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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:15:22 AM | | Misc. Deva I could not have said that better myself. I have encountered men hiding behind that "Nice" label and in reality not being nice at all. Case in point is a man who claims he is a christian and a very nice guy. He is articulate, romantic, knows all the right things to say. However in actuality he has power issues and feels her world needs to revolve around him. On the surface anyone meeting him would find him charming and kind. In time he cannot keep the facade going and his needs to control come to the surface. Yes I want a nice guy over a bad guy.. but at least the bad guy does not pretend to be something he is not. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/26/2007 7:39:04 PM | I actually want a honest guy who lets me have my own life, and who wants to share it, and let me share in his. Of course I would like him to be interested in some of things I am interested in.
As for money or material things...that isnt the basis. I want someone who works for a living...I dont want to be a guys mommy. I also like a guy with goals. As for money, it's not a a priority. | |
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LadyNZ
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Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 328 | |
| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:04:47 AM | | I definitely prefer nice guys. I think the problem is that nice guys are often a wee bit shy and are less likely to come over and say hi. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/31/2007 7:29:32 AM | I'm a nice gal looking for a nice guy. I love being treated with respect and kindness. I think it's hard to find a nice guy out there now, since so many men I date end up being jerks.
Applications for nice guys age 50-63 living close to me being taken here...... | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 1/31/2007 10:49:17 AM | | I think women want a nice guy with a little bad boy thrown in. If it gets too bad I just throw them out!! | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/1/2007 3:54:39 AM | I think women fantasize about being able to turn a bad boy nice
and while a bad boy is exciting for awhile
a good man is what you want to come home to and grown old with. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/1/2007 3:54:03 PM | I don't think all women want a bad boy, but I think we all want to think our man could protect us if the chips were down. Yes, there has to be some physical attraction. But everyone is not all attracted to the same things.I am short, but I like my men tall. I am big and prefer a big man. It is disappointing to me when I realize I am not attractive to someone, but I understand. I may be big, but can not be attracted to horribly overweight. I like thick. Maybe we search for what we don't see in ourselves. I am working on being healthy, but even when I reach my goal, my opinion will still not be justified. Of Coarse, if the persons personality is morally disgusting, it doesn't matter how attractive they are on the outside.
Main point: we want protection, at least mildly attractive to us, and a good heart
IT'S ALL OR NOTHING | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:42:13 PM | You make a great point here Tampa Lady when you say, "The advice: Start dating Bad Boys. The chemistry will be outrageous and after you’ve had your heart and soul trampled a couple of times, you’ll learn to appreciate and be attracted to nice guys, again."
But then women will say after the date with some nice guys, "He was nice but I didn't FEEL anything" or "He was boring"
On a positive note: It's a exiciting time now in the dating world because more and more nice men are learning how to attract women. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/5/2007 10:45:33 PM | | I forgot to add: This is for the men on the forum....... Guys when you hear women say they want a nice guy that means. THEY WANT a nice guy who is a real man who knows how to attract women. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/6/2007 10:03:14 PM | HAHA, this topic reminds me of that Seinfeld episode, "Its not you its me". "You're a really nice guy". More horrid words have never been spoken or so it would seem. What it really means it that she probably really didn't exactly tell you what she was looking for, and you didn't ask and that leads to the whole "I like you like a brother" speech.
It depends on what they want, you should be able to figure out on date #1 if she is shallow, a gold digger, a player, or whatever. One date. By date three, you better have figured out what she is ACTUALLY looking for.
As it is out there, there are freaks of every persuasion in all six sexes (male, female, gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered). If she is asking for something you can't give, cut her loose and move on. No woman "wants" a nice guy. No woman really finds a nice guy attractive because the term nice guy has been equated with "passive wuss".
What they really want is a well rounded, even mannered (notice I didn't say mild mannered) person who will treat them well. Also remember that women just vent when they are talking. Do not under any circumstance help them with their problems unless they specifically ask you to. Example - She is having problems with her boss at work and asks your opinion. She is asking for your opinion, not for you to fix it. Do not go beat the heck out of her boss to "fix" the problem, that isn't what she asked for.
I could have the most lovely conversation when I was married. I would come home and just say one simple sentence, "So honey, how was your day?", then I could sit back and just listen and not say one intelligent thing for an hour and a half. But you better damn well sure make absolutley sure you are paying attention, because there will be pop quizzes during that hour and a half.
One of the biggest problems facing people today is that if they get to be say 35 and have either never married or were in horrible marriages and are dating again, the pool of "good ones" is very limited. After my divorce, at 38, I was approached by and dated a 23 year old exclusively for a year and a half. She knew there was no way I would ever get remarried. Divorce = you lose half your stuff. Divorced a second time = you lose half of half your stuff leaving you with 1/4 of your original amount.
