| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:36:41 AM | "you want the truth"
"you CAN'T handle the truth!"
although I can't imagine anyone , ever, being angry or jealous about my past , I am a firm believer in being able to talk about your past - to a certain extent. If a guy got angry about my past , over things I did before I even met him , well I don't think I'd waste my time pursuing anything with him - far too judgemental and insecure. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 11:40:14 AM | | I have never asked a woman about her past, hell I am content with never knowing her past. I seem to find the women who feel that they are clearing their conscience by telling you their past, even after telling them that you don't want to hear it. And if that is the case then I will get mad. But I would never get mad if I asked her about her past, but I also wouldn't ask. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 1:17:07 PM |
I agree with you 100% that a person's past shapes their character, and if they learn from their mistakes then they're better people for it. But there is a flip side to that, which is the belief/truism that past behavior is a pretty good indicator of future behavior (we're not talking about mutual funds ). So for instance, if it comes out that a guy has cheated on all or most of his previous girlfriends, to me that should raise a red flag. I'm not saying that it should constantly be thrown in their face, and I'm not saying that you can't like "who he is today", but to me some things do seem relevent.
Yep, I agree people should learn from their mistakes and that - to an extent - past behavior can be an indicator for future behavior...BUT if one has made a mistake in the past and learned from it, should that mistake still be held against them? I don't believe it should.
Now, using your example, if one has made the mistake of cheating in the past, and has learned from it, they may not cheat in the future. If they've cheated on every person they were ever with, then I'd most likely have some reservations about getting involved with them as it seems the likelihood is more certain (if I even knew about it, which unfortunately isn't likely until after getting involved)...but if it was once or twice when they first started dating, I'd err on the side of caution and taking my time...I wouldn't dismiss them out of hand. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 2:35:13 PM | I have become, not angry, but disinterested after hearing of a particular woman's past. She had been in the sex industry. She was a nice girl. However, my opinion of her dropped to zero when she told me, and I did not pursue her any further.
What a person has done in the past is not who they are now.
Therefore, I don't think such things need to be told, and I think it's harmful to tell about them. Especially in the case of a woman who has changed from a disreputable female to a reputable female, because as a reputable female she will likely seek reputable men. And reputable men will lose interest in a woman with a disreputable past, thereby ruining the woman's chance of every building a life with her new identity.
People don't need to tell their partners about every little evil deed they have ever done. It does not do good. It only damages.
People are human. They are flawed. There is no need to explain all of your flaws to your partner. Lying about it is better, if it has to come to that.
Many people have bad pasts that, because they have changed, should not effect their present happiness. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:18:34 PM |
Some questions are appropriate, such as asking a person to get STD tested, but beyond that -- it's really up to you what you reveal based on the nature of your comfort level and what you feel is acceptable.
Do you really think that is a appropriate question to ask someone you are dating? I think that would upset me a lot if someone ask me that. It would be like they were saying they thought I had been sleeping around with all kinds of men. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:21:11 PM |
Do you really think that is a appropriate question to ask someone you are dating? I think that would upset me a lot if someone ask me that. It would be like they were saying they thought I had been sleeping around with all kinds of men.
Better to test for the STD so you don't get the HIV.  | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:27:51 PM | Metallic Blue most of the time I like your posts, but not this one. I think asking someone you are dating to have such a test is just insulting. I think it is a lot better to just be a good judge of character. I will be 50 years old in March of 2007 and am very happy to say I have never had any stds and don't plan on getting any.
That is why it is better to get to know someone before you jump into bed with them. Better to ask about their past, than to ask them to test for stds.
I am sorry but I don't see any humor in your response. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:31:28 PM | it only takes one time having unprotected sex with one partner to get HIV or any other STD for that matter. Talking about being tested isn't an insult, it's common sense these days.
you can have the conversation about pasts as well as getting tested or sharing your status.
[/nurse rant] | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:39:27 PM |
it only takes one time having unprotected sex with one partner to get HIV or any other STD for that matter. Talking about being tested isn't an insult, it's common sense these days.
you can have the conversation about pasts as well as getting tested or sharing your status.
[/nurse rant]
I understand that, but I still wouldn't like being asked to be tested. I know I don't have anything like that and would tell them I didn't if asked.
Know who you are with and use protection and you won't have to ask questions like that!!! | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:43:06 PM |
it only takes one time having unprotected sex with one partner to get HIV or any other STD for that matter. Talking about being tested isn't an insult, it's common sense these days.
you can have the conversation about pasts as well as getting tested or sharing your status.
