|
|
|
|
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 8:42:26 AM | Msg 24,
No, I always offer to pay half. If he accepts, I pay and would not date him again. It is just the way I view courtship, kinda old-fashioned. He has to know how to treat a lady like a lady first.
At my age, certainly, I would be dating someone who has his acts together. If he can't pay the bills for the dates or asks for half of the bills during the courting process, I doubt that he would be a man who is able to tough things out and assume responsibilities when he has to.
If he is really broke(at our age), he is not for me.
If he is not broke and wants me to pay half, he is too stingy, I don't want a stingy man.
Life with a stingy man is hell, so I have witnessed. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:47:56 AM | Well, you've just categorized yourself. If you don't want to pay, don't offer to pay. Treating someone like a human being and being honest with them is far more important (in my opinion) than offering to let you pay for your half when you are really doing it to find out if they are what you consider to be cheap. Someone tells me they want one thing when they actually want another, well, that's lying. Far worse than letting you do something you offered to do.
And...
Since when should the MAN be the one to pay for everything and assume the responsibilities when *HE* has to? If I'm in a relationship, it's a two way street. I'm not footing the bill so someone can take it easy and be "treated like a lady". You're basically saying you want the man to be responsible so you can do whatever you want, and not have to worry about it.
I could be wrong but that sounds like gold digging to me. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:51:09 AM |
No, I always offer to pay half. If he accepts, I pay and would not date him again. It is just the way I view courtship, kinda old-fashioned. He has to know how to treat a lady like a lady first.
I guess we have different thoughts on what being treated like a lady is. I'd much rather him be polite, mannered and respectful over the amount of money he spent on me.
If he can't pay the bills for the dates or asks for half of the bills during the courting process, I doubt that he would be a man who is able to tough things out and assume responsibilities when he has to.
I don't see how him not paying would be any indication of his ability to tough things out and assume responsibility when he has to. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 12:16:04 PM | ''Since when should the MAN be the one to pay for everything and assume the responsibilities when *HE* has to? If I'm in a relationship, it's a two way street. I'm not footing the bill so someone can take it easy and be "treated like a lady". You're basically saying you want the man to be responsible so you can do whatever you want, and not have to worry about it.
I could be wrong but that sounds like gold digging to me.''--quoted msg. 27.
You missed the point..I am kinda OLD- FASHIONED. It is the man who is put forth at the front. He should feel good to be able to treat a lady...I think you missed my first post..when at home, he is treated like a King..I cook,...etc.. just being a woman... I treat him right.
Gold digging??? That must be a joke!!..You don't know me at all!!. NOT even ONE man has ever have to look after me financially. Paying for bills on dates is just peanuts!! It is their gestures which idicate the type of men and who they are.
Msg 28,
Of course he has to be polite and respectful or I would not want to have anything to do with him....It is not a matter of spending money on me..it is a matter of his ability and his attitude.
It shows if he can not even pay for a date or stingy to pay the bill..it is not very promising outlook...
Edited: msg 27, msg. 28 , we are from different generations, we have different upbrings and thoughts on dating....If he can't afford to pay the bills on the dates, he will never afford to pay for anything else. If he insists I pay half, what will happen when I can't pay half if it developes into a long term relationship..not that I have any worries but....the thoughts are not comforting...''so Is he with me because I am paying half or more??''LOL | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:54:47 PM | I'm looking at imadarling2 trying to explain how she feels to CJ and GeekGuy. I noted something I thought I would share with you.
History considers 25 years a generation (don't ask me to explain how they came up with that) but imadarling2 is the last of the baby boomers (like me) and she says:
we are from different generations, we have different upbringings and thoughts on dating....
GeekGuy is from Generation X and CJ is from Generation ME -- please correct me if I'm wrong. There are differences in how the different generations perceive the norms for dating. imadarling2 is thinking like a person from my generation, so in this circumstance I believe she is right in her views, for the generation of which we belong.
This doesn't mean that the dating etiquette of the Generation X or Generation ME is wrong; it just means it isn't the same of the baby boomers.