The problem is many people either demand to get remarried, as they equate marriage as actually meaning something, because after all, if it really meant something, why are you divorced in the first place? Either a.) you didn't do your homework and just "got married" in the first place, or b.) thought the grass was greener on the other side of the street and now found out it wasn't and now you are afraid of sleeping alone for the rest of your life. Don't worry it gets easier. The 23 year old I dated wondered why she had never been able to find someone her age that treated her the way I did. Its simple, how many 23 year old guys do you know that have it all figured out and are ready to settle down? Those that do are already settled down b 23. I know I was. Then by the time I was 38 and divorced, I realized I didn't have a clue. Its been almost three years since things went south for me and I'll tell you, it gets easier living alone. Funny thing is there are plenty of crazies out there and eventually you get tired of trying to sort them all out. The best you can do is get a good radar going to look out for the crazies, gold diggers, game players, and "MARRY ME MARRY ME OR YOU DON'T LOVE ME" ones. And this was not aimed at women, there are plenty of men that fall into those categories too.
Look at it this way dude, men as a rule of thumb start dropping like flies starting in their late 40's to early 50's. By the time you are say 55-60, you can date all the 55-70 year old women you want! Or, try moving somewhere that the women to men ratio is skewed really bad in your favor. I hear Chicago and Montreal are two good places to meet well educated beautiful women. Keep in mind it gets to be -40 up there so I'll sacrifice love for being able to sit on the beach and watch the sunset in January without having to wear a coat. Yep, the older you get, the more you find out, you can live without 'em... | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/8/2007 7:55:33 AM | From my experience, its seems that most women crave the excitement and thrill of being with a bad boy and have no time for a guy who would treat them with respect.
Many a time I have seen women out with men who not only treat them with disrepect when they're together but chat up other women right under their girlsfriends noses and she sits there and accepts it.
I agree that some nice guys, as stated earlier, can be shy in asking someone out but is this because they think a girl is only interested in a bad boy? | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/8/2007 8:34:19 AM | Seems to me that most 'real women' want a man. Not a [favorite adjective] guy, not a [favorite adjective] boy, but a man. With all that that's supposed to entail.
Today, that usually means.... (if you yourself disagree with any one of these, but generally agree in principle with what I'm aiming at here, don't bother arguing on a pt-by-pt basis!).
A man who can be protective
A man who stands above other men in some fashion or other
(not necessarily physically, but you get the point)
A man who is responsible (or can be when he wants to, even if he seems reckless)
A man who lives an adventurous life (or can, or did before even if he doesn't today)
A man who has achieved some success (or is clearly on the path to do so)
A man who knows how to make women feel... certain things...
A man who knows how to stand on his own feet but also enjoys a woman with him
A man who exemplifies certain virtues (like honesty, integrity, respect, etc)
-- but ALSO who carries a certain air of mystery & unpredictability.
And more.
All women idealize the concept of a man who will treat them well, but often the type of man who advertises that he's a nice guy comes attached with personality traits that turn them off (such as the antithesis of any of the above, amongst others).
(Obviously this sort of thing applies when we reverse genders and talk about the common patterns there too).
Thing is -- it's hard to argue with (1) DNA, (2) unconscious attraction patterns, & (3) behavior.
After all, behavior is a much more honest form of communication, than words. I'm not even saying everyone's a liar -- I don't believe that's true. What I believe is that most people don't know themselves as well as they think.
Men & women both... look & listen to what people do, more than you do to what people say. The truth lies therein. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/9/2007 3:36:29 PM | | women like bad boys....either you got it or you dont. some ( me ) , cant help it. its just a part of you. you can try as hard as you can to be good, but the bad always finds its way to you. be happy your a nice guy. find you a good girl. theyre out there. and whats wrong with that kind of woman suthrncharm? you just gotta know how to tame her, which obviously you dont......too bad | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/9/2007 6:46:17 PM | | I am a nice guy, but everytime I go to talk to a female, they give me a dirty look & walk away. I am getting the same reaction as a guy who is a jerk, so being shy has nothing to do with it. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:17:56 PM | | Well I gotta say I usually don't post on these things. I earned the nickname friendly Phil in San Diego when I lived there. I am always there when someone needs something. I am polite, kind, gentle and would also be willing to give up anything for the one I loved literally. I had what I think was a nice girlfriend. She earned her own living, had her own house, took care of her kids well and was an independent woman. She was always so busy she didn't really have time for the things like working in the yard and stuff. I just happen to love yard work so I offered to come up and do it for her. She had reasons for me not doing it. For instance she didn't know if she could be there or what. So I said just point me out what you want done in the yard and go and take care of your business with your kids or whatever. When I get it done I know my way home. You know I was just trying to make something in her life a little easier. She never said but I got the impression she felt like I had some other motive for doing it and she didn't let me. That's the way it always seems to be. I just wanted to do something nice and help out. I didn't want anything at all in return for it. I could tell you a hundred stories very similiar to this one. It always happens these days. People just don't understand us nice guys because they are so used to people wanting something in return I think. Its really to bad that society has come to the point that people find it so hard to believe that someone just wants to help out to be nice and expect nothing in return. My mom is 84 and dad 87 I was raised to be nice and help a friend or neighbor when they needed it just because it was the right thing to do. Now apparently I am such an oddball it makes me look like I'm after something just because I want to make someone's life a little easier. Its sad really. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/9/2007 7:41:57 PM | | I met a woman on myspace. we chatted for 3-4 months, a few time a week on the phone. then after the 1st meet, never hear from her again. was nice, caring, made her laugh, and all the fun stuff. but was not up on her looks side. why is that women want a model all the time? cant fault them, much, bur know some women who are 400+ lbs, and think they can get any guy they want. then the ones I do get to know, cheat. WTF? My saying that I use all the time is: Single, happy and half-a**ed looking. meant that if i find someone, sweet, if not, no loss. Ive almost given up looking, so many fake women out there, that put up a font, then find out later that they are psycho. Still hopeful ill find someone though. anyone have a friend? heh | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/13/2007 9:39:30 PM | Here's the honest truth about men and women when it comes to nice guys and nice girls. Inside each and everyone of us has a whore inside. It's just that people have a better way of keeping it in. The reason why it seems that girls love the a**holes is because of the fact that well, he is an a**hole but an a**hole who pleases her in bed.
