| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:16:28 AM | i am a 24 year old single father i have temp custody of my daughter that is about 15 months old  most men just dont understand sometimes certain decisions are made so its will be better for their child my daughter has to have supervised visitation with her mother some quote unquote fathers ones that are busy relaxing instead of spending time with their children need to realize what they have done wrong instead of playing poor pity me do something instead of whining about it | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:39:58 AM | I'm not whining about paying child support! I do so willingly and did so from day one long before I was ordered. I'm upset about the family courts failing to enforce my rights as a parent! If you read the original post he states the same. There are plenty of advocates and resources available to single mothers that are not extended or only grudgingly to single fathers.
and Wind roper you need to quit assuming that every single father is the dud that your ex husband apparently was. Also as a business owner I'd take offense to your comment about women earning less than men for the same job. It was a cheap shot on your part as that would be a rare occurrence these days in the USA because of federal legislation to the contrary. The women who work for me all make the same wage as their corresponding male counterparts even though their cost to the business is significantly higher.
and by the way after five months of waiting we finally got a court date for my son's custody hearing. In response his mother is denying me from seeing him. I am seeking to have joint custody enforced. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:16:40 PM |
If the mother does not want or loses custody, yes. If the mother is awarded custody or the parents share custody but the mother earns less than the father then the father should pay child support. Don't like the disparity? Then change a society where women in the work force are paid less than their male counterparts.
Windy:
Are you suggesting that the manufacturing companies of North America are stupid?
Just think all those stupid companies are paying men more more money and they could be hiring woman and paying them less.
Please try another argument.
Woman make less because they choose to. They could be in many of the same occupations that men are in but the choose not to. that argument about who makes more money seems to leave of the aspect of working hours.
Full time for woman in many of those studies is 36hrs to a males 44hr work week.
So based on some simplistic argument that both genders should make the same take home pay.....leaves a little problem.
And the last time I checked many woman still want cs payments even if they do earn more than the ex husband.
I am firmly in the view that we need to change many aspects of society. One is that the requirement to work to raise a child should be a requirement of both parents and neither should be able to hide behind their children in regards to not working or not working full time.
Or hiding behind the status of student. Professional student=profession deadbeat | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:47:19 PM | i totally agree that fathers who want to be a big part of their child's life is given justice at all.
At the end of the day it is all about the child not the parents, its about caring and loving this child which should be done by both parents. The children are always the ones to lose out in the end and why should they if their parents cant get on so what? why is it that the children are the ones that lose out.
i had a violent husband and left him after 13 years, one was for me, and for the children as it was not fair for them. But i made sure that he saw the children every night and he had them every weekend and whenever he wanted them. Just because we had differences it was not the childrens fault at all they are the inocent in this.
Why do mothers use their own children to get at the fathers it is disgraceful, they are not pawns they are children with equal rights to see both parents | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:32:29 AM | If you're in a unionized company...
The women and men both earn the exact same money for exactly the same work...
You do exactly the same work whether or not you're male or female...
I'd also bet that if a male and female were both employed as wait staff in any restaurant, the female would get more and bigger tips...
I've seen guys living in one-bedroom apartments while their ex wives lived in houses and blow the child support on Bingo and booze. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:12:16 PM | Westpark
Totally agree with you but I add one more thing. The argument that women earn less in the work place has now been largerly dismissed due to the concept of tenure. Basically, because women are usually the ones who take time off to raise children, even if it just a year or two, they lose out on valuable experience that men gain during that year. Studies have shown this and also shown this is the reason for the disparity in wages. If the person has more experience they get paid more. If the a mother doesn't like that then in Canada they are free to give up their parental leave to their husband so that he stays home.
