| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 9:36:37 AM | I have met some women, and this tactic, allows them to
recruit more men for various jobs. Some to fix the car,
some to fix that light socket and maybe a select few to
scratch that itch!
I met one such woman, and among her army of stooges,
I was being groomed for the position of dish washer and
hair massager! I didn't quite know what to make of that,
but I didn't stick around to find out! | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 9:50:38 AM |
How many women put guys in the "just friends" list and won't move the guy up to boyfriend status and have sex with the guy? If he is a really good friend, wouldn't he make a really good boyfriend?
Walk away from this situation. If you can't, then learn to treat her like one of the guys
Sussy: "Golly Billy, I really appreciate you going shopping with me. I'm looking for a new thong so Johnny can see how hot my @$$ looks"
Typical Billy (the Friend) answer:
"Gee Sussy, I'd never ask you to degrade yourself to prove how much you care for me. I'd love you just the way you are."
What Billy needs to say:
"Shopping! I thought I was getting a hand job later and what in the world makes you think I want to hear about Johnny spreading your jumbo sized butt cheeks apart. Whoa!..speaking of hot @$$es, I'll be back after I go chat with the girl at the cell phone kiosk. Pretend you're my sister so she doesn't think we're together." | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 10:18:13 AM | Ok, I get what guys are saying here, when you're doing online dating you're not looking to recruit a whole bunch of female friends that turned you down.
But at least in my case, I can have female friends no problem. Usually they will have a few traits that would not be desirable to me as a partner (more likely emotional rather than physical, but sometimes physical), but are otherwise great people. Now, if it was a woman I found attractive both physically and mentally and I honestly knew there was no serious roadblocks besides her not liking me to keep us from being together, then that friendship would be a no go.
I've never had any female friends be a particularly close friend though, so I don't know what that says. Perhaps I subconsciously keep them from getting too close, in order for me not to have to deal with potentially uncomfortable attractions. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 10:47:59 AM | Look boys and girls, You simply don't get out of the friendzone. Cut your losses, assess how you got into the friendzone, try a new strategy with a new chick.
99% of the whining that occurs by guys is, they get this thing called "One-itis" This one chick is the root of all fullfillment in my life yatta yatta yatta... guess what guys, chicks pick up on this vibe and send you a oneway ticket to the friendzone. You gotta break it, if you are dating 3 other chicks you have no scarsity, chick #1 has no leverage, she has no control, she damn sure wont friendzone you.
I know its contra-intuitive, and its F'd up at the very least, but the old saying "You have to have money to make money" ... it works the same way for Pu$$y... if you are casually dating 2-3 girls, and they all know it, one of them is going to get "One-itis" for you.
Take a walk in a woman's pumps a minute, zillions of****, all want her, how the hell do you decide ? Not by what is the same.... they decide by what is different, by what is powerful, by what they cannot quite control or understand. Way to many single "nice guys" that will just worship a chick (even more if she is reasonably attractive) Be the man she cant friendzone. | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 30 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 10:49:49 AM | | I appreciate all the answers guys, but I was still looking for more imput from the women. One of women friends says that she never put guys in the just friends category and that her relationship with her husband started out as friends. Like in "When Harry Met Sally." It seems that some women are like this, but others need that special chemistry. How many? Why? How was your relationship with your father? Maybe that has something to do with it. I am just very curious about it. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 3:27:00 PM | "I appreciate all the answers guys, but I was still looking for more imput from the women."
It's fine that's what you want, if you read the posting rules for the forums, all members are welcome to participate in any thread on any forum. Granted, there is an "ask a guy" and "ask a girl" but it's intent wasn't to ban or discourage one gender from participating.  | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 4:05:11 PM | Why bother having the "ask a girl" and "ask a guy" forums if everyone is going to answer?
And how do you know what women are thinking radio? Sometimes I am not attracted to someone the first time we meet - have you never found that? Maybe not at your age. | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 33 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 5:05:59 PM | | Not necessarily radio. I am just wondering in general if women really have this just friends list and if they do will a guy be there forever. I asked one woman out here in the real world and she married a man who started out as a friend. I will ask others and report back. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 5:34:34 PM | Wakedan...
Not all women think the same way anymore than all men think the same way. Some of us will immediately jump to the dating arena with a man because we want him to know that we are interested in more than friendship. Some of us want to be friends first because we are not emotionally ready to jump into the sexual arena with a man until after we decide we are interested in a long-term relationship with him. There are many of us that are in between those two extremes.
