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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/15/2008 12:51:53 PM | | bi-polar is manageable, depending if they take responsibility and are either a Axis 1 or an Axis 2 diagnosis. Personality disorders of any type, I would run from. Not fixable, not manageable. That person will bring you only heartache and despair, in the long run. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/15/2008 2:50:39 PM | Quazi~ I am so glad you chose the latter...its not easy to face our demons sometimes and this one had to be huge for you. Hugs! I think you are right about him painting himself into a corner he won't be able to get out of. So far we are no longer supplying him so hes disappeared until next time the cycle for "coming around like nothing happened" comes back to haunt us. I can really relate to the poster on here that mentioned how they talk you into feelings you don't really have..when I left him someone asked me once what I wanted or what I liked, and I couldn't answer it simply because I was living his life so long I forgot about me. Quazi what kind of work have you done to change what you didn't like and did you find a certain method worked for you? Hugs to you Quazi for sharing...its very healing and gives me hope for my children...so I may heal from the traumas he caused. Also to teach them how to deal with others like this because there are more than we know with these disorders out there. I don't want them to choose someone like this later on for a partner because it felt familiar to them... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/15/2008 4:43:15 PM |
Also to teach them how to deal with others like this because there are more than we know with these disorders out there. I don't want them to choose someone like this later on for a partner because it felt familiar to them...
Hi firegurl....
Thanks for the kind words. I can understand your concern for your children....
Borderline/Narcissistic thinking is obviously distorted, and dysfunctional...what an understatement.
Based on that, I set out to weed out the distortions, and dysfunctions from my thinking.
I swear by Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. There are many good books on the subject. It's a little difficult at first, but once you get the hang of it, it can become almost automatic. I still use it every day....if I catch a distorted thought...."that guy on POF never e-mailed me back....I bet he thinks I'm fat."......that's called "mind reading" I'm assuming what the man is thinking with no basis whatsoever in fact.
It forces me to look at my thoughts from a more reality based, logical perspective.
Perspective...if I'm pretty sure my perspective of something is off kilter...um....ok...if my Mom was sick, I HAD to stay with her until she got better 24/7. When I was younger, if I was sick, I expected my SO to stay with me until I got better 24/7. Not a very realistic perspective/expectation....learned quickly on that one.
I am very willing to ask someone I trust for their perspective on something, if I think my perspective is skewed....and I will work with it from there.
When I started doing CBT, I saw all kinds of distortions in my thinking that I had been taught as a child. This actually can provide a warning if I start hearing familiar distortions from a potential SO. Some distortions are part of the "mask" and will be very apparent very quickly.
I hope this helps firegurl....it's not that hard for me to write, but I hope you understand what I'm saying.... | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 11/16/2008 5:10:15 AM |
we've posted this link three times on this thread. i strongly encourage those hoping to learn more to check out the existing thread on bpd. that would prevent those with knowledge of the condition from having to type the same things over and over. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/28/2009 3:34:53 AM |
typed it in and nothing came up
but thank you for the links even if it did come with a shitty and judgmental attitude.
i understand it is a disease, but my approach to diseases has a wider base than just psychology and western medicine viewpoints
As I am apalled by this answer in many ways...
a)Person should be dignosed by a professional/Dr in Psychiatric medicine.
b)The said Dr will refer probably to a counselor/Psychologist.
c)Most of these "LABELED" poor people I am saying this in a most sarcastic manner due to the first post by you, the OP... NEED medication, mental illness, has a lot to do with the chemistry in a person's brain.
d)If you are NOT into western medicine try to get him to take an EXTREMALLY large amount of vit b-complex, see a homeopath they address illness in a wholistic way.
And really he should talk to a PROFESSIONAL, you are not qualified to DIGNOSE from information on the NET....NIMH post those notes to help the loved ones to understand the nature of the illness, not as a precaution. Until he does... or his family intervents exactly what can you do? | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 3/28/2009 4:35:49 AM | I'd read a book on Borderline Personalities a long time ago...Though there's much I don't remember about what I'd read there's still a glimmer of memory...
The borderline person is manipulative..in nearly all aspects of their life.
To them, it is all about them.
They are very toxic.
Resembles bi-polar in that the highs are very high and the lows are very low.