As for the argument that when father wants more time with his children he is simply seeking to reduce his child support payments, well, its a tired and old argument. What we are seeking is equity, if I am taking care of my child 50% of the time why should I have to pay full support. Actuallly, I am in this situation myself where my daughter has come to live with me for the past 4 months because her and her mother don't get along. Has my child support been reduced, nope have to go to court to do that to change the order, I mean it would be like someone shows some integrity and say hey wait a minute he is now taking care of her fulltime, why is he still paying. But thats integrity for you, some have it some don't. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:52:38 PM | | Joint custody is a farce. The woman is automatically by default given primary caregiver status and awarded a 20 year pension while you live in poverty. yuo can't even claim it on your taxes. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:59:14 PM | | ^^^ Ok, now you are just sounding bitter...Get a better lawyer next time. It does not always have to be what you speak of. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:21:53 PM | My brother's ex-wife got custody because he worked and she didn't. The court ruled that because she had no job, she was more available to take care of them, and because he worked 40 hours a week and had a job since he was 16, he wouldn't be as available for them if he had custody. That was almost he exact wording of the ruling.
Then she moved 20 minutes away into the next county. Then he apartment caught fire and she moved even farther away, one county farther away. All of his family and her family are all in the same town that they lived in when they got divorced. That was all ok. If he moves, it could affect his custody though, unless he moves closer. If he moves, she can get the case transfered to a different county where they're even more conservative, (read, more likely to give the mother whatever she wants because kids need to be with their mom).
When my wife and I split, her exact words regarding custody were "they need their mom and I'll miss them if I don't have custody," basically saying I don't miss them when I don't have them and they don't need their dad. My lawyer told me that the courts in my area are biased towards the mother, and that because I moved out and left the kids there, the courts view that as me admitting that she is capable of taking care of them by herself. Since I admitted that, I had almost no chance of convincing a judge that they would be better off with me, and since all things being equal the mother tends to get custody. The only thing I'd be doing is racking up a big legal bill, putting the kids through a custody fight, and taking a chance that the court would give me less custody than what my wife and I had agreed on for a temporary arrangement. You know you're screwed when a lawyer tells you not to waste your money when they're the ones who would be getting the money.
She refuses to get more than a part time job, but complains that she can't afford the mortgage. I gave her the choice of keeping the house or not. She wanted it. I also gave her the choice of vehicles, the older Caravan that is paid off or the Explorer that we owed one. She chose the Explorer. Now she complains that she can't afford them all and wants me to make some of the Explorer payments. I suggested that she use her rear end for a garage on that one.
The courts tend to be horribly biased against men. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:30:25 AM | | I think courts are biased and usually the women get the children. In canada, i have noticed a lot more men are getting custody of their kids, which is great. I only wish my child's father was this involved in my childs life. Despite being used by him, doing the pregnancy alone and all the BS he put me through, I still wanted him to be apart of our child's life because a child deserves both parents regardless if they can get along or not. I gave him so many chances and because child support was a huge deal, I said initially fine for half of what he was supposed to pay just because I wanted him to be responsible, I just didnt want to take his every last dollar and all he had to do was, see our child, come when he is supposed to and not be really late, if I call him for help to come and help and to pay and if there is a problem just to talk to me and let me know and that we would work it out. He said yes but never did it. I asked him since our child was born 5 times for help, he said no everytime with music blaring in the background but would claim to everyone including his family that he was a great father. He would show up late to see our child and I dont mean half an hour I mean 8 hours later or would get in late from the club and roll out of someones bed to call and say he couldnt come. I allowed this BS to continue till our child was about 2, after that we went to court. He wanted joint, I gave it to him but even my lawyer said it really means nothing just that the parent gets a say but the mother has overall say. My ex gives the good fathers a bad name and he is why men have a tough time in the court system. My ex never had a lawyer, only I did and here is the ironic part. I had to pay for a lawyer to force the father to pay child support and here he is running up my lawyers bill by calling and asking her questions as if she was his lawyer because he never got one????????????? Am I mad nope, I still wish my child had a good father but at the end of the day children do not miss what they never have. My point is that not every ex is vendictive and not every ex wants to deny rights, my ex put me through hell and I still wanted him there for our child because regardless of what I think that is still my childs dad. But you can't force someone to be a good parent. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:06:54 AM | Personal experiences and limited data really aren't good and dependable indicators of national norms. The disparity of earnings between the genders still exists today, just like racism still exists despite some folks' claims to the contrary. Just saying something doesn't make it so. I won't post links to support my claim since I note googling it produces more than anyone could absorb.
