| funny text messages
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:15:10 PM | spider spider on the wall,
you think your smart you know **** all,
your on the wall that's just been plastered
now your stuck you stupid **stard | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:47:37 PM | old lady goes to the doc and says she wants viagra for her husband
doc says it comes in 3 strenghths
25%, semi hard
50%, very hard
100%, rock hard
she says 25% will do,its only to stop him pissing on his slippers | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:51:18 PM | 2 irish couples agree to swap partners for the night
after 3 hours of amazing sex paddy says to murphy
i wonder how the women are getting on | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:40:57 AM | I've just answered the door to a 6 foot beetle who smacked me round the head and told me to fcuk off! Apparantly, there's a nasty bug going round. | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:54:26 PM | | dont know why, but this one tickled me... Larry Laprise, who wrote "the hokey kokey" died aged 93. the traumatic part was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in & thats when the trouble started... | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:33:33 AM | Too often we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures. Remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and slap the tw*t!
**********************************************************************
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the Hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations"
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.
"SHIT" said the Hypnotist............
..............It took three days to clean up the Senior Center
>> | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:14:02 AM | | a man,s peeing in a public toilet when a midget walks in and sets up a step ladder. The man looks down & saw the midget staring at his balls, "excuse me" said the midget, i was admiring you,re balls, mind if i hold them? why not, said the man,The midget grabs his balls and says " now give me you,re wallet, or i,ll jump!. | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/27/2008 2:09:26 PM | Think this might get deleted but oh well
A cat falls into a deep puddle,
The rooster falls about Laughing,
Moral of the story......
A wet pu$$y makes a C.ock Happy!!
Then ur meant to pass it on to 8 people or have bad sex for ever!!
LOL | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:24:56 PM | Text messages are an abomination...and a sign of the Apocalypse.
Umm..since I'm an anti-theist and I don't believe in an Apocalypse...I guess they are just really bad.
And not funny. | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/28/2008 8:20:46 AM | | I had a really funny one from an ex once, it said f**k off. But one that I had at Christmas said "what do gorillas sing at Christmas....Jungle Bells" | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/29/2008 11:16:45 AM | Received this joke via text today.....................
A policeman on a horse stops a young girl who's riding a bike and asks , ' Did Santa get you that bike ?'
'Yes ' replies the girl.
The policeman fines her five quid and says ' Next time tell him to fit some lights on it'
The girl looks at the policeman and asks, ' Did Santa get you that horse ?
'Yes' laughed the policeman , ' Why ?'
'Well next time ' , she says , ' tell him the d*i*c*k goes underneath the horse and not on top'. | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/29/2008 11:32:10 AM | Sorry no slur intented, so please do not slate me....
Hot in on the phone this evening
Raj was trying to get into the UK legally.
The officer said, "You have to pass a test to enter, you have to make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green".
Raj replied, "The telephone goes green-green and I pink it up and say Yellow".
Raj now works at a F***ing call centre near you!
 | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/29/2008 11:54:32 AM | | A middle aged woman says to her husband , ' A young man at work says I have the breasts of an 18 year old girl' . The husband frowns at her and asks, ' What did he say about the 55 year old t*w*a*t ?' She looked at him and replied , ' Oh , you weren't mentioned' | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 1/29/2008 2:01:36 PM | A duck is standing at the side of the road waiting to cross.
A chicken walking past leaned into the duck and said, "Don't bother Mate, You'll never hear the effin end of it!" | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:05:00 AM | Blonde wife painting house
husband walks in and cant believe shes doing so well. But has to ask her why shes wearing a leather jacket & a parka, she said hello.. read the fvcking tin it says for the best results put on 2 coats.
| |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 2/16/2008 9:28:07 AM | I hate (HATE) joke texts sent to me. My cousin makes it her business to send me them. I tell her to f*** off from sending me them but they still arrive. About as funny as a burning orphanage. Delete them without reading them.
So no. I don't have any. Yet. | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:23:29 PM | This is the most horrible, twatting, pratting about and the most unfunny txt message i have ever received in my whole entire txtn life.
'What do you call a cross between a Woman and a Man?'
A Woman. | |
|
| funny text messages
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:22:53 AM | | Jack was dying, his wife Becky was by his bedside.."Becky" he says, in a tired weak voice "I have something to confess" "Shhhh" she replies "theres nothing to confess everything is alright..".. "no i must die in peace.. I shagged your sister, your cousin , your mother, your auntie and the next door neighbour.." Becky leans forward stroked his brow and whispered.."I know you b@stard, thats why i poisoned you..." | |
|
Home
login 