80% of those people say they prefer personality before looks are liars. Unless that ugly dude with a great personality has an amazingly large you know what. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/13/2007 10:11:23 PM | Yea man I know. Most women seem to want ***holes only and material shit. Hey dude, im me and lets talk about it some because its a topic I would also like to vent on myself.
Its so frustrating isn't it? | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/14/2007 2:30:06 AM | i think it all depends on not only the guy, but on the woman as well.
now, for me.. i would love to be able to find a nice and decent guy. they're very hard to come by. it just gets so frustrating after a while, because so many guys think it's okay to talk down to women or to act as if their feelings or opinions don't matter. i dunno... maybe i've just had some shitty luck. *g*
hell if anyone knows a nice guy here in florida, send him my way!  | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/14/2007 3:20:41 AM | | I prefer to be with a compassionate honey of a guy as opposed to an arrogant , narcissistic jerk . Nice guys are tough to find.Where are you? | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/14/2007 7:31:09 AM | Most women dont know what they want,, or it changes from day to day, WE have all heard the headline "looking for a nice guy,,, no game players etc" but in reality they refuse to talk to a nice guy or a non game player. I think most men and women have to go through a "cleansing" so to speak and it may take years to do this so they can be truthful with themselves.
Some men I know though just want to have sex with no commitment,, and are growing old,,, and will probably die alone,, but its their choice. And women are so tired of getting burned,,,
Welcome to the dating world,,, all I can say. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/14/2007 3:57:33 PM | | Yeah I know just what you mean ,sometimes I feel like nice guys end up inheriting the leftover baggage from the past miss-deeds of others (the so called bad boys) who do often to have ulterior motives. Hard to get past it though, I guess its best to just move on you can't un-spoil the fruit. | |
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| Do women really want a nice guy?
Posted: 2/14/2007 4:14:29 PM | Women if you want nice guys then answer me on these three questions. I have a degree in engineering, I have raised my children with my ex. I dont need a mother, dishwasher, cook, laundry service or maid. I am quite capable in handling these endeavors. It still amazes me the rules that applied in high school still apply 20 years later after my divorce and thus the questions:
1. If nice guys qualify, why before i loaded my pic on the website I would have emails flying back and forth. Now since the pic is loaded identifying me as a geek with glasses, and i think thats ok by the way, I only get two responses I initiated from two women who see past the looks and not seeking the stud pumping weights 3 hours aday, living on body building vitamins, and sometimes taking steroids. And then, this is the kicker, they are confused why they sleep around and move on. Becaused they can, women are wating in the wings to fix and change him.
2. Why is it if girls want sya they want an intelligent mate, I design websites and computer programs so I think that qulifies, they choose the guy whose interests include beer belching, hanging out with the guys 3 nights a week, and read the sports page of the local paper first. I play tennis, golf, read, and want to talk politics. These however normally dont receive pondering answers back. Again they (women) think they can fix him and he will change if they just tweak his buttons right. He then becomes bored and moves on- again because he has someone waiting in the wings ready to step up to the plate.
3. Finally if looks dont matter why then is it more important to know whether I tan, have hair on my chest (whats that all about) and i should shave it, and my dress style should conform to GQ magazine. I dress professionally, dont do the hair gel, dont wear an ear ring, and have no tattoos. For that I am considered weak, close minded, boring and lack Testosterone. All of these of course are incorrect but the women again want the bad boy. Even if he is a bartender, making no money, rides a street bike, and treats them like crap. Again they will fix and change him if they tweak it just right.
Your responses are appreciatted and welcome but this nice guys with girls definately at this point still doesnt work. Look at Beauty and the Geek, they didnt call it Beauty and the Stud because we already know thats what most girls want up front. Oh they may settle for the nice guy eventually. I dont need someone to settle for me as I am doing just fine. | |
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