Again, excuse me if I'm wrong, but isn't the social changes of each generation labeled as something they call the generation gap? I see replies here from what could be considered three different generations -- none are wrong; only different.
Regards,
Mac | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:35:27 PM | You're both completely wrong. I AM the kind of guy who WILL pick up the bill for dinner dates, for example, but I'm also the kind of guy who will let someone make a decision and won't assume they're trying to trick me when they offer to pay for half. You're being pretty damn shallow if you offer and then refuse a second date based on only that. But... to each their own.
If he can't afford to pay the bills on the dates, he will never afford to pay for anything else.
Um... what if he's testing you to see if you're gold digging? What if he wants to see if you're willing to pay for half of the meal on the first dinner date just to make sure you like the guy for who he is not what's in his wallet? Don't be so quick to judge someone based on such a petty thing. Open your mind a tad.
I don't think I'm the one that needs things explained, Mac. Thanks for the effort, however. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:49:08 PM | Well, I'm a tail-end boomer, and I can honestly say that I find the "traditional" perspective to be far more prevalent in women (in my age group and down to many of those in their low 20's who I work with) out here in Atlantic Canada than I have in other parts of Canada I've lived in.
Now, building on Mac's comment, maybe it's a geographic thing too. I actually find those "traditional" perspectives far more prevalent here now than I did in my 20's in other parts of Canada even.....my whole adult life (spent living in other parts of Canada for the most part) I've been more used to the viewpoints that GeekGuy is describing. In fact, I'm more used to women being angry if a guy offers to pay, as they apparently see it as as an implication that they were unable to pay themselves or that the guy was attempting to "buy" favours (another date, etc).
I'm not personally of the opinion that "generation" explains it all....altho' maybe "generation" in Atlantic Canada does. Of course, lots of research suggests that, in general, Atlantic Canada has more "traditional" sex-role (and other) orientations than many other parts of Canada, so that's hardly surprising. | |
|
PA!GE®
|
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 7:05:53 PM | I'm a tail-end boomer as well
I think there is nothing wrong with my BF paying the meal everytime we are out
After all, when i cook him dinner, I am footing that bill
When we go out on Saturday nights...he pays my way in and buys my 1st drink as he buys his own
After that I buy my own. I expect he would buy more for me, but I dont expect him to
But at same time, since I am payihng my own, he better not get upset if another guy(s) wants to be buy me a drink/drinks | |
|
tadger
|
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 34 | |
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 7:30:14 PM | Not a tail-end boomer, but that mysterious "Y" generation between the Boomers and the "X"'s. Neither fish nor fowl.
I like paying for myself, but mostly because I have issues about strings and ownership and owing anybody anything. But I was brought up that the guy should pay - and learned the rest later.
However, if I go out now, I usually drive there (because I have kids here, and I live out of town so it is usually a fair drive) and pay a sitter, so often spend a fair amount just getting out of the house. If I make the financial effort to do that to see someone - it is nice if I don;t have to foot the outing bill as well. Mind you, as I said before, if I suggest the outing, I assume I am footing the whole bill (but I will probably be much more interested in someone who realizes the financial implications of leaving home when you are leaving little ones behind - but I wouldn't hold it against them if they didn't). | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/6/2006 8:11:37 PM | Msg 31,
Gold digger I am not, my dates never have to test me on that part.
Definately , I would not want a poor man who can't even afford to buy me dinner. Been there, done that.One gives an inch,the other wants a foot or takes thing for granted.
I would want a man who is at least self-sufficient, or preferrable somewhat successful in life (at our age!) with good characters, being respectful , kind to the woman and he knows chivalry. It just makes a woman feels special, I think it makes the man feel good as well.
I think many men in 40s and 50s are still practising the old-fashioned dating etiquette.
After all, he might be courting for a future wife. He might as well get used to pampering his woman. I would get lost in the new ways of dating. 
I kinda like the ways of the past. There was a lot less problems as well because of the roles of the genders were clearly identified. Today's women are assuming man and woman's roles, not only she must be independent, she is also expected to shut up and be pretty and do what a woman should do.
Back to the op, msg 1,
Yes, he is cheap(or he is very poor), if he can not even buy me a dinner for the date.
