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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:53:31 PM |
common sense would tell one that habitual alcohol use would aggravate the condition, yes?
Not really. Incidentally, I'm an alcoholic, now sober for 29 years. Alcohol or drugs can be an attempt to escape from the feelings. It's one of the 10 criteria listed in the DSM-IV for diagnosis "excessive use of mood altering drugs".
Removing alcohol, though, does not "lessen" the disorder. It might change some behaviors, but not the feelings, and therefore does nothing to "cure" an incurable disorder. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:53:54 PM | Well melofelo you are absolutely correct, a BPD type of personality will be helped by abstaining, but it is merely one of the symptoms that most struggle with, many are binge drinkers, and can maintain for quite a while, but once the cork pops loose, it usually turns into a binge..
The woman I dealt with for five miserable years has now informed me that she has joined AA- I'm not all that impressed...Evidently her life crashed again...
It is good that she is in program, but it probably will not be a cure.. she needs to address the core issue, and without getting straight on that it is just a matter of time, and the unrestrained moods will dictate her behavior. after all she has been down the intervention road before, and she has always ended up right back where she naturally gravitates.. sad.. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:36:31 PM | I spent 8 years loving this man....I knew he had problems, I blamed it all on his kind kind heart and his inability to stay away from alcohol binges that were so extreme, I thought he was going to die many times. I spent so many nites crying and praying to God NOT to take my best friend from me....I loved him and was willing to stay deeply involved in his life....I tried everything...the last was ALANON...he didn't even know I was going....hurtful things had happen to me...like losing my Dad...I became so depressed wanting my ex to NOT DIE on me....my own depression over all of this...made me less "attentive" during his drunks.....the unbelievable part is....he had gone on to another woman, had been involved with her for 2 years and I did not have a clue...why? because he still met me everyday for our bus ride to work, he still called me "huney" made my lunch...told me he loved me...met me each day after work...yadda yadda yadda....I ADORED HIM...he and I didn't have an argument of any kind for over 3 years......I knew my depression would get better...I was greiving my Dads death, also an attempted murder at my job, and then his drunks.....but, one day he didn't show at the bus, didn't call...a couple weeks later I read he got married to a woman that had never been with men (if you get my drift)....I've not seen him since.....almost a year now................no words could I use here to tell you of the damage this did to my spirit, my faith, my heart.........I lost my best friend/soul mate after all...........it took me months and months to realize alcohol was NOT the root of his problem...and he most likely NEVER loved me at all..........he was in financial ruin, and someone came to his aid....and POOF..he simply wiped me off the bottom of his shoe...I've even heard he laughed while explaining to his 'friends' how shocked I would be.......imagine that can you?
Post Script: I have learned much of this type of behavior since. The signs...gosh he had everyone....I have also learned I am the perfect candidate or "victim" of this type of personality....why? Because I will stay, stay, stay....I am deeply devoted and loyal to someone I've chosen to love.....that "kind kind heart" I spoke of..a smoke screen.....used to keep you in the state of absolute confusion and wanting...needing it to work....because when 'they are good' they are the BEST.....as I said, a deliberate manipulative smoke screen. This type of behavior has many 'titles' bottom line...it is deviant, it is MONSTEROUS...self serving, selfish, cruel, mean, ruthless, fraudulent, ...and everything but LOVE. I am still grieving...missing...and loving the friend/soul mate the man I thought he was...the one that was worth 'staying' for. SAD | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:46:27 PM | irishblueyes... I"m sorry that your experience was so sad. So difficult for you. You gave all you had for him and ended up with a broken heart. {{hugs}}
Re: alcohol, I don't know much about BPD and alcohol, but it seems that ppl w/bipolar disorder tend to be alcoholics and I've always felt it was a form of "self-medicating" as my stbx-hub the psychologist says. A way of dealing with the ups and downs.
