| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/9/2008 4:55:29 PM | prairie, i hope you get to feeling better. i appreciate you taking the time and energy to respond.
well, i noticed first the instability in relationships. then the other stuff emerged: the frantic reaction at the thought of abandonment, a continually readjusting of the self-image, heavy drinking, suicidal thoughts, extreme reactivity and rage and alternately idolizing and villianizing of others. this, along with the delusions, hearing voices and confusion about dream and waking states, really gave me pause. in my work, i meet a lot of people with serious issues, but i'd never encountered anyone quite so disturbed.
while it no longer has a place in my life, i'd like to recognize it if i come across it again in someone else. and i'd like to understand it in order to help clients in the future.
My ex only served a few months of non-combat military duty, but lied about being an officer in combat with very convincing stories, until a veteran's group he joined ratted him out, thank God.
did he honestly believe this? or did he consciously lie? how did he react when the truth came out? | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/9/2008 5:24:34 PM | "What you are describing doesn't seem like BPD. I think the person is more likely to have bi-polar. If that's the case it's a good thing. BPD is almost untreatable, bi-polar is quite treatable."
That is the problem, there is pretty effective therapy available for those afflicted of Bi Polar problems. Normal life can be attained with a pharmaceutical approach, and counseling..
The problem with BPD evolve from the fact that not much can be done with the afflicted..
Effective counseling is probably the only help to any who are involved with one of what to expect, and how to cope if you have to..
A Bi Polar who is under medical care and has their prescriptions in balance is able to pretty much lead a normal life,
I doubt if a BPD has much more to look forward to than a life of episodic behavior which might or might not improve with age, and a cyclical and destructive approach to relationships... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:06:41 PM |
i was thinking the guy i've been seeing for a year is bi polar, but a well informed member of pof clued me into that he is probably suffering frim borderline personality disporder.
OP
It's possible to have both at the same time.
Princess Leigh
As a BPD, you shouldn't be following this thread. I belonged to an on-line forum for NONS (people who had or have BPDs in their life). Our sister site was for BPDs who were in varying degrees of recovery. They were urged to never read the posts on our site because of exactly what is happening to you. It is very hurtful to read the angry posts from those who have been with a BPD. It is not helpful to you and most likely, harmful.
Skybluejeep
Do you still have the address of the forum? Do you think it is worthwhile to post it on this thread? Can you find the sister site for Princess Leigh?
The NON forum changed ownership and I wasn't as big of a fan with the new rules. In fact I got banned with a ton of other members. However, it might be very helpful for a NON to talk to other NONs. Usually a NON has a lot of recovery work to do as well. Take that as a warning OP. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:19:51 PM |
the sad truth is that there is no treatment that has been shown to really work
Apparently DBT - Dialectical sp? Behaviour Therapy is successful. High functioners also claim that it is helping them. There is an amazing woman on the net who is a recovered Borderline and she writes essays on what it is like to suffer from this. If anyone is interested I will try to find a link to her site. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:35:06 PM |
In my copy of "Lost in the Mirror" it discusses that BPD is nature AND nurture. Guess you didn't read that one, eh?
That is one f*cking excellent book! It is one of the few that takes a compassionate look at BPD. I would recommend it for both NONs and Borderlines. Also, as often mentioned on this thread "Walking On Eggshells" is the current bible for NONs. Randi Kreger is the author and also the founder of The Nook , which was the NON forum to which I alluded in a previous post. The site has unfortunately changed hands and name. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/9/2008 7:42:05 PM | My understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder is that the roots are in the first few years of life when parenting is inconsistent. The BPD uses the defense mechanism called "splitting", meaning you are either all good or all bad to them. This defense mechanism walls off the unimaginable pain and rage of abandonment in their early years. They tend to "act out" their abandonment. For instance, if you are having a conversation with them and you look at your watch, the BPD might be triggered into abandonment, and will actually get up and walk out of the room in rage, in an attempt to act out the abandonment they feel (which is really the intense pain of early parental abandonment). Energetically, the borderline person will feel a knot of energy in their gut that is there at all times. BPD's can recover from their condition, but it takes time. If they are aware and have an understanding partner or therapist, they can work out their feelings of abandonment, but it can take years. If they are unconscious and acting out, however, they can make the lives of people around them a living h#ll. I have read that if a BPD actually survives into their 40's they will often outgrow the disorder. I have also read that it can be healed energetically in as quickly as 3 month's time by working with the knot of energy (in an energetic fashion) and bringing it up to the heart through breathing techniques and meditation. All in all, it is a very challenging condition. If you find a person with this disorder who is conscious and healing him/herself, you will know someone who is very compassionate and deep. Many such people become therapists and often make wonderful healers, as long as they are consciously healing themselves. If you get the unconscious kind, watch out. Make sure you set limits with this person.
The goal for a BPD is consistency and stability. If they can hold a stable job and have stability in their lives, it is a very good sign. That is why it is good to have a therapist who is consistently supportive, while they go through their ups and downs.