To Msg 31,
No, I would not date him again if he is cheap. It would be a bad life for a woman to be with a cheap man.
No, I would not date him again(especially men my age) if he is poor and can not even buy me a dinner, because I would not want to support him.
Shallow? NO. I paid my dues already, NOT wishing to go there again. I will never live that life again. | |
|
Novak
|
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 36 | |
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/7/2006 5:20:43 AM | | A male friend of mine has a 3 date rule. He pays for the first 3 dates, period. He appreciates the offer to go dutch, but would never think of accepting it. He's a gentleman. If it comes round to a 4th, and she wants to treat, she wins big points in his eyes. He's always telling me...if they take you up on your offer to pay for half...do it, but don't go out with him again, lol. And that...is from a man. I don't often listen to him, but maybe it's time...and if he ever reads this, I'm under the influence of cold medication :) | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/7/2006 3:45:49 PM | OK. Let's get this straight imadarling2.
I feel I should send this as a private message, but will not do so and clear the block on your account.
I've never offered to take you out on a date, and having seen many of your posts I have no interest in even meeting you. With that, why should you say publicly that I'm too cheap to buy you dinner? I have standards.
A little history:
This is not your first name used on here, and will probally not be your last.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/5481162datingPostpage3.aspx
In Msg 63 One of your previous names was Cheri, as pointed out by me in msg 67
Cheri - Most men in early 40s to mid 50s, ...
Your bitter men bashing attitude has caught up with you yet again.
You claim not to be a cougar, but your stealthy actions and bragging about your past and current conquests also betray you in Msg 75.
I have no interest in any young man at all, eventhough a few months ago, the youngest was 23 who approached me in real life
I was married for almost 19 years to a man who is almost 5 years younger than me and he was often mistaken as older than me because of his appearance..or because of mine??:).
I am actually in hiding here for a long time now and only once in a while I unhide my profile just for fun.
I dropped the response in that thread as you had reveled yourself. Strangely with a week or two you had a new name. Po remembers, you left too many tracks.
Now your "gold digging" characteristics are showing. You may change your name, and change your pictures to hide you tracks, but we're not all naïve and you continue to expose your stealthy cougar actions.
I hate to do this as you are still clearly suffering from your divorce and clearly bitter when that younger husband finally woke up.
Take your licking gold-digging cougar. I saw you coming.
I apologize to all those who had to read this, but some people just don't get the point.
| |
|
Novak
|
Joined: 8/9/2006
Msg: 38 | |
| |
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/7/2006 5:20:36 PM | Msg 37,
Wow!! Are you upset from my previous posts to you?? I am sorry that you still feel that way.
Firstly, it is not you I am referring to about the dinner. It is my rule with any men who date me (judging from how my 5 older brothers dated.--very old-fashioned ,they pampered their women and still do. All of them are still married and one had passed on since.)...that is how I was brought up. How a man treats a woman in courting is very important from I have witnessed and learned.
Secondly, I am not a cougar, 7 years younger makes a woman a couger, my ex is just about 5 years younger. When we met he thought I was his age and I thought he was my age. We did not know about each other's age until we went to get the marriage licence. And I have no interest in men anymore than 5 years younger than me. It is 5 years either way( 5 years younger or older or around my age ) for me. I laughed at much younger men when they approached me for dates. I told them that I could be their mother and felt flattered. There are just too much differences and disparities, a big age gap union is a doom relationship from the start from what I have learned and witnessed. I have been dealing with couples for many years.
Thirdly, I have 2 user names, I changed them back and fore for personally reasons, for fun and to delete those who favorited me then I would go in hiding. darling is the same as chèri(in French).
Lastly, Gold digger? That is a laugh!!! When My ex married me, He hit a small jackpot. I am one of the very very few women who has never benefited one red cent from even one man, but I had to pay my ex out. I considered it as a lost in the stock market. I initiated the parting when my youngest turn 8 for her psychological well being. I never was a gold digger and I don't need to be one. I have done very well for myself . I have done better than most men, divorced or not, and I can proudly said I did it all on my own.
