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 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 51
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girlPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Actually, I was referring to the big picture and not the deaf issue.
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 52
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 11:04:30 AM
Ok, i'm back to reply my opinion and my point of view. Let it be said most guys- i'm sorry guys but you are asses. sure you'll approach a girl and talk to her but after you realize that it'll take some work and some time and patientence- youre gone.... like there is no tomorrow. :) I throughly enjoy meeting a lot of people and watch people make asses of themselves, but i must admit too, i am not perfect. I have a CI as well, and it helps me hear about 80 percent of everything that goes on in my background. let's call it *surround sound* so yes, i have headaches like normal people, yes I get sick of people. One thing I love taking for granted is the ability to watch people without making a sound, and analyze them to death. I understand body langauge better than any hearing person could- I could interpret any given gesture a thousand different ways. One thing i've noticed as well is that I have greater senses than the one I lost, so the way I smell- is 100 times greater than what you smell *think of the worst smell you've smelled- times that roughly by 100 times. think of what I see, think of what I can feel? these things are all the senses of life. when you lose one sense everything else makes up for it. maybe it scares fellas that this girl happens to understand more about guys than any other girl they've dated *no wonder body langauge* :)
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 53
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 1:51:34 PM
goofy,

You're making generalizations. You know better than that.

I wouldn't have any problem dating a deaf woman if she and I had things in common.

As I stated earlier in this thread, a good friend of mine dated a deaf woman for quite a while and she taught me sign. I would have loved to have dated her, except for the fact that she and my friend were already together.

So, goofy, please stop living up to your POF handle.

All guys aren't "as ses" anymore than all women are "total b itches".
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 54
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 2:26:23 PM
whoa whoa whoa- true i was making "sterotypes" but u men whine and complain about us women and how mean we are and all that so.
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 55
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:05:39 PM
goofycutie21,

I've made hundreds of posts on this site and I have never once "complained about the meaness of women," etc. More than once, I've been on the side of women in an argument. I've defended many concerns and issues important to women.

I am complaining about you in this particular instance, but what I'm complaining about is your immaturity and stereotyping.

Too many interesting and thought-provoking threads have been derailed by people "name-calling" or "stereo-typing", however, this is the first that I've encountered where the originator of the post does the derailing.

When I noticed this thread, I was impressed with you and thought you were looking for a good discussion of ideas.

Now you're letting me down. Please goofycutie, be a little more mature and don't "stereotype" people. That's just wrong.

Let's all treat each other respectfully and maturely, then we can all learn and benefit from these forums.
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 56
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:08:54 PM
i'm mature and yes i was looking for a good disscussion and good ideas. it is true that some guys do those things but i've encountered many, many great guys that don't. youre right, i shouldn't have done that, and for that i apologzie
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 57
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:12:25 PM
Forgiven and I apologize for getting huffy.

Sometimes I allow myself to get bent out-of-shape over small statements.

I guess that I'm a sensitive guy at the worst times.


Joking aside, I really think that you could give all of us some interesting ideas to consider and discuss. So keep posting!



Mark
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 58
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:21:20 PM
Its ok........ are there any SWEET guys that'd date me? lol?
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 59
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:31:25 PM
If you were a little older and a little closer, I'd probably chase you around the block.


Hmmm............Still, I'm sure there are at least a few such guys wandering around near you. Good luck!
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 60
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:46:31 PM
aww how sweet mark.
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 61
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:51:30 PM
Twern't nothing ma'am................
 jpl3447
Joined: 2/5/2005
Msg: 62
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 7:33:30 PM
Today I got a newsletter from my audiologist and I learned something quite interesting. People with normal hearing can hear 'automatically'. People like goofycutie and me have to concentrate in order to hear what is going on. At the end of the newsletter it said that is someone ever says to you "You can hear me when you really want to" that they should be corrected and told, "No, you mean I can hear you when I really work at it."

I am very visual also and have saved quite a few people's butts by telling them "Don't go there" or "Watch out!" Its not just that though. For example, I have a cat. If I see my cats ears perked up, theres a good chance the phone is ringing or someone is knocking on the door. She is in a sense, my hearing aid animal.

I am too shy to watch someone and analyze them when they are close around but I might when I am like up in the 4th floor of a tall building looking out. I am already intuitive about body language and have developed a calm demeanor because I get so many mixed signals from people and what they are really saying, that I usually effect a lackdaisical approach towards a situation. As long as a desirable outcome is reached I don't usually worry about what people are thinking in the meantime. If they are well adjusted they will be ok. If they aren't, how is blaming me for anything going to help?

I have suspected that some girls shy away from ever having a serious relationship with me because of the way I approach things. (BTW the women here on the forums have been awesome! Thanks for all your kind emails and support! I know I will find someone one day!) Its sad but at the same time my deafness is probably doing some weeding out of its own in the dating pool. Which can't be bad, right? Everybody is looking for someone with some qualities they desire, right?

Ok I am outta here
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 63
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 8:00:50 PM
Just to add to the thought from the previous post.

I've always thought that although people with "normal" hearing "pick-up" more sound than those who are "hearing impaired", the deaf people and people with "hearing hardware" actually perceive more simply because they have to actually think about what they are hearing or not hearing. They have to make the most of the sensory input that they do receive.

My point being is that in some instances, the deaf actually have an advantage.

At one point in my life, I received some training that required that I operate "blind". I had to learn to make the most of my hearing. So I actually spent a good deal of time learning to maximize my hearing to compensate for "blind-running". It was amazing to me, the things that I had always received, but not actually heard.

Oh, that advantage thing goes for the blind as well as the deaf.

