| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 3/6/2008 8:03:08 PM | | First, I think you have to have attraction realistically. Now that doesn't mean it has to be the typical good looking model etc. So many different guys are attracted to so many different things and qualities etc. A physical attraction is definately important, but that doesn't define "good looking" as that is determined by the individual's tastes. Also, personality can hugely influence one's physical appearance based on their behaviours, attitudes, and auora... the fact is there is always someone out there for someone else, the huge challenge is finding that match. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:30:49 PM | I just know that I can walk through the entire day and not get a single look from the opposite sex. I've never heard women whisper as I walk by... I've never had a woman try to flirt with me while in the grocery line. I can sit at a bar all day, and not have a single woman talk to me. These are all things I've seen happen to my better looking friends..
It must really suck to have people want to be with you... | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/10/2008 9:11:45 PM | | justjohn561 I understand exactly what your sayin I have not had a woman flirt with me or pay any attention to me at all in the past 3.5 years since my divorce? if they do notice me they quickly look away when I attempt to make eye contact, I am fit confident and always have a smile for them but they just don't want none of it. Even after the12,000$ veneer job and the new dodge charger I still can't get a smile or even a look? whats up my mom tells me I'm okay looking......hahaha........but really it sucks brother. funny thing is though I have gotta lot of response on this site just based on my pics? I dont get it because I look better in person than my pics? I just do not get it. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:11:46 PM | | Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! And it's not about the outside that should matter but whats on the inside! But to be honest you have to believe you're a beautiful person for anyone to see you're a beautiful person! | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:39:49 PM | | Look, let's cut all this nonsense out! Let's be truthful here. If you are not good looking, you don't get through the door. I am a 49 year old guy. I have become cynical because even though I have been told I am a nice guy, kind hearted, caring, etc. ....etc. not one woman on this site has given me a chance. I have to believe it's my looks, what else could it be? I am not looking for a beauty queen. I believe my profile is clear and most of the women I have emailed , I would consider to be average looking. Yet I have gotten a couple of minimal responses such as...." you seem like an interesting guy, but I don't feel like there would be any chemistry- but good luck in your search." On other dating sites, where I didn't put my picture, I got tons of responses. Yet strangely enough, after they requested my pic, usually never heard from them again. In my view, case closed! LOOKS ARE EVERYTHING. You've either got the looks to go on to the next step, or you finally give up. Some people at this phase end up coping with their lonliness by believing in fate, that ..."if I am meant to be with someone, it will happen when I least expect it." I personally don't believe it, but it would be nice if that were true. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 6:37:17 AM | So, it seems most folks are saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
When I was in college, I met a man who for all intents and purposes was not considered handsome by most standards. He had a weird gait (walk), was most definitely NOT athletic, his hair was shaggy and unkempt, and he had a bulbous nose on a face that was somewhat lumpy and lop-sided. And at times, he could have used a good long shower. But as we got to know one another through student government committee work, I found him to be warm, caring and thoughful. While I wasn't interested in him as boyfriend material (he had a girlfriend), one day I realized that I found him attractive because of the qualities I mentioned above. Whenever I think of how shallow I can be when thinking about my ideal relationship, I remember this guy and try to keep in mind that finding that "inner beauty" in someone is more important than finding the ideal "eye candy" mate. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 7:43:01 AM | | What I think is that while looks may not be everything down the road, If you don't have the" looks "very few women will take the chance to get to know your other qualities. It is a scientific fact that women have a set physical criteria that must be met before they will allow the relationship to go an intimate level. I have read volumes on this subject and can verify every thing I state. Take a look at message 2277 on the internet dating thread. social anthropology is a hobby of mine that is why I enjoy these threads, especially the badboy vs goodguy thread we had goin for a while that was fun. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 8:28:44 AM | | Let's face it. It's harder to find a potential date when a person is generally considered to be unattractive. Many people might date an average looking person due to their personality or intellect or shared common interests. But unattractive people might not get a chance to reveal their personality or any other qualities because they are rejected right away. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 9:47:32 AM | Actually, every single person on this site, will have someone who finds them attractive....whether it be for physical reasons, intellectual or personality ones...even the fugliest of fuglies have someone who finds them attractive. :)
Like most are...I am certainly appreciative of someone who I consider attractive or good looking! However, it is not the ONLY trait or characteristic I look for. YES...I want to be attracted to the person...but I have learned that physical attraction can GROW from a chemical or intellectual attraction, as well.
I truly feel that if you are blaming your lack of dating on your looks...then you need to take a good healthy dose of self appreciation! You need to reallly analyze what you are offering and how you are presenting yourself. YOUR idea of "good looking" is going to be different than OTHERS ideas of same. I have seen profiles where I went, "Whoah....**drools**" and my bestest friends thought UGH. And vice versa! I am quite certain some find me absolutely breath-takingly beautiful...and some find me fugly! Who cares? It's being patient...and finding the one that is mutually in sync! | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:25:04 AM | I read some of the posts. The recurring theme as far as many normal,
presumably decent guys go, is that the women on here just plain arn't
interested in them! Make no mistake about it. Women do the choosing!
So what is it that isn't working? I don't think it's their appearance, maybe
as much as the presentation. More specifically, the picture itself!
A picture IS worth a thousand words! I'm sure my picture isn't the greatest,
but many, many pictures I see of men, I believe are extremely lack luster!
A Passport picture, unless you're some movie star, just isn't going to attract
much response. Pictures specifically posed for the purposes of ones profile
in my opinion have to be among the worst! I am also quite certain, that this
isn't even the sort of thing that women could give much input on. Most people
just arn't that analytical. Some I'm sure but mostly I think it's more just knowing
they like something when they see it!