It would be quite a change, if I ever come across a man who can provide for me, it could be a SHOCK to my system!!! | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:22:50 AM | 1.When she expects you to be a ticket to a free meal or coffee and hasent earned it yet without even offering to pay her half  , in which case she failed herself out the competition and exposed herself as a potential gold digger. Oops! Can't make the next date my "Friend from out of town is comming over convieniently when you wan't to meet me!  "
2. She ask about your job or how much you make too early in the interaction, in which case I mentally stamp the girl: FAIL!
3. Doesnt work at all, and seeks a man to support her financially (if there out of work but looking for work great, but otherwise an unemployed lady should seek an unemployed man.) | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:39:25 AM | I agree with numbers 1 and 3, but my issue is with number 2.
If someone is trying to get to know you, wouldn't asking you about your job be part of getting to know you? | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/28/2006 12:20:08 PM | | I never ask about their job early on because I have guy friends who have told me they consider women who ask this to be sniffing out whether they are golddigger worthy or not. I might ask what type of work they do if the conversation winds up heading in that direction but I never ask what their job is until we've gotten to know each other better. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/28/2006 1:08:31 PM | | I find it better to judge someone on WHO THEY ARE and there beliefs, NOT what they do for work. People erroneously judge another person by what they do, then pigeonhole them, and that is wrong. Better to have an identity associated with your interest and belief's then what you do for work. For example theres no such thing as a "cashier" or "lawyer", there are athletes, christians, chess players, goths, punks, wiccans, etc who just happen to be behind a register or present a case to put criminals behind bars. That's the way I see it anyway. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/28/2006 5:25:34 PM | I think that someone could potentially go through several 'first dates' that go nowhere because one or both of you are not interested or don't feel that 'spark'. Why should a man be expected to foot the bill for maybe a dozen or more first dates, or first few dates, only to discover that she is not interested in him, or that he himself just doesn't feel that spark?
I believe that it may be especially true for an older generation, who come with extra baggage of either having more exes (so may be much more picky in what they are looking for) or with perhaps years of marriage behind them that went wrong, and so many things to consider before they find themselves once again in a serious relationship.
If you know that you can pay your own way, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you want to start out a relationship on equal footing with someone you hope may potentially be a long-term partner? I would think that it would show the other person that you aren't interested in finding someone who can afford you, but someone with whom you can share your life.
Imadarling, I think it's great that when you get into a relationship you feel like you can treat him like a king, but he sure as heck wouldn't know that on the first date now would he? I can see if later on, once you have developed something, you may expect him to pay, when you are now the only one he is paying for (ie not still going on dates looking for someone) but as a first encounter, perhaps you shouldn't judge him on whether or not he pays because to many it would seem like you are testing if he can afford you and then THEY would be the ones refusing the second date.
If who pays for the meal is any sort of deciding factor on making a second date or not, you have been dating the wrong men, who obviously has the personality of a pet rock. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/31/2006 6:53:19 AM | Msg 44,
''If you know that you can pay your own way, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you want to start out a relationship on equal footing with someone you hope may potentially be a long-term partner? I would think that it would show the other person that you aren't interested in finding someone who can afford you, but someone with whom you can share your life."----quoted msg 44
imadarling2's reply:
Exactly, not only do I want that connection, the sparks, the amazing chemistry, I also seek the compatiblities on most levels..ie. physical, mental, emotional and financial ,as well as similiar values and beliefs and outlooks on life, then there is a future to share a life with such a man . I would certainly want someone who can start out on EQUAL FOOTING if all possible. Equal footing to most of you differs than mine.
======================
"Imadarling, I think it's great that when you get into a relationship you feel like you can treat him like a king, but he sure as heck wouldn't know that on the first date now would he? I can see if later on, once you have developed something, you may expect him to pay, when you are now the only one he is paying for (ie not still going on dates looking for someone) but as a first encounter, perhaps you shouldn't judge him on whether or not he pays because to many it would seem like you are testing if he can afford you and then THEY would be the ones refusing the second date.