I have met or known of a lot of bipolars and all either drank or used to. Very sad...it's a rough disorder, just like BPD is a rough disorder. I think the saddest though was a guy I knew in college - he was a boyfriend's apartment mate. That young and already dx'ed w/bipolar and yes, already an alcoholic.
I really applaud those (MF for one) who gave up drinking. I know it's hard. Not from personal experience. But my grandmother was a depressed alcoholic most of her adult life - really starting after she lost a child at age 5 to leukemia. I grew up visiting grandma who had the smell of beer coming out her pores and who had a beer delivery guy, i fyou can believe that - delivered beer by the case to her. And my stbx used to drink. He's been sober since 1988 (before I knew him). Someone recently told me he thought that was a bunch of bs - he just couldn't believe my stbx would have ever drank. Well, my stbx has a very addictive personality - doesn't matter what it is, alcohol, chocolate, coca-cola, food, politics, all sorts of things. He can't do anything halfway...which yes was a sore point in our marriage and of course a contributor to the divorce.
Kaylie | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:01:39 PM | Here is a very informative web site on Borderline Personality Disorder. Please check it out. http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php
Run for your life, girlfriend...before he consumes yours. Speaking from the voice of experience. You Cannot Change Him. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:21:15 PM | I see a lot more run for your life, rather than seeing if this person is willing to admit a problem and get help. I feel that should be discussed first if you truly love the person. If they are not willing to admit to having a problem and won't get help, the best thing you can do then is walk away.
My ex is exactly this. I know he was a pathological liar, told me he had this and that wrong with him. Heard voices, had invisible friends, was OCD, ADD, etc. Who knows! But after reading this thread and reading the BPD sites, I realize that is what was going on. The sample ways to tell if this is something your going through on one website, was ME AND HIM to a T.
I felt for a long time it was my fault. I caused his moods. After reading that, reading what you guys are saying and talking to a great friend, it wasn't something I did. This is just something he has wrong with him that he refuses to seek help for. His answer is, I'm crazy and I know it. There is something wrong with YOU. There was something wrong with me....I stayed too long for the mental abuse.
Glad that is over!
There is help and can be helped if one admits the problem and willing to seek assistance. Otherwise, it's a losing battle for those around them. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 6:34:48 PM | I have worked as both a Drug and Alcohol counsellor and in Mental Health for a good portion of my life, and believe me BPD''s are so hard to work with because it's a "Personality " problem not just a chemical imbalance.
This may sound very cruel but if you truly love Yourself...think long and hard before traveling down this road. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 12/31/2007 7:21:35 PM | | It is amazing to me what sort of things people are willing to tolerate and or accept. Clearly you have noticed his abberant behavior and your trying to understand it; tell him what you've learned, and then help him. I'm sure he already knows he should " do something about it" & that is his responsibility to do so. I think it is important for you to think about what you're doing & why you are even in it. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 5:07:55 AM | To poster 42: You attributed to me and others "no hope" which is not correct. It is, however, a classic response from a BPD. Please re-read my previous comment: It begins, "Without treatment..". I did not call you a monster, and I don't think anyone else did.
My comments and attitude regarding the Axis II Personality Disorders goes against two of my fundamental principles. I believe, "never say never" and I resist categorizing people. Nonetheless, my experience and what I have learned in general about these problems has confirmed to me that I would only want to be close to a BPD if that person embraces treatment.
I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and I don't want to diagnose you. If you think you are BPD, that is enough. I will limit my recommendations to: Get help. Why? because you and everyone close to you might gain! If my SO would have done this, I would not be here today. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:51:30 AM | To poster 42: You attributed to me and others "no hope" which is not correct. It is, however, a classic response from a BPD. Please re-read my previous comment: It begins, "Without treatment..". I did not call you a monster, and I don't think anyone else did.
My comments and attitude regarding the Axis II Personality Disorders goes against two of my fundamental principles. I believe, "never say never" and I resist categorizing people. Nonetheless, my experience and what I have learned in general about these problems has confirmed to me that I would only want to be close to a BPD if that person embraces treatment.
