| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 1:44:26 AM | | well i think its up to the individual to decide what they want if everybody is happy where the problem each to their own enjoyment i say (what you think) | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 5:14:59 AM | I would say from the replies I've seen in this thread there have indeed been several posts from swingers, ex swingers, or those who've dabbled in that realm, while the vanilla folks here have missed the clues in their lines altogether. Just like in society itself, they breeze through it pretty quietly while persuing their own lifestyle right under the noses of the rest of the world.
Those who typically live their sexual lives outside the confines of the more socially accepted one on one stuff tend to keep these things mostly to themselves, though not for the reasons the moralistically high and mighty would lead people to believe. Most keep their somewhat adventurous sex lives under wraps to keep the signal to noise ratio down from those holding the opinions so prevalent here in this thread that their dabblings are inherently disgusting or just down right wrong.
It's so common indeed for those outside the swingers realm to comdemn the swingers lifestyle although most of this condemnation will likely be from people who've never experienced any part of that lifestyle. I agree with an earlier poster who compared this phenomenon to homophobia. To anyone who is curious about what that might mean should read some of the common thoughts by psychologists about what leads people to act homophobic.
Now to dispell some of the previously stated BS I've seen here by the "moral high ground crew".
Swinging leads to a need for Sexual Addicts Anon : I'm sure there's a tiny fragment of swingers in that bunch, but as stated earlier, most of the folks you'll find there are those of more abberant sexual practices like pedophiles, child molesters, necrophiliacs and such.
Swinging leads to STDs : Though the more sex one has with the larger number of partners one experiences it with, the odds of becoming infected with an STD does indeed rise. However people in the swinging lifestyle know this too and are typically more cautious about using testing and protection than what I think is more common in the vanilla world. For these folks, contracting an STD also means their lifestyle will be crimped in ways aside from just the infection itself, so protection against STDs carries an even higher priority than with a lot of other people.
Swingers aren't capable of emotional commitment : This misconception speaks most directly to those who are completely clueless about the emotional makeup of this mostly secret segment of society. There are indeed cheaters just wanting to get something outside the bounds of their own committed relationship, yet this is a segment of the swinging world that of itself is looked down upon by the majority of the swinging world.
Swingers who have been in that lifestyle for a long time are ones who are very secure in their love and relationship with their SO and just like having sex with others as well. These folks have a distiction between the lovemaking they experience with their SOs and sex with the partners they meet in the lifestyle which seems to evade most of the people who've posted in this thread.
They typically tend to do their homework before agreeing to even have sex with others in trying to weed out the cheaters, other participants involved in unstable relationships (most of them despise drama just like the bulk of more mainstream society:), those practicing more risky sexual behaviors or those seemingly on the hunt for another mate and not just another sexual partner.
Most swingers aren't looking for acceptance by the vanilla crew, nor do they care about whether these self same individuals understand or approve of their lifestyle. What most of them are about is simply enjoying sex with more partners than the bulk of society feel is justifiable, which is of little relevance to them anyway.
Swinging ? Sure, been there, done that, so go ahead all you morally correct / holier than thou folks and tell me how emotionally or morally bankrupt that makes me. Since you will likely do so from your small minded posture so typically lacking of knowledge about what you're condemning it will be interesting to see what you use as weapons to do so.
Kim | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 5:31:36 AM | Swinging ? Sure, been there, done that, so go ahead all you morally correct / holier than thou folks and tell me how emotionally or morally bankrupt that makes me. Since you will likely do so from your small minded posture so typically lacking of knowledge about what you're condemning it will be interesting to see what you use as weapons to do so.
If you are so comfortable with your lifestyle, then why in the world would you feel a need to post a thread defending it that rivals War and Peace. I'm sure there is also a psychologist that you can visit who would have alot to say about your own defensive behavior.
The point is, regardless of what you do in life, you are always going to find people who have something to say about it. Big ****ing deal, you aren't here to make everyone happy, so get over it and live your life. Are any of these responses really going to stop you from swinging???
