| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/5/2006 7:02:29 PM | They get angry because what our past holds might destroy their image of us they've created in their minds. They realize they were wrong and it troubles them...and I believe that haunts them more than the truth itself. when you bottom line it...their image is shattered. Now, why do they ask to begin with? Most often they are attempting to confirm and curioustiy has got the better of them. Curiosity doesn't have to kill the cat...it's a choice.
Anyone see the movie, Chasing Amy?
Btw, if someone gets angry and cannot resolve the anger and holds your past against you...not realizing you are in the present and willing to share openly, maybe the person is better off walking. I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who couldn't or wouldn't be accepting of who I was at any given moment in time. They might not agree with things I've done or my views on life, etc. etc. But, do they need to punish me for them?
Lastly, if what the past holds is something which goes against our core values...this is something that might not be reconcilable. It doesn't mean the person is wrong, it just means they are not a fit for us.
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/5/2006 7:13:59 PM | Simply Peachy, good post. I agree with a lot of what you said. The only thing I disagree with is your example of the movie "Chasing Amy". In the movie, it wasn't just her past that bothered him, it was how she lied to him so thoroughly, causing him to hear about her past in a very unflattering way. I think most people would have felt pretty stupid if they were placed in his situation. Not to say that he handled it well at all, but in that particular case, she was as much to blame for creating the situation as he was.
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/5/2006 7:29:40 PM | | I see your point, but I do believe it wasn't what caused so much angst with Aflek. It was (according to script) insecurity which he could NOT manage....not the fact it happened. Maybe the reference was a poor example, as if someone is telling you their past...they are being honest. So, scratch the fact she hadn't told him and focus on why he was upset....he was upset because he felt mismatched and insecure. Remember, this question is about ASKED and ANSWERED honestly.....and non acceptance AFTER disclosure. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/5/2006 9:34:29 PM | | Obviously you were not a slut. Just married with kids for ten years. Being married means lots and lots of sex with your husband. The men you pick shouldn't concerned themselves of your sex life, a given during your marriage. If you want a man to commit to a divorced woman with kids, pick one that has also been married. As for the classic fallacy of a man being insecure, it does not apply to a man being with a decent woman. She's clean, he shouldn't be jealous. If he is, he is insecure. If her lifestyle is that of a hoe and expecting her to be decent then he is stupid not insecure or secured. He should be enjoying himself with her and careful not to commit to that and allow other men get dips on her. Preferably after she dumps him. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/5/2006 10:46:54 PM | | every man wants to feel like he is the first...thats just the way it is..we ask becasue we want to hear that yes she is a virgin or that one didnt count or something along that line...if we dont hear that..it usually gets tucked away until we find a time to use it against u...best advice is dont tell them or downplay it..really shouldnt bring it up at all..it really isnt any of our business..we really dont want to know especially if u have been with more than one...:) | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 2:18:17 AM | well i think that for myself i have some things in my past that i wouldnt exactly shout out from a rooftop but thats just it its my past.. i think if they are going to get mad thats a sure sign of what would come of that realationship.. i was married for 5 years and on a daily basis was reminded of things i did in my past years before him.. and i can tell you how that divorce ended lol surely we can find some men out there that make a habbit out of not throwing things in your face.. if not id rather stay single for the rest of my life | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 2:24:03 AM | .
Oh well . . . I’m kind of funny about such things. First, I don’t kiss and tell. Second, I know lots of stuff about many people because we talk about things privately. But, they know that I’m safe cause I will never relate that information to anyone except them, if they contradict themselves later.
No, I’m not one to ask about a lady’s past. I’ll listen to what she says, though, and remember all of it. But, nope, I’ll never ask for more information cause, really, if she’s someone I really like, I do not need to hear it.
My interest, of course, would be how she feels about me, not past lovers. Of course, that means that past lovers are gone from her life. If any are still present, lurking, I would be gone -- no matter what she says the instant relationship was. Who cares? I don’t share well, in any case.
Why do men ask about your past? I wouldn’t. But I listen closely about what is told. Usually, that’s enough.
I would expect anyone I am interest in to have a “history” of some sort. So?
My base interest is what they thought about me.
