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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 12:18:52 AM | Only a shrink can dx someone. BP is complicated, it's hard to dx as it encompasses bi-polar disorder and well as nariccism. And then within it that they have different functioning levels. That is why it's called Borderline...because it borders on many other other disorders.
Basically the BP is forever 2 years old. They are incapable of having an emotionally mature relationship. Unlike King Midas who turned everything he touched into gold, the BP turns everything they touch into shit. That is why I call them King Feces.
The BP must always be on meds and under a doctors care....but it's only somewhat treateable. Some can not hold certain high stress jobs. Children are not advisable for them to have. It's always all about the person with BP. They can't help it, but after dealing with them, the disease and the person are very hard to seperate.
If you like constant drama and chaos, then a BP is for you. But it will always be all about them. To them you are only as good or bad as your last deed.
Make no mistake about it, you will never be able to have a mature healthy realtionship with one. They get very mad to hear that, but it's true. They not are not capable of seeing themselves as they really are. Again, it's the nature of the disease.
Unfortunately, the disease is toxic and bleeds on over to their partners. They will make your life a white knuckle roller coaster ride and a living hell. BP is a terrible disease and it can and does destroy a health person who has to live with them. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:19:12 AM |
Only a shrink can dx someone. BP is complicated, it's hard to dx as it encompasses bi-polar disorder and well as nariccism. And then within it that they have different functioning levels. That is why it's called Borderline...because it borders on many other other disorders.
from information presented on the forums, medical doctors have a hard time diagnosing bpd, and very few willingly work with them. bpds can present quite well and tend to mask their condition due to their own denial.
The BP must always be on meds and under a doctors care....but it's only somewhat treateable.
we've also learned that prescription drugs do little to alleviate the symptoms.
Make no mistake about it, you will never be able to have a mature healthy realtionship with one.
also untrue. if the bpd has the motivation to seek help and the diligence to work with the advised therapy, they can enjoy the same sort of relationships as the rest of us. no one claims it would be easy, but it certainly is possible.
i posted this link earlier because it offers insight into the condition and dispels some of the myths:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1078702.aspx | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 9:18:22 AM |
Only a shrink can dx someone. BP is complicated, it's hard to dx as it encompasses bi-polar disorder and well as nariccism. And then within it that they have different functioning levels. That is why it's called Borderline...because it borders on many other other disorders.
Basically the BP is forever 2 years old. They are incapable of having an emotionally mature relationship. Unlike King Midas who turned everything he touched into gold, the BP turns everything they touch into shit. That is why I call them King Feces.
The BP must always be on meds and under a doctors care....but it's only somewhat treateable. Some can not hold certain high stress jobs. Children are not advisable for them to have. It's always all about the person with BP. They can't help it, but after dealing with them, the disease and the person are very hard to seperate.
If you like constant drama and chaos, then a BP is for you. But it will always be all about them. To them you are only as good or bad as your last deed.
Make no mistake about it, you will never be able to have a mature healthy realtionship with one. They get very mad to hear that, but it's true. They not are not capable of seeing themselves as they really are. Again, it's the nature of the disease.
Unfortunately, the disease is toxic and bleeds on over to their partners. They will make your life a white knuckle roller coaster ride and a living hell. BP is a terrible disease and it can and does destroy a health person who has to live with them.
I'm assuming that you aren't a shrink, since your profile says that you have a masters degree.....I see what looks like diagnosing going on in your post. Inaccurate diagnosing at that.....the term Borderline was actually derived from the disorder appearing to be on the "borderline" of "neurosis and psychosis". Borderline is an Axis I personality disorder, while Bi-polar disorder is an Axis II mood disorder.....One does not "encompass" the other, and as I stated above, while the two "look" similar on the outside, the thinking patterns are very different.
I've just made the first paragraph of your post accurate.....although I realize that borderlines make the lives of their SO's hell ( I have been on the receiving end of this as well)....stigma and inaccuracies are one of the main reasons that some un-diagnosed borderlines will not come forward, and ask for help. They know that something is "really wrong", but are afraid of a diagnosis that might even have a hint of the word "crazy" attached to it.
Here's another secret....if the borderline can very closely acquaint themselves with the word "reasonable"...and gear their thinking along the same line, even if triggered....numerous times.....we can respond "reasonably". We can still get angry....just "reasonably" angry.
