| funny text messages
Posted: 1/24/2007 1:51:27 AM | | woman catches husband cheating.She cuts off his****and runs with it into the road.In a blind rage she throws it at the nearest van.It hits the window, Paddy turns to mickey and exclaims "Holy mother!Have you seen the size of the****on that fly!!" | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 1/24/2007 4:37:23 AM | Just looking through my phone for some good ones.
Jade Goody has released a statement "We ain't fcuking racist - we've got a colour telly"
Steve Irwin died doing what he loved.
Tommy Cooper died doing what he loved.
Don't have a wank tonight
I fear for your safety.
A women standing nude in front of a mirror says "I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly"
Her husband replies "Well your eyesight is fcuking perfect!"
Osama Bin Larden has been arrested in Wales for "worrying" sheep.
His defence, when questioned was that they were Islambs and he could do what he fcuking with them. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2007 1:48:02 PM | Men are like parking spaces. All the good ones are either disabled or taken!  | |
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nic01
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Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 79 | |
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/24/2007 3:41:31 PM | what was tigger doing with his head down the toilet??
LOOKING FOR POOH!!! | |
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Posted: 1/24/2007 3:45:40 PM | Women, like toilet cubicles, come in 3 basic varieties:
Vacant, engaged or full of shît | |
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Posted: 1/24/2007 3:46:57 PM |
Men are like parking spaces. All the good ones are either disabled or taken!
not all of them
@)>-%--------
received this rose from an ex who is still a good friend and it made me smile | |
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Posted: 1/25/2007 10:20:46 AM | Baa Baa bigcock,
have you any sperm,
yes ma'am,
yes ma'am,
2 balls firm,
none for the girlfriend,
none for the ex,
it's all for the dirty slut reading this text!!!  | |
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Posted: 1/25/2007 11:56:31 AM | ere got sum of that toilet duck today bloody useless
im going back to toilet paper | |
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Posted: 2/7/2007 1:28:45 PM | Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed. Little bo peep was givin him head.As soon as he came, she started 2 weep. She knew by the taste he'd been fu**ing her sheep... EWWWW | |
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Posted: 2/7/2007 1:38:34 PM | Last night i wanted you. Needed you so badly that it hurt.
Wanted to taste you.
I wanted you in me so you could work your magic on me...but i couldnt find you.
You stupid..PARACETAMOL!  | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:10:30 AM | First the prostitutes, now the turkeys. The
chances of getting a gobble in Suffolk are
getting quite remote... | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/8/2007 10:14:18 AM | | Cheers you lot, just read all the pages of jokes and they were brill, got tears in my eyes through laughing. nice to read stuff like that instead of reading negative comments | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/8/2007 10:42:15 AM | if you had sex for 365 days of the year collected all the condoms, melted them down and made a rubber tyre, what would you call it?
a FUC KING GOODYEAR!  | |
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Posted: 2/8/2007 1:01:56 PM | | wot is thwe diff between i dont know and nor do i? | |
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Posted: 2/8/2007 1:11:11 PM | Who's the friendliest person in the hospital?
The ultra sound man.
Messages that short can't be posted but I don't know how to better it.
Still no good, how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
That's not funny.
Blimey - ...................................
Oh come on these restrictions are ridiculous I know I write fine words but...
^^ How did she get away with it? | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/8/2007 1:29:33 PM | oh my go i just seen your double, seriously i even shouted your name and everything!
but it just carried on scratching its ass and eating a banana! | |
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Posted: 2/8/2007 2:32:46 PM | | dont blame me...my mate sent this to me yeah...men are like wooden floors, if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them forever. sorry guys..another one my mate kirk sent me....royal mail introduced a new postage stamp, the clitoris, but are having to withdraw it as only 5% of men can lick it properly......he he he. | |
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Posted: 2/9/2007 2:18:35 AM | Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the
ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of
driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract. | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/9/2007 2:36:26 PM | 1) Why are men so bad at sex and driving?
Because the **stards pull out with no thought of who else might be comming!
2) Rocky the rooster was the biggest, meanest rooster in the world and spent his time beatiung the crap out of of all the other animals on the farm.
One day he picked a fight with the farmyard cat. Unfortunately the cat beat the crap out of him.
Moral of the story? No matter how big the co ck is the pu ss y can always take it! | |
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Posted: 2/10/2007 4:58:33 AM | This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, that's how you...eat an ice cream! | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/10/2007 5:14:56 AM | This was sent to me last week by a Man Utd fan, cheeky b4stard -
The super casino in Manchester will provide roullete, poker, slot machines & blackjack, however the crap games will continue to be played next door at the City of Manchester stadium....
We will see when we cost them the league, 2nd to last game of the season there.
5TH MAY 2007 - JUDGEMENT DAY -  | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/10/2007 11:17:17 PM | I just received this one today....
When your having a bad day remember you could be a siamese twin stuck to your gay brother who has a date tonight and you guys only have one ass! | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/12/2007 4:08:58 AM | Just received this one today..
A couple of hunters are in the woods when one of them falls to the floor, he doesnt seem to be breathing! The other guy reaches for his mobile and rings the emergency services, he gasps to the operator 'my friend is dead what can I do? operator says 'just take it easy I can help, first lets make sure he is dead' there is silence then a shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line. He says 'OK now what?' | |
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