If who pays for the meal is any sort of deciding factor on making a second date or not, you have been dating the wrong men, who obviously has the personality of a pet rock.''----quoted msg 44
imadarling2's reply:
I am very selective on who I date. I had a few dates with the local men, they usually know who I am. They never have any questions about me testing them whether they can afford me, that would be the last thing in their minds, I can assure you.
I only have had a few internet dates, and we usually have some background information on each other before we go on the first date. Like I said, the cost of paying for dinner is just peanuts. I think if you read my previous posts on this thread, you will have a very good idea where I am coming from.
Conclusively, men my age should have certain amount of success in life in his own ways if he has his acts all together. If a man has to struggle to pay for a date, we are not compatible on one level(financial), which could be potentially a serious problem, then I don't think he is for me.
If a man is stingy to pay for a date, he is not for me, after all , he should know how to pamper and love his woman, he might as well begin with the right step with me and he will have no regrets.
When I meet a date, usually I know there are certain amount of connection already and probably we are somewhat compatible at some levels, but his attitudes means a lot to me. I am not a helpless dependent woman and in fact quite the opposite, but I belong to the old school, when it comes to dating or a relationship between a man and a woman.
| |
|
libbyv
|
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 46 | |
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/31/2006 9:07:50 AM | Right on imadarling2,. Very well said!.. A man should be willing to pay for a date and not be stingy. I've met some stingy people in my day. They should have their act together,and have some sort of success in their life, as they get older.
I thought that people were supposed to mature as they get older! Whatever happen to people making the necessary progress!..I've gone out with people that forgot what being a gentleman was all about.
Also I've gone to stores and different places and have listened to how some of the men talk to the women , and it's terrible I'll tell you that. Whatever happened to treating another person with care and respect.?!..
They don't know how to hold doors open for women either!.. I was raised that gentlemen are supposed to do these things as well..
If there is no compatibility and connection, then there is no basis for a friendship or relationship.
  | |
|
yan612
|
Joined: 2/18/2005
Msg: 47 | |
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/31/2006 9:26:53 AM | | stingy shmingy..that makes me sick..In this day and age if you meet lots of people..why the heck should the man pay for everything???? Maybe if you are going to coffee..but I am not shelling a big dinner for someone I don't know. I am generous as hell with my friends..and if i am dating a lady and eat a lot at her house no prob, but to think that men have to pay for everything or are stingy..THAT is OLD FASHIONED. Being a gentleman is treating someone nicely, not paying for their stuff. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/31/2006 10:03:43 AM | someone's ability to pay for dinner isn't any indication of how generous they are, or how much money they have.
I would certainly want to know a bit about the person I am having dinner with BEFORE I have dinner with them, but their willingness or ability to pay for dinner doesn't tell you how stingy they might be with their money, or how cheap they are or are not. That is something you can only discover with time.
For some folks having the man pay for dinner is the way to go, but for this chicka, I would prefer to start a potential relationship on the footing I would prefer to keep it on as it progressed, level and equal. | |
|
libbyv
|
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 49 | |
| You know he/she is cheap when...
Posted: 12/31/2006 11:04:05 AM | If a man wants asks a woman out on a date, then he should pay for the dinner. That's the proper thing to do, since he did ask the woman out. If he expects her to pay for the dinner, he's cheap.
No doubt about it. He wouldn't get a second chance with some women if he pulls something like that, I'll tell you. | |
|
| You know he/she is cheap when..(Happy New Year to All)
Posted: 12/31/2006 11:13:12 AM | Well.....
To a 30 year old man who might be into many relationships(new age) or looking for who is to date or to do next, of course he would not be able to afford dinner for (all) the different women.
Relax, you are only 30 but not 48. There are still many years of growing up to do yet.
Most 30 year old are not esablished and probably are still seeking their right directions in life. Most 30 year old are living from hand to mouth , of course they can not afford much as well.
It sounds too selfish and low class to say the least..because he mentioned he would not shell out money for a lousy dinner for the date unless he is eating a lot at her place...
I don' t know who is the man and who is the woman here
I am glad I am not 30 . I do not have to date men that age group , thus I do not have to put up with their lack of the good qualities I seek.
PS: My 18 year old pays for his dates but he is not a serial dater.....so...I think it is the differing in values!!!!! | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