Yeah... some women "choose" to earn less. Just like they chose to have sex (apparently all by themselves) and wind up pregnant resulting it making it difficult to obtain a higher education. As mothers (especially divorced/single mothers) we don't get hired or don't advance because we elect not to take on the additional responsibility due to our personal circumstances or employers believe we don't/won't give 110% due to our personal circumstances. In a way we take ourselves out of the game but sometimes we have "help" (and I don't mean that in a good way). Ironic... since so many males seem to have significant comprehension problems.
Speaking of which... obmij2, I was not addressing you personally. That you took my post (including clips from the original posters initial rant) personally only serves to reinforce the possibility that your bitterness is over-riding your common sense. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:58:47 AM | | i have a 20month son with my ex. he is a brill daddy to our son. i will never take that from him..he did get scared too and lost it wen i told him i was pregnant. but boy has our son changed him.he is the best. even though we r no longer together,i love him dearly | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:40:39 PM | | How bout this then..... If my wife was pregnant with our child, and wanted to abort it, i wouldnt regarding the LAW have much say in the matter.... After being married for approx 12 years and 2 children later, we both decided that we didnt want more kids, and that i was gonna have the SNIP. My wife had to sign a form allowing this to be done, and that she agreed with it.. I then asked the doctor and surgeon "Wot if my wife refused to sign the forms"... I was told that I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE THE OPERATION!!!!!!! Now tell me its not a womens world...because IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:14:39 PM | Ive now been divorced for 15 years. Ive been through the mills trust me. Just found out my x wife is pregnant again.... The unborn babys father is my X best mate.. 15 years ago, I lost my wife, my kids, my house, my pension, and my so called best mate for 32 years in "1 SIMPLE DAY". Who needs enemies when u have friends like that..Anyway, everything i went thro, from trying for full custody, and my barrister saying.""" Steve, as long as you got 2 bollux between your legs..... YOU GOT NO CHANCE OF CUSTODY, unless i cud prove she was a crap mother!!! She wasnt a crap mother, just a crap wife who obviously preffered me best mate. But because i walked out, id lost everything. Gave up work, so i cud fight her in a court of law by gettin legal aid, and it still didnt do me any favors... Ended up in prison trying to see me kids etc. Basically all i wanted to do, is say that it is A WOMENS WORLD when i comes to blokes rights etc.... We dont seem to have a fair crack of the whip....even when it was my wife who had an affair with me best mate/best man etc etc. | |
|
| |
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:30:40 PM | like MsQ have no idea of the sleezyness of the system or she is part of it.
Excuse me, what system are you speaking of? The system in the US, Canada, where?
A part of it? I beg to differ.
I do not care to go into specifics of my divorce agreement here, but let me say that it was a 50/50 divorce down to the household furnishings and the debt for that matter.
Sleeziness in my case simply did NOT exist.
Does unfairness in our court sytems exist, sure. But, YOU have to play a proactive role in protecting yourself. Does anyone really fele in a divorce that they came out ahead. Not usually....
Sitting around blaming a system for all your downfalls is not going to get you very far in life and you are going to end up a bitter man wondering where life has gone. Bitterness gets a person nowwhere. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:07:59 PM | | It is the system's fault and not the women. The system lets a woman abort a child and the father can't do a thing about it. A woman can have police remove man from his home keep children away except 2\14 days. This is the system. It is the system's fault. In 1960, women stayed home and played mommy. Not many of them do that now and this is why society is crumbling. Nobody is sitting around and moping. If everybody recognises the problem than maybe we can rectify it for future generation. Nobody is bitter. I see my children twice a week and every second weekend. Have never missed a child support payment. Am very active with my children. Cost me more money than I could afford but you only live once. MsQ is lucky people in 1919 didn't listen to "You can't change the system", or she would'nt have the right to vote today. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:18:11 PM | ^^Most were happy to go with the status quo. It took a few strong women (and men) to stand up and fight injustice.