I have a line in my profile about "if something develops, great" but my profile clearly states that I am looking for friends. When it comes to the internet, I don't want there to be any "expectations" on either side as we get to know each other online then offline. I recently met someone from POF (about a month ago) and the attraction is strong between us. We have spent time together and I am enjoying the process of getting to know him without either of us tying each other down (although that might be fun too...  ). It is the way I enjoy getting to know someone without the pressure of trying to define the relationship right from the get-go.
I guess my point is that just because a woman says on her profile Friends first, that does not necessarily mean they won't date you if after meeting you there is the whole chemistry thing between you. I started with looking for long-term, only got the FBI interview thing from men...NOT FUN! Then I switched to looking to date, got more relaxed men looking mainly for FWB. *SIGH* Interesting enough, now that I am "looking for friends", I seem to be having better luck finding men who are neither FBI interviews or afraid of committment. Go Figure...
OP .... if you meet someone and they immediately put you on their friends list....chances are, she is not remotely interested in developing more than a friendship with you. The physical attraction thing is a necessity. Can it develop? Sure it can, but most of the time, it won't happen because while she is being your friend, she is still out there looking for "the one that will make her knees weak" and she will find him. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 6:36:49 PM | I don't have guy friends. A guy doesn't want to be your friend, he wants to sleep with you. I don't have them because I see it as leading a guy on for no good reason. Even if you tell a guy that you don't want to have a relationship with them, they will still try to sleep with you if you let them hang around long enough.
I see other women do it and it's because they want attention. The ones who do it the most are the ones who crave attention because they just can't get it anywhere else and they have to hoard it with the few guys that will give it to them.
If you want my advice, if you meet a girl with alot of friends who are guys, then it would be easier on your life if you just avoided her. As for moving guys outside of the friend zone, only if you win the state lottery with most girls. Or when those girls get old, fat and desperate and can't get anyone else.
Wow! I have had friends ask me "if you could go back to any age you wanted what would it be?" Without hesitation I've always said, "I don't care as long as I can skip the 20's". 
I suppose the ability to see a man as more than just a means to an end comes with age? Guess what? News Flash! There really ARE men and women out there who aren't "old, fat and desperate" that posess selfconfidence in themselves and the ability to see past their hormones. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 7:16:10 PM | calaf I can't answer that, was just giving you an FYI.
As for myself, my sweetie and I did start out as friends. Because of 2 reasons, both on me. He'd read my posts about LDRs and younger men, wasn't in favor of either. Since he lives in a different country and is 11 years younger, he thought we'd just be friends. I did, too, but he did capture my attention right off, and there was an attraction. Chemistry, whatever you want to call it. The distance thing was the bigger deal with me, anyway. My feelings of friendship for him just grew, both our feelings grew til we finally faced up to it and he laid the cards on the table. I realize this is probably different from a lot of people's experiences, but we did find each other here to both of our surprise maybe. All of it has been a pleasant surprise and I did realize that you can't really determine who you'll discover and come to love. He overcame my "obstacles" of distance and age, not by trying to or convince me. He didn't try to win me over, just wanted to be friends, all he asked and all he ever expected. It did just happen, over a period of time, not instantly, but the mutual interest and attraction was there from the beginning.
Hope this contributes to your discussion. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 8:26:46 PM |
I'll have you know that most of my friends are women and the farthest thing from my mind with them is sex. I enjoy the company of women, I have more intelligent converasations with women, sorry guys but it's true..I can only stand the I kicked the s*** out of this guy and I tapped this ass last night conversations for so long.
I think that there is a distinct possiblity of moving out of the so called "friend zone" and most women are observant to your intentions, you just need to show them that you are the type of guy that they may want to be with.
Either you can be friends with women with no expectations of more or you expect to someday become more. These two paragraphs seem to contradict each other, but from experience, let me tell you that very few men move out of the friend zone that weren't already slated to by us in the first place. The attraction is there or it isn't, and we may hope it happens with a close male friend but it rarely actually happens.
See, this is what confuses me. There are a million posts of women who say 'I won't just jump into dating someone. They have to be friends first'. Then there are a million posts from women that say the EXACT OPPOSITE....'i could never date a friend...I just don't see them in that way'
This is why I stay away from the women who say 'friends first'. We ALL know how hard it is to transition from friends to boyfriends....so why meet a woman who lets you know right away she plans on sticking you in the friends category?