And, come on now, if anyone has a problem with things I did in my past life, that’s just too damn bad! (Some would,)
Be yourself. Go forward. Do things.
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 2:54:37 AM | read my lips - they are INSECURE
Butthen - on the flip side of the coin....how much do you go on about your past? Just do a checklist on this one. - If you spend hours extolling him about your past relationships, he could be justified. Always when best when talking about past relationships??? - keep it simple and keep it brief !!!! The past is the past for a very good reason !! keep it that way. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 4:02:35 AM | I would have to agree with fellow posters, look for another man. That said, never share all you have been, all you have done.
It isn't any of their business as long as it doesn't come back to bite them. If it might effect their health you must tell them.
What you have experienced sexually as a young, married woman, is between you're ex husband and yourself. Never share those private moments with someone else.
No man wants to hear about the man who was before them, or what you did with them. They always ask, but they really don't want the truth..
Don't get angry about it, don't refuse to disclose, just abbreviate it to the point that you are "almost a virgin" cause that's what they really want to hear. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 4:25:17 AM | | I think U should get to know the person a little better, ask him the same questions cause we’ll answer it first just to hear your answer, but I think keeping secrets from another is not GOOD at all weather U slept with one or a dozen tell the truth. If he can’t handle it dump his ass LOL. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:13:58 AM | The whole "virgin" thing is ridiculous.
I am 55. If I met someone in the age group I relate to, how could I expect that she had little or no experience, and why would I even care?
This kind of insecurity is something I expect from 22 year olds, and even THEN it's silly.
By the way OP, please ask your questions in a less gender-bashing manner in the future. Men are not the only ones who do this. This is not an inherent male trait. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:15:05 AM | Sorry, about that EastSideEddie you’re right. It can go both ways. Women can be just as weary about a man's past. I agree with the majority of the responses on here. When you find that special someone you want to be with, you should not worry about the past. The present is all that matters. There have been a few post that have suggested don't kiss and tell. I wanted to shed light on the fact that I am not a dim-wit and that I didn’t go into detail during the conversation. I also wanted to mentioned it was not that he was angry, just reserved. I think that EastsideEddie summed it up during his first post. He wants an experienced version of a virgin. Thanks Guys……Val
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 8:43:34 AM | | I wouldn't want to marry a man who has been with many women. If he has been married or lived with his girlfriend, I would not be interested in him. Men who say they do not care how many men his girlfriend has been with are untruthful and insecure themselves. They very well know of the male sex drive. To pretend they are Mr. Liberal or Mr. Modern and that her past does not bother them are delusionary, too. They are the ones who give themselves the blame when their girlfriends and wives cheat. Which is worse, an insecure man or a promiscuous woman? A promiscuous woman is the most insecure, low esteem, cheap woman. They are the ones that make men feel insecure for men and think all women are like this type of woman. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 10:19:35 AM | actually sometimes it turns me on
to hear about other men she's been with,,,a woman who's attractive
to other men,whats wrong with it?
it all depends on how u look at somethin,
too bad so many ppl choose to look at it in a negativ way | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:12:26 AM | | One's past has helped to shape who they are today...and if someone loves a person today for who they are, then they shouldn't care or worry about who they were in their past. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:19:54 AM | In msg 48, prolibertate said:
One's past has helped to shape who they are today...and if someone loves a person today for who they are, then they shouldn't care or worry about who they were in their past.
I agree with you 100% that a person's past shapes their character, and if they learn from their mistakes then they're better people for it. But there is a flip side to that, which is the belief/truism that past behavior is a pretty good indicator of future behavior (we're not talking about mutual funds  ). So for instance, if it comes out that a guy has cheated on all or most of his previous girlfriends, to me that should raise a red flag. I'm not saying that it should constantly be thrown in their face, and I'm not saying that you can't like "who he is today", but to me some things do seem relevent. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:25:02 AM | Didn't you get the memo? Gah!
All women (and some men) are supposed to have had no more than two sexual partners in their past and they should hate the thought of both of them. Of course, despite your inexperience, you are supposed to have whore-like bedroom skills and it should be the only decent sex you've ever had when you're with the man you're with.
Read your memos next time!
Heehee. | |
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