I also take offense to the whole vanilla crew bullshit, as if you are some how more enlighten the the rest of the masses because you partake in this type of behavior. Everyone is going to do what is right for them and like I said earlier, as long as you don't endanger someone's life then more power to you. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 5:40:18 AM | ^^^^ So true, hey to each his own, but why knock someone for objecting to swinging for themselves or try to defend it. Maybe they want acceptance, but they have it within their group.
My brother and his wife were into "secret swinging" years ago, and I could care less. They never mentioned it, but I knew it was going on, and I didn't say anything either. None of my business what anyone does behind closed doors. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 6:57:41 AM | "If you are so comfortable with your lifestyle, then why in the world would you feel a need to post a thread defending it that rivals War and Peace. I'm sure there is also a psychologist that you can visit who would have alot to say about your own defensive behavior. "
Who said it is my lifestyle? Try using a bit of reading comprehension skills before playing the assuming game, I'm sure you're aware of where that gets you :>)
Rivaling "War and Peace" ? Have you ever even seen, much less cracked a page of that book ? If so then you shoould understand my above post would hardly even fill one page. Always remember, exageration and sarcasm are the weapons of the weak.
As for a defensive posture in my post, might I suggest that's a perception you have of it, while of itself it's realistically only one possible way to view my comments. My intention was to dispell some previously espoused mistruths, nothing more or less than that. I learned long ago that no one has any responsibilty for how another views ones statements . That lies within the reader/listener and how they view the world relative to their own experiences, not within the speaker. This simple concept will likely evade you as well, but ...... Hi ho.
"I also take offense to the whole vanilla crew bullshit, as if you are some how more enlighten the the rest of the masses because you partake in this type of behavior."
I used the term "vanilla" since that is the term within the swinger realm used to describe those outside that same realm, sorry if that upsets you. Kinda makes me wonder who's being defensive now though, yakno ?
Kim | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 7:50:43 AM | "vanilla crew"?????????????  Oops, must add to my profile that I belong to the "vanilla crew". | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 9:02:20 AM | Kim,
Yes, I have read War and Peace and there is nothing wrong with my reading comprehension, so please don't take digs at my intelligence level. If exaggeration and sarcasm are a sign of the weak, then what exactly is cattiness a sign of??
Perhaps, your post was meant to enlighten; however, the last paragraph was clearly a throwing down of a gaunlet. You don't need a PH.D to comprehend that.
Once again, why would you care what the "small-minded holier then thou" have to say? Why would you even give them that much power? | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 11:17:11 AM | I need to remember not to read these forums when I am at work! That statement made a bit back by Claypot....Inside the box, "who's box"?? OMG Clay! Am still giggling here!
OT:I do not think the fellow chatting about the "lifestyle" was being defensive. In fact, he did offer some insightful knowledge that perhaps a lot of folks are not aware of. I think he was just explaining. Then again, what do I know?lol
As I age and have lived life, (this is difficult to put into words here), I find I truly do not wish to judge others with respect to their sexual appetites. As long as all parties concerned are aware of what is going on and they do not hurt others, I take no issue. Would I do it? Hmmm...not sure to be honest. The situation has never presented. I think it is just like would you bunjee jump, rock climb etc etc. You never know how you will react until the situation presents? Anyone get what I mean from alla this mumbo jumbo?? | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 12:55:27 PM | Take into account, my naivete, in matters related to "current" social/sexual labeling re: swingers vs. vanilla people.
So, I had to Google this....imagine my surprise when I found out that being " a vanilla person" has nothing to do with being Caucasion or ice cream.
You learn something new everyday! Gotta love the forums!
For the record: I'm a monogomous girl and the closest I've gotten to swinging was in a hammock.
