled in life by the lifestyle of their choosing (Which most would consider destructive).
They seemed happiest when they are left free to live in a manner that is true to their nature, and I guess that feels good to any person... to do life 'my way', so to speak.
The fact that it may appear destructive to others, and even themselves, seems to be a very acceptable price for them to pay in the long run.
I think many of us can learn something from this, particularly those of us who have functioned as co dependants at some point.
I have simply learned that I am not able to have these 2 people in my life anymore, along with many others who have similar traits, only due to the fact that my particular personality is just incompatible with them.
I guess I just got tired of banging my head against a wall with this, and I am simply more into accepting people for how they are.
And that I may well not be able to have some people in my life regardless of what I want or how I feel.
What is giving up, and what is acceptance?
What I do now know is that I too, must live life 'my way'.
And I do my best to be happy for others when they appear to do the same. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:13:06 PM | My last relationship was with a BPD/NPD.
It was a fruitless and potentially abusive relationship. BPD's will drive you crazy... I realized I was NOT qualified to deal with this very serious disorder.
This is where I got the most insight and help... check it out.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/discussions/message-board.htm
Good luck. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:23:25 PM | you know what.... I suffer from this and you lot are scaring me... let alone someone who knows nothing about it.... most of your comments are bull.... it is treatable on condition they take their medication and admit they have it and admit for the rest of their life they will need help professionally as well as medication... stop this right now... we are not freaks.... yes ok... we are not normal... we have problems... but that does not make us aliens...... if you love your partner and they are willing to accept their condition and accept they need help all their life and their partner is willing to support them.. what is the problem? it is hard work yes... I wont deny.. but if you love them.. you will support them... it is people who wont give us a chance who make us unaprociable that is not fair... give us a chance and stop labling us all the same... yes it normally occurs for a reason... mine being sexually abused as a child for a number of years by my grandfather.... does that mean I have no right to a love life??? | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 12:45:20 PM | What's important to differentiate between bipolar and any personality disorder is that we view the latter as characterological ...that is, there's a lower likelihood we'll be able to help them because the problems are literally wrapped around their personality structure. Oddly enough borderline personality disorder is in the process of being revisited in this context however because it has shown some response to use of medication. Certainly the MOST interesting folks I've worked with have had both diagnoses...talk about a roller coaster. Often this process is quite a bit more complicated then it seems. Bipolar, depending upon the degree of severity can be quite dangerous however if left untreated. Playing armchair psychiatrist and 'disliking labels' isn't gonna work real well when we're standing around at a funeral. Either of these diagnoses are quite serious. You mention bizarre behaviour however and I'm wondering what that refers to.
I'd be careful about handily tossing out the medical model and calling it labeling when, in fact, endless numbers of lives have been saved via the intervention of psychiatrists and other quite bright helping professionals who have simply dedicated their lives to saving folks with mental health problems. I would suggest we get in a bit of trouble when we adopt the 'either/or' mindset instead of the "both/and" approach. It's odd that, along with the nature of treating mental illness, we also have to contend with a cultural mindset that absolutely convinces people...including those who still suffer....that the DOCTOR is nuts. It's 2007 and we've come too far for this. Please be careful with this situation; either diagnosis could predict some real misery in the context of a relationship and, if left untreated, well........certainly disaster is an ongoing possibility. This person needs competent care and it's that simple. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 1:44:28 PM | Personality Disorder (PD) is an umbrella term that includes 10 distinct personality disorder diagnoses. They are not all equal and range from anti-social disorder through schizotypal disorder. Multiple personality disorder which is known as "Dissociative Disorder" is not included in the Personality Disorder class.
Borderlines require intense therapy and medications to assist them in addressing their illness. This is not a minor disorder and is extremely destructive in relationships. This is not an illness that someone who is not 100% committed to the relationship should ever enter.
For an actual diagnosis, this individual needs to see a qualified professional face-to-face and perhaps several times.
Best of luck.