I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and I don't want to diagnose you. If you think you are BPD, that is enough. I will limit my recommendations to: Get help. Why? because you and everyone close to you might gain! If my SO would have done this, I would not be here today.
I never said you did call me a monster... someone else mentioned about a monster within......
if you read my posts you would clearly see... I was diagnoised with this problem some years ago and have been seeking help and medication for a very long time.... yes I have my bad days... but like NORMAL PEOPLE... we all do..... my condition is under control with my help and medication.... I also stated I believed I didn't need any help or medication for the rest of my life and decided to quit it all early this year only to find myself in hospitl a few weeks ago after taking a SERIOUS overdose... I have know accepted that I will never be normal and will have to take medication and professional help all my life..... but I can live almost normal because of it.... I held down a 12 year relationship with ONE slip up in the past... now have a new future with a very loving and supporting partner.... it is not impossible...
oh and thankyou to all the private messages from people suffering and upset about some of the comments on here..... some people have not been able to post on here as they are frightened about being attacked...this is very very sad.... i will and have replied to all private messages regarding this subject.
I have been asked from someone who wishes to remain annomimous if I would post this for them..... god bless you darling...
Maybe you could post this for me.
Sleep is my best friend. When I awake, there's life again, I want to go back to sleep. I want to crawl out of myself. I hear people talk about hope, but in all reality, how can someone normal help me? Most people don't care anyways, and anyone I try to get close to, leaves me, especially when I need them most.
I'm tired all the time, even though I sleep. I am nothing, and people have knives all around me, when one stabs me, the next one takes his turn...never give her peace,they say. Make sure she is miserable. The people who are supposed to love me don't. I try to confide and it backfires. Then, I watch a program on tv about BPD, knowing this is who I am, yet the down side is no psychiatrist wants to be involved with anyone with this disorder. My temper flares to a raging fire, I feel like my brain will explode out of my head. Why cant they see? All I ever wanted was love, I even pretended to be normal just to receive it, yet the true nothing "me" shines through, and they see Im garbage too. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:58:24 AM | I see a lot more run for your life, rather than seeing if this person is willing to admit a problem and get help. I feel that should be discussed first if you truly love the person. If they are not willing to admit to having a problem and won't get help, the best thing you can do then is walk away.
Everyone who has loved a borderline, has tried to hold onto the hope that "if only I love her through it".... and the sad truth is that there is no treatment that has been shown to really work. There have been some "restoration to function" treatment, with low functioning borderlines, but the only cases that I found, after looking through the literature, talking to everyone who knew anything, and so on, were that some borderlines do "grow out of it" or some of it, later in life (after 50). Even there, it's generally the "low functioning" borderlines that show the greatest improvement.
Whatever improvement a borderline may make, it will only be because he/she wants to change, and honestly accepts that he/she has the problem. Those are big "ifs", since the nature of the disorder makes that very unlikely. The poster in msg#42 may be that one in 10,000 exception, and I certainly hope so for her sake, but if there is a borderline in your life, who won't accept that he/she is borderline, there is "no hope" of this Earth for things to "get better" if "only you try harder". None
I thought I was the "exception", or she was, and that my background in counseling made me "better prepared" to be "understanding", and just like everyone else, who has loved a borderline, 3 years later, I had almost lost my own grounded sense of self, and she was only worse, in term of responding to me. I can only be grateful, that it was a LDR, and that my "dreams" didn't come true.
So, yeah, like Al-Anon suggests, "lovingly disengage". Leave it to the professionals, who have no personal stake, and even they can find it personally difficult dealing with a borderline. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:10:52 AM |
I typed it in and nothing came up
but thank you for the links even if it did come with a shitty and judgmental attitude.
I wish the dupe police would just quit coming here. Some things get forgotten or searches don't produce the desired results. Things sometimes repeat themselves. It's just the way of the internet. Unless they're on POF's payroll they need to stop playing hall monitor and just enjoy the threads relevant to them. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:12:53 AM | I"m just gonna add...due to the nature of BPD that if someone has this, they are honestly better off NOT in a romantic relationship until they have been in intense counseling long enough to really be able to function in a healthy way in a relationship.