Bad intentions....have to go....if we have a very bad experience, we can play out any scenario....in our head.....that we want. The scenario stays in the head. Any "redress" of a situation is to be done appropriately.....even if that means writing a scathing, dirt filled, vile letter, and then deleting it.
With time, even these emotions have diminished, in my case.....my "natural" reactions are much different than they were a few years ago.
This all looks very easy written in this small space....it isn't easy....at all. But because I have done the work, and been successful (so far), I am willing to try to help others, and not worry about the "stigma" or "tonguelashings" of people who have been hurt by a borderline....I've been hurt by a borderline too. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 11:04:05 AM | OP,
It is UNlikely you are dealing with a Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is almost exclusively the territory of women much like eating disorders. This is NOT to say that prevalence does NOT occur in men but it is unlikely. Borderlines are often misdiagnosed as Bipolar or Manic Depression.
Borderline (BPD) is one of a bunch of disorders on Axis II of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. BPD is in the Emotion Discontrolled Cluster along with Narcissism, Hystrionic and Anti-Social personality disorder. This is opposed to Emotion Dependent, Emotion Avoidant and Emotion Controlled. BPD is unique in that it "BORDERS" on all of the clusters on Axis II. This means it has symptoms consistent with many of the other diagnosis.
Without hearing specifics Id say you are dealing a low functioning Narcissist IF this is an Axis II disorder. He may very well be Bipolar but they are quite easy to differential diagnose with advanced training.
I was in the private practice of psychotherapy for over 10 yrs specializing in Personality Disorders and even ran Borderline group psychotherapy for over 8 yrs. I was licensed in my State to the highest level possible and have 2 yrs in Advanced Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy along with a multitude of other specializations and certifications.
Be careful either way b/c either way an untreated Narcissist, Borderline or Bipolar victim is volatile and hurting. They dont have the capacity to monitor their interactions with others and others can and do get hurt both emotionally, financially and physically.
ER | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:29:36 PM | When I first posted, I had no idea there were BPD's also posting here. Because of that, it's no longer a safe environment for me to discuss this topic. The BPD always gets on the offensive. To argue such a topic with a BPD is crazy making. I'm not a masochist, so I don't go there.
Good luck to all and have a nice day. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 1:50:43 PM |
It is UNlikely you are dealing with a Borderline Personality Disorder. This disorder is almost exclusively the territory of women much like eating disorders.
Not true EasyRead. "My BP" is male. While on a forum for NONs there were other women with BP male partners. I'll agree to "more often amongst women", but certainly not exclusive to women.
When I first posted, I had no idea there were BPD's also posting here. Because of that, it's no longer a safe environment for me to discuss this topic. The BPD always gets on the offensive. To argue such a topic with a BPD is crazy making. I'm not a masochist, so I don't go there.
Unfortunate for you. Most of the BPs on this thread are cognizant of their disorder and are making efforts to recover. Much can be learned about the disorder from them. However, it's completely understandable for you not to be ready.
Talking about a safe environment, I'd get off any dating site to which you belong. I believe that there is an inordinate amount of disordered individuals who will always recycle themselves back into the singles scene after each repeated failed relationship. These are the ones you should be wary of for they don't acknowledge their disorder. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 2:02:09 PM | Just wanted to comment on your very informative post. I was in a realtionship with a person for 4 years on and off. And I to knew that she had to have a mental disorder or maybe bi_polar. She was very controlling,self centered,pocessive,through tantrums,was never at fault,always blamed others,never apologized for anything (except maybe once) I caught her cheating several times,never sorry,(would blame me for her actions) had a problem with cocaine. She would binge use and would do large quanities. Like 4 teiners with no stopping. Had problems sleeping alot, would take other prescription drugs from her mother (who would give them to her) she was verbally abusive alot, and liked to hit. I will admit that stating all the above you ask to yourself why was I with her or stuck around. I did have feelings for her. And well I would always argue with logic and express my feelings only to have them used against me.When things were good there were good, and sometimes great. I did make stands at times, and kept myself at a distance, and just take things day by day. When she wasen't hanging around a couple of her POS friends ,she would be ok but had her moods. But when she did hang with friends her behavior traits changed and then it would start. It was like a was dating 2 people, and the drugs finally won. I went through alot of abuse with her and it ended really bad, I blame myself for never getting away from her a longf time ago, it would have save me alot of problems,but when I was away from her i felt like I was lost without her as well. Somehow and don't ask me how or why I care, I am afraid she is headed to self destruction and maybe will die from it. Is this what she wants? Is her self destruction so great that she wants to die? I thought I would ask and maybe get some answers.
thanks for reading | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:37:36 PM | Jazzythecat...