What we honestly mean is that we want to be friends with those we're attracted to first so we get to know them better with no expectations in the beginning. It also means that we won't be moving beyond friendship with the men we're not attracted to, but we're not going to stop speaking to them if it turns into a good platonic friendship (and it's mutually desired). That's how both statements can be true at the same time. Depends who we're talking about. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 8:53:22 PM | This is why I stay away from the women who say 'friends first'. We ALL know how hard it is to transition from friends to boyfriends....so why meet a woman who lets you know right away she plans on sticking you in the friends category?
Right on man!! | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/19/2006 10:01:03 PM | Probably my most "intense" relationship evolved from friendship.
And this was someone I'd known for a couple of years. When it started to feel like more than friendship I was really torn because I didn't want to lose the original friendship and was hesitant to try to take it to the next level.
But we did and had a few great years.....and now that we've realized this isn't going to work, I think we'll stay friends - maybe not as close as we were before but still friends. And I think that's because we were friends first so basically we liked each other anyways.
So, for me (and obviously not for a lot of people) to be friends first does NOT cancel out it becoming more. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 12:47:14 AM | | No lists. No ladders. Never gone to bed with a fella who wasn't at least potentially a friend, and likely a good friend. Did once ruin a great friendship with a mercy f*ck. (The night his X married someone else.) A couple of long-term (30, 40 years) friendships with men prolly only turned out that way because we've never single at the same time. And I tend to stay friends with my X's no matter who ended it. I'm still friends with the husband I left 35 years ago, and the one who left me for another woman 15 years ago. I dunno: I never thought it was all that odd. Perhaps it is? | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 11:22:39 AM |
I suppose the ability to see a man as more than just a means to an end comes with age? Guess what? News Flash! There really ARE men and women out there who aren't "old, fat and desperate" that posess selfconfidence in themselves and the ability to see past their hormones.
I agree to that, and I'd like to consider myself such a man. However, I'm the only one who knows the answer to that along with whoever chooses to take the time to get to know me. Defending that aspect of who I am would be pointless on the forums. It's up the reader to decide if they want to take what I say at face value.
I can also see the issue from the TheDancingQueen's perspective or rather, let me look at TheDancingQueen and give you my perspective.
I don't have guy friends. A guy doesn't want to be your friend, he wants to sleep with you.
Yeah...I look at her pic and think that she's very attractive. What she's saying is the only thing that's a turn-off. I have no doubt that her opinion valid based off of her own experiences and I'm not going to challenge it or question it, but I'm not going to agree with it either.
Even if you tell a guy that you don't want to have a relationship with them, they will still try to sleep with you if you let them hang around long enough.
There is a valid point here regarding the 'hanging around', but I'm going to have to follow through to make it a little clearer.
"'TheDancingQueen'- I saw your post in some threads I post on and took a look at your profile. You're very attractive and after reading your profile I think both of us could share a funny story or two about kooky uncles."
I mean that sincerely ^^^
Ball is in her court. If she responds with "not interested" or doesn't respond at all or chooses to call me a horrible little troll monster, then so be it.
Either way, I'm not going to tell her that I just want to be friends. That would be a lie. I have no idea what I want. I just know right now I like her pic and I got a rough idea for an ice breaker from her profile. More importantly I'm not going to hang around if she's not interested. If she decides to entertain the idea of chit-chat, then we'll figure out something. Right now having 3000 miles between us probably wouldn't be too conducive to either of us.
The point...is that a guy needs to make it known that he like a woman in such a way that she's not going to dodge the issue. I've had this happen in the past. Kept talking to a girl kept telling her "You do know that I'm attracted to you" and she'd blow it off. The third time I just told her, "Hey I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm gonna try this one last time, I like you, I think you're pretty, and I enjoy spending time with you. Are you interested in talking about that, because I am?". The no-brainer was that she said no, but I said my piece, felt better about it and was fine with her answer.
We ended up becoming friends, but not in that "I'm still desperately pining for you" kind of way. That kind of brings me to agreeing with what Pasquel seems to be saying. I have women friends that are just friends. We go hang out together and they root me on when I go make an @$$ out of myself and I laugh when they can't shake some guy that they hit on for drink. There's no secret hidden sexual tension and I don't have a problem remember that their women either and they don't have a problem remembering I'm a man. When they look nice, I tell them so, and when they think I look nice they say so...