[/nurse rant]
Damn you for being rational and reasonable. You're runing my fun! By the way, say herpes really fast 10 times, it's hilarious.  | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:47:47 PM |  Some find it a need to know what they are up against... who they have to live with or simply figure out what happen in your past and makes it more challenging for them to make u happy.
But... there are moments that some men find it rather indearing that some women are open to discussing their past for being open to the future. Some men must find it a compliment that women have the gutts to share their past for u not to have doubts about ur present relationship with them... there is no use to get angry or find that women have too much baggage dwelling on what u have now.
I have been engaged a couple of times & been in long term relationships & have gone through a lot of dating experiences & I have been open with my past and if they dont like what they hear then they are not worth your love and attention but if they are there to listen & getting to u and what ur past was in life in general & your relationships makes them worth the shot and a good Catch... trust me I know..... | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 62 | |
| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:48:35 PM |
I understand that, but I still wouldn't like being asked to be tested. I know I don't have anything like that and would tell them I didn't if asked.
I respect what you are saying, BUT have you been tested and know you are also not a CARRIER? Some of your lovers may not have been as TRUSTFUL as you are.
I have been lied to many times... and it pisses me off. Finding out the truth after the fact is NEVER funny.
I still do NOT know why my ex-common had an STD test, two years into our relationship. I just happened to be in the office with her, when her DR announced the results. (I think the ex forgot about asking for the test)
I asked her after why she got a test, and she told me, "It is part of the PAP test, if you have tested positive once, for cancer."
No Dr of mine has confirmed this is a Standard Practice.
So, who DO YOU TRUST ???
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:52:14 PM | ya472, my ex claimed that I gave her an STD after we broke up. [i.e. she was pissed that I rejected her]. I went to the doctors, was tested -- explained the situation. I got my blood test results back, neggy neggy neggy...yo.
I told her "Lies, my tests are all negative, and she says "Well how do you explain me having an STD then?" -- I shrugged and said "Ask the other guys." | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:53:01 PM | Damn you for being rational and reasonable. You're runing my fun! By the way, say herpes really fast 10 times, it's hilarious
I only got to four , four herpes outta ten , not bad I guess.
ALRIGHT , six herpes , I love getting a passing grade in the herp 101!
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:05:28 PM |
Your a pisces? Ok, then you must have a reason for posting the stds thing. Pisces are never wrong!!! Did I mention I am also a pisces? lol
Yes you did mention it. Just now. By the way. Einstein was a Pisces. It's true, I read it in a book. Something about E=Pisces2 or something. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:13:34 PM |
I respect what you are saying, BUT have you been tested and know you are also not a CARRIER? Some of your lovers may not have been as TRUSTFUL as you are.
I have been lied to many times... and it pisses me off. Finding out the truth after the fact is NEVER funny.
I still do NOT know why my ex-common had an STD test, two years into our relationship. I just happened to be in the office with her, when her DR announced the results. (I think the ex forgot about asking for the test)
I asked her after why she got a test, and she told me, "It is part of the PAP test, if you have tested positive once, for cancer."
No Dr of mine has confirmed this is a Standard Practice.
So, who DO YOU TRUST ???
Yes I was tested a year ago as part of a complete physical, and haven't been with anyone since then, so yes I know I don't have anything.
I have never heared of stds testing as part of a pap test. It could be possible because of the cancer thing, because it seems there is meant to be a link between having many sexual partners and cervical cancer.
Yes it is hard to know who to trust anymore. I guess that is why I am sitting at home typing rather than going out. My two cats are boring as it gets, but at least they won't hurt me or make me sick!!! | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:40:58 PM | Seems everyone here responded here about the "past" as referring to sexual past. Why is that the main tihng on everyone's mind??? Sure, that's important as far as possibliity of STD's, but what about the past as far as criminal activity/dating criminal types, and other dishonesty such as taking advantage of other women, abandoning a girl who got pregnant, having his first wife put him in jail for hitting her, and things like getting fired from jobs, having a bad credit rating, drug and alcohol abuse, and on and on - all of these things DO make up who a person is and you should Never take the attitude that when you meet a person their slate is clean and you don't worry about their past. That's just Stupid! God, could I have saved msyelf a lot of heartbreak if I'd learned to check someone out thoroughly before getting involved.