It's not that you aren't loving a borderline enough. It's not that they aren't lovable. I firmly believe that unless they are in counseling and are working daily on tools to help them cope with their rollercoasters of emotions and issues, a romantic relationship is more harmful than helpful.
This is my personal opinion. I"m not saying borderlines should never find love. I'm saying that due to the symptoms of having bpd, romantic relationships are going to be especially hard for them...and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a borderline unless they were in counseling.
Of course, let me just say, if I can tell someone is a borderline, I *won't* be dating them. If I can't tell, then that would mean their level of functioning and results of treatment were pretty good. And that is NOT a slam if you are a borderline. If your personality disorder "shows", then to me that is a sign that treatment isn't working.
And having a borderline try her dammest to break up my marriage is enough for me. I will hate her for the rest of my life for what she did. And I hate very, very few people. Triangulation? yep. Splitting? yep. para-suicidal? yep. love/hate? yep. ALL those wonderful dsm criteria were evident in her.
Kaylie  | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:27:12 AM | I"m not saying borderlines should never find love. I'm saying that due to the symptoms of having bpd, romantic relationships are going to be especially hard for them...and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a borderline unless they were in counseling.
The first thing a competent counselor will tell a borderline, who isn't married, is to NOT be in a romantic relationship. Intimacy is the "trigger", as well as the "grand illusion" that they cling to as being "what will fix their feelings".
My xgf was a "trust fund kid", as well as a social worker herself., so she was able to access the best therapist available. She was "in counseling" for the entire 5 years I knew her, and admitted to "issues", but always tried to pass them off as PTSD, even though she met 8 of 10 criteria in DSM-IV for diagnosis as borderline.
"Being in counseling" sounds nice. No one wants to condemn someone to a life without love, but the fact is, borderlines would be better off, in almost all cases, without it. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:40:51 AM |
"Being in counseling" sounds nice. No one wants to condemn someone to a life without love, but the fact is, borderlines would be better off, in almost all cases, without it.
so shall we just all kill ourselves now and be done with it? we are not worthy of love???? thank god you are not ill.... and hope to god you never get ill...
I"m just gonna add...due to the nature of BPD that if someone has this, they are honestly better off NOT in a romantic relationship until they have been in intense counseling long enough to really be able to function in a healthy way in a relationship.
It's not that you aren't loving a borderline enough. It's not that they aren't lovable. I firmly believe that unless they are in counseling and are working daily on tools to help them cope with their rollercoasters of emotions and issues, a romantic relationship is more harmful than helpful.
This is my personal opinion. I"m not saying borderlines should never find love. I'm saying that due to the symptoms of having bpd, romantic relationships are going to be especially hard for them...and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a borderline unless they were in counseling.
agreed and well said | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:07:33 AM |
so shall we just all kill ourselves now and be done with it? we are not worthy of love???? thank god you are not ill.... and hope to god you never get ill...
First off, Princess Leigh, I'm not going to "argue" with a self-admitted borderline about what she "feels". Part of the disorder is to view feelings as reality, and a borderline will alter the facts to fit her feelings, rather than adjust her feelings, based on facts.
People can "want" things that aren't good for them. If you don't know that intimacy is a "trigger", and don't recognize that pursuing an "external fix" is something that almost all borderlines do, then I'm not the one to tell you. A diabetic can crave a candy bar, or an alcoholic the next drink, but both could be deadly for them. The priority for a borderline is to be restored to "function" realistically, and the best way to do that, is in situations and human contact that don't bring the intensity of intimacy.
BTW, I was physically injured, rather than "ill", a couple of years ago. For 6 months, I couldn't walk, and was in intense physical pain all the time. Until I got better, the last thing that was a life "priority" was a "relationship". Perhaps, you might focus on seeing what level of recovery you can make, without the illusions, confusions, and feelings of intense romantic connection, as a first priority? | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:19:49 AM |
BTW, I was physically injured, rather than "ill", a couple of years ago. For 6 months, I couldn't walk, and was in intense physical pain all the time. Until I got better, the last thing that was a life "priority" was a "relationship". Perhaps, you might focus on seeing what level of recovery you can make, without the illusions, confusions, and feelings of intense romantic connection, as a first priority
6 months.... is nothing... a life time without love is a wee bit different don't you think? If according to you someone like me is not curable... we should accept the fact that we have no right to love for the rest of our lives.... think about what you have said ... there is NO similarities...... look at the post I made from someone who messaged me privately.... CAN YOU NOT FEEL THEIR PAIN? does that person not deserve to be loved? of course they do.... we are ill yes.... not in human.... we have a heart...we need to love and be loved... we deserve it as much as you NORMAL people....
First off, Princess Leigh, I'm not going to "argue" with a self-admitted borderline about what she "feels". Part of the disorder is to view feelings as reality, and a borderline will alter the facts to fit her feelings, rather than adjust her feelings, based on facts.
I am not arguing at all cariad.... but quit using my answers as a disguise to my illness.... HAVE I NO RIGHT TO MY SAY... or is everything I say going to be judged because of it? I am not altering the facts... I am answering your posts... there is a difference and stop making me out to be the physco here just because I am trying to answer you as a confirmed BPD....
EDIT
What you posted is telling. You're a 39 year old woman, who has "never" experienced love. ( a lifetime without love).
then you have not been reading my posts... I had a 12 year relashionsip with someone... with only ONE relapse... NOT BAD EH?.......AND ALSO AM IN LOVE AGAIN AND SOON TO BE MARRIED.... again IN LOVE..... so read before you post please | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:32:45 AM | 6 months.... is nothing... a life time without love is a wee bit different don't you think? If according to you someone like me is not curable... we should accept the fact that we have no right to love for the rest of our lives....
Princess Leigh, this is the last post that I intend to make in direct response. I don't want to "hijack" the thread, but I do feel that in answering you, I am also sharing some hard won "info" about the disorder.
What you posted is telling. You're a 39 year old woman, who has "never" experienced love. ( a lifetime without love).
For almost all borderlines, there is a sad story, of early abuse, physical/sexual, or emotional. It's not their "fault". One wouldn't be human to not have some compassion, but the problem is when compassion turns to an illusion that one can externally "fix" the borderline's feelings, cuz that's what she wants to hear, and feeds her dysfunction.
Do you have a "right" to love? Of course. In the U.S. our fundamental belief is that everyone has the right to the "pursuit" of happiness, but it's guaranteed to no one. Your right to pursue happiness, though, doesn't "entitle" you to someone else giving you what you "feel" you want, or to give his life away, trying to fill a bottomless pit of need in pursuit of trying to fulfill your delusion about love. It's not your fault, but the "new love" didn't cause the issues, and therefore, can't fix them. Only you can, and until you do, if you're borderline, you're incapable of really loving in a healthy way.
Just as a woman who can't have children isn't to blame, but a man, who wants to marry and have babies, would be foolish to get "involved", if having babies is his real goal. So, too, with a borderline, if one wants a healthy love, a borderline isn't capable of it, no matter how much she might believe it is.
My posts are mostly for the sake of the "nons". As someone earlier suggested, try bpdcentral.com as one starting point, or the book "Walking on Eggshells" for really detailed info on how to start the journey to emotional health, if you've been involved with a borderline. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:16:13 AM | This is ridiculous.
BPD is an medical condition, as is having diabetes, arthritis, or allergies.
There are different levels of each, some very severe (allergies to bee stings), to minor (diabetes controlled with diet).
With mental illnesses, we say "high functioning" and "low functioning". A person suffering (I hate that word) from BPD who is high functioning can work, live, raise a family, and (god help us), have a loving relationship.
A low functioning person will likely be institutionalized for periods of her life, just as a severe diabetic will undoubtedly be hospitalized a time or two.
Lets take this analogy a little further - RUN from the diabetic because you'll ALWAYS be running them to the hospital in a diabetic coma! RUN from the arthritis sufferer (there's that word again) because she'll be all crippled up and you'll end up wiping her butt when she's bedridden!
Are the latter statements nonsense? Of course they are. The reason Princess is "whining" as you so condescendingly put it, is because you folks are making sweeping generalizations about a condition she has!
These are real live people we're speaking of folks - people with feelings, dreams, and families. Stop being so damn discriminatory.  | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:37:14 AM |
This is ridiculous.
BPD is an medical condition, as is having diabetes, arthritis, or allergies.
There are different levels of each, some very severe (allergies to bee stings), to minor (diabetes controlled with diet).
With mental illnesses, we say "high functioning" and "low functioning". A person suffering (I hate that word) from BPD who is high functioning can work, live, raise a family, and (god help us), have a loving relationship.
A low functioning person will likely be institutionalized for periods of her life, just as a severe diabetic will undoubtedly be hospitalized a time or two.
Lets take this analogy a little further - RUN from the diabetic because you'll ALWAYS be running them to the hospital in a diabetic coma! RUN from the arthritis sufferer (there's that word again) because she'll be all crippled up and you'll end up wiping her butt when she's bedridden!
Are the latter statements nonsense? Of course they are. The reason Princess is "whining" as you so condescendingly put it, is because you folks are making sweeping generalizations about a condition she has!
These are real live people we're speaking of folks - people with feelings, dreams, and families. Stop being so damn discriminatory.
thankyou ...THANKYOU what a refreshing change to see a lady seeing reason and not being discrimitive..... your post is perfect lady... thankyou from the bottom of my heart.xxxxx | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:43:12 AM | BPD is an medical condition, as is having diabetes, arthritis, or allergies.
That statement tells me the writer has no idea what they are talking about. Those conditions can be relieved with medications. A personality disorder can't, it is not a chemical imbalance. It is how a person built the very essence of themselves ... how they handle things, how they react to things, how they experience things.
Imagine a broken bone. That can be treated and when it heals it can be as good as new. But if a break is not treated and heals improperly, the limb is misshapen and might even be painful and no amount of medication can make that bone straight. It must be broken again and allowed to heal properly. To some extent that is also true with fixing a personality disorder and why they are so difficult to treat. How a person experiences, processes, and reacts to things must be changed. How they think of themselves and the people around them must be changed. What they see as threatening or how they experience emotions must be changed. How they react to threats, how they manage relationships ... must be changed. One is NOT going to get a few prescriptions and be all better. A "high functioning" BPD can certainly do all the things you mention but they are rare and they STILL cause a lot of suffering in people who they are in relationships with ... particularly if it is undiagnosed and those people don't understand what is happening.
To think of borderline personality disorder as if it were as treatable as diabetes is nonsense. BPD is not caused by the lack of some hormone or enzyme or something that can be replaced with a prescription.
I never once saw her say she was borderline, by the way. She said she had a personality disorder, but not which one.
And my advice to someone if they find that they are in a relationship with a borderline is that unless you want to go through a lot of therapy and training on skills you are going to need to deal with it, it might be better for BOTH parties to terminate the relationship. And that is hard for borderlines because they tend to have abandonment issues anyway and don't take well to termination of relationships. If you are going to stay, be prepared to do a LOT of work. If you aren't prepared to do the work, then don't stay. It's just better that way. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 1/1/2008 11:47:22 AM | You're very welcome Princess.
I'd also like to add the positive qualities borderlines get from their illness.
-compassion
-empathy
-silliness (well, I think it's positive)
-wacky sense of humour
-loyalty to a fault
-resiliency (toughness)
-protectiveness (wouldn't have guessed that one, eh?) | |
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