| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:52:52 AM | I can tell you all, right now, that nothing, and I mean nothing, stops the show like the cold wet nose of a curious dog...
...ok, second might be the sound of a car in the driveway and her saying "Didn't I tell you I was married?"
...third would be "Quiet, I don't want to wake my dad"
ta-daaaa  | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/18/2007 7:11:33 AM | This has got to be one of the funniest threads ever....lol....
Ok...this is one that comes to my mind...a grilfriend while I was at school convinced me to go down on her. I had never done that before...we only really had sex once before and everything was soooo new....she blew red chunks with a **** fart...I stopped cold and no only that....I had a hard time going down on any woman for a longggggggggggg time! | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:05:37 AM |
Nothing stops the show faster than a curious dog (trust me on this)
A cold-nosed curious poochie at that. Yowza! I've had the blast of sweaty ass crack as well.
But my two worst moments were when 1) my ex-girlfriend and I got back together for a trip down memory lane. Only, when she was about to see stars, she moaned out her new boyfriend's name. I went from "flagpole" to "vienna sausage" in about 2 seconds.
I LOVE muff-diving, but ladies, don't eat Mexican food and expect a head in your lap.
I had a woman fart in my face and later said that she couldn't help it. OMG, I thought I was going to asphyxiate on the spot. Talk about killing the mood.  | |
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jo~
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Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 79 | |
| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/18/2007 10:26:35 AM | OMG!!!!!!!^^^^^^^^^.........Again......LOVE the forums.........They are just toooooooo funny!!!!!.........You guys could all put your stories together and write a book!!!!!!!!........
My sad story would have to be..........If a woman wants to go into labor then have your man  you when well past the due date!!!!!!!..........Hahahahahaha......Mine unexpectedly got a BIG and WET surprise while enjoying himself down there!!!!........Had to SADLY tell him NO BABY that was not an ORGASM!!!!!!!!!............NEED I say more!!!!!..........My son was born soon afterward.....That is one little tidbit I left out of his baby book!!!!!! | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/18/2007 12:31:41 PM | | OMG Jo! I now know what cranberry juice out of the nose feels like!!! | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/18/2007 1:03:06 PM | | this guy farted and it smelled like a dumpster behind a sushi resturant... i couldn't go on it ruined the moment | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:00:53 PM | | Ohh I thought of one! This guy kept licking my armpits even after I said eww, don't do that! He was so insistent on it and he make gross noises while he did it that reminded me of 2 tazmanian devils fighting over their food! So gross. Then after he finished on my tummy, he licked it all up. Gross. | |
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jo~
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Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 84 | |
| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:41:33 AM | ^^^^^^Hahahahahahahaha.........Thanks!!!!!.......Bubbles........YOUR'S is MUCH more worse then mine!!!!!!!!!!!!........LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 2:16:13 AM | HAhaha! okay I remember some funny ones, not just my stories but other peoples. I wont tell them all though...
At my friends house party in highschool. My pretty small girl friend walks into one of the rooms looking for me. We were all drunk by then. She bursts into the room, while this older chick who kinda resembled me was on top of her boyfriend going hard. She gasps, appologizes , and then laughed as she left the room! But before she could find me the older girl gets off her boyfriend and comes out of the room ready to beat my friend up because she thought she had laughed about the size of her boyfriends penis!!
They ended up getting into a fight and my friend got punched, then my other friend steps in and pushes the older girl off her and tries to settle things down. She had to explain to her she thought she was me. I herd the commotion from the other bedroom where I was sitting with my boyfriend and some other people, I had never even had sex with him before. I was 15 lol. I came out of the other room with some friends just as the fight ended. damnit! LOL
My friends boyfriends friend went with a couger home one night because he was feeling lonley, drunk and horny. Her kids were there and everything I guess. So he starts going hard doggy style. He then pukes all over this poor womans back, gets up grabs his clothes, and runs out of this womans house. lol. So much for bringing home a cute younger man to fullfill your fantasies.
So maybe I had to stop once cuse I felt sick after drinking, but I never did anything sick like puke after sex. I have been interupted because my parents were upstairs and I thought I herd something, but it turned out to be nothing. ("shh. so my parents dont hear!!" lmao, that kinda ruins an orgasm.)
Also I think my house could be haunted by an old man that last lived in this house. Me and my ex having sex once on the floor (the beds to squeeky lol), there was a plastic bag on the floor that started moving and making a sound in the room with us, like there was a mouse in it or something. So I got up to look at the bag to see how it moved because there was no breeze and we didnt touch it.
Then again maybe I was just hearing or seeing things.
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 3:44:44 AM | This was a great thread,lmao, and it reminded me of a experience my neighbor had. He was going down on this chick and when he stuck his tongue in he pulled out a crunchy, eww gross.
Heard this one from a friend. She and her Scottish date were in bed and going at it hard, doggy style. She decided, it would be really funny to say "bahhh, bahhhh" like a sheep. Lets just say the flag went to have mass, very quickly. | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:24:35 AM | I farted once when a girl was going down on me rofl ruined the moment...for her | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 10:00:01 AM | Nothing stops the show faster than a curious dog (trust me on this)
Oh I know something that dose, try going down a girl only to come back up seconds later with blood on your face! Now thats a show stoper! (and also a very good reason to kick the b!tch out the house and never speak to her again.)