I don't wear rose colored glasses. I am aware that divorce as a institution is flawed. Do you think I enjoy having my child leave every other weekend, to go share a life with my ex and his new family. Not most days, but it is what it is. I live in a no fault state. Divorces are granted for no reason. We don't have a choice in many circumstances that are handed to us in life. What we make of it is the true test.
Glad to hear you are not bitter, as your posts sure led me in that direction of thinking. Enjoy your kids.
* Bottom line, custody shared 50/50 won't make it any more fair, in most instances. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:20:31 AM | My lawyer told me that the courts in my area are biased towards the mother, and that because I moved out and left the kids there, the courts view that as me admitting that she is capable of taking care of them by herself. Since I admitted that, I had almost no chance of convincing a judge that they would be better off with me, and since all things being equal the mother tends to get custody.
Wow...... you moved out and left the kids there.... In the state that I live in (Alabama) this is considered abandonment.... Does not matter which parent left... A lot of fathers are getting custody of their children... more so along the lines of they would be able to give them a more stable environment.. be able to provide them with the things that they need....
She refuses to get more than a part time job, but complains that she can't afford the mortgage. I gave her the choice of keeping the house or not. She wanted it. I also gave her the choice of vehicles, the older Caravan that is paid off or the Explorer that we owed one. She chose the Explorer. Now she complains that she can't afford them all and wants me to make some of the Explorer payments. I suggested that she use her rear end for a garage on that one.
The courts tend to be horribly biased against men.
I have a guy friend that went through the same thing as what you describe.... She wanted it all but wanted him to pay for it.... He ended up filing chapter 8 so neither had anything.. this is not the way to go.. and women like that are the ones that give good women a bad name.
In my divorce i got everything that i came into the marriage with..... which was everything. he tried to take the house that he never made a payment on even tried to take my car... he took my truck and sold it out from under me and still wanted more.. so its not just a woman thing,,,, SOME men are like that too.
Also she may not want to get a full time job in fear of getting less child support. which is just dumb. In the state that i live in even if you don't have a job they will base you CS off of minimum wage. mother or the father. in my case we both had good jobs but he changed jobs so much that it kind of made things harder.... but the judge said that if he quit then he would have to find another job paying the same amount or more b/c he knew that he was capable of making that kind of money. And that his CS would not change. All state laws are different though. that is just in Alabama and just from my experience.
But all states are different just like all people are different. Nobody is the same and no situation is the same..... the only thing that i can say is fight for your rights. build up your case if you feel that you have one. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:36:32 AM |
"Wot if my wife refused to sign the forms"... I was told that I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE THE OPERATION!!!!!!! Now tell me its not a womens world...because IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah... the same thing sorta happened to me. My now-ex renegged on a promise to have a vasectomy after the birth of our daughter. Then it took me a year to convince him to sign consent papers for my tubaligation. By then I was pregnant again. Or
try being a woman with a medical need for a hysterectomy and the doc won't perform the procedure unless your husband agrees. Remember -- I already couldn't have more children. So apparently how the surgery MIGHT impact HIS sex life was a greater concern to the doctor than MY quality of life. It was a greater concern for the husband too, after listening to some other men's horror stories, until I convinced him worse things could happen. So the whole "women's world" thing just doesn't ring true in my experiences.