They do not create lasting relationships.
There's more, but it is a very hard diagnosis, and truly a good doctor is required to make this kind of diagnosis...often the doctor doesn't wish to treat this type of patient...because they are to difficult to deal with...so that person goes with bad or no care. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:08:24 PM | | Yes run! Heres my brief story. My ex is boderline personality yet she claimed she just had bipolar. She was completely self absorbed, always some sort of drama going on. When I first met her she came across as normal, exciting, fun, attractive, confident, secure, and simply just hadn't met the right guy to settle down with. The first month or two was great, I thought she was a dream come true. But after that I had found out it was more like a nightmare. Where do I start. Supposively she had been broken up with her ex boyfriend for a few months when I started seeing her which I figured to be enough time for her to have moved on. Apparently they were very co-dependant on eachother, and kept in contact. Now I have no issues with ex's being friends or staying in touch but this was taken alot further. He would sleep over frequently, supposively as just friends. I once read an emai she sent to him how she wanted his big well you know, and she needed it asap and for him to come over. I confronted her on this and she simply said nothing had been going on and she was mad at me that day for no reason basically so she wrote him that. She claimed when he saw it he was like why did you send me that since they were just friends. So I let that go but that shoulda been a warning sign. She had so many issues, depression, manic episodes, problems with drinking, gambling, relationships in the past, suicide attempts/threats, self mutilating, eating disorders, prescription medications, u name it. I supposed some of this was partially my fault since I stayed so long and was always trying to be supportive in hopes she would change and things would get better and maybe she was just having a phase. Things would be great one day, then the next she would fight with me, break up with me, then tell her never to contact her again for no reason. We wouldnt talk for a few days then one of us would contact the other, more times than not it was me feeling lonely and sad and perhaps some misunderstanding, but it was all her mental illness. This woman hurt me so bad I really did love her, and I woulda done anything for her. I saw this women go from over 100k in the bank to broke with over 50k in credit card debt all from gambling, and ofcourse nothing was her fault. Everything was always my fault, I didnt do this or I said this or why cant I be more caring like her ex who constantly hung around her. This woman almost ruined my life, she stole money from me, got me fired from my job, gave me a black eye, threating to blackmail me in certain ways if I didnt do what she wanted or give her money, used sex to manipulate me, always pouted and fought with me if she didnt get her way, manipulated me to pay some of her bills etc.. She would repeatedly verbally abuse me out of her own pain, destroying my self confidence. Ofcourse it was my fault she acted this way. Eventually after 3 years I left her for good, and it wasnt easy, I was addicted to this person for whatever reason, but I knew in the longrun I had to go, I think after 3 years I had a good idea of if we could be together down the road or not. She used other men to make me jealous, Im sure she cheated on me just never found the proof, she never trusted me probably because she didnt trust herself. Its been 2 years now and we have no contact. I emailed her recently simply asking her to take my cat since I had to move and I know they were close, ofcourse she says no and asks me not to contact her again, completely wrote me off since Im of no use to her anymore. Like Im the one that did something wrong lol. Shes a miserable person no matter what front she puts up to others. She has all the symptoms of boderline personality disorder, and hasnt had a relationship since I have been gone, unless you count the ex boyfriend which kept falling for her abuse and games and kept believing she would get better, yet she never did. People like her are a blackhole, they suck you in and drain you emotionally, financially, pretty much anyway they can, and theres no return on your investment. One day they will leave you if you dont leave them first, and it will be real cold when she does trust me. Sometimes I miss the 5% of her which was good but I definately dont miss the other 95% of pure evil and selfishness. The morale of the story, run! You cant fix some people you just cant. If they arent happy by themselves, dont ever think they will be happy with you. I gave this woman my heart and everything I could just to be screwed over and over with nothing but bad memories to show for it. So if you meet someone like this, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/12/2009 11:26:43 PM | If his initials ar bbc, run like hell.
Otherwise, ask him. He might be diagnosed and in need of a meds adjustment. Or maybe, like a previous poster, he's off his meds. Mental illness is very treatable with therapy and meds, but left untreated, it can turn into a nightmare for all concerned. Try talking to him.