It's really something when someone who has all of their senses makes full use of them. Of course, we're all so lazy that we don't make full use of any resource we have.

Just a thought.
 jpl3447
Joined: 2/5/2005
Msg: 64
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/4/2005 8:19:34 PM
That is very interesting. I had never considered that before, Mark. I must constantly check myself to verify that what I am hearing, is indeed what I am hearing. Yes, in some instances since I am carefully listening I can determine when someone means what they say and when they don't. This translates over to the written word as well. I can see clues in what someone writes that indicate they didn't look at a persons profile or a person forums post. Somehow the way the brain is hardwiring itself affects not just my sensory perception but the way I learn my lessons from it as well.

This also may explain some of my lackdaisical attitude. Since I am and have been putting effort into listening, I become fatigued and therefore less concerned about the little things people say and focus more on learning from other, less fatiguing avenues, such as books or what will happen if I push that button

Good thoughts
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 65
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/5/2005 4:18:52 PM
I will actually anaylze people- I do it all the time, even without thinking... maybe its because my job requires it LOL... that could explain why i'm doing so well w/ my job :) I defiently do check myself to make sure i'm listening. and am heard? if that makes sense? I defiently used to put myself into books so i wouldn't have to listen all the time.... but now that i'm older and i want to connect more with people i find myself often trying to understand what goes on around me.... :) it just depends on how i feel and whats going on aorund me and how tired i feel.
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 66
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/5/2005 4:28:05 PM
There was an exercise that I learned once. It involved blocking out all the senses but one and then gathering as much sensory info as you could.

It was actually difficult to block the other senses, but when you did, you picked up all sorts of things with the one.

I then applied a variation of this exercise in my sex life. Women I've dated over the years go nuts when I stimulate their various senses in an erotic manner, while their other senses are blocked. Sight, sound, smell, taste, and then touch..............

ALL of our senses are just incredible and they should all be appreciated and fully used.

Okay, I'm starting to go off topic, but I had an interesting afternoon and am in an odd mood.

 jpl3447
Joined: 2/5/2005
Msg: 67
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/5/2005 4:35:26 PM
In one of Tom Clancy's books there is a sensory deprivation tank. In it the subject would be placed in a flesh fitting body suit, attached to breathing apparatus and then submerged into a tank of water that was maintained at a temperature that was not noticeable. Then, after hours of submersion the subject would start experiencing stark terror, not knowing where he/she was or what was going on. Then an interrogator would speak in a low voice and slowly start coaxing information out the the suspect. The longest anyone could stay in one of those is 24 hours. That is hell, I think.
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 68
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/5/2005 4:39:39 PM
I had to deal with something like that during some of my earlier training. Don't ask.

Those tanks have gone out of fashion, but they are still used by some colleges. They were used to help people "separate" themselves from the sensations of the flesh and have visions, etc. Similar to Amerindians and their use of things like Peyote.

Oh, have you seen "Altered States"? It's a great movie about perception, sensory and otherwise. It centers around a sens. dep. tank.
 justaguy13
Joined: 11/13/2004
Msg: 69
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/5/2005 4:43:58 PM
I have nothing against a deaf person. Wouldn't bother me at ALL. However, I don't know ASL and I don't know SEE so if I DID encounter a deaf person, it would be almost impossible to get even to the flirting "whatcha all about" stage to even see if it would be worth dating them or pursuing them. Why? Because I can't learn either of those methods of communication on the spot. I'd have to go study for weeks to be able to communicate in either of those languages.

And.....off topic....to JPL and Goofie....do you see any advantages to ASL over SEE? My ex learned SEE as part of her job at a home for deaf, partially blind, autistic young adults.
 jpl3447
Joined: 2/5/2005
Msg: 70
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/5/2005 4:49:10 PM
Mark -- No I havnt seen that movie Altered States. I will as soon as I can

Justaguy -- I don't know sign at all, sadly enough. I am profoundly deaf but retain enough of my residual hearing to use hearing aids and therefore speak. Normally a person like me should know sign but my parents decided that I would try to learn auditorially and take speech therapy. I am not sure if Goofie knows sign I forget.
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 71
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/5/2005 5:30:46 PM
My parents chose the sign and oral method. I learned how to sign when i was 15 months- yes adorable baby signs. :) Then when i was about 4 i started preschool with 5 other deaf kids- and thats when i learned SEE- i still use some of it. When i became 6, my parents got me a cochlear implant that opened up a new world of hearing to me. Thats when my parents got into "let's get our kid to talk game" for the rest of my life after taht every day, every night was speech thearpy. when i was about 15- i started learning ASL- it was the new fad then and i was about ten years behind!! I sign PSL- which has both asl and see sentence structure- also remember when you speak english- difficult to sign ASL wholly as it doesn't make sense- if you think about it. ASL is a spoken langague and not a written langague however 80 percent of proudfundly deaf indviduals use this method to communicate and will try to write in ASL.
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 72
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/7/2005 4:43:44 PM
Things have quieted down a bit... I'm just still overwhelmed w all the responses and everything.... sorta gives a thin glimmer to hope that there are still some pretty decent guys out there....
 Kiefer
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 73
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/7/2005 5:06:13 PM
Keep the faith, goofycutie - there are definitely lots of decent guys out there. I like to think I'm one!
 markawelch
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 74
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/7/2005 5:55:34 PM
Yes, just keep looking!
 goofycutie21
Joined: 6/17/2004
Msg: 75
why is it hard for guys to date a deaf girl
Posted: 4/12/2005 1:58:44 PM
yes I will! lol :)
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