An example: I met the "man of my dreams" and everything fit with us. He kept up the lies and deception for over a year, we married, then he let his shields down some. I began to see and hear things that didn't quite make sense or didnt jive with something I remembered he'd said before. He became more abusive every time I asked him about something. I began to check him out - contacted the military, got into his records, contacted family members, first wife, even an old girlfriend from HS (got into his email). Found out he was not the person at all I thought he was. He had major problems and the anger was coming out at me. I had to leave to save myself from his abuse and even some illegal things he had done.
I recently met another man and was very careful to listen to him. When I later heard contradicting things being said to a friend , I started putting the pieces together and realized I'd found another liar. Then I found out he had terrible credit problems, history of fighting in bars. A deputy sherrif in his county told me he'd been arrested just before we met for shooting a rifle at cars on Hwy 90 E. They had to close it down and get hin m under control. I believe he has mental problems. He was handsome, sexy, & fun, but I had to go.
No big deal? Yes it is! Can you trust a liar? I liar is also a cheater, a thief, a criminal, an abuser and so on. The most important thing is being able to trust. So Yes, a person's past is very important and I don't blame anyone for asking. But No, don't tell them every detail of your past sex life. So what? A screw is a screw. It doens't matter how many times or in what positions, or what race he was. What matters here is just if you were careful and don't have a disease, and if you can be trusted to be faithful to a mate.
I know a young married couple right now who's going through big problems & may divorce. A major part of it is her past. She really screwed around before marrying him, and he doesn't trust her while he's in Iraq. If you used to be a slut, don't tell him. If it's a small town, move elsewhere and start over as a decent woman. Straighten yourself up and if he's a good man, count your blessings and be true to him. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/6/2006 6:54:12 PM | interesting points debintx,
she did say it was about her sexual past in the post, but in spite of that, i myself had never thought of what you mention.
men seem to be more suspect when it comes to histories of criminal behavior. as a male, i don't think i will ever need to be suspicious regarding a woman's criminal record. i don't particularly mind histories of sexual promiscuity (if you read my earlier post this will be more clear), but i totally agree with you: What's in the past should stay in the past. (As long as it's not criminal.)
I would guess that all women have had some period in their lives when they have been sexually promiscuous or maybe have gone further. Especially in the modern world.
So, if a girl was "normal" for most of her life, but then, for example, in college one year she partied really hard and wound up in bed with three guys at a time quite often, and still later cleaned up her act and stopped doing that (not to say that that's necessarily a more correct decision, but that seems to be the subject of the post), why should she (now looking for more respectable men) tell these men about it?
Everybody's got a bad period in their past, or if not a bad period, a period they are embarrassed about and have eliminated. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/7/2006 12:08:05 AM | WEll I do want a man with a bit of experience and there is probably only one he is gonna get that. However I dont need to know how all the gory details. As long as we have health checks...and we get the benefits...
To me there is a long way between people with experience and those who are promiscuous - same goes for women. Its funny some guys [ I emphasise some] want a woman who pull all kind of gymnastic sexual feats of pleasure, but then she whould be a virgin. Geez louise. Anyways anyone who gets the two terms mixed probably needs a bit of a reality check...Its also indicative of controlling behaviour if he is asking questions, too many, and pushing for answers then getting nasty about it. Dont walk, run..... | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/7/2006 12:21:17 AM | crystalise,
Just a thought: Guys with experience are not necessarily promiscous. In fact, and I have no evidence to back this up, but I have a suspicion that guys involved in long-term relationships with girls tend to have more sexual experience, from having sex more often, and experimenting, than guys who sleep with many different women. I think this only because the few guys that I know who have slept with many women (60ish) are really ignorant of the female anatomy. It seems as if they have had a great deal of bad sex with many women. So, my opinion is that experience arises from good sex, regardless of the number of partners. Yeah, a promiscious guy might understand sex. It depends, therefore, on the guy in question. Some guys think a lot about sex and learn a lot about sex. Other guys think a lot about sex and learn less about sex. Some guys might have very little sex, but learn a lot. While other guys might have very much sex, but learn very little.
Also, a guy who wants a virgin, in my view, is somewhat perverted. | |
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| Why do men ask about you past and then get angry
Posted: 12/7/2006 12:25:13 AM | well if he's analyzing you then it could be he wants to control or manipulate you...feel like he can get a handle on you and predict your behavior...so that he can feel in control...or so that he can dominate you.
if he's analyzing you, ask him if he thinks there is something wrong with you and does it mean he has to fix you? he might be trying to change you. is he trying to save you for jesus? ut oh! even if its for himself instead of jesus...i don't think this is a good sign. | |
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