Good luck! | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/13/2009 1:18:52 AM | hello
i dispute what you say as a person that suffers from bpd yes there is a grey area im not on medication and i was in a relationship for 18 years so due too that mark i think that proves your arguement wrong in the fact we can have relationships and long good ones and no i dont take drugs im totally against it and im t total as a drinker so how can you label all the same thats wrong them remarks you made are very judgemental but there again typical of the professionals so perfect arent they | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/13/2009 5:41:34 PM |
A little about me, up until the economy has declined I was a corporate recruiter for a fortune 500 company, but now I just play poker professionaly until the market gets back going again. I consider myself drama free.....
ohmozzie
If you're playing poker professionally, you aren't drama free....you're playing russian roulette with your life, every day....pun intended.
I have four cats, each one was sick, when I got it. I understand that you wanted to find the cat a good home. Will you trust me when I say that she would not have provided a good home?
If everything that you've said is true, DON'T PHONE HER....for any reason.
You can't get rid of a problem, if you keep PHONING it. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 2:43:22 AM | | I dont phone her, my only contact with her in 2 years since the breakup was the email. I know better than to get involved again, she was a last ditch effort for the cat. I have no intentions or contacting this person again believe me! | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 5:01:24 AM |
I have no intentions or contacting this person again believe me!
good.
i think of people like your ex as 'active-mode borderlines.' over a year ago, i cut off all contact with the one i knew. plus, i moved and have an unlisted phone number.
you now have become acquainted with borderline behaviors and will recognize them should another one find you. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 6:00:59 AM |
i typed it in and nothing came up
but thank you for the links even if it did come with a shitty and judgmental attitude.
i understand it is a disease, but my approach to diseases has a wider base than just psychology and western medicine viewpoints.
I suppose you can't teach experience. When you get beaten up, physically, emotionally, accused of infidelity, locked in the house, told you can't have any friends but him, and told you never loved him, perhaps you'll get the point. Go get your experience, girl. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 4:41:58 PM | Here's some general info, because this thread seems to be talking about both bipolar, and borderline personality disorder.
Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder, and can sometimes be effectively controlled with drugs. Just like the name suggests, the lows are devastating, and the highs are intoxicating. Depending on the individual, yoga, meditation....anything that promotes deep relaxation can also be beneficial. Diet can make a difference...large quantities of sugar and caffeine wouldn't be a good idea.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is also a useful tool to examine distorted thoughts and perspectives. Replacing distorted thoughts with alternative thoughts helps to "level" out moods, for me.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a personality disorder. Moods can change in the blink of an eye, numerous times in a day...it's exhausting. For me, it doesn't respond well to drugs, as it is part of my personality.....example: Say I am a very generous person....that is a personality trait. If I were given drugs, would I become less, or even more generous?.....not likely. Borderline Personality Disorder has to be dealt with with "thought therapy" CBT, or Dialectical Therapy etc. Changing thinking does not cure BPD, but along with other measures....boundaries, structure, routine etc. we can lead fairly "normal" lives. I have BPD traits that I am well aware of, but haven't overcome as yet. I will never overcome my BPD, but I can work on problem areas that will improve my quality of life.
I'm not even going to address "unstable interpersonal relationships" here, because I could write a book on that topic.
Diet and exercise...meditation, and yoga apply to BPD as well.
Hormones, especially for women, can play a part in both BPD, and bipolar disorder. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/14/2009 6:23:16 PM | | Okay, let's talk to someone who knows first hand about BPD - ME! I was diagnosed back in University 27 years ago. BPD can be hell in a basket until you find the RIGHT psychiatrist for you (I believe I went through 8 before finding one good one). Sure, Lithium is the gold standard for treatment, but not everyone response well to it, and the side effects can be severe. But there are a host of other psychotropic meds out there, and finding the RIGHT combination is crucial and time consuming. But even then it's still worth the effort. But I vehemently disagree with those who say that BP's can't have relationships and can never really accomplish anything. I went on to have a successful career in music as a touring and studio musician, I went back to school and earned my Masters in Psychology, Sociology, and Education over several years, of course. I've had many relationships that have lasted for years, formed a company on my own that I finally sold in 2006, and am looking at starting another. So the notion that BP's are useless doesn't fly with me. Sure, there are some that just give up and that's it. BP's need a strong and solid support system, just like the rest of us in the world. But they have to fight and fight hard to achieve any sort of meaningful recovery. You can't cure it, but you can develop life strategies to deal with it. It's not easy, but it can be done. My experiences are atypical, and yours may vary. But I stand by the declaration that a person can not only live with it, but thrive as well. Many BP's are of above average intelligence, very creative, and not drooling idiots. Remember, there are many variations of the truth. Now go and talk amongst yourselfs. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/15/2009 10:36:20 AM | My response was about the types of behavior that is typical of a borderline type. Distrustful, flipping between putting someone on a pedestal and kicking them to the curb, never truly feeling loved, and as a result, never truly trusting.