I don't believe that I got on the defensive any more than a member of any "group" that was being misrepresented would be. I think I was very "reasonable" with my response.
Easy Read....
I stand corrected....mood disorders are Axis I... personality disorders are Axis II
I'm with Lil Brooker on the male BPD thing....I know a couple of them.
Both with pretty big BPD pathology. One is diagnosed, one isn't.
When a 200 pound man, who is a bit "tipsy" tells me to "get out of his house" and backs it up by threatening me with an ax......over something I said that he "misunderstood" .........I'm calling that borderline, over bi-polar or narcissism. (This is only one example of his behaviour) | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:17:38 PM |
Somehow and don't ask me how or why I care, I am afraid she is headed to self destruction and maybe will die from it. Is this what she wants? Is her self destruction so great that she wants to die? I thought I would ask and maybe get some answers.
Your ex-girlfriend sounds like she is borderline to me.
Drugs like cocaine, just make things sooo much worse.
Is she headed for self destruction, and might she die from it.....it's possible.
The thing that you need to know....is that IF she is determined to self destruct, you won't be able to stop her. I'm telling you this, so that if something happens, you won't blame yourself. I understand that you care, but you can't save her. The only person that can save her is.....her..... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:33:42 PM | If you are able, can you share some of the experience? This is a very broad subject, one in which without a professional to diagnose, it is impossible to say what it is.
I will say from experience that if his bizarre bahavior, your always to blame, your words twisted to be used against you, his words are twisted back to be your words, emotional wthdrawal, his occasional "good mood" gone the moment you speak, jsut saying how was your day??/ You dont exist at times,
With anything that happens good or not so good, he stores it away for future ammunition to be used against you,,,,
Some meds dont help some of the disorders, if they are willing to go for help!!
If you want more info,,,,email me,
As he earlier post said, unless you enjoy the rollar coaster,,,,,
It is never ending and will drain a person beyond what you can imagine,,, | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 5:39:19 PM | You nailed it,,,,One I know said,,,,,"Self sabotage,," hmm,,,,so why do these types venture out and destroy others,,,,,it is Narcissism at it s finest...it is not only self but all who come in contact with them and some are on this site,,,,beware,,,
Great post and explanation | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 6:57:10 PM | The life of a person with Bi-polar with elements of BPD is pure torture!!! They don't do these things to hurt others intentionally, it's part of the illness. Have some empathy for them. Life for them can get better! We all have SOMETHING wrong with us. Some people drink, some people abuse drugs some people have sex addictions, some people have cancer, the list is endless. If we run from people with mental illness then we should run from people with ANY illness! Don't treat people with mental illness differently just because the sickness can't be seen, it's real and it's horrible. Love them, they need it.  | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:14:34 PM | | Thanks Quazi, Sunscapes and Cindyslooking. You all gave some good input. I have spent some time reseaching this on line, and reading threads in here. The one thing I am questioning to myself is something someone said, "it takes a crazy person to be with a crazy person." I ask myself some questions. she did leave some damage behind, and it was malicious and intentfull. I liked what Cindyslooking had to say that we all have something wrong with us. That is the absolute truth of reality. I always tell people no one is perfect, and we as humans try to get as close to it as we can or think that we are. I know that nothing will stop here but herself, I just know that I will be to blame in her creative mind and manipulating personality. I do believe in Karma though. I was in in another thread about "hating exes" and read some of the things people has to say in there. I don't have hate, life is too short to hate. I suppose I am just looking for answers that I ask myself,and try not to feel at blame for everything. I ain't perfect. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 9:03:52 AM |
I suppose I am just looking for answers that I ask myself
It has been mentioned before, but since this thread is so long, you may have not noted that a recommended intoductory book for "NON"s (you as the partner or former partner) to read is "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Randi Kreger.
Four years in a BPD relationship? You definitely will have emotional fallout yourself. Read. Join a forum for NONs and maybe consider counselling if the relationship still consumes you.
