|
|
|
|
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/10/2008 12:47:40 AM | .....To bad your parents didn't think before breeding!!
what a repley hey........come on people lighten up and stick to the subject | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:07:27 AM |
Just because you may be involved with parent +1, doesn't mean that you are obligated in any way to become the new Daddy. It's all about perspective. Sure, according to popular definition, marry her and now you're "Step Daddy", but that's just a title.
I'd beg to differ with that. If you marry someone who has the custodial possession of children you are going to have to accept some parenting responsibilities, and probably some disciplinary responsibilities as well.
A parent who wouldn't allow their new husband or wife to have some agreed upon authority over the children would probably wind up having marital difficulties and later divorcing.
Adults living under a single roof (even grandparents, aunts, etc) are going to exert authority over the children under that roof.
Anyone out in the dating world knows they are going to wind up being a parent if they get into a serious relationship with someone who has children. To suggest it would be otherwise is pretty naive. | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:21:02 AM | | totally agree...i went on a typical starbucks date to break the ice w/ a beautiful woman i met here and when i got into a discussion about how busy i am w/ my daughters activites she gulpedhercoffee down and my date was over...she knew going in i have teenagers,what was the big suprise? i guess reality set in thatat 47 you most definitely will be dealing w/ "baggage"lol | |
|
Pers14
|
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 329 | |
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:26:16 AM | | I believe that if you're going to marry someone with children...you have to go in with a full heart and the intention of being a parent to these kids. You can't just kind of 'be there' or rationalize that you're marrying the parent, not the kids...they are a package deal. If one is not in for that, they should do everyone a favour and not marry them. :) ('them' was a typo, but I'm keeping it...lol) | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:27:49 AM | | I don't think kids are baggage. I have one. I'm a young mother, sometimes I even feel smothered by the responsibility of looking after another life. But Baggage, I wouldn't call her baggage, I'd call her a lovely little offspring of my personality and that she is. But everyone has opinions, so let them have their damned opinions. If someone doesn't put YOU and your "baggage" first, then obviously they're not for you. I personally wouldn't want my kid to be around anyone who considers them to be weight I can't handle. It's weight THEY can't handle. I got my shit covered. Deal or don't deal. But she comes first and any decent partner who loves you, would agree and live by that. | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:48:34 AM | I think that any decent partner would expect that HE comes first, and if you two were in love that you would BOTH put your daughter first when that was necessary.
Where the "I put my kid first always" stuff gets old, is when a parent values every whim of the child above the welfare of their mate. So sure, if the child is sick, needs help with school, has a serious problem, then the child comes first -- and any step-dad or potential step-dad should feel the same way.
However, if "putting your kid first" starts going into the realm of the non-essential, then the partner is being relegated to second class status. Now, I can appreciate if a mother or father wants to do that to make up for the trauma of divorce or the death of a parent, but in that case the parent should forget about dating until their responsibilites of childraising are over.
You can't expect to tell a partner that he or she will always come second, and expect that relationship to be a happy one.
Parents also have to accept that many people do not want to take on the responsibility of rasing someone else's child. It's a decision, which shouldn't be denegrated, but accepted. It just means that you two aren't right for each other. | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/17/2008 1:23:03 AM |
and when i got into a discussion about how busy i am w/ my daughters activites
Impossible to know how HARD you got into this "discussion", but in my experience women do not take anything at face value, there is always some very heavy analysis/interpretation going on. Especially on a first meet and greet.
Based on what you told us, I would say she took your words to mean "I am not going to have much time for you."
Next time just say I try to be a good father, and leave it at that. | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 9/17/2008 1:36:16 AM |
I don't think kids are baggage. I have one.
As someone already wrote very early on in this thread, baggage is not necessarily a bad thing. It only means something that you bring with you. Has nothing to do with how much you love your kids.
If you have to arrange a sitter every time you want to run out for a quick ice cream date, if you have to rush back because you bought some for the kids too and it's melting, this is baggage.
Women carry purses don't think twice about having one hand full. Men have pockets, are used to having both hands free.
But she comes first and any decent partner who loves you, would agree and live by that.
Explain to me why I am agreeing to make you Number One in my life when you are telling me I will always be Number Two (or Three or ..., depending on how many kids you have) in your life.
You should be grateful that a guy even agrees to get involved with you given the stipulations. LOVE you and agree to play second fiddle for ever? Gimme a break! | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:30:07 AM | | well i guess i got 2 types of as some call it baggage,i have adult children and lots of grand kids also i suppose my dogs are baggage,what a stupid term,oh and yes i would date woman with kids it shows the woman cares | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:55:40 AM | | nice way of puting things,lucky us we were our parents baggage,guess this is a point most miss | |
|
| Calling Kids baggage
Posted: 11/1/2008 10:38:56 AM |
I'd beg to differ with that. If you marry someone who has the custodial possession of children you are going to have to accept some parenting responsibilities, and probably some disciplinary responsibilities as well.
A parent who wouldn't allow their new husband or wife to have some agreed upon authority over the children would probably wind up having marital difficulties and later divorcing.
Adults living under a single roof (even grandparents, aunts, etc) are going to exert authority over the children under that roof.
Fly -- Feel free to differ if you wish, but the point I spoke of remains the same then as it does now, and ever will be. The child already has a set of fully functional parents...a Mommy and a Daddy. By law, one would be considered "step Mommy/Daddy" in any case, but like I said, it's just a title.
My desire to be more a friend to the child, wouldn't reflect an inability to take on normally assumed roles of responsibility, or discipline...it would just be in a different flavor and context. Ask just about anyone you know who they listened to more growing up...their parents or their friends, and you'll see where I'm going with that. Because I'm not the Father, nor am I trying to act like one, I represent a buffer zone for the kid. Someone that I would hope (and strive for) would feel comfortable enough to turn to me, if they feel that they can't turn to Mommy or Daddy. Responsibilities and disciplinary acts are still reserved for the biological parents, in my mind, but as a buffer, the kid would know that I'd have some sway in both of those departments.
To a child that isn't mine by blood, I can be far more effective to them (and to Mommy and the relationship) if I know and understand my role in their lives. If I swing in from outta the blue, acting like "New Daddy", then this will do little more than drive a wedge between us all. I'd always consider myself more effective as a friend and counsel, and someone the kid could look up to...as opposed to playing "New Daddy". Even as an "Uncle" to may of my friends' kids, and a Godparent to one, I have enough stroke to get things done, without acting like a parent per se. "Uncle" speaks, and the kids fall in line. It's because they respect my role, and I respect them.
Being in a relationship with a single Mom, ain't gonna change that attitude. If I can be that effective as "Uncle", then how would that differ than playing the role of friend to my SO's child? It wouldn't.
Maybe some people just can't pull it off, or maybe single parents are hoping to find someone to dump their responsibilities on (see: New Daddy/New Mommy)...who knows. But you can be just as effective (if not moreso) in a more neutral role as you would be in the primary role. I know, 'cause I see it happen.
Anyone out in the dating world knows they are going to wind up being a parent if they get into a serious relationship with someone who has children. To suggest it would be otherwise is pretty naive.
That whole sentence was naive, to be honest. It's called "pigeon-holed", and if that's how it works for some, I feel for them.
Not everything fits in a neat little package as you'd suggest, or like to think. Some people, myself included, have a less myopic view and like to think outside the box.
 | |
|
|
| Page 14 of 14
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 |
|
Home
login 