I've also had a girl ask for anal sex..... and not on the reciving end!!! Thats another one I dumped seconds later.
edit: Oh yes, and a girl asking me If I knew what snowballing was in the middle of a BJ, thats another one that never got to see the bedsheets. | |
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2Bands
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Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 89 | |
| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:13:50 AM | I love this thread ...all of a sudden I feel normal...
Ive had it all happen the bed breaking the dog/cat .kids other people walking in ...
Farting ...that one goes both ways ...( get over it it's just a fart )
My first 3some I threw up on one of them just as we were stating to *uck...I got up and grabed some towells to clean her up and was willing to continue but for some reason they said the mood was gone ...what it's not like i farted ..
But I guess my story is ....and I have a few ...it's kinda gross so dont read on if you are offended easy ...
I was at a keg party and true to my form I passed out in the room with all the coats ...
Anyway morning comes and I'm sleeping with some girl cuddled in to me ...I had no idea who this was as my head still a little fuzzy from the night before ..Well it's morning I'm hung over and being a guy hard as a rock ..I kinda open one eye to look and this chick has great tits , so I kinda reach over and grab them... her hand is down my pants in seconds we roll over to start kissing ........she yells my name .I open my eyes ........Christ it's my sister ...
Seems she had gone in to wake me and get our coats and also passed out trying to wake me ..
Ive never gone soft so fast in all my life ..
Sorry but it's true... | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:30:30 AM |
farting during sex is a bit of a passion killer. as is having the window cleaner appear at the bedroom window... | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:43:57 AM | shatteredImage~ Umm...I will probably regret asking this, but what exactly is a "crunchy"?
2bands~ OH MY GOD!!! Haha! Something similar happened to one of my best guy friends...he had slept with this girl he met at a party, they both said they looked familiar but couldn't place where from but ended up seeing each other and of course sleeping together until my friend was visiting his grandma's one day and saw a picture of this girl on grandma's fridge. HE asked her how he knew her and she said "That's your cousin dear, don't you remember her?" | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:45:19 AM | a crunchy???? OMG my stomach rolled after reading that..... | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 12:20:41 PM | | This thread has been totally hillarious! What a great way to pass a boring afternoon at work!!!! Crunchie? God I would have died with embarrassment! | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:10:48 PM | | Would somebody please explain to me what a crunchie is?!!! | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 3:23:50 PM | One time when I was about 17 my best friend and I had invited these two girls to go to the drive in movies.
We got to the drive in and had a few drinks wile we were there. Then it came about that time when my friend and the girl he was paired up with in the front seat decided they would go out with a blanket for some privet time. Well this was great because we wanted a little alone time for ourselves.
Things heated up in the car after they left. She soon went down on me. Kicking back I was thinking “wow this is awesome” but then I heard her choking then BLaaaaaaa… The girl puked in my pants. I was pissed.
I remember her looking up at me and telling me she was sorry. She looked so pitiful I felt bad for first feeling mad. I couldn’t be mad. At the same time I couldn’t think of nothing to say except “that’s ok I was just upset because I thought you were threw”
Of all sensitive things to say that came out my mouth.
But then I was absolutely amazed of this girl’s dedication. Remember I had a pant load of Mack and cheese and little chunks of hotdogs. She tried to finish me off.
I couldn’t let her do it and told her to stop. Besides it was really grossing me out. | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:05:47 PM | Look Bubbles, I don't know what a 'crunchie' is either...
But you and I both know that nothing that corresponds to the description of a 'crunchie' should be popping out of ones tender bits, correct?
We do NOT need edification on this point.
(what ever it is, its gross!) | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 8:10:34 PM | Yes, we had a mowtown CD playing in the living room and various tunes were playing. Everything was pretty much R&B and very sexy, then suddenly we heard that weird song "Loving you (is just so beautiful)" where that girl squeals at the top of her lungs, real high pitched, and there are birds chirping in the background....remember that one?
Well, we stopped (mid stream), looked at each other, LAUGHED OUR ASSES OFF, and obviously lost our place. It was way too funny.
You'll be happy to know that the CD was ripped out of the player and after we recovered from the hysteria, we were able to ...resume. | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/19/2007 9:22:21 PM | | Of course, I was 17 she was 18....we were parked and having a good time in the back of my '73 Ford Pinto the back seats folded down...windows fogged up....THEN the knock of a nite stick on the window from Officer Friendly. Yep that did it! | |
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| Show stoppers!
Posted: 1/31/2007 11:32:34 PM | | He wasn't sure but something had apparently crusted up there. | |
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jo~
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Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 100 | |
| Show stoppers!
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:23:12 AM | ^^^^^Hahahahahahaha.........Still reading and laughing at this thread!!!!!
Thought of another memory ..............LONG HAIR CAUGHT IN HIS ZIPPER................This thread is bringing up.....excuse the pun...........Alot of repressed images we sooooooooooo wanted to leave in the past and keep em there...........hehehehehe Is there a shrink in the house?????? | |
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