You asked if she is trying to self-destruct. Perhaps. Many BPDs suffered unbearably as children and the resulting disorder is emotional survival for the adult. Quazi can give you more on this than I can. I've read that it's not uncommon for BPDs to have been sexually molested as children. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 9:14:35 AM | Some personality disorders don't respond to medications or therapy. My ex was diagnosed with NPD and he's gotten worse as he has gotten older. The only thing he used therapy for was to become more manipulative if that was possible. He only went because he was court ordered to and when he got there he took the approach to convince the therapist everyone else was wrong about him. When she didn't tell him what he wanted to hear..he went on an all out attack on her character. (Its everyone elses fault not his ). She called him out and he then went therapist shopping...only because the courts ordered it...all told him the same things so he stopped trying to find someone that would enable his thinking. ( they wouldn't supply him). NPD/BPD's stop at nothing to get what they want. He is now in contempt of a court order, but when you deal with the narcissist you have to pick and choose your battles wisely. I want to go with him to court again like I want a sharp stick in the eye. He will just get even afterwards. The time I was with him, I thought this behavior was due to his drinking and other addictions. He also had a terrible childhood his parents have recreated history on in telling. The delusions they recreated for those kids, is sick. I know one of his parents is bi-polar and the father is also a narcissist. Both parents are addicts. Most people with these disorders are also addicts according to the specialists that see my kids and teach them coping skills with their dad. He hardly ever see's them but when he does they are prepared. What kind of behavior are we talking about here OP?  | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:37:03 AM | Wow, this "Walk on Eggshells" behavior really struck a chord with me because that is what I did with my ex for years. If I expressed any displeasure with a behavior or something he said, he would become extremely angry and blame me for making him angry instead of addressing the issue. He also was DXed with fibromyalgia and I understand that it is common with BPD. He became weirder and weirder as the years went by until he was at the point of exploding because he couldn't find lemon juice in the fridge for his shrimp. I asked him about that specific incident and he said "Do you think I'm always rational?" I never seen anyone try to hard to keep buttoned up and rational and hide their true feelings. His goal in life seemed to be control of his feelings and everyone else's feelings. The slightest amount of marital discord sent him running away to get in control of himself. Otherwise, he would do things like throw a coffee table through the wall.
Funny, at the end I was admitting to feelings I really didn't have (He said: "I know you better than you know yourself.") and taking the blame just to keep the peace. It was a total self-esteem destroyer for me. Now, I feel like an idiot for putting up with it for so long. But he waited until we had 2 small children before he let his true colors show. Looking back, there were many red flags such as not remembering any of his childhood (who can't remember their childhood?) and estrangement from his family.
We worked different shifts for the first 5 years of our relationship, but when we both got on the same page schedule-wise, it was a nightmare. He still doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior and my attempts to get into him into couples therapy will to no avail. It has been very hard to forgive him for his abuse (btw, he never once said he was sorry for anything), but I have and moved on. I feel bad for those who have experienced this kind of life.  | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:37:56 AM | No history of sex abuse in childhood that I ever knew of or ever seen her demonstrate. Her parents well, they are rich. Her mother enables her in everything,is always there ,there, have a pill to calm you down. Her father well he just stays out of everything, they both drink about 2 to 4 martiniti shakers after 5pm just depends on the day. Her brother is a complete alcoholic, drinks 1 to 2 5ths of vodka a day, and is on some pretty heavy meds. I have see him go from 1 to 5 in like 20mins and can't even talk straight and just be ****ed. He has a 1 year old son that he really doesn't touch, and when he does his wife is afraid he will fall down with him, and I am pretty sure he has.They know about her brothers problem and just kinda dance around it,talk shit when he isn't around and the mother bibs and burbs him, have for a long time. And as for the her I always suspected that they know that she has the privleged princess syndrome as that they created it, but Arent' to sure they really know about her drug problem. She has always been very illusive about it. (thus the 2 personalities I mentioned) I always used to think highly of them, and always tried to have my own friendship with them and bond, but she did not allow that, always wanted me focused on her and no one else. So I just kinda withdrew and figured I was in a lions den, you know the rest.
Looking back I blame myself for never having the strength to leave entirely and just run. That I polluted my mind with all the thoughts of good times and good things, trying to outweigh the obvious, and alot of the times thought maybe it was me. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:39:54 AM |
Some personality disorders don't respond to medications or therapy. My ex was diagnosed with NPD and he's gotten worse as he has gotten older. The only thing he used therapy for was to become more manipulative if that was possible. He only went because he was court ordered to and when he got there he took the approach to convince the therapist everyone else was wrong about him. When she didn't tell him what he wanted to hear..he went on an all out attack on her character. (Its everyone elses fault not his ). She called him out and he then went therapist shopping...only because the courts ordered it...all told him the same things so he stopped trying to find someone that would enable his thinking. ( they wouldn't supply him). NPD/BPD's stop at nothing to get what they want. He is now in contempt of a court order, but when you deal with the narcissist you have to pick and choose your battles wisely. I want to go with him to court again like I want a sharp stick in the eye. He will just get even afterwards.
firegurl....