Muskoka | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 12:58:35 PM | | Hey Musky? Ya'll have to move closer to me darlin and I can teach you all the latest and greatest sayings! | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 10:15:31 PM | By the way, anyone who has ever looked at porno or ever had a fantasy about being with more than one person has no grounds for talking about these people in a condescending way. In fact, the word “hypocrisy” comes to mind here. I don't think so. I have stood at the edge of a building and wondered what it would be like to jump....but I never did. Does that make me a hypocrite?
You missed the point completely, wttozer. It’s not the act of fantasizing about having sex with people of multiple partners - or as in the case you present, entertaining thoughts of killing yourself – that creates a hypocritical situation.
It’s the next step that is the problem – that of condemning those who do what you dream of doing yourself.
Frankly, I don’t think that comparing sexual desires with suicidal thoughts is a good analogy at all. Sex and violence don’t co-exist except in the minds of emotionally disturbed people. Sex is good; self-destruction is bad – not a good comparison.
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 10:55:29 PM |
Special bond my right ear. I confess. I will be honest...There are women who have been my friends for years and years and years who I am very close to. I never slept with them. I have slept with chicks who I have known for all of 15 minutes though. What kind of bond is that?
If you don't know what the bond is, then you have never MADE LOVE.
I have never slept with anyone out of some imaginary spiritual joining. I have used it and had it used against me as a lever.
Sex is one thing, making love another. You have to experience it to know what it is. If you feel it is an imaginary spiritual joining and merely leverage to use to get laid, then you will never know what to look for. You have already blocked yourself off from the possibility. It's unfortunate some never feel it. It's a shame, really.
Speaking as one who has made love, there IS a difference.
Whether you think you can or you can't, you are probably right.
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 11/30/2006 11:54:35 PM |
Sex is one thing, making love another. You have to experience it to know what it is ... Speaking as one who has made love, there IS a difference.
Apples and oranges. Both are very, very good. Also speaking as one who has made love and had "just" sex.
It's pretty obvious to me that a lot of people glorify their carnal desires in some odd attempt to feel above others (I'm not talking about the lady I quoted; I just grabbed her words as an example.)
In all these forums, so many times I've seen people say they only have sex when they "love" their partner. And then the next ... and the next ... and the next ...
And here I sit - having only "loved" once and maybe never will again - like a stupid slut because I believe casual sex can be healthy and respectful and wholesome, yet have probably have many fewer lovers than the "sacred sex" crowd. What a crazy world. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:07:38 AM | Ha Ha Ha...you guys all crack me up... I cannot believe that only one brave soul has the balls to say he has experienced group sex...where did all the rest of you grow up...you all seem to equate sex with love...like you are all getting any...ha ha ha.
I remember a line a young man told a friend of mine when he let it slip that he was a virgin until he was twenty-three - sucks to be you. ha ha ha.
It sounds to me like you are all a bunch of sexually repressed prudes hiding behind the skirts and pants of intimacy and I don't want to share my partner. They burnt witches didn't they. Okay...so some of you never had the opportunity to engage in group sex...sucks to be you...ha ha ha...
Kudos to those of you expousing the strawberry ice cream theory. To each his own flavor.
To me if you haven't experienced something first hand you should excuse yourself from popping off on the topic. I loved group sex. It was the most intimate sexual experience you could ever have. Pure sensory enjoyment. Lust at its finest. Sex for sex. No oh I love you (male code) lets have sex now crap.
Next you will be saying sex is only for procreation. Ha ha ha you guys all crack me up... | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 2:54:24 AM | The point of all this posting, I thought, is to give our OWN personal opinion.
But I see how hard that is for most to do. What each of us do behind closed doors is personal, whether it be with one or a hundred. The fact that people step forward and open their private world to us, should be rewarding experience. A time we all can learn something new and yes, different.
We may not all agree, but is that really a reason to get on our high horse and condem someone? I think not!
If I dissagreed with more, lol, and some times I do, but I surely don't voice that. I may not like some womans dress in their photo, or a mans choice of motor cycle, but I choose to keep that to myself. A life style is NO different. As long as they are not harming humans or animals, yah I no, sick. LOL. But you get my point.