BPD types honestly typically do not feel loved, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Bipolar disorder is common to BPDs and enhances the illness. Maintaining treatment of bipolar disorder minimizes the BPD, but doesn't cure it. It sounds like you're well on your way to recovery, first by accepting it as a part of yourself.
I'm not even going to address "unstable interpersonal relationships" here, because I could write a book on that topic.
My last wife taught me to be careful in the future in this area. What I saw of her being in love with me was not much more than a borderline infatuation and also forced an introspective look at my own characteristics, being open to the concept that like can attract like. Our common ground though was that both of us have bipolar disorder, her's being much more accute. When someone feels too much too quickly for me, I back off now, and slow it all down, sometimes to the point of  | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/15/2009 5:05:54 PM | Sounds like a good plan to me, citizen joe....
I like Counsellortroi's post too....I was laughing, because some of what is written is sooo accurate........start relationship.....stop relationship.....rinse....repeat......          
Anyhow....I'm gonna do an oxymoronish thing, and hop the fence for a minute or so.....
Being BPD, as I am....I am still including myself in what I'm about to say....
It's up to US, to protect ourselves from being treated in an unacceptable manner. If "we" are being told that "we" are the problem, and "we" suspect that we aren't, "we" have to look at our behaviour, and if we are convinced that "we" are not the MAJORITY of the problem, "we" should trust our instincts.
Because borderline's are "larger than life", and can be really convincing, breaking up is very hard to do.....
Unfortunately, most of the time, unless one is very skilled and can keep up, (which is still incredibly draining) or the borderline sees the light and makes HUGE changes to their thinking, "we" may win some battles, but we will lose the war.
As the song says..."it's a sad, sad, situation...and it's getting more and more absurd"song by Sir Elton John
Goin' back over the fence now.....
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/22/2009 3:52:36 PM | | My ex suffers from BPD. It's a very difficult illness to deal with if you don't understand it. That is how I ended up with a divorce...I wasn't equipped to deal with it then as bpd's are very abusive and then docile and have a hard time owning up to thier behavior. One of my friends who is a therapist and helped me understand this disorder after the fact put it in very simple terms...I love you I hate you **** me get out. That is bpd in a nutshell. It is treatable but it takes a big heart and the patience of Job to deal with a person with it. If you find yourself in a relationship like that and can get them help great...if not I recomend running the other way...you'll be glad you did. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/22/2009 6:50:18 PM | There was a definitive book on this called The Borderline Personality.
It might be available on Amazon dot com.
Generally the "cutter", those who cut themselves, can be placed in this catagory.
They experience an inability to feel. When they feel the cutting it comes as
a huge relief, just to feel something.
They are attention seekers. A personality disorder cannot be corrected with medications. A personality disorder is a way of interacting with the world
which is dysfunctional. There is generally not much way of changing a personality disorder without a lot of work with professional counselors and psychologists and extreme motivation, which is rare. | |
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| borderline personality disorder-any info?
Posted: 6/23/2009 12:26:07 AM | | sassyaquarius you said it best. I was married to a woman withBPD (dx. by a psychiartist), when we went to counseling, he asked her "what was wrong in the realtionship?" and she said (i am not kidding)"he never cuts the grass enough". I only found out after we were married she was sexually abused as a child. The counseler thought this may have traumatized her to the point where the BPD was developed. No amount of asking, telling her how much I loved her etc... could save the relationship. Less than a year after our divorce, she was married again. Me? Four years single and counting. | |
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