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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:45:57 PM | Alright, here's the thing ... if a guy is interested, he will pursue you. Seriously. If he wants you, he will hunt you down wherever you are.
While this still might be true for some men, I personally don't know any man that would do this today.
As I stated in another thread, I know a lot of guys through work, sports, associations, etc... and the only ones that really pursue women are the players, which aren't worth anything.
The world has changed. A lot of guys today expect a woman to show her interest, or they just move on to the ones that do. | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:50:36 PM | In my experience, any man who I have ended up dating has pursued me.
I have played that woman who pursed the man she wants. Believe me when I say I am a self supporting woman who knows what she wants. And I have gone after it in the past.
But it all comes down to the man who pursues you. In the end, even if you think about him a million times a day, if he doesn't call - he doesn't wan't you. He's not too busy, he's not involved in work, he isn't having family problems - he does not want you.
If he calls, he wants you. And if he calls again - return his call. :) | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:35:29 AM | "But it all comes down to the man who pursues you. In the end, even if you think about him a million times a day, if he doesn't call - he doesn't wan't you. He's not too busy, he's not involved in work, he isn't having family problems - he does not want you.
If he calls, he wants you. And if he calls again - return his call. :) "
Except that you are describing mutual effort by those involved. The original example is that of the guy making all the effort and the woman playing hard to get by showing no effort. All people you end up dating pursue you since they would have to show effort to do so. Playing hard to get is a game for insecure people who feel attended to by the pursuit of the other or they simply don't know what they want. Who in their right mind would risk scaring away someone they are interested in if they know what they want and that person is it? | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 11/30/2007 9:18:08 AM | Interesting replies to this
It's hard to find a man whose approaching\past 30 & chasing a woman whos playingg. he's likely to have matured & wised up (unless they just can't put down that subscription to Nuts\Zoo\Maxim\FHM)...however there are still women who Expect to men fall at their feet as the world revolves around themselves
Conversley, a woman approaching 30, still single, with her friendship circle married\with kids leaving her a little isolated \ not a parent - may subconscioulsy start to lower her barriers. A wellknown stereotpye that still very much prevalent on POF ( a opinion ) | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:43:16 PM | Men adore the 'chase.'
So if a woman is interested in that man, and wants it to go in her favour she has to play it carefully.
Not be too 'easy' nor too difficult.
It is a delicate balance which comes with experience, and a few "if onlys" along the way.
If is hard for her to reconcile with the fact that she coped with some men the wrong way, and she just has to learn from the experiences. Well, that's my take on it anyway!
Pam xx | |
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tecnic
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 84 | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:22:17 PM | "Men adore the 'chase.'"
Sorry Hazel, I COMPLETELY (and respectfully) disagree! It's simply a game. Why does ANYONE waste time with a game? Yes, certainly there are those men who will say they want to chase. I would submit that the majority of those are NOT necessarily looking for a LTR or a more stable relationship (and, if someone is not looking for that, then fine). You even have in there about how it needs to be "played" carefully and it's a "delicate balance". If you're real, then there is no "too easy" or "too difficult". You have to be true to yourself and what you want, not try and change who you are depending on the moment or the situation. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't. And then that "reconciliation" shouldn't be so hard, should it? | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 4:31:00 PM |
it all comes down to the man who pursues you. In the end, even if you think about him a million times a day, if he doesn't call - he doesn't wan't you. He's not too busy, he's not involved in work, he isn't having family problems - he does not want you.
If he calls, he wants you. And if he calls again - return his call. :)
Ardent pursuit, when the interest is being reciprocated, is a normal, healthy basis for the mutual pursuit of a relationship. Where it's negative, is when a woman is playing a game, trying to create "angst" of being "just out of reach", and creating the impression that a man has to "earn" her interest. It "works", in a negative way, for men, who allow their self-identity to get tied up in "winning" her approval, but it never leads to anything good. As soon as the "prize" is won, he'll wonder "is that all there is?", or, if the game goes too long, he'll cut his losses and leave.
Many men, though, figure if she's hard to get, that she's "just not that into me", and will make an emotionally healthy choice to focus their attention on someone else, who doesn't make things unnecessarily difficult. | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:10:14 PM |
I never play hard to get...i am just really hard to get.
For me, that would make it a non-starter. When considering someone, who is really a stranger, I'm not looking for a "challenge" or unneeded difficulties in my life. If it's natural, and things happen because we're both interested, that's wonderful. If not, well, there are an awful lot of women in the world, who won't make it more difficult than it needs to be. | |
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Beedo
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Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 89 | |
| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 7:27:10 PM | So like whatcha gonna do if he likes hard to get?
Never settle down and relax ever.. cause he'd get bored?
Never ever call him first ,and all that garbage?
Always wonder if he's gonna meet someone even harder to get?
No.. get it outta your mind, do what feels natural to you!
Pretty sure they like Natural as much as we do.
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 8:32:04 PM |
I never play hard to get...i am just really hard to get.
I have no excuse for it...
I prefer to be patiently pursued...just because when i am into it ...i am into it.
