| funny text messages
Posted: 2/14/2007 6:44:40 AM | DON'T PANIC!!!! YOU'RE SAFE!!!!
Bernard Matthews is only killing young birds with firm breasts!!!! | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/14/2007 6:53:50 AM | I'm not surprised 95% of people who have been married for more than 50yrs, still holding hands in public.
I hold my wife's hand all the time. Its's the only way to keep it away from my wallet..
My wife doesn't like the old car i got her, she wants something that goes from 0 to 140 in 3seconds, so i got her some bathroom scales..
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/14/2007 7:32:45 AM | | A little boy is playing with his trains, mum overhears him say "All you b***ards getting off, F*** off, All you B***ards getting on you better f***ing hurry up". Mum sends him to his room for 2 hours untill he learns to be nice. 2 hours later mum hears him saying "Those disembarking please mind the step & have a nice day. Those boarding, please enjoy your journey, and those upset at the 2 hour delay, blame that fat c*** in the kitchen! | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/15/2007 7:07:12 PM | You like fcuk dumb a is who person retarded another to it send now.
This read to trying time fcuking your took you.
(Now read it backwards)  | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:40:27 AM | Just got this 1 from a fellow fishie:
Dear madam, we have had your profile on our system for 29 weeks now without any response, would you like us to try a week without your photo?
Regards, Admin @ www . adultdating . com
I found it funny! | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 2/22/2007 9:39:18 AM | Received on New Years Eve
'To all my dear friends who sent me their best wishes for 2006, it did f**k all so for 2007 could you please send either money, alcohol or vouchers. Cheers.' | |
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Posted: 2/22/2007 10:03:44 AM | got this yesterday:
Why do cows always look bored when being milked?
If someone woke you up at 4 am, rubbed your tits, and you didnt even get a shag, you'd bee pissedoff too.
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? | |
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Posted: 2/23/2007 3:22:13 AM | Man and wife sitting with a bottle of wine, when he says " I bet you cant tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time" Wife thinks for a moment, then says -
"Your willy is bigger than your brothers" | |
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Posted: 3/1/2007 3:13:46 AM | Man comes home drunk one night, tip toes up the stairs, crawls into bed, and goes down on his wife, after 15 mins the wife comes and growns happily.
The husband feeling all chuffed goes to the loo and is suprised to see his wife sitting on the loo "what the fukk..!!" he starts, "shoosh!" says the wife, "you'll wake ur mum, she's staying in our bed tonight your on the sofa"
eeew! | |
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Posted: 3/1/2007 3:11:34 PM | | you've got the biggest fuckin mouth goin i cant believe you went and told everyone my buisness! i told u not 2, thought i could trust u! wat the f... were u playin at? now everyone knows just how sexy i am! send this to all the sexy ppl u know if u get 3 bk... ur sex on legs | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 3/1/2007 3:27:53 PM | Congratulations from www.sweetshop.com
You have won the weight of your D*** in sweets. To collect your Tic_tac please contact us at www.tinyknob.com
Sent this to someone who was in the army a couple of years back. He then texts me back saying 'right im online, what shall i do now?'
Aww bless him
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Posted: 3/1/2007 3:32:04 PM | I tend to push my mouth down the top...suck very slowly, lick around the top....enjoying every second, then i bite the top and suck the creme...Cadburys Creme Egg .. how dya eat yours!
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Posted: 3/1/2007 3:40:36 PM | | Police in Liverpool have arrested 3 of 4 known Islamic Terrorists. Bin Muggin, Bin Thievin & Bin Dealin. Sadly, there was no sign of Bin Workin | |
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Posted: 3/2/2007 9:31:05 AM | We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed the definition is below...
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume
and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls
to say: "You're next."
There is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
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| funny text messages
Posted: 3/2/2007 11:42:07 AM | Why do women give men thrush?
To let them know what its like living with an irritating c**t!
Sorry that's a bit disgusting. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2007 6:45:03 AM | We are now going to upgrade your sex life. Please wait...
searching.......
searching.......
still searching.........
ERROR-NO SEX LIFE FOUND
sorry mate keep w@nking | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 3/13/2007 6:58:33 AM | An octopus walks into a bar and says that he can play any musical instrument in the world, someone passes him a trumpet and off he goes and plays his heart out, even better than Louis Armstrong. Next up he gets passed a violin, and once again he plays it better than any classically trained musician.
Finally he gets given a set of bag pipes, after 10 minutes of looking at it and running his tentacles over it, the barman says to the octopus, so can u not play it? The octopus replies, play it? Once I find out how to get these pyjamas off I am gonna F**k her brains out. | |
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Posted: 3/13/2007 8:12:15 AM | Sorry i've not been in touch, i've been in a strawberry crushing competiton in the south of france. i can 2nd, a women with no legs won it........jammy c**t !!
Sum1 told me u were 2faced but i stuck up for u i said BULLSH1T ! i said if u had 2 faces why the feck would u use the ugly one all the time !!!
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Posted: 8/13/2007 5:05:19 PM |  !in me done totally has reply the doing But .! .sense made all It  "BINGO" Then  ,hand my in spliff a put someone then , ages for didn't i admit Must. . it got I   | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 8/13/2007 5:27:54 PM | How do you keep a moron in suspense?
Naturally you don't send another text giving the answer | |
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Posted: 8/13/2007 10:25:46 PM | a mouse finds a viagra tablet on the floor and eats it. 10 minutes later he's struttin round the place shouting...WHERE'S THE F**KIN **** NOW!!
Mourinho's put in the world's biggest order for viagra. No matter how hard he tries he can't get beyond a semi!!
2 irishmen in the pub, Pat says 'if i sh*g ur misses and she has a kid, will that make us related?' 'No' says Mick "But it'll make us even!!'
Son asks his dad the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'. Dad said thats hard but i have an idea. Ask ur mum if she wud sleep wiv the milkman for 1 million quid.
um said yes. Dad said ask ur sister if she'll sleep wiv the coalman for 2 million quid. Sister said yes. Well son there's ur answer, theoretically we're sittin on 3 million quid, but realistically we're livin wiv 2 sl*gs!
What does a 9 volt battery and a womans as*hole have in common? You know it's wrong but sooner or later you r goin to touch it wiv ur tongue...
Wife reads an article, "wow a bull can have sex 3000 times a year.. i wish u could do the same" hubby replies, "ask the bull if he f**ks the same old cow'.
why r men so bad at sex n driving? because they always pull out wiv no thought of who else might b comin!! | |
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Posted: 8/14/2007 12:34:08 AM | BBC News Report.
The BBC News has just reported a Ugly fooker on the loose,
A Million pounds Reward,
You know i need the money,
WHERE THE FOOK ARE YA???
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ste_13
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Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 123 | |
| funny text messages
Posted: 8/14/2007 12:40:33 AM | police have found a body in (a local) park. reports say it was a male, who was ugly as sin and had a very small penis......
please text me back so i know you're ok | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 8/14/2007 1:08:44 AM | | Hi...this is your mobile phone. No, you haven't got a message, I just wanted you to take me out of your pocket cos your c*ck stinks! | |
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| funny text messages
Posted: 8/14/2007 1:26:12 AM | i have two........
1. today is "Friends you can keep" day, and just wanted you to know i'd like to F. U. C. K. you forever.
{think about it)
2. today is national idiots day, send this to as many idiots as you can.................. i did my bit. | |
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