I've said it before, know one is better than me, nor am I better then them, but how we choose to get along is where it's at.
I can't begin to understand other countries and their way of life, but I would be willing to try with open mind, so why not start right here in my own back yard? Just a thought. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 4:09:46 AM | | no matter what what us guys do you still call us dirty old perves epecially if we dont meet your values,no i am not a swinger but i happen to know alot who have this lifestyle,they are damned if they do and damned if they dont,lol when are women going to stop judging folk.look out side the sqaure box you live in. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 4:19:07 AM | O my  such up in arms over a lil thread! I guess people do get all defensive when it comes to sex, or lack of it | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 5:06:45 AM |
If you don't know what the bond is, then you have never MADE LOVE.
Neither have you. You were just duped by the oppressive and abusive patriarchy. The omnipotent evil men in the world just brainwashed you into thinking that rape is something loving and beautiful.
You have already blocked yourself off from the possibility. It's unfortunate some never feel it. It's a shame, really.
Speaking as one who has made love, there IS a difference.
Whether you think you can or you can't, you are probably right.
If you ever followed my posts, then you would know that it is not me who is blocking off anything. I actually want people to pair up and try to be happy. You are shooting at the wrong target.
The real shame is that I sense that are deserving of someone to care for you. Whatever you do, don't cast your lot with the shriveled souls who can't even contemplate intimacy. Leave them to their cats and Haagen Dazs. You have a chance. Don't waste it. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 6:29:16 AM | I still say this whole thread should go on Jerry Springer to get it straightened out
Everyone trying to prove they are right... sounds like a bunch of teenagers! | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 8:31:06 AM | I dated someone who was a swinger years ago when she was married.
From what I saw of how she felt looking back on her life, she regretted it. She realised later on that she was only in it because she felt pressured by her husband. She has many of the sypmtoms of someone who has been sexually abused.
It might be ok for some, but not all people. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 11:40:49 AM | In the latter posts on this thread, Dawn. marriedwithchildren to name a couple it is good to see some views swing (pun intended!) the other way ...
The "Lifestyle" takes many forms and moves from the extreme left to the extreme right of the spectrum. However, whether one is describing closed polyamory, or 'hard' swinging, the common factors are openness, honesty, & no cheating!
Serial monogamy outside of marriage may be a more politically correct and accepted term than a form of the 'Lifestyle' but when you think about it, and especially if it ends with a 'cheat' situation, it ranks pretty low on the totum pole of acceptable honest relationships .... JMO. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:51:19 PM | | I think there is a difference between just having good sex with someone and making love with someone you are "in love" with. So to me, from one aspect? What is the diff if a couple swings with another for just sex? Both parties are with each other, they have ground rules, key words that stand for no etc etc. If one is single and can have sex with someone just for the pure sexual experience and make love to someone they are in a relationship with, what is the diff? I can and do understand that this is not the "cup of tea for the majority". However, if folks so choose to be open with each other without cheating and are ok with that, then who are we to condemn or judge? I remember back when I was in my 18 year marriage. I so badly wanted sex or to even "make love", just not to the man I was married to as the attraction had long gone. I "almost" cheated, but couldn't go it. Others however, can and do, thus causing emotional hurt. What is the good in that? | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 1:23:43 PM | | What age do we have to be to be able to just experience and enjoy our sexual selves without someone always judging us..............WHEN WHEN.............. I was a good girl all my life......... I am single now and un-attached. Why am I not allowed to have fun.... ! If a man sleeps with women hes a stud when a women does it shes a slut????? HOW COME | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 74 | |
| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 1:28:23 PM |
If a man sleeps with women hes a stud when a women does it shes a slut????? HOW COME
I REALLY believe it is a LABEL used more by women than men.
Some women feel slutty, men don't. | |
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| middle aged swingers ;0p
Posted: 12/1/2006 1:34:01 PM | | I think that some people who get most upset because society is judging them, are really hearing their inner voice, not what others are saying. | |
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