Not that I don't recognize there is corruption and sleaziness within the judical system and it ain't limited to divorce/family court. I was just thinking this morning how often the victorious side in court seems to be the one who lines up the most convincing liars. And, yes, some judges have preconceived notions about children being best served by remaining with their mothers. OTOH, I have run into judges who are prejudiced toward fathers simply cuz they are bound and determined to right such injustice by setting precedents favorable to fathers. That's not justice. That's just a knee-jerk reaction that would sling society in general to the other end of the spectrum.
There are no quick fixes or standards that will work in every given situation. Each case must be tried on its merits. And that takes some things that no one seems to want to give -- time and the thought that they may not walk away with everything they had the day before. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:39:53 PM |
Wow...... you moved out and left the kids there.... In the state that I live in (Alabama) this is considered abandonment.... Does not matter which parent left... A lot of fathers are getting custody of their children... more so along the lines of they would be able to give them a more stable environment.. be able to provide them with the things that they need....
I moved 15 minutes away. I didn't figure that living in the house while we were getting divorced was a very good situation for the kids to be in. If she had moved out, it would have been 2 1/2 hours away to her mother's house, and she would have taken the kids. I would have had no legal way to stop her from that, and it would have meant that if I didn't get custody, I wouldn't get to see them nearly as much as I do now. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:11:01 PM | what exactally is the difference between single fathers and single mothers?...were all in the same boat and do you ever think that the father of your children is also an "single father" i mean he DID have som part in the child being born, there shouldn't be so much hate in this world towards our child/ren father if we choose not have anything to do with the an who fathers our child/ren than move on but why should our child/ren have to suffer without an FATHER/figure....I know there has to be some moms on here that do NOT have an bad story/sad story to why they are an single mom... | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:23:33 PM | Well single daddy, let me address this for you point by point.
First off, you oughta know who you're popping babies out with a little better than that, if they screw you over, you have to ask yourself how well did you know that person? Did you have children too soon with that person... That is the fault of BOTH parties.
Secondly, I don't know ANY woman who has taken a year off for maternity leave. And by the way, lets see you pop out a kid and see how quickly you go back to work.... There is so much that goes on in a woman's body when she is pregnant, then after giving birth, her body is ALL out of whack.
Now as for visitation, that is for the court to decide if the TWO parties are not adult enough to find a suitable visitation schedule...again this goes back to the "how well did you know this person you brought a baby into the world with"
Now as for child support, I'm not sure if you can even conceive of the amount of money a custodial parent spends, but I will guarentee this, whatever the court assigns still doesn't cover the bills.
If you have weekend visitation, and do not take them on that weekend, well... let's look at it this way, there are 48 hours in a weekend, there are 120 hours in the 5 day week. So if "daddy" decides not to take the child for the 48 hours the mother then has the child for 168 hours a week, have you spent 168 hours non stop with a baby? So for those 48 hours you decided to do "something" for yourself... Mommy can barely get an uninterupted shower for 20 minutes.
I love when the non-custodial parent, is angry about "their" situation....
Give me a break huh? | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:43:51 PM | | My ex ****es about that stuff all the time. Every time she does I ask her if she wants to trade, I'd love to be the custodial parent and take them to the dr. and everything else. It usually shuts her up pretty quick because she knows I mean it. | |
|
| Justice for the good Fathers!!!
Posted: 7/14/2008 6:29:09 AM |
My ex ****es about that stuff all the time. Every time she does I ask her if she wants to trade, I'd love to be the custodial parent and take them to the dr. and everything else. It usually shuts her up pretty quick because she knows I mean it.
Hey! Something similar happened to a gf of mine. She told the father he could have custody and she would pay child support. Pretty ballsy move, but I guess she knew him well enough to know he already didn't carry his share of the load in parenting and providing for their daughter so he dang sure didn't want full responsibility. He declined her offer and she waived child support.
Not that I'm saying all guys are like that. I'm sure some men would be happy with such an arrangement and do well at it. But that doesn't change the fact that being a parent who shoulders much or all the responsibilities/tasks can be an exercise in frustration at times. What's so wrong with acknowledging and verbalizing that? | |
|
Home
login 