When I was diagnosed with BPD.....I ended up on the psych ward for two weeks....I had been on the internet, and read the sites about BPD, and couldn't see "myself" in what they were describing and I fought them on it.....and then, I could see it. And I wasn't real happy with the whole thing, and became suicidal.
At that point, I realized that I could do one of two things. I could let things continue as they were, and be a person that I really didn't much like the sounds of, and continue to live in chaos, and wreak havoc.....or I could work, to change the things that I didn't like, and that weren't "acceptable" to me. I chose the latter.
I'd be very surprised if your ex ever accepts his diagnosis. Hopefully, with his megalomania fully intact, he'll manipulate himself into a corner that he can't get out of someday....... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 12:56:38 PM | | I have consulted the label on back of a poke of chips....Your asking for advice, just none of which suits you. Arnt you equally as guilty. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 1:20:43 PM | I have a book that is only about all of the different borderline personality disorders, I would be willing to send it to you, what what I can tell there is nothing borderline about this disorder at all and also there is very little you can do to help people with this disorder, because they refuse to believe they have a problem however this disorder varies so much. Iwould be supprized if you have any luck getting this guy to seek help or take medications. Please note these only my thoughts, I do not know this guy and I am not a expert. You seem like a wonderful lady, just be careful. Thanks Kelly | |
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CSIN
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 197 | |
| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 1:28:21 PM | In answer to you, lil_miss_love_armagh:
A rose, known by any color, is still a rose. If it quacks, it's still a duck! Labels are what they are, and labels will be what they will be. A dysfunctional person may be dysfunctional, but a person, never-the-less!
Personality disorders are recognizable and does not warrant a Ph.D., M.D., or any other professional person to label them or "it"...
When one first meets a person that is: nice, neighborly, congenital, friendly, gracious, generous, hospitable, etc., one first thinks they have met one of "God's finest"!
Later on in the relationship, be it one week, two months, etc., you see this person turn into a "Monster From Hell!" - then you know you have either met a person with an ABNORMAL personality. All of the Axis I or Axis II's personality disorder/behavioral types will be detrimental to their loved ones, significant others, children and friends! Just reading your post makes me shudder!
I am not saying what is "normal" or "abnormal" in human psychology, but what I am saying is that when you meet with someone that makes your brain "BURN" - then the environment including this individual is not normal, period. One needs to get the hell out.
An abnormal person cannot lead a normal life. They may be able to make a few adjustments, but they will never be "normal" and will live in a turmoiled life until either life or they end it. If you stay, you may be the first they end it with..
A lot of people get caught up with a person because the sex was good and the partner looked good; the female got pregnant to hold on to them; The partner (male or female) had money and was willing to pay to keep (and they will be the boss to pay the cost); or the individual themselves had issues. Either way, the end result will always not be good!
Choose wisely, my friends. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 2:02:29 PM | I was in a relationship that I just ended - it was very hard to end it as I really loved the man. However, it got to a point that it was a matter of my sanity - or what is left of it. Initially it was almost too good to be true - everything I could have dreamed of and then some. As long as I didn t rock thew boat or question anything. If I did , everything was always my fault - eg he had to call other women because I wasn't with him 24/7 and he needed me - I was being selfish. It really was black and white - with nothing in between - and I was always at fault - even when work went bad. It has left me very brusised and leary of trusting my own judgment.
So I can say that, for me, the only thing I can change is myself and my actions. It is difficult, and painful - but I guess I have to be grateful that I did realize how toxic it was for me.
Zee | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:11:17 PM | | I wish you all good things for being such a caring person. He is fortunate to have met your acquaintance and hopefully you will have some fun times together. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/14/2008 9:33:12 PM | | I wrote a paper on this disorder for my psychology class 2 years ago, and from personal experience, it really is a very complicated situation. There is a book that goes into detail and shows you how to go about with this it's called 'Walking On Eggshells: When someone you love has BPD' I'm not quite sure on the author, but I have it in storage somewhere. As soon as I get the auther and maybe the correct name for the book, I will let you know. | |
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