So then, let me ask... What happens when he finally "catches" you and the chase ends? I have talked to so many guys who say that since it's no longer a challenge, they don't want to stick around. Again, the word "player" comes to mind. But I don't just fault the guys for this. Women must take just as much responsibility. Too many women don't seem to get it that if they want to play the game of being pursued that the "pursu-ee" is many times in it for only that reason. Is it that hard to fathom? | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 8:46:31 PM | I'd like to know that same thing myself. I've met some very nice people on here, but very few I'd find I'd like to pursue a relationship with. The very few that I have, didn't seem to feel the same way. The ones I wasn't interested in in that way, called again and again.
And is it always the guy that has to show the interest? Tell me, do men like women to show they are interested in them, or is it the pursuing thing that interests them? There seems to be a fine line between assertive and aggressive.
Another question: when does one email a thanks for a good time on a first meet? Is emailing a short note thanking them for a good time when you get home too soon? I was always taught it was the polite thing to do, and effiecent if done before one would have a chance to forget. Does that send a message of desperation?
Many times I've found no chemistry, and it's frustrating to find that when I finally find someone I like, they find no chemistry w/ me. It's frustrating b/c I get my hopes up. I guess that's why it's so hard to find a match - both sides have to agree. Like the quote from the movie "A League of Their Own" says: The hard is what makes it good.
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 8:50:55 PM | | This is very difficult. I definitely don't like a woman to chase me like crazy. However, if I am really into a woman I would not mind her to call me often, but just not 10 times a day or 3 times a day either. I want her to be interested, but not extremely. I like communicating with my significant other. I think that's normal. Some couples who are new to each other talk very often. It depends on many factors. | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 8:56:40 PM | No. If a woman plays hard to get, I just assume she met someone other guy and is done with me.
I've only asked one person out in my entire life. The rest have been women who've approached me. I'm not good at asking women out, so I don't.
In fact, I just tried to ask a woman out today. I'm standing there face to face with her, and no matter how much I wanted to, I was just scared. The words wouldn't come out.
So playing hard to get doesn't work as I don't persue. | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 9:03:32 PM | I don't, games are for kids not for adults... my best advise would be for you to be honest and upfront with your realty and people will thank you for that... show the guy interest but limit the communication to your needs and go on from there... my advise to you hope it helps...
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/26/2007 10:38:54 PM | "If a woman were to chase a man in a black nightie, first he'll have sex with her..and then he'll run."
Firstly, why a guy would be wearing a black nightie is a bit of a peculiar image, but hey... whatever floats your boat.
 Hey travellingbug...I was thinking the same...but personally, nothing would make me want to instigate the chase more than spotting a fella galavanting in a red, lace camisole and panty set!!  Sure beats a black nightie - that's soooo 1990's! | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:04:07 PM |
I've met some very nice people on here, but very few I'd find I'd like to pursue a relationship with. The very few that I have, didn't seem to feel the same way. The ones I wasn't interested in in that way, called again and again.
And is it always the guy that has to show the interest? Tell me, do men like women to show they are interested in them, or is it the pursuing thing that interests them?
Golfer2203, in my experience, the fewer "challenges" and "games" the better. Most men that I know find it flattering if a woman shows interest, and in every relationship that I've had, it is that a woman is matching my expressions of interest, with reciprocal intensity.
IME, relationships happen, when each is responding naturally, withouth hesitation, to each other with growing intensity. I think being afraid to show your feelings, is likely to stop the forward momentum. For me, I know that a cautious, slow approach just ends up with me "moving on". Part of the intense attraction, for me, has always been that she is intensely "into" it too. | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/27/2007 5:38:27 PM | | I agree!! Women "playing hard to get" operative word playing, IT'S A GAME, the only men that will play are players, most men with depth look at hard get as she's playing, and can't be bothered! In the words of Donald Trump "You're Fired" Not to be calice but it is what it is! | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:06:38 PM | I hope not! The fun is in the chase, that's true, but if someone plays too hard to get, it might not be worth the effort. Pushovers seldom garner respect, so there must be a happy medium somewhere. If it were only that easy to figure out, everyone would be doing it! 
Pink | |
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| Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 12/27/2007 8:19:14 PM |
hope not! The fun is in the chase, that's true, but if someone plays too hard to get, it might not be worth the effort. Pushovers seldom garner respect,
Pink Rose Lady, I respectfully suggest that dynamic is a leftover viewpoint of how things "were, back in the day" that you and I were teenagers. It no longer applies, especially not for mature adults, post divorce.
In my experience, the men who will put up with that dynamic, and chase without "getting", are men who are somewhat or uncertain about their ability to "find someone", so they can fall into a belief that they "have to try" for someone, even if it's a confusing dynamic. It's angst, not admiration, that propels that "chasing" dynamic, and men who know that they can easily find someone, aren't going to do it.
It's also not about someone being a "pushover". That too, is from "back in the day", an old "courtship ritual" that was from the 50s and started phasing out in the 70s. For most men I know, it's "reciprocity" that fuels the interest, not a woman pretending to be "reluctant".
Of course, everything "works" for some people, so maybe it works for you, just as it "used to be", but not for me, and not for others I know. It's too much of a "buyer's market" for a man to put up with difficulty early on in things. | |
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