ACP | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 2:35:55 PM | I was in a very long relationship with someone having BPD. It was first misdiagnosed as bi-polar and then as major depression. She had a psychiatrist at the time who was convinced that anything could be cured by the right combination of drugs and he had her on a constantly changing****ail of psych meds for years. She had three involuntary psych commits and it was during the second one that she was diagnosed with BPD.
It can be absolutely horrible to live with someone having BPD. Their self-destructive behaviors might not manifest as "cutting" but might be in financial irresponsibility, ignoring chronic health issues, etc. It can be terrifying too with rages with a fury you have never witnessed in your life suddenly springing forth for no reason. The person can become someone completely different in seconds and be in a totally irrational, hysterical, rage because they thought you took too long to answer a question or something.
My suggestion to anyone living with someone having BPD is to try to show them that help IS possible. DBT has been shown to be an effective therapy. It can work. It didn't work in the case of my ex because of the****ail of meds one doctor had her on while another was attempting to help her though therepy. But don't try to play doctor yourself. It needs professional diagnosis and it takes a long time to fix. You didn't cause it and you aren't going to fix it. It isn't easy going through what you are dealing with. There are support groups out there to help you cope.
There is a website for non-borderlines:
http://bpdcentral.com/index.php | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/29/2007 5:27:51 PM |
if you love your partner and they are willing to accept their condition and accept they need help all their life and their partner is willing to support them.. what is the problem? Princess leigh, there are many people who have loved a BPD individual deeply, and are still recovering as best they can, myself included. If they hadn't loved them and did their best, they wouldn't be damaged. So if you find unkind words here, please remember that the truth is that they come from a place of deep hurt.
So, what is the problem you ask?
Well in my ex spouse's case, it was severe emotional abuse, repeated severe drunkenness, and chronic infidelity. Despite the acceptance, support, etc, etc, etc, on and on and on for years and years and years, it continued. And thus the romantic relationship ended. Hey, maybe I am a bad person according to some for not hanging in there to the end. Maybe love really conquers all, and I just should have tried harder to hang on.
I for one, believe your new relationship can work for you, and I really wish you the best.
And if neither you nor your fiance exceeds the behavioral limits of your romantic love, the simple fact is that you two should be just fine.
I would love to see it work out for you.
Best regards. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:45:40 AM | OP:
it is a sad state of affairs for sure...painful for both parties.
If you stay..believing in them...they will allow you to believe you are doing the right thing...that they ARE your night in shining armor.....you will eventually let go of all doubt...and accept the curious behavior...but learn to trust them, when all signs say you shouldn't.....and when you find one day you need them more than ever to be there for you...you'll wake up to find they have simply walked out of your life without even looking back...leaving you with so much hurt in your heart ......so much hurt. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:18:04 AM | Right on about that Irish- the end is written in the stars as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing you can do to deal with the monster, especially when they are in the denial of the core issue.. and that is the usual state of their affair..
When it is finally over you will look back and it will seem so clear in retrospect that you fed the beast all along and all the symptoms were obvious, but not usually until it's ran it's course through your life and done the damage to you as well you will recognize it for what it truly was- utterly destructive.. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:17:57 AM |
run ... Dean Moriarty Joined: 2/7/2007 Msg: 39 view profile History borderline personality disorder-any info? Posted: 12/31/2007 11  20 AM Without treatment, it's going to be a very rough ride. [Delete Post ] Irishblueyesstillcry Joined: 11/2/2007 Msg: 40 view profile History borderline personality disorder-any info? Posted: 12/31/2007 2  40 PM OP: it is a sad state of affairs for sure...painful for both parties. If you stay..believing in them...they will allow you to believe you are doing the right thing...that they ARE your night in shining armor.....you will eventually let go of all doubt...and accept the curious behavior...but learn to trust them, when all signs say you shouldn't.....and when you find one day you need them more than ever to be there for you...you'll wake up to find they have simply walked out of your life without even looking back...leaving you with so much hurt in your heart ......so much hurt. [Delete Post ] ZONEALERT Joined: 9/6/2005 Msg: 41 view profile History borderline personality disorder-any info? Posted: 12/31/2007 3  04 PM Right on about that Irish- the end is written in the stars as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing you can do to deal with the monster, especially when they are in the denial of the core issue.. and that is the usual state of their affair.. When it is finally over you will look back and it will seem so clear in retrospect that you fed the beast all along and all the symptoms were obvious, but not usually until it's ran it's course through your life and done the damage to you as well you will recognize it for what it truly was- utterly destructive..