That's not to say, that everyone would realize success, but there is no possibility
of success at all, if you can't achieve some initial interest.
It would be great, if some EXPERT on photographs as they relate to attraction
could offer some advice, or recommend a book or so, because I really think the
vast majority of us are just totally working in the dark! | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 143 | |
| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:39:51 AM | I must agree with some of your post, PlasticSturgeon. Although, I am not quite sure if women by and large do the selecting rather than men...sometimes when I am doing the "selecting", the men run off!
On my profile, I deliberately posted a series of pictures -- not only to give a better representation, but also show a number of circumstances. After that, I figure that a guy can look at my pictures, read my profile text, and put everything together for himself! And as noted earlier, one guy might think I'm gorgeous and another might think, "Yuck! Moving on, quickly!" And heaven knows, I'm probably doing the same thing.
We can't change too much about ourselves physically unless we really, REALLY want to go through "Extreme Makeover" (I miss that, BTW! A lot of people might forget that show was the precursor to the Monster McMansion "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". What I really miss is the incredibly frightening extreme plastic surgery for these pitiful individuals...in their hopes that their lives would be changed.)
We can, though, present and re-package ourselves much more effectively. For example, I am indeed 46...but I'm not about to let myself go. I have to watch the old weight and metabolism much more closely, but I gladly do so. And I love getting everything together in the a.m. to go out and face the world! For others, but mostly for my own self-confidence. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:52:24 AM | Men do the picking but women do the choosing! lol
Some people clearly don't put much effort or thought into their profiles
or pictures. It's not always their fault! We all have our strengths and
weaknesses!
Then some of us do put thought and effort into our presentation. However,
it is very easy to make assumptions and go by our values and beliefs which
may be way off the mark! There is a reason why so much money is spent
on market research!
There is no point of a guy posing with his car, if most women couldn't care
less, and some may actually be turned off!
Quite frankly, I found some of the most impressionable photographs of women
actually appeared to be of a professional nature! That may be unsettling to the
rest of us, but I think it's worth realizing the impact that good pictures have. | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 145 | |
| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:58:54 AM |
Men do the picking but women do the choosing! lol
Hmmm. Well, maybe...of course, the best case scenario is that mutual selection (!)
I should also note: Personality that can come across either in one's profile text or IRL can add or subtract significantly from the overall attraction. If you were to see me IRL, I am quite vivacious and expressive! It's difficult to get THAT part across online, but I do my best...and if I sense that same type of personality from a guy, it's going to get my attention for sure. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:05:19 PM |
Do you have to look GREAT in order to be loved?
I'm not ugly, but I'm not GREAT looking either, and this is the longest I've been without someone in the last 19 years (10 months single so far). And I would describe the women I've dated/been married to as great looking, so there's hope for everyone. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:14:27 PM | I read some of the posts. The recurring theme as far as many normal,
presumably decent guys go, is that the women on here just plain arn't
interested in them! Make no mistake about it. Women do the choosing!
So what is it that isn't working? I don't think it's their appearance, maybe
as much as the presentation. More specifically, the picture itself!
OK, lets do the math here. What are the odds of finding that one special person on here? No really, someone do the math because my math skills are worse than my spelling.... It has to be very low. It seems to me a either a little naive or arrogant to believe that people are going to be interested in you when there is such a small sample to choose from. Maybe some of these people really are the bottom of the barrel for a variety of different reasons and this venue certainly isnt going to guarantee them any more success than the real world.
I also think that there are quite a few people that view this place as a catalogue shop, where they think they can just pick someones profile and expect a match without any consideration of compatability, interests, attraction or whatever regardless of what they themselves offer. This isnt a coupon redeeming centre where you are guaranteed a match and people dont owe you anything here, least of all a date. | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:20:27 PM | That question is rather absurd really...dating has far less to do with how
" good looking" a man or woman is and more to do with mutual attraction / compatibility.....The reality is, what constitutes " good looking" is SO subjective... Anyone can be good-looking to someone else, as long as you present the best "you" that you can be:
visually: ( not posting a profile pic that shows you just don't give a shyt)
emotionally: ( good positive attitude...exhibiting BPD tendencies/other issues is a deal breaker for most people)
Being "good-looking" in NO way puts one in a "privileged" dating class.. It's just as tough to find "the one" no matter how you look.... People make assumptions based on looks which can be a detriment to finding someone special.. eg.....Too often men will regard "good-looking" women in a negative light assuming she:* is unapproachable *can't possibly be faithful/ * must be a player* Is only good for a "fling" * Cannot be taken seriously . etc | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:25:24 PM | I've had very good luck here, despite being in the middle of nowhere!
Just like, out of the blue! But I've also had much disappointment! One
has to better understand this Internet dating, to best take advantage of it!
I remember years ago, my Mom read a book on winning contests! She utilized
the material, which involved time and effort and actually started winning things!
It may well be true. There may be a very limited market here, but if that's the
case, then ones presentation and ability to create initial attraction is all the more
important!
EDIT The women's pictures I ALMOST always find the most attractive are the
close up and vivacious type pictures, without a doubt! I am also always endeared
by pictures of their pets! | |
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| Is it the end of the dating world if you are not good looking?
Posted: 9/11/2008 12:35:23 PM |  The only people that you will ever meet that Lie better and are even more deceptive than you, are WOMEN...
 Your Looks and AGE matter not, because you are dealing with a Delusional Personality, meaning that you can sway her moral judgement with your BULL SHEET...
 It also depends on The Moral Compass, Now older people think I am a very Handsome Man, but most women never even look at me twice, my thought is that The Compas is broken beyond repair or they threw it away...
 Bubba, if you ain't Great LOOKING, then you are EXACTLY Who and what they are looking for...  | |
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