Any therapists out there (I used to be one), please feel free to add to this. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:53:54 AM |
If you get the unconscious kind, watch out. Make sure you set limits with this person.
exactly what i mentioned earlier. if the borderline refused to acknowledge that they have a problem, they will never get the help they need. and setting your own limits and boundaries results in rage and abuse thrown at you. throw in a drinking problem and you have a person who will never heal. sad, really.
Energetically, the borderline person will feel a knot of energy in their gut that is there at all times.
so, do you suggest chakra work? yoga?
please elaborate. thanx. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/11/2008 6:50:45 PM | | I can share experiences. I am a diagnosed bi-polar AND borderline personality disorder. It is no walk in the park. I won't lie to you and tell you that I haven't put just a few men through hell and back in relationships. However, there is hope. Bi-polar can very effectively be treated with medication. Borderline personality disorder can in some cases be mitigated by medication, but the only proven treatment for BPD is a program called DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). It is a very intense program that involves not only learning to recognize and deal with our emotions and the actions that result from them, but also how to modify our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. The most important thing you need to do is get your SO to see a professional. Your answers are not to be found on a forum, no matter how many professionals respond. If he has either of these disorders, they are treatable, and if you truly care for him and are committed to him, then be patient and help him through treatment. If he is not willing to seek treatment, then run. As a sufferer of both, I can assure you that they are treatable and that sufferers are capable of maintaining a serious relationship without all the drama and trauma, but it isn't always easy and it does take a lot of patience and understanding on the part of my partner. But my biggest saving grace was treatment. I hate to sound like the rest of the people on here who advised you to run, but honestly, an untreated bi-polar or BPD, or lord forbid, someone with both, is nothing but heartbreak. I have read a lot of negative responses to your post and some of these people have very valid reasons for feeling the way that they do, but what you're not hearing in their responses is that the people that deal with these disorders are still human beings and they are in an unimaginable amount of psychic pain, which tends to flow over on to those closest to them. My advice is simple. Encourage him to seek a diagnosis and treatment. And be as supportive as possible if he does seek treatment. It is not an easy process and if it weren't for the very dedicated support of a few friends and loved ones, I don't know that I would have been able to rejoin society as a functional adult. So, God bless and good luck. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:26:21 PM |
I am a diagnosed bi-polar AND borderline personality disorder. It is no walk in the park. I won't lie to you and tell you that I haven't put just a few men through hell and back in relationships. However, there is hope.
what do you think has to happen before the bpd will admit they have a problem and seek help? | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/11/2008 7:31:31 PM | | There is no answer to that question, Juniper. For each person it's different. Everyone has a different tolerance level. Either he is going to be willing to wallow in his own misery and make everyone wallow in it with him. Or he is going to dig down deep inside and find the strength and courage to seek help. I can't tell you what is going to cause him to make his decision. For me it was the third suicide attempt and hearing my best friend tell me that I had scared him and that he had spent two days sitting next to my bed in ICU crying while I was unconsious. I can only hope that his answer comes easier. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/11/2008 8:10:13 PM | cupidsfailure,
Your post and life example is one of hope. My exboyfriend is bipolar (and successfully treated for it) and *I* believe Borderline as well. As much as I loved him, I left him after over five years. I don't think he has the courage you have had...or at least, his fear is just too terrifying. In day to day life, outside of prolonged intimate relationships, he seems to cope extremely well. I wish you well. You are a shining example of possibilty.
Brooker | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/11/2008 10:00:50 PM | | If it is a true borderline personality disorder only a psychiatrist can evaluate and the person MUST accept medication as a tool to live a normal life. It is not a label rather a classification so the person can receive necessary help and therapy. It is an illness that can be treatable by the proper specialist and by accepting someone for who they are and what their needs are. Don't be in denial about medication--there's no other way. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/12/2008 8:11:59 AM | | Another excellent book is Boomerang Love, which can only be ordered on line. I have the sad experience of living with a borderline (we have a young son) and cannot describe the devistation of the spirit of the non-bp that takes place over time. There is also a web site which I have been a part of called WTO (welcome to oz) one for women only and one for men only (the non-bps). As far as the comment that it does not manifest itself in men at the rate it does in women, that may be due to the fact that less men seek help for just about anything, and also women are more likely to put up with the abuse that the bp inflicts upon them. Most bp males are guilty of domestic abuse and will chalk up there problems to just having a bad temper......It will always be YOUR fault.....run if you can, I truly do not believe they can ever get to the place of relization that they are to blame for any pain they inflict... you will always be the causitive factor...if you can get out now....... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:03:31 PM | Lil brooker, as per your request:
http://www.bpdfamily.com/discussions/message-board.htm
Interestingly, one thing this site helped me realize very fast is that I could wallow forever if I wanted to about my ex. .. so I stopped.
Thank goodness 2007 is over. Now its 2008 and I feel GREAT.