I degress... there is no hope for monsters like me.... YEAH RIGHT.... please can you talk about your own experiances and not everyone with this disorder.... talk about discrimination... jeezzeeeee
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 9:24:38 AM | quit with the whining- I didn't refer to the person as the monster, but you might just be too dull or wrapped up in your own misery to read the truth when you see it.. quit with the whiny butt attitude and seek help- or just continue the path, and destroy lots of people in the process... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:09:59 AM |
there is nothing you can do to deal with the monster
quit with the whining- I didn't refer to the person as the monster
go on
but you might just be too dull or wrapped up in your own misery to read the truth when you see it
misery.... ermmm.... getting married... arranging it... have sorted where and when and what colours... NO NOT EXCITED... I am to dull in my misery
quit with the whiny butt attitude and seek help-
I have ... that is why I am a survivor not a victim to your victiminisation to PD....
or just continue the path, and destroy lots of people in the process...
I don't have to.... you seem to be worse THAN US MONSTERS... good luck with your attitude.....
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:16:33 AM | In my experience , people that suffer from BPD are the hardest to treat mainly because of their unpredictability. In cases that I've treated the diagnosis seemed to be that people with BPD were usually chronic and pervasive in their personality , affecting their social functioning, work , school, and close relationships. Their symtoms affected their thoughts, emotions, interpersonal functioning and the most concerning , their impulse control. Patterns of unstable relationships , intense episodes of anxiety , depression , and irritability are quite common and these symptoms can last from a few hours to several days. But the most concerning to me ,concerning BPD, is that people that suffer from it tend to direct their anger with physical aggression or self destructive behavior such as abuse , eating disorders , or suicidal gestures that they commonly use to manipulate others. I've even found that people that suffer from BPD can become frustrated or angry when other people fail to meet their expectations.
Hope that helped you some. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:26:48 AM |
Their symtoms affected their thoughts, emotions, interpersonal functioning and the most concerning , their impulse control. Patterns of unstable relationships , intense episodes of anxiety , depression , and irritability are quite common and these symptoms can last from a few hours to several days. But the most concerning to me ,concerning BPD, is that people that suffer from it tend to direct their anger with physical aggression or self destructive behavior such as abuse , eating disorders , or suicidal gestures that they commonly use to manipulate others. I've even found that people that suffer from BPD can become frustrated or angry when other people fail to meet their expectations.
Hope that helped you some.
all very true.... BUT... please state some not all.... yes I have and will experiance SOME of these... but not all.... have never ever physically abused anyone apart from myself.... yes other things you have stated are true.... but please please.... if we are on drugs and help.... we are not all the same.... this is very important to believe... it is true.... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:48:48 AM | | Very true Princess. BPD affects people differently. Not everyone diagnosed with BPD abuses others , it is just one of the possible outcomes. Medication is only part of the process , although not good for long term , that can help with BPD. In my experience , treating clients with cognitive therapy has been most beneficial to them. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:06:56 PM | The best book on the subject, as a start, is "Stop Walking on Eggshells- taking back your life, when someone you know has borderline personality disorder". One of the authors is Krieger, but if you go to any major book store, they'll know, or search on amazon for "Stop Walking on Eggshells".
Having been through that nightmare, involved in a relationship with someone who has it, there is no "cure" for them, but someone involved with one is in need of a lot of healing. That book is a good place to start. "Hanging in there" with one, never works, and no matter how hard you try, never will be. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:15:13 PM |
but is borderline personality disorder the same as personality disorder?
That is like asking if potato salad is the same as salad. There are several different kinds of personality disorders, borderline is one of them. There is help available, more now than there was several years ago. There are new forms of therapy available. Personality disorders are difficult to treat but borderline is treatable. | |
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