Well that was entirely too long | |
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inachu
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Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 42 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 2:09:57 PM | I was on that just friend list and she would invite me to watch her mini tv on her bed.
The sexual tension was so great i just said it was time to go home.
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 3:09:31 PM | can i change my answer ?
I read Radio's one liner, has me thinking on an entire different line....
The friendzone... in order for it to have power over anything we have to allow it to have that power, if you step into the frame that the friendzone exists, it will have meaning...
When women say "friends first" it really means nothing other than "Don't message me to cyber or send me****pics"
I have always thought as I posted before.... "it is an unbreakable irretrievable prison of which there is no escape and the only way out is to simply admit defeat and move to the next girl"... but It really depends on how you got there... If you got there because your being a man, yeah until you change that about yourself, you are stuck there.
If you are there because, she is affraid of social stigma, then it becomes a temporary holding cell until you "Man up" .... inachu posted this:
I was on that just friend list and she would invite me to watch her mini tv on her bed.
The sexual tension was so great i just said it was time to go home.
She liked him so much she was helping him get out of the friendzone, but alas he didn't "Man up"
As I posted before let me stress one thing, as I said before "One-itis" will ALWAYS land you in the friendzone (or the restraining order zone)
Women need to know that you are attractive enough to get other women, cuz then when you chose them, they feel good about it. If you are hung up in "One-itis" you project you are despirate, despirate=friendzone
inachu:
Bro.... that girl so wanted you to make a move, even if you were affraid to make a move, you should have amped up the sexual tention until she made a move. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 4:27:06 PM | I have met some women, and this tactic, allows them to
recruit more men for various jobs. Some to fix the car,
some to fix that light socket and maybe a select few to
scratch that itch!
Ain't it the truth. Some women wouldn't urinate on me if I was on fire, unless they needed something menial done. Women who are normally hostile and condecending suddenly are all smiles when they need something. These strong, independent women become weaklings and invalids. Sometimes they even act appriciative. But if I don't do what they need, I never hear the end of it. A guy friend is just another name for beast of burden. | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 46 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 4:49:24 PM | | It seems that most men stay just friends not because there is any list that they have to stay on, but because there is no chemistry that the woman feels. There must be that special attraction. Thanks to all the women who have replied. As for the guys who think that their women friends are taking advatage - that's a bummer. I have not really experienced that. | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 5:02:31 PM | Ok...a few things...first to the guy who was put off by women saying they want to be ''friends first'' ...i can't tell you how many men tell me this...then wonder why i dont want to waste my time with them...this is a dating site, i'm hoping to find dates and possibly a long term relationship if i find the right guy
maybe women do the same thing...but i feel like a woman makes a guy a friend when she isn't interested in dating him....so she says, let's just be friends...and many times we value our great male friends so much, we don't want to ruin that friendship by making it into more....and risk a break up later that could kill the friendship all together.. | |
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calaf
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 48 | |
| The just friends list
Posted: 12/20/2006 5:16:20 PM | | So belly - are there guy friends who have some of that chemistry and could become boyfriends? If it was a really good friendship don't you think it could survive if you tried and failed to take it to the next level? | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/21/2006 7:22:01 AM | no i have no guy ''friends'' who i could take to the next level...that would be ''friends with benefits'' in my book....i've had those in the past but frankly they weren't very good friends to begin with and never became just a ''friend''...more like guys i talked to who i was sexually attracted to and interested in...i'm not sexually attracted to any of my guy friends...i can talk with them about sex, and men, get their advice, and i can count on them to help me out in times of trouble, but i dont' want to go there with them...
i've never fallen in love with a guy who was a friend first...i'm sure it happens...I read in a guy's column of a women's magazine where men wrote in that the reason they keep girl ''friends'' around is always with the hope of getting into their pants....i wonder if that's true?
so many men on here say they want to be ''friends'' for now...and when i tell them i don't have sex with my friends suddenly they don't want to be friends anymore...apparently friends first to them means being able to check out the sexual chemistry without the benefit of the relationship....and i think many men and women have said it on these forums that to a woman...''being her friend'' means just that...she's not attracted to you as anything more | |
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| The just friends list
Posted: 12/21/2006 7:31:33 AM | I can only answer this for me:
No physical chemistry = friendship zone ~ not upgradable
Friend zone = NO SEX
Boyfriend zone = chemistry and sex
In short ~ the boyfriend can be relocated to friendship status, friends are never moved to boyfriend zone. At least not in my world. JMO  | |
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