For anyone recovering from a bpd relationship... stay positive and suffer through your changes and respect the process of healing and what it requires. It builds character, and that is a priceless possession in an often shallow society.
'This too shall pass'
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:14:04 PM | | I myself have a daughter that has mood disorder which has been to be said as bi-polar.Contrary to belief with the medication can be treated.She is a junior in high school ,makes decent grades has had the same B/F for going on 2 years now and while going to school still holds a part time job.My advise...educate yourseld on the disease and become familiar with their moods.Makes life a whole lot simpiler.Good Luck. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:24:11 PM |
I myself have a daughter that has mood disorder which has been to be said as bi-polar.Contrary to belief with the medication can be treated.
you can treat bipolar disorder with meds and i understand it can have a truly beneficial effect.
but when you talk about borderline, apparently the same doesn't apply. the behavioral therapies mentioned earlier may help. but ~ bottom line ~ the person with bpd has to admit to the problem and seek help. that seems like the sticking point with a lot of these people. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/13/2008 12:16:30 PM |
but ~ bottom line ~ the person with bpd has to admit to the problem and seek help. that seems like the sticking point with a lot of these people.
Juniper, that bottom line applies to anyone with any problem, not just the BPD. The problem with getting a BPD into successful treatment is making them recognize the problem behaviors and emotions. For those of us who are BPD, these things have been a part of us for so long that we know no other way of life except the emotional rollercoaster that has been our reality for so long. We know that there is something that sets us apart, but not necessarily what it is. Once those things are recognized, the battle is in the strength and willingness to follow through with the therapy and make the many life changes necessary for it to work. That is the sticking point with most. The willingness to make the sweeping changes. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:08:10 PM |
Juniper, that bottom line applies to anyone with any problem, not just the BPD.
i agree 100%. i phrased it the way i did because this thread concerns bpd. but, yes, alcohol addiction, bipolar and anything else along those lines will only improve if the individual admits the problem and seeks to manage it. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:55:12 PM | But isn't that the part that makes it so hard to deal with? how many BPD's will even admit there is a problem, much less seek help..
They may try to, or more likely try to mask the alcohol, gambling, or some other other aspects that usually get them the attention of the legal system, but to address the core problem- that is different, they don't see it as of them having a problem-
...........you have the problem....... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:24:58 PM | My partner of 11 years was BPD, mis-diagnosed bi-polar and major depression before finally being diagnosed BPD after her second involuntary commit. It was the most difficult experience of my life.
When I first read about it after her diagnosis it was actually a great relief because then suddenly a lot of things that made absolutely no sense suddenly gained some context. She underwent DBT for several years but she had a psychiatrist who was convinced he could fix it chemically and he kept adjusting her medications and dosages which prevented her from ever having a stable foundation. As soon as she would get used to some new medication regime, he would change it and things would be off-kilter again for a while.
I really hate to say this because it sounds cruel but if I had it all to do over again, I would take the kids and run. I couldn't, though, because we were unmarried and an unmarried father has practically no rights unless she is a direct physical danger to the kids. But I would have taken the kids and run and let the court sort it out. My lawyer at the time advised that but I decided to try to stay. It can be done if one has an infinite amount of patience and training in how to handle the situation. Otherwise, I wonder if my staying really made things worse. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:24:44 PM | I've read most of the posts to this. Very informative. I have personally known two individuals who were diagnosed with bipolar disorders and I believe my second wife was bipolar toward the end of our marriage, but refused to seek help.
When I was in college, back in the Neanderthal days, we thought of this disorder, for the most part, as manic-depressive.
One of my friends, who died in 2006, was diagnosed and said he was generally okay if he remained on his medication. The same with a female cousin of mine who was diagnosed as bipolar. She says the same thing. As long as she remains on her medication she is okay.
I have to hand it to people who live with those diagnosed as bipolar. They have their lives cut out for them. You never know, from one day to the next, according to what I understand, and experienced with a wife, how bipolars are going to react. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/15/2008 12:58:40 AM | your comment is pathetic, how stero typical.
how dare you say that THESE PEOPLE are unable to have a stable relationship.
I suffer bi polar 2 and boardaline personality disorder just like my father did and i have been diagnosed this for years.
i have had two faied relationships and thats just a cop out an excuse to blame. my relationships did not fail because of my behaviour they failed because my disorder became the escape root for not dealing with issues that even normal relationships go through.
anyone can learn to process the highs and lows.
yes it's hard work but you have no right to claim what you have said.
There is hope and with understanding and education you can learn to adapt.
Your in the wrong field and i hope you get out so you dont give anyone eles more bad advice.
it is a struggle enough to gain exceptance without people like you makeing what is not the suffers fault more harder. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/15/2008 1:03:36 AM | Hi Sage
I agree that this thread is informative...but the information is about borderline personality disorder. Bipolar depression/ manic depression is different. Both are difficult to live with (for both sufferer and mate) but bipolar depression is very responsive to medication whereas borderline personality disorder is